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Ike

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Hello there, everyone! Ike's back and he's ready to try something that (I don't think) has been done before. If it has, screw it, I'm doing it anyway.

Before I explain what I'm all hot and bothered about there a couple of things I need to take care of....

My internet access has been unreliable at best in recent weeks, which explains why I wrote two columns, then proceeded to vanish for a while. Also, I just started school again for the term which meant I had to take care of a few things, like signing up for classes and making sure I don't go broke in the middle of term. But all that is taken care of now and I'll be submitting weekly articles (probably on Sunday) from now on.

Next order of business, I got my first ever piece of fan mail after my last article. Well, it wasn't really fan mail, just Buff MacKenzie disputing my claim that I am the only online columnist to use semi-colons. Since I have no proof in either direction, and because I just don't care, I hereby proclaim Buff MacKenzie Semi-Colon King of the Internet! Take a bow, Buff!

Okay, enough talking about other columnists, on to wrestling. Errrrr... talking about wrestling, not wrestling other columnists. Though a best two of three falls handicap match between me and CyanIndigo's breasts would be endlessly entertaining. At least I'd be entertained.

Anyway, I had an idea to try something I've never seen done, and that is actually rank wrestlers based on their match win/loss records. Will it prove anything? Probably not. Will it be interesting? It will to me, whether or not it is to you is totally arbitrary. Here are the rules as I have set them....

Singles wrestlers and tag teams will be kept separate, though you need to be an established tag team before I give you points in that area. If there are random tag teams (and it seems to happen a lot these days) each individual will get points based on whether they win or lose.

Win by pinfall / submission: +0.50 Win by countout / DQ: +0.25 Loss by countout / DQ: -0.25 Loss by pinfall / submission: -0.50

The sum total of points given out during a match will be zero. If there's handicap craziness going on I'll adjust accordingly, though the losing side always gets -0.5 per team / member. If there's some REALLY crazy shit going down, I'll think of something.

These results start January 1 and include all Raw, Nitro, Thunder, Smackdown and Pay Per Views for WCW, WWF and ECW.

Normally I'll also include my random thoughts on the week in wrestling, but I missed a lot of it because I was so busy, so I'll just post the results for this week and hopefully catch up on my shows this coming week. Whenever I miss a show I'll be depending on the recaps here at [slash] to keep my up to date. (So I missed a few matches on Thunder because of it....

By the way, who the hell are three count? (I told you I've been out of it)

Without further ado, here are the results for this week:

WWF SINGLES			WWF TAG TEAMS

The Rock	1.250		Kaientai		0.750
Jeff Hardy	1.000		Acolytes		0.500
Prince Albert	0.750		Edge / Christian	0.500
Kurt Angle	0.500		The Hollys		0.500
Big Bossman	0.250		Dudley Boys		-0.250
Kane		0.250		Too Cool		-0.250
Rikishi Phatu	0.250		MSP			-0.750
Triple H	0.250
Chyna		0.000
Test		0.000
X-Pac		-0.250
Chris Jericho	-0.500
Hardcore Holly	-0.500
Mae Young	-0.500
Moolah		-0.500
Mr. Ass		-0.750
The Big Show	-0.750
Al Snow		-1.000
Road Dogg	-1.000
Note that since there have only been two shows, the rankings are pretty much screwed up for now. Keeping that in mind, lets move on to WCW:
WCW SINGLES			WCW TAG TEAMS

Kanyon		0.500		The Badlanders		1.250
Kevin Nash	0.500		Konnan / Kidman		0.250
Scott Steiner	0.500		The Harris Bros.	0.000
Tank Abbott	0.500		PG-13			-1.000
The Wall	0.500
Jeff Jarrett	0.250
Sid		0.250
Buff Bagwell	0.000
Midnite		0.000
Lex Luger	-0.250
Asya		-0.500
Buzzkill	-0.500
Chavo Guerrero	-0.500
Jerry Flynn	-0.500
Mike Rotundo	-0.500
Stevie Ray	-0.500
Norman Smiley	-1.000
No ECW rankings this week since there wasn't any new wrestling. See you again next week, where I might actually say something meaningfull!

Ike
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