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Matt Hayden

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BOOKING NITRO

Before I start, I just want to state that I'm on the bandwagon......... call that move The Right Angle!

WCW seems like a good topic for a booking meeting this week, seeing as how Benoit, Malenko, Saturn and Guerrero are now in the WWF for certain. Imagine next week's Nitro booking.............

(Seated around a large table in Atlanta are Goldberg, Kevin Nash, Ric Flair, Tony Schiavone and Kevin Sullivan.)

Nash: ..............so Russo's gone, Benoit's gone, Guerrero's gone, Saturn's gone and Malenko's gone. At least we have the dead weight cleared out. The company's at a more manageable size, and I guess that makes me the lead booker by default.

Sullivan: Not so fast, Kev. I think I could add something to this as well. The company would fare better if *I* was the head booker and you could be a ............ contributor. Remember, you almost single-handedly brought down the WWF when you were champion, and you'd just book yourself again as champ here, wouldn't you?

Nash: Hey, hey, that's not fair. First of all, look at who I had to work with in the WWF. Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels weren't exactly getting the best out of me. You can only do so much with the little guys, Kev. A nice long program with Sid would work wonders for this company. Second, I *have* booked myself as champ, *but* I've added some suspense that's sure to drive the ratings through the roof. Just look at the last few weeks: Benoit is stripped of the belt because Sid's foot is under the ropes, Sid is stripped because he pins the wrong Harris brother, then he's stripped again because he makes me submit when I said he had to *pin* me. The crowd never knows what's gonna happen next. It keeps them on the edge of their seat.

Flair: By God, Kevin, just hang on a minute. I think The Nature Boy knows a thing or two about running a wrestlin' company - I'm The Man. We have to get Sting involved, and we can't be afraid to put the younger guys over. Even I have to admit that I can't keep goin' much longer, and your knees, Kevin, your knees. The clock's tickin' on you too. Just wondering, what was your plan for the rest of the year?

Nash: Glad you asked, Naitch. I tell Sid that he can have another match, but he had to beat me in five minutes. He beats me in 5:02 and gets stripped of the belt. Then I say he can have another shot, but we'll have a table match, like those WWF guys had. He'll put me through the wrong table and I'll strip him again. Then I say we'll have a Good Housekeeping match, like Jeff had in the WWF, and he'll hit me with the belt and pin me, but I'll strip him of that belt because it's not a household item. I'll give him another chance, but he has to beat me in an "I Quit" match, like the WWF had, and I'll pass out, but I'll strip him of the belt, because I didn't say "I Quit". Then I'll give him another match, and it'll be a regular match, and I'll squash him. That'll take us through the next month-and-a half, anyway.

Schiavone: THAT'S THE GREATEST PLAN EVER DEVISED IN THE HISTORY OF OUR SPORT! IT'S -

Flair: Shutup, Tony, it's not. It's idiotic. First off, by my calculations, that'll make Sid a six time champ, and you, an eight, nine time champ? Don't you think that's devaluing the belt?

Nash: Well, we *are* two deserving wrestlers.

Flair: On top of that, it's too predictable. The fans expect Sid to be stripped of the belt. And that's just for the first month-and-a half? What about the rest of the year?

Nash: We could have Sid seemingly beat me for the belt in a variety of ways, only to have me strip him of it because of some stipulation. By the end of the year, if everything goes according to plan, I'll be the first-ever 20-time World Champion.

Schiavone: DO YOU HAVE NO CREATIVE LIMITS, BIG SEXY????? IS IT -

Flair: Shutup, Tony, he has no creative genius. 12 months of that crap will *not* draw ratings. And there's no way you'll ever be a 20- time World Champ if the Nature Boy isn't!

Nash: You're just an old man, Ric. Step aside and let the young guys take over.

Flair: OLD MAN???? (Flair jumps onto the table and drops an elbow, then rolls back into his seat). I'LL TAKE YOUR WIFE AND MAKE A WOMAN OUTTA HER KEVIN, AND DON'T YOU FORGET IT!!!!!

Goldberg: Hey, hey, calm down, Ric. It's OK.

Sullivan: Bill, I didn't even notice you there. How long have you been there?

Goldberg: Oh, I've been here the whole time. They've got me on some drugs to try to get me back in the ring faster, they say the sooner, the better. Sometimes these massive amounts of them cause me to lapse into unconsciousness for a period of time without warning, but it -

Nash: Goldberg?

Sullivan: Forget it, Kev, he's sleepin'. Leave him alone.

Schiavone: WHAT ABOUT BASHING THE WWF A LITTLE MORE? MAYBE WE CAN -

Flair: Tony, shutup. You don't have to shout all the time. Bashing the WWF is not a good idea, because it just draws attention to them. Remember when you insulted Mick, Tony? Remember?

Tony: ..........................

Flair: Yeah, you remember. Juventud should stop with that damn impersonation of the Rock, too. He just look like a moron.

Sullivan: Speaking of Juvy, I'm thinkin' of, well, for lack of a better term, burying him. No, burying is a harsh word......... moving him out of the picture a little, that's better. I think the top guys in the company should be Nash, Sid, Funk, Piper and Rotunda.

Flair: Rotunda?

Sullivan: Yeah, he's a good guy. He has experience, you know. All the guys I want to push have experience.

Flair: The young guys are the future, Kevin. What would you do with Goldberg?

Sullivan: I'd push him, Ric, of course...................... when he's ten years older.

Goldberg: What? Did you guys say my name?

Sullivan: Billy, I was just saying that your only weakness is your age, you're too young. You have to work on that.

Goldberg: That's impossible. What can I do about it? It's not like I -

Sullivan: Yeah?

Flair: Forget it, Kevin. He's sleeping. He'll be -

Schiavone: WHAT IF ME AND BOBBY WRESTLED EACH OTHER FOR THE CRUISERWEIGHT BELT? IT COULD -

Flair: Shutup, Tony. You and Bobby cannot wrestle for the Cruiserweight Title........ it should have some dignity.

Nash: But Oklahoma and Madusa fought for the belt.......... and Oklahoma won.

Flair: But who booked that, Kevin, who booked that? And where is he now?

Nash: ................... well, I'm the booker now. At least I give this company a fresh start.

(Everybody in the room, even Tony, stifle a laugh).

Sullivan: I admit it, boys. We're strugglin'. We're strugglin'. If only someone unexpected could help us...................

(The entire room goes silent. After a couple of minutes, faint music is heard. Suddenly, it blares much louder. It is Hulk Hogan's Real American theme music from the WWF. Hogan, in red and yellow, charges into the room).

Flair: Hulk? HULK! You're here! WOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! By God, you might not be able to wrestle a lick anymore, but you can damn sure draw crowds........... I think.

(Hogan is cupping his hand to his ear at whoever talks. He pauses at regular intervals to strike various poses.)

Schiavone: THIS IS THE GREATEST MOMENT IN MY LIFE!!!!!!!! HULK HOGAN IS BACK TO HELP RESTORE WCW TO PROMINENCE AND TO -

Flair: Shutup, Tony. Hulk, you must have a plan........... right?

(Hogan finally stops posing. He seems to be only noticing other people in the room now.)

Hogan: Well, y'know brothers,all my little Hulkamaniacs, including you guys, obviously need the Hulkster's help. First of all, I'm gonna need you to promise me something, and that's to train, say your prayers, eat your vitamins and believe in yourself. Got it?

Flair: Uh......... right, sure, Hulk. Now we need to tackle the problem at hand. It seems that -

Hogan: WHATCHA GONNA DO, WHEN THE LARGEST ARMS IN THE WORLD, AND HULKAMANIA, RUN-WILD-ON-YOU??????????????????

Flair: ..............................

Sullivan (whispering to Nash): Seems as if he's finally gone insane, Kev. He thinks he's livin' the gimmick..................

Hogan: AND YOU, FLAIR! YOU THINK YOU'RE GONNA TAKE MY TITLE BELT! LIKE I SAID, BROTHER, WHATCHA GONNA DO, WHEN -

Flair: Hulk, Hulk, calm down. I don't want to take your title belt.......... you don't have one, anyway. We need help resurrecting WCW. You might be the man to help us.

Hogan: WELL, BROTHER, I'LL DO IT, BUT ONLY FOR ALL MY NWO-ITES, THAT WORSHIP THE GROUND THAT HOLLYWOOD WALKS ON! HELPIN' WCW BACK TO THE TOP WOULD BE JUST........TOO.......SWEEEEEEEET!!!!!!!!

Sullivan (whispering to Nash): He's getting closer to the present...... he's at mid-90s now.

Schaivone: HULK HOGAN, OR SHOULD I SAY HOLLYWOOD HOGAN, IS GOING TO SINGLE-HANDEDLY BRING WCW BACK TO THE TOP OF THE WRESTLING WORLD??????????? UNBELIEVABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Flair: Shutup, Tony. Now if -

Goldberg: Hey, it's Hollywood! Damn bastard, all those damn NWO sneak attacks........

(Goldberg hits Hogan with a massive spear. Hogan tries to beg for mercy and then pokes Goldberg in the eyes. He quickly takes off his weight belt and begins whipping Goldberg across the back.)

Sullivan: I can't believe it. Goldberg's drugs have gotten the better of him, and Hulk's just lost it.

(Hogan and Goldberg brawl out the door. We see them engage in a test of strength, and Goldberg lapses into unconsciousness. Hogan lays the lifeless Goldberg on the ground and hits him with the legdrop. He covers and uses his own arm to count three.)

Hogan: I DID IT BROTHERS!!!!!!!!!! I BROUGHT WCW BACK TO PROMINENCE, AND THE BELT IS BACK AROUND HOLLYWOOD'S WAIST! I -

(Sullivan has shut the door, locking Hogan and Goldberg out.)

Sullivan: Looks like we're on our own, boys. And Nitro starts in.............. FIVE MINUTES?!?!?!?!?

Nash: We'll just have go with my plan!

Flair: No, we can't, it's.................... (looking at the ground)........... yeah, we'll have to. Uh......... I'm goin' out to wrestle with Goldberg and Hogan........ don't bother me.

(Flair gets up and leaves. He shuts the door behind him and we immediately hear him shout, "WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Seconds later we hear chops that must be taking skin off, and Hogan squealing like a girl).

Sullivan: Dammit, Ric's lost it, too. You and your stupid booking ideas, Kevin.

Kevin: Hey, trust me, Kev............ I'll bring this organization back to the top of the wrestling world.

Schiavone: WHAT A BOLD PREDICTION FROM BIG SEXY!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE SAID THAT -

Kevin: Shutup, Tony.

Matt "Blackjack" Hayden
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