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Matt Hayden

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BOOKING NITRO

Nitro has changed, for sure, but probably not for the better. Gone are the long cruiserweight matches, and long matches period, and in their place are segment after segment of non-wrestling. A booking meeting might go like this..............

(Seated at a table in Atlanta are Vince Russo, Ed Ferrera, Kevin Nash, Bret Hart and Goldberg. They are discussing booking plans for Nitro that night.)

Russo: Let's see, last week's show...................... the ratings weren't there, but we can't let that discourage us. The content was pretty good, except for a few things. Bret, your match went six minutes. What's wrong? For the audience to stay interested, we need to keep these things to two, three minutes tops.

Hart: Right, right, I keep forgetting. This Crash TV is hard to get used to. I do have to admit that it *is* better than the WWF style, though. Did I ever tell you guys about that? They run two hours of porn over there. One time they even asked me to -

Ferrera: Bret, Bret, it's OK. We understand, we were there, remember? Just try to keep it short next time. A high point was that Oklahoma confrontation with Madusa. I think the fans ate it up. I think they even thought it was neat that Oklahoma outwrestled her.

Russo: Yeah, good job there, Ed. How about we put the cruiserweight belt on you for a while? When you get tired of it, just throw it in the trash.

(Russo and Ferrera start giggling.)

Ferrera: No problem. Then maybe I'll move up into the US Title picture.

Nash: Hey, guys, guys, I know these are good ideas and all, but what does that look like when Ed wins the cruiserweight or even the US belt? Maybe we should use those belts to push wrestlers. I mean, you guys did say that -

Russo: Kevin, it's a great idea. By putting those belts on Ed, we encourage all the kids out there to reach for the sky. They'll think anything is possible. If Ed can win a WCW belt, then anybody can.

Nash: I guess so. I do have something else I need to talk about, fellas. I have to admit that I'm a little unsatisfied with my position in the company. I think I should be the World Champ. I think that some wrestlers being pushed should not be pushed and vice-versa. I think I should be one of the bookers again, I wish you'd stop ordering those lemon donuts because nobody likes them, and I wish you could please confiscate all those signs in the crowd that say my workrate sucks. Those are my only demands.

Ferrera: I have an idea Kevin. How about we'll bring Juventud, Ciclope, Silver King, Super Calo, Psychosis and Damien out for a segment in the ring, and you can run in and demolish them all. We'll even give you permission to work stiff and seriously injure them if you want to. You'll look like an unstoppable monster.

Nash: Sounds great. Thanks for listening to me and offering a fair compromise.

Russo: No problem. Now, concerning -

Goldberg: Jesus, stupid stuff doesn't even work, when I'm healthy again I'll show -

Russo: Hey, Bill, what's the matter? You look like you're in pain.

Goldberg: My tendon was sliced by the glass in the limo, remember? They gave me these antibiotics to treat it but all they do is sting like hell.

Russo: Oh, that, right. Hope you get better soon. Anyway, like I was saying, we think the WWF is gonna hit us with some huge lawsuits in the next few months, so we're stockpiling money. We've cut back the budget on entrance music, camera people and medical supplies.

Goldberg: What? Entrance music? I'll get to keep mine, right?

Russo: Of course, Bill. You're our marquee man. We'd never do anything to hurt you.

Hart: Hang on a minute. Lawsuits? For what?

Russo: Oh, well, you see, we've been using Terry Funk, and he's technically still WWF property. Plus, we really need to get Evan Karagias over, so we're repackaging him as a new character named Jeff Hardy. Bryan Adams will experiment as a guy we came up with in a red suit named Kane, and Lenny will go around as a guy named Chris Jericho, and he'll call his fans Jerichoholics. Problem is, some of those characters are a little like some guys in the WWF, maybe even enough to warrant a lawsuit. So, hey, we'll have the cash on hand when it happens.

Hart: Why don't we just come up with some of our own ideas? I mean, Brad Armstrong is identical to his brother in the WWF, the Old Age Outlaws name is a copy of a WWF name, we had Shane, Gerald and Patrick, and Oklahoma is a rip-off of Jim Ross.

Russo: But what about you, Bret? What about Goldberg? Kevin? Huh? Are you guys copied off the WWF? No. We made you *ourselves*.

Nash: Uh, actually, Vince, Goldberg had been World Champ before you got here, I was Kevin Nash ever since I signed with WCW and Bret's been the Hitman forever.

Russo: Yeah, but we put you guys in the NWO. Kevin, Bret, you two along with Jeff, Hall and Steiner make up the most unstoppable force in wrestling today.

Hart: Well............ the NWO has been done too. That's the problem.

Ferrera: Bret, just stop it. If not, we might have to take the belt off you.

Hart: Oh, take the belt off me. How would you do that? Would you send me out there thinking I was gonna win, and then have my opponent put me in the....... oh, say, Sharpshooter and then one of you would run out and ring the bell?????????? IS THAT IT????? IS THAT HOW YOU'D DO IT?????????? IF YOU DID THAT I'D GO TO ECW!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ferrera: Bret, calm down, we wouldn't screw you. We know you're not fond of it.

Russo: Guys, let's just finish this off. Main event for next week will be Kevin, Bret and Jeff against Benoit, Sid and Funk. Got it?

Nash: Yeah, sure. How's it supposed to go? Main event, so that's eight minutes?

Russo: No, if it's too long, people'll switch over to Raw. After about two minutes, maybe two-and-a-half if it looks OK, we'll have Scotty Steiner run in and you guys can beat down the faces as the show fades out. Clear?

Nash: Yeah, that's good with me.

Hart: Yeah, sure. See ya tonight, fellas.

(Hart and Nash leave. Goldberg begins to leave as well.)

Russo: Hey, Bill, hold up for a minute. You see, Bret's a little hesitant about dropping the World Title, so we might have to give him a little nudge. When you fight him for the belt next month, you'll win, but Bret doesn't know that. After about five minutes, lock him in, oh, a Sharpshooter, and I'll ring the bell. You'll be the new champ. Bret will understand.

Goldberg: But is that really fair to do to Bret? After what he went through in the WWF?

Russo: Who cares? Screw him.

(Goldberg leaves.)

Ferrera: Y'know Vince, I really like what we've done since we got here. We said that the first priority would be the wrestlers, and that we'd do everything we could to get every single guy over. We said we'd be up front with all the guys. I think we're doin' a damn good job.

Russo: Yeah, this time next month, I bet we'll be winning the ratings war again. Anyway, talk to you later, Ed.

Ferrera: Yeah, later, Vince.

Matt "Blackjack" Hayden
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