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/wrestling /guests /CyanIndigo |
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/wrestling /guests /CyanIndigo |
| Guest Columns | CyanIndigo |
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SHE'S THE REAL DEAL August 17th I may not be brilliant, but I've got GREAT breasts. Now that you're paying attention....Welcome to my little world, gentlemen. Care to stay a while? My name? CyanIndigo. I've been here and there. You could call me a cyber-slut, but I don't really enjoy doing anything other than reading the Times Roman writing on the screen. Role? I put the ooh in your ooh-la-la. I make the ice in the igloo melt. Stick with this voluptous font and you're be screaming for it later. With the addition of this new talking picture box here in my frosty little abode (this IS Canada, after all) I happened to flash past a little show called WWF IS RAW this week. And then I realized that, EH!, I know more "aboot" this stuff than any guy I've ever talked to, in person or out. Silly little me, forgetting such a thing.... So boys, I hope you're expecting lewd female anatomy jokes (oh, wait, did that already) and detailed wrestling theories and observations, because that's exactly what a young, masochistic wrestling chick like this is guaranteed to do. And you thought it would be a boring day.... THE BIG STUFF First off, very interesting the amount of attention that the WWF is distributing towards Chyna and her wrestling career. First time ever that a woman has qualified for the Royal Rumble, the King of the Ring, and the number one contender position, and the WWF is milking it for all it's worth. How long will this current trend of the so-called "Amazon" forearming the hell out of various superstars and scoring tainted pinfalls last? In a way, it's really going to depend on the success of Triple HHH. As mentioned in this week's RAW (or rather screamed) HHH says that he made Chyna who she is today. Well, as much as the fans protest, and as much as the WWF duplicates the EXACT situation that Marc Mero and that old whining blonde went through last year (they rehash everything).... Hey. HHH DID make Chyna. Never one without the other. Chyna, even with her fantastic muscled physique (which has reduced so much that it's disappointing) and Killer Kowalski wrestling school training, came to the WWF under the so-called "ownership" of Helmsley. He put her in the public eye, whereas without that she'd still be doing singing telegrams (and yes, she did do them) If HHH bombs, then Chyna does. You might think that that's absurd, considering the mass attention that HHH has been recieving lately, but can you really picture him as the world champ? Then again, I could be wrong. After all, who would have thought that when the Rock won the Survivor Series '98 tourney, he would turn out to be one of the greater title holders that the world has ever seen? You know, it's absolutely amazing the way that this guy has completely and utterly taken over the WWF. And he has, make no mistake about it. Austin's still up there, but the fans, oooh boy, the fans say it all. The Rock doesn't even have to speak half of his shpeel because the fans fill in the rest. That, my friends, takes mic talent and a hell of a lot of drawing power. So why exactly is the WWF sticking the Rock in a useless feud with Billy Gunn? What a waste. Frankly, it's an attempt to get Gunn over some more and set him up for another Intercontinental title run. Sacrifice for the sake of another. And you know what? It's NOT working. Rock steals it every time. And speaking of stealing the show, the People's Showstopping Chris Jericho sure as hell made one hell of a fine entrance every time he decides to "save the WWF". The WWF is really going all out for him (note the pryotechnics, the multiple lights, the kick-ass music, etc) but why isn't this absolute terrific wrestling technician... well.... wrestilng???? Jericho is "marking his territory", so to speak, by interupting the Rock and the Under "Look at my scary tongue... nyah" Taker. Making a splash, getting the big shots' attention. Interesting move. I personally salivate at the thought of Jericho vs. the majority of the WWF. Why in the hell is the SummerSlam card screwed up merely a WEEK before the PPV? Why include Mankind at the last second, regardless of the man's sheer godliness? I HATE screw-jobs, and I HATE Triple Threat matches. ESPECIALLY in PPV's. I have officially dropped SummerSlam from my must-see list purely because of that damn Triple Threat match, because it is almost guaranteed to SUCK. STELLAR to Chyna, who made an impression on that Milwaukee audience with those forearms, European uppercuts, and DDT's. How about a huricanrana? STELLAR to HHH, who's man enough to get beat up, return the favour, and lose to a girl. That takes Spauldings. STELLAR to Kane, who's going to be back into world title contention sooner than you think. THE QUICK NOTES Loved it when the Rock's voice cracked when he was shouting "Mill-wauk-EEE" HAH. Hated the inclusion of a "cousin" of HardCore Holly's. What's the point of it?? Anyone? I truly believe that the WWF feels sorry for ol' Ray Traylor and just tries to fit him in wherever they possibily can, because they are fully aware that there is NO WAY in hell that he'll EVER get any higher on the roster (ex. running in on the Road Dogg / Al Snow match with cheapshots) Same goes for Test, who is involved in one of the lamest, 50's rumble storylines I have ever seen. (And to make it worse, I'd say that Shane MacMahon is going to beat him.) I'm really surprised that the WWF isn't playing up Tori more than they are. Have you seen the body on this woman? Check out the "Come Get Some" cover box sometime; she is a fine-looking chick. The 1-2-3 Skid has a fantastic possibility of becoming just as squished flat as the lower half of his tights at SummerSlam, where the (*yawn*) Ultra-Scary Tongue Flicking Duo should take the tag belts from him and Kane. Oh, wait, I'm sorry. I forgot... ALL will tremble before the fury of the JACKED-UP X-Pac!! (*snort*) Beware! (*giggle*) What is the WWF going to do with the British Bulldog???? Where would they possibily put him in this new WWF?? The Acolytes are a good, solid tag team. (Yes,they are!) They just have the lowest amount of charisma I have EVER seen in a tag team. Which is why they're good to have around. Why? It intensifies and highlights the opposing team, creating more interest in whomever the Acolytes fight. Simply put, they help people get over, and they do it well. I put people over well too, but in a mildly modified way. Usually involves candle-drippings and such. That's it from me. It may be long, it might have been boring, but to me, it's the smack down truth. Can you handle it? CyanIndigo freelance Mail the Author |
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