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Matt Hayden

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BLAH

I'M NOT DEAD

OK, I know I haven't contributed to this site for a month, but I have a good reason. Seeing as how everyone............. no, I don't have a good reason, actually. I got lazy the first week after writing my last column and decided that writing a column for the end of the millennium would be best, which would spare me from having to write a weekly column until then and also let me create one of greater size. Problem was, I didn't know what to put in it, so it's really just a smattering of random stuff, like my favorite and least favorite WWF wrestlers of all time, and a list I compiled of stuff you may or not remember from the WWF of 10 years ago. Somewhere in there is even my first ever question to you readers, so I'd like some responses to that, if you have the time. No further introduction, let's just get right into it.

I love writing about WWF wrestling from the late 80s/early 90s, which most readers know by now, because it makes for an easy column, due to the fact that I know a lot about that period of WWF history and it was time of a lot of bad gimmicks and stuff like that. Along those lines, I decided to make a list, kinda like those "Do you remember......?" ones, actually exactly like those ones, of some easily-remembered and not-so-easily-remembered events of those years.

Do you remember...................

1. Virgil being one of the first opponents of every huge newcomer into the WWF. Examples are Adam Bomb, Giant Gonzalez, Yokozuna and Nailz.

2. Hacksaw Jim Duggan becoming the first person to knock Yokozuna down. He turned his back and five minutes later was being carted off on a stretcher after receiving several Banzai drops.

3. Ludvig Borga ending Tatanka's winning streak at about two years when a steel chair helped him get the victory.

4. Razor Ramon threatening the ringboy before every match: "Something happen to my gold, chico.............. something going to happen to *you*."

5. Mr. Perfect as the "business associate" of Ric Flair.

6. Nailz coming from the crowd after the Big Boss Man beat a jobber and beating the prison guard to a pulp.

7. The infamous "pit stop" move performed by The Nasty Boys.

8. Hulk Hogan being unable to stop Zeus.............. until the cheating bastard nailed him with Sherri's loaded purse.

9. Hacksaw Jim Duggan winning the first Royal Rumble.

10. Jake Roberts unleashing a cobra on Randy Savage, who is tied up in the ropes. It bites his arm.

11. Jake Roberts and The Undertaker interrupting the wedding of Randy Savage and Elizabeth.

12. Gorilla Monsoon every time The Undertaker was wrestling: "Do you smell formaldehyde?"

13. The laugh of The Million Dollar Man.

14. The fact that The Million Dollar Man drew number 30 in one Royal Rumble and number 1 in the next.

15. Lex Luger slamming Yokozuna aboard the USS Intrepid on July 4th. He made his entrance by helicopter.

16. The 1-2-3 Kid upsetting Razor Ramon with a moonsault on Monday Night Raw, after being crushed week after week by several other superstars.

17. Razor Ramon challenging The 1-2-3 Kid to a rematch, with $10 000 on the line....... and the Kid winning again.

18. The infamous Crybaby Match between Razor Ramon and The 1-2-3 Kid, which saw The Kid being pampered (literally) and covered in baby powder as he wept.

19. Goldust's controversial entry into the WWF, during which time he appeared to be attracted to Razor Ramon, and eventually took the Intercontinental Title from him.

20. Jerry "The King" Lawler ambushing Bret Hart after Hart won the 1993 King of the Ring.

21. Sid Justice kicking out of Hulk Hogan's legdrop at Wrestlemania VIII.

22. Shawn Michaels and The British Bulldog drawing numbers 1 and 2, respectively, in the 1995 Royal Rumble. They were the last two men in the ring, and Michaels won it.

23. Pamela Anderson accompanying Diesel to the ring instead of Shawn Michaels during Wrestlemania XI.

24. Hulk Hogan beating a tired Yokozuna for the WWF Title at Wrestlemania IX. Yokozuna had just beat Bret Hart for the belt and Hogan had already blew his chance at gold that night when he and Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake lost a tag team title match to Money Inc. by DQ.

25. The Million Dollar Man shoving a $100 bill into the mouth of defeated jobbers.

26. Doink the Clown pummeling Crush with his "arm", leading to a feud between the two.

27. The second Doink appearing at Wrestlemania IX. costing Crush his match with...... Doink.

28. Doink interfering in Crush's Intercontinental Title match with Shawn Michaels at the 1993 King of the Ring, costing Crush the win once again. At this point, Doink is leading about 10-0.

29. Crush being repeatedly Banzai dropped by Yokozuna as Randy Savage sat nearby doing commentary. This would lead to a feud between Crush and Savage when Crush returned.

30. The Bushwhackers being eliminated from all Royal Rumbles very, very quickly.

31. Bob Backlund "snapping" after a title match with Bret Hart. Backlund lost, and when Hart offered a handshake, Backlund slapped him and locked on a cross-face chicken wing. It was the beginning of a push that would lead to another World Title for Backlund.

32. Bob Backlund putting the cross-face chicken wing on WWF Magazine writer Lou Gianfriddo, showing that he was indeed a changed man.

33. The Macho Midget.

34. The "I Quit" match between Bret Hart and Bob Backlund and the 1994 Survivor Series, which saw Owen Hart convince his own mother to throw in the towel on Bret, costing him the belt.

35. Papa Shango causing a jobber's towel to catch on fire.

36. Doink the Clown introducing his midgets, Dink, Wink, and Pink. At the 1994 Survivor Series, Jerry Lawler would counter with Queasy, Cheesy and Sleazy, his mini-kings.

37. Owen Hart teasing a heel turn at that same Survivor Series, when he was the only family member eliminated as four Hart brothers took on Shawn Michaels and the Blue, Black and Red Knights.

38. Commentators applauding Mabel of Men on a Mission for his "spinning heel kick", which actually consisted of him rolling into an opponent. Oddly enough, some guy named Viscera today of approximately the same proportions uses the same move.

39. The Rockers, Shawn Michaels and Marty Janetty, being adored by fans and executing countless high-flying double team moves, but still managing to lose nearly every match.

40. The Twin Towers, Akeem and The Big Boss Man, managed by The Doctor of Style, Slick.

41. IRS feuding with Tatanka, which saw Chief Jay Strongbow getting beaten up as well.

42. The Gorilla Monsoon favorites: "Will ya look at that kisser!", "Caught him right in the breadbasket", "Holy Toledo!", and to Bobby Heenan, "Will you stop that?!?"

43. Jake Roberts' two snakes, Damian and Lucifer.

44. Earthquake killing one of the snakes and making him into burgers.

45. The Big Boss Man being really, really fat.

46. Dusty Rhodes stealing the Boss Man's nightsticks, and also his hat, which he wore to the ring.

47. The Garvin Stomp, which provided an unclimactic ending to many of Rugged Ronnie Garvin's matches.

48. Rugged Ronnie Garvin being forced to "retire" following a loss to Greg "The Hammer" Valentine. He pestered Valentine as a referee and announcer until Valentine himself demanded that Garvin be reinstated.

49. The Ultimate Warrior being locked inside an "airtight" casket by The Undertaker. Somehow, he survived.

50. Duke "The Dumpster" Droese feuding with Jerry Lawler.

51. Todd Pettingill, host of WWF Mania, and also a backstage and ringside interviewer.

52. Coach, who managed Mr. Perfect for several months in 1991.

53. Shawn Michaels throwing Marty Janetty through a window on Brutus Beefcake's segment, ending their union and starting Michaels' push.

54. The following October, Marty Janetty returning on an episode of Superstars and attacking a shocked Michaels, which resulted in Sensational Sherri being leveled with Michaels' heart shaped mirror, and setting up an IC Title match at the next Royal Rumble, won by Michaels.

55. The battle of the men who use the running powerslam as The British Bulldog feuded with The Warlord.

56. Jobbers offering Bastion Booger a stick of deodorant before a match.

57. The Narcissist being able to knock anybody out with one shot from his "loaded forearm".

58. No Holds Barred, which "featured" Hulk Hogan and Zeus acting.

59. Shawn Michaels finishing off opponents with a back suplex during his first months as a heel.

60. Skinner leaving his mark on opponents with his 'gator claw.

61. Skinner always chewing tobacco, which disgusted Gorilla Monsoon.

62. Kamala, and later Yokozuna, being deathly afraid of caskets.

63. Both Kamala and Yokozuna eventually losing casket matches to The Undertaker.

64. Of all people, Papa Shango saving Sid Justice from being beaten by Hulk Hogan at Wrestlemania VIII.

65. Koko.B.Ware's bird Frankie.

66. The Bushwhacker's unwavering desire for sardines.

67. The vignettes promoting Jeff Jarrett's first WWF tenure, which showed him parading around Music City, USA bragging about the brilliant music he sung. Nobody, including the announcers, believed him.

68. Reo Rogers, the cowboy who hosted the short-lived interview segment Reo's Roundup on Superstars.

69. Shawn Michaels' also short-lived interview segments, hosted in The Heartbreak Hotel.

70. Roddy Piper's not-so-short-lived interview segments entitled Piper's Pit.

71. Brother Love, the man with the white suit and red face who loved everyone.

72. The Allied Powers, Lex Luger and The British Bulldog.

73. Doink the Clown and little buddy Dink feuding with Bam Bam Bigelow and Luna Vachon.

74. Later, the two clowns feuding with Jeff Jarrett.

75. Bam Bam Bigelow and Bastion Booger feuding because Booger had a crush on Luna.

76. Roddy Piper mooning Ravishing Rick Rude to cost him the IC Title at SummerSlam '89.

77. The sacred salt used by protégés of Mr. Fuji, including The Orient Express and Yokozuna.

78. Adam Bomb announced as being "two hundred ninety-two and a half pounds."

79. The night Crush turned on Randy Savage, which saw Savage being military-pressed face first onto the guardrail by the Hawaiian, then Banzai-splashed by Yokozuna.

80. Crush's finishing move, the Cranium Crush.

81. The Big Boss Man, as a face, being incredibly stupid. He once believed Bobby Heenan when the Brain said, "Your mother is on the phone in the back."

82. The Mountie losing, but always getting the last laugh by shocking the victor with his cattle prod.

83. The Mountie scoring an upset over Bret Hart for the IC Title, which was justified by saying the Hitman was battling a "terrible fever."

84. IRS' finishing move, The Writeoff, which was actually just a running clothesline.

85. The Steiner Brothers wearing their University of Michigan jackets to the ring.

86. The unbelievably pathetic won-loss record of Typhoon after the breakup of the Natural Disasters.

87. The Genius reading a poem before the start of a Beverly Brothers match, and sometimes assisting in their win using his "metal scroll."

88. The short-lived New Foundation, which saw Jim Neidhart try to achieve success with Bret's brother Owen.

89. Marty Janetty beating Shawn Michaels for the IC Title with assistance from Mr. Perfect.

90. Michaels winning the title back from Janetty a few days later as Diesel made his debut a meaningful one.

91. The Million Dollar Corporation, consisting of Ted DiBiase, Nikolai Volkoff, Tatanka, King Kong Bundy and Bam Bam Bigelow.

92. Bigelow shoving Lawrence Taylor after getting pinned at the 1995 Royal Rumble, setting up a match between the two at Wrestlemania, won by Taylor.

93. The commentary of Vince McMahon: "One.............two.........three! He got him! He's won the - no, he didn't."

94. Lex Luger driving around the United States in the Lex Express.

95. The Super Posedown between The Ultimate Warrior and Ravishing Rick Rude, which saw the Warrior win but get beat down by Rude afterwards.

96. Hulk Hogan contemplating retirement after being ambushed by Earthquake.

97. Special guest referees always being good guys.

98. The Roman atmosphere at Wrestlemania IX, which included Randy Savage being escorted to the ring by the "vestal virgins", Bobby Heenan riding a camel, and the announcers and interviewers wearing togas.

99. That Wrestlemania IX was also the WWF PPV debut of Jim Ross.

100. SummerSlam '92 being held outside at Wembley Stadium, and the sky getting darker as the evening wore on. The sky was blue during the first match and black by the time the last match rolled around.

101. Lord Alfred Hayes, commentator and backstage interviewer.

102. Charlie Minn, who enjoyed a short stint with the WWF in the early 90s.

103. The multitude of videos released by Coliseum Video, with names such as "Invasion of the Bodyslammers" and "Bashed in the USA".

104. The corny segments on these videos, like "Bowling with Kamala", "Tax Tips with IRS" and "The Repo Cam".

105. When abdominal stretches, back slides, leapfrogs, sunset flips, cross body blocks and tests of strength were used regularly.

106. The airbrushed jackets of Jimmy Hart.

107. The night Jimmy Hart "changed", when Money Inc. hit Brutus Beefcake in the face with their briefcase on Raw.

108. The mystery of what was in IRS' briefcase.

109. When Hogan opened the briefcase at Wrestlemania IX and found some tax forms, money and a brick.

110. Rocko, the puppet that accompanied The Legion of Doom to the ring, with the help of Paul Ellering.

111. Those rare occasions when Ted DiBiase would wear white trunks and boots while wrestling instead of black.

112. Walter Payton (RIP) assisting Razor Ramon in his victory over Diesel at SummerSlam '94.

113. The deathly fear Andre the Giant had of snakes.

114. Demolition surrounding an opponent and pounding on his back again and again until he fell to the ground, a favorite tactic.

115. When Virgil finally "saw the light" and left Ted DiBiase, and won his Million Dollar Belt.

116. Every wrestler having their own "logo" on the TitanTron.

117. The Steiner Brothers losing the Tag Team Titles to The Quebecers in a match wrestled under Province of Quebec rules, meaning the titles could change hands on a DQ. Scott Steiner, alas, hit Jacques with a hockey stick and was DQed.

118. The Bushwhacker Battering Ram, one of those finishing moves we'd rather forget.

119. Haku becoming the first King of the WWF.

120. Hacksaw Jim Duggan defeating Haku to become King Duggan.

121. Randy Savage defeating Duggan to become Macho King Randy Savage.

122. The Fabulous Rougeau Brothers, Jacques and Raymond, being "All-American boys".

123. Raymond Rougeau going on to become a WWF French commentator when he retired.

124. The controversy over Greg Valentine's shin guard, which announcers and opponents claimed gave him an unfair advantage when executing the figure-four leglock.

125. The difference between face and heel female managers, just to make sure the fans knew who to cheer for without a doubt. An example would be Elizabeth and Sensational Sherri.

126. Rick Rude kissing a woman from the audience before his match.

127. The Narcissist Lex Luger knocking out all his opponent with a running forearm shot. It was eventually revealed that the forearm was "loaded" and Luger was ordered to wear an armband.

128. When Harvey Wippleman was a "doctor" and examined his wrestler's defeated opponent.

129. Rick Martel and Shawn Michaels feuding over Sensational Sherri.

130. The use of the infamous "tag rope" to choke an opponent, usually done by a heel to a face.

131. The relatively short lived team of Power and Glory.

132. Slick, who changed from The Doctor of Style into the Reverend to help Kamala find his way in wrestling and in life.

133. When all of The Undertaker's interviews were conducted in a room with errie green light, or the "bowels of the building", or some other place that "no other wrestler dared to go".

134. Ted DiBiase introducing The Undertaker to the WWF at the 1990 Survivor Series, where he was eventually counted out in the matchup.

135. The one-time-only match at the 1990 Survivor Series that pit the surviving faces against the surviving heels from all the other matches. It was Hulk Hogan, Ultimate Warrior and Tito Santana against Rick Martel, the Warlord, Hercules, Paul Roma and Ted DiBiase. Hogan and the Warrior survived.

136. Randy Savage and Elizabeth marrying at SummerSlam '91, dubbed The Match Made in Heaven.

137. The main event of the evening, featuring Hulk Hogan and the Ultimate Warrior against Sgt. Slaughter, General Adnan and Colonel Mustafa, dubbed The Match Made in Hell.

138. The finisher of Bad News Brown, dubbed the Ghetto Blaster.

139. Marc Mero calling Tom Brandi a jabroni before The Rock was the most electrifying man in sports entertainment.

140. Yokozuna making his debut in the WWF at 505 pounds, and getting progressively bigger until he was announced at over 600.

141. Chuck Norris being appointed the "shootfighting referee" of the casket match between The Undertaker and Yokozuna.

142. The chants of "Irwin, Irwin" which angered IRS.

143. Jerry Lawler's interview segment called "The King's Court".

144. The mocking chants of "Burger King, Burger King" directed at Jerry Lawler.

145. Wrestlemania 4, which was one big tournament, King of the Ring style, to determine the World Champion. Amazingly, Hogan did not win, as him and Andre the Giant battled to a double-DQ. In true Hogan fashion, however, he was in the corner of Randy Savage in the finals and helped him to victory by hitting Ted DiBiase with a chair when the ref wasn't looking.

146. Andre the Giant winning the World Title from Hulk Hogan with the help of a crooked ref, paid off by Ted DiBiase. Andre tried to give DiBiase the belt but the rules forbade it and the title was vacated. This led to the tournament at Wrestlemania 4.

147. Nikolai Volkoff joining Ted DiBiase's Corporation because he "needed the money to feed his family". Apparently he didn't want to do it but he had no choice and reluctantly followed DiBiase's orders.

148. The tag team of Rhythm and Blues, the Honky Tonk Man and Greg Valentine.

149. Heenan's Family, which consisted of all the men managed by Bobby Heenan at the time.

150. Roddy Piper occasionally doing commentary for a WWF PPV.

If anybody can think of some more that might be appropriate, please mail them to me, because I hope to expand on this all the time. If it gets significantly bigger, I'll post it again, and I'm sure *everybody* wants that!



Also as part of this column, I decided to list my favorite wrestlers of all time in the WWF. Please keep in mind that I've only watched videos as far back as 1987, so I'll no doubt be leaving out some fantastic superstars that I've never seen perform. Regardless, here we go..........

  • The Million Dollar Man Ted DiBiase, one of my favorite heels of all time. He looked liked a heel, and he had the laugh to go with it. I loved watching him strut to the ring, Virgil in tow, a look of disgust on his face toward each and every "peon" in the crowd. After disposing of a jobber with The Million Dollar Dream, he would command Virgil to stuff a $100 bill in his mouth. To finish it off, he would retrieve the bill before he left the ring, showing how tight he was. I hated that DiBiase never once received a World Title, falling short to Hulk Hogan time and time again. The only title he held in the WWF was the tag title, when he teamed with IRS to form Money Inc. He never had problems with laying down, either, as evidenced by his last months in the WWF, when he put the 1-2-3 Kid over and lost cleanly to Razor Ramon to finish his career.

  • The Undertaker, the one of old. I don't like the new Undertaker much at all. I liked the Undertaker that stalked Hulk Hogan. I liked The Undertaker that demolished former cohort in crime Jake Roberts. I liked The Undertaker that stood up to Kamala and Yokozuna. As time passed, though, 'Taker changed. He didn't sit up as much, he moved faster, felt pain and showed much more emotion in general. Then his accent changed, and suddenly he looks like he's from a biker gang rather than being the dead man. He seems like he wouldn't look out of place in DOA. The 'Taker of old wrestled every match the same, without emotion or desperation. He never lost cleanly and often the only way a wrestler could keep him down was to get DQed by hammering him with a foreign object. (Opponent takes urn from Paul Bearer and clubs 'Taker). Plus, he hasn't really changed his gimmick for over nine years now.

  • Bret Hart. He was my favorite wrestler from 1992 to 1996, bar none. I got PPVs to watch him wrestle. I liked the fact that he worked so efficiently, hence the name "Excellence of Execution". When wrestling someone like Diesel or Yokozuna, he would systematically dissect them, going for a leg and wearing it down until the big man had trouble standing. Every move was pulled off cleanly, Russian Leg Sweeps, snap suplexes, second-rope elbowdrops, back breakers, legdrops and the Sharpshooter. The Hitman had exceptional stamina as well, and could come back from taking a good beating. I was saddened by the way his WWF tenure ended, but there are still lots of fond memories of Hart in the Federation.

  • Randy Savage. When I was a child I was scared of his outbursts as a heel, and looking back, I realize that was what made him so good. He was great as a face, but he seemed so natural as a heel. Then he switched back to a face and I loved him again. Savage was strong but also a high-flyer of sorts, hitting opponents on the concrete floor with axhandles from the top rope, and of course nailing the flying elbow. He was great at selling his opponent's moves as well. He had a great feud with Hulk Hogan which culminated in him losing the World Title, but he followed it up some time later by feuding with The Ultimate Warrior, also memorable. Perhaps the best trait of Savage was his intensity, whether he was wrestling or announcing.

  • Mr. Perfect. True, he didn't accomplish a whole lot in his WWF tenure, but I loved him anyway. He hailed himself as the perfect athlete, his claims backed up by videos of him sinking basketball shots while facing away from the basket, and throwing a touchdown pass to himself. He also backed up his claim in the ring, racking up a "perfect record" during the early part of his career. Eventually he ran into the roadblock known as Hogan, but he was hardly deterred, and won the Intercontinental Title in a tournament, lost it to the Texas Tornado and promptly won it back again. Sadly, his back began to give him trouble, and he dropped the IC belt to Bret Hart in a superb match at SummerSlam '91, and stayed on the sidelines for some time until making a surprise reappearance as a face to help, of all people, Randy Savage battle Ric Flair and Razor Ramon. Even though he never won the World Title, his motto was true on all but a few occasions: "Nobody beats Mr. Perfect..................NOBODY."

  • Hulk Hogan. Keep in mind that around Hogan's "prime" in the late 80s/early 90s, I was not yet a teenager and thus Hulk was my idol, naturally. For some time I did have other favorite wrestlers, but it was generally accepted by me at the time that there was everybody else, and then Hogan. I didn't notice his limited repertoire or his lame finisher. I just knew that when he wanted to, when all the Hulkamaniacs cheered him on, he would stop feeling pain and demolish his opponent. Of course, I have a different view of him today after being introduced to the Internet, but he still deserves a place on my list of favorite wrestlers because, for a time, he was.

  • Shawn Michaels. I always hated him, even as a face, but I enjoyed watching him wrestle because he sold moves very well, could go the distance in a match and had a wide array of moves at his disposal. He accomplished just about everything he could in the WWF, and it's a shame his back caused him so much trouble during his last year or so. His ladder matches with Razor Ramon, his Ironman match with Bret Hart, his Hell in the Cell match with the Undertaker and countless other contests cement his place on my list.

  • Jake Roberts. We all know Jake has fallen on hard times these days, but I really enjoyed watching him in the WWF (his first stint, not the second). As a heel, he was one of the best. He was one of the heels who wasn't big, slow and stupid. He was methodical and cunning. During interviews he didn't have to raise his voice to get his point across, and his catchphrase, "trust me", was effective as both a face and a heel. I remember when he made his snake bite Randy Savage's arm, kicking out a feud that was full of intensity.

  • Mick Foley. No need to explain him here; see below for an explanation.



    This list wouldn't be complete without my least favorite wrestlers of all time:

  • Mideon. The man has nothing going for him at all. He's out of shape, and though Mick Foley is as well, Foley can cut a wicked promo and take bumps with the best of them. Being teamed with Viscera didn't help Mideon any, but even on his own he's still nothing. No mic skills, no adequate offensive moves, and his selling is mediocre at best. He will forever be on my list.

  • Viscera. Ah yes, the man who was King for a year. He reached his modest peak with Men on a Mission, and even then he was only recognized because: a) his partner Mo was so bad, and b) he was being hailed as the only 495 pound man who could do dropkicks and spinning heel kicks- and he wasn't even doing them, really. Viscera moves in slow motion, his repertoire is limited, and the moves he executes are often done so sloppily. Add to that the fact that he's never been in an engaging storyline, and the big man is one of my least favorites.

  • Hacksaw Jim Duggan. When I was younger I used to love his interviews, but even at that time, when I thought wrestling was "real", his matches were painful to watch. Two main reasons for that: he sucked at selling moves and he had no moves of his own that were good. I still remember watching Duggan sell a clothesline by crumbling to the ground as if his knees had given out. The three-point stance clothesline was only as good as the opponent receiving it. Hacksaw's interviews and ability to rouse the crowd (albeit with cheat patriotic heat) make him more likable than Mideon and Viscera, but he still earns a place on my list.

  • Dusty Rhodes. From what I saw of the American Dream, I never really liked him. I tolerated him when I was younger because when you're 10 you love all the faces. Looking back now, his weaknesses are also those shared by the others on my list: lack of mobility and good offensive moves, and especially in Rhodes' case, a physique that was less than stellar. Unfortunately, he wasn't afraid to show it either.

  • Typhoon. I did like the Natural Disasters, but only because Earthquake was on the team. Typhoon always got his ass kicked the entire match, would make the hot tag to Earthquake, and *still* cost them the match somehow. When Earthquake cut a promo, at least he rocked back and forth and looked somewhat menacing.................. but when I look at Typhoon I can't help but picture Tugboat, and that's not good.

  • Giant Gonzalez. I kept waiting for him to do something to showcase his strength, but he never did. Choke, headbutt, choke, choke, chop, choke, chop, headbutt, weak chokeslam, pin. His selling also left a lot to be desired, and he was no Ric Flair on the mic, if he spoke at all. Thankfully his feud with The Undertaker was his first and last.

  • Virgil. As the "bodyguard" of Ted DiBiase he was always getting his ass kicked by all the faces. When he turned face and left DiBiase, he got his ass kicked by all the heels. While he did do an adequate job of trying to make newcomers seem impressive (Adam Bomb, Giant Gonzalez, Nailz), I always *liked* heels wiping the mat with him, and I don't think that was the impression I was supposed to have. His "2 Legit to Quit" motto never rubbed off on me because it was a lie; quitting was a regular activity for him. To top it off, I can't even remember what his finisher was.

  • Bushwhackers. Everybody was supposed to love The Bushwhackers in the WWF, but I didn't. It was their matches. They bored the hell out of me. Every match followed the same formula: One Bushwhacker starts, unloads a flurry of punches on the heel, then gets caught in the corner for 10 minutes. Finally makes the hot tag and then both 'Whackers do the pathetic Bushwhacker Battering Ram and then either pin one of the heels, or are hit with a foreign object and lose. It drove me nuts.

  • Bob "Spark Plug" Holly. The character, not the man, because Hardcore is not too bad. After entering the WWF in 1993 as Thurman "Sparky" Plugg, he immediately feuded with Jeff Jarrett and failed to impress me. After that feud he spent quite some time as a meaningless jobber, but actually won the tag titles with The 1-2-3 Kid, though lost them the next night. I just didn't find him interesting. He had absolutely no personality. He got no mic time (though I'm sure he wouldn't have been stellar on the mic anyway), and went so long without an actual feud that I just didn't care.



    A question for everyone out there: what moment in wrestling did you mark out for the most in your entire life? I thought about this one myself for a long time, and had almost settled on Jericho entering the WWF, but then I remembered something that I actually marked out for even more. The date was October 1992, and Shawn Michaels was wrestling on Superstars. Earlier that year, January to be exact, he had thrown then-partner Marty Janetty through a window and effectively ended their union. On this day, with Janetty out of my mind and probably everyone else's, Michaels posed in the large heart-shaped mirror being held by his manager, Sensational Sherri. Suddenly, Michaels saw the reflection of Janetty in the mirror, and the look on his face was priceless. He turned around and there he was, and proceeded to whip Michaels into the ropes and deliver a back body drop. The return of Janetty in that way overjoyed me at the time. On a side note, that segment ending with Janetty inadvertently smashing Sherri with the mirror, and the ensuing feud saw Michaels come out on top, but I'm talking about just that first part where Janetty laced into HBK. I chose this over Jericho for several reasons: I was younger at the time, 9 to be exact, and I thought wrestling was "real". I honestly thought that after Janetty had been thrown through the window and I hadn't seen him in a few months, I would never see him again. I had no way of knowing he would be back. I was just as surprised to see him as Shawn Michaels in character was. Therefore, that's my all-time markout moment. What's yours?



    Something else I'd like to address in this column is Mick Foley. I don't know if I've said it before, but he's my favorite wrestler. He reached that status around 1997, when I had read up on him a bit and realized he had quite a past and took a long, hard road to the top. I had a new respect for him after reading his autobiography. The one thing that year (1997) that stood out in my mind as memorable was the segment he had with Jim Ross right before his Survivor Series '97 match with Kane. Before that, a video history was shown of Kane's rampage throughout the Federation (he had debuted only a couple of months before, costing The Undertaker his Hell in the Cell match against Shawn Michaels), and at this point, he was cast as the unstoppable monster. He had developed a habit of interrupting matches when the faces were in the ring, before the heels came out, and he would assault them. He eventually did that to Dude Love, and, after two chokeslams on the ramp, Dude was "destroyed". Nobody thought much about it until Mankind, who was supposedly dead and buried somewhere in the recesses of Foley's mind, made a surprise return to gain a measure of revenge on Kane for the demolition of his alter ego. All of this came to a head at Survivor Series, where Kane would face Mankind in the first ever "sanctioned" match of Kane's WWF career. Anyway, back to the segment. The video had just been shown, and the last words on it were, "Kane's a monster!" Back live, JR echoed these sentiments, saying, "Yes, indeed, he is a monster", and asked Mankind for his comments. I loved how Mick replied. He launched into a speech that really helped in building Kane up while at the same time setting the tone for the match. Mankind said that he had been managed by Uncle Paul (Bearer) for a year, and all he got for it was a backstabbing. He said he heard Bearer say that Mankind was nothing but a stepping stone to the top. He said he would try his best to stop Kane, and while he may die trying, he may not, and if he didn't, it would be just him and Paul Bearer left in the ring, and Mankind would ask him a question while he locked on the Claw: "Do I look like a pebble now??? Do I??? Do I??? Have a nice day!!!!!!!!" With that, he left and made his way to the ring. The way I described it just then may he sounded stupid, but for anyone who has watched it, you know it sounded better than how I just described it. Maybe a lot of people didn't like it at all, but I know for me it was the moment that I began to have a deeper interest in Foley as a wrestler and a person.

    Of course, I could go on and on. Every week I look forward to Mick talking on TV. I think he's a better guy on the mic than The Rock because he doesn't repeat the same stuff every week and he's able to get pops from the crowd without using cheap techniques, he's just genuinely funny. Just looking back at the last few months, Mick has given me a few memorable moments on the mic that show not only how good he is on the stick, but how good he is at changing the overall feeling of his character given the situation. That could have come out better, let me give an example. When Mankind returned from his knee injury, he was instantly thrust back into the World Title picture and had an encounter with Chyna. I remember one thing he said to her was something like, "There's a vague sexual tension between us. You come out here in your revealing attire, and me in mine." Mick was wearing his usually sweatpants and shirt outfit. I thought that was great. Then Chyna refused his request and delivered a low blow, and was walking back to the locker room, when Mick inched over to the mic and asked, "Are you sure?" So Mick was obviously on the side of the fans, and rightly so. I thought a heel turn was out of the question. However, Mick proved that he could do it if it needed to be done. After months of trying to be buddies with The Rock, Mankind finally snapped when he thought Rocky had thrown his book in the trash. The verbal beating he gave The Rock in the locker room was great and instantly made the possibility of another Rock/Mankind feud seem very intriguing. Mick did a great job of appearing genuinely hurt and angry. Then during their tag team title match with the Hollys, Mankind sat on the steps with his back to the ring the entire match, even teasing that he was going to help The Rock on a couple of occasions by glancing over his shoulder into the ring, and even getting to his feet once, before finally walking back to the locker room. It was perfect. That whole sequence showed how he could change from a believable face to a believable heel had he wanted to, despite how over he was as a face.

    There are countless other examples of his great mic work. I remember the day after Wrestlemania 14, Mick came out in street clothes and did a pretty good segment where it appeared he was retiring because the fans didn't seem to care about him anymore, which eventually led to his feud with Steve Austin as Dude Love, which I believe helped the WWF keep Austin's momentum high after winning the title by giving him a good opponent, especially crucial because Shawn Michaels had wrestled (probably) his last match and The Rock was not a main-event wrestler yet. Dude feuding with Austin gave Stone Cold a good angle to work with that eventually led to him fighting Kane, and soon after the Undertaker. Of course, Mick quickly changed from Dude Love into Mankind once again, just in time to have that Hell in the Cell match with The Undertaker that I think needs no explanation. It all started with that segment Mick cut the day after Wrestlemania. To top it all off, Mick doesn't need to swear to be effective on the mic.

    His ring work, obviously, is always entertaining. The guy keeps going even though it's easy to tell his knees are shot, among other things. He can't take the type of bumps he took five years ago, but he's made up for that by being funnier when he wrestles. Mick seems to have no problem putting other guys over. When put in an angle with a younger wrestler in need of a push, Mick can work wonders. I think his feud with Val Venis was Val's best to date by far. Mick even put Val over clean at No Mercy. He's always willing to do segments with any other wrestler in the company.

    Around the time of the Royal Rumble last year, Mick was getting over big-time here in Canada and was scheduled to appear on Off The Record and Gallagher. I thought his performance on both shows was great, due to the fact that he showed enthusiasm for all questions and answered them as best he could, unlike some other wrestlers on OTR (Goldberg in particular comes to mind). He even did a skit for Gallagher that I thought was pretty funny during which he took exception to being hassled in the lunch line and tossed a guy into a table, then shouted, "Have a nice day!"

    I made an attempt to make a Mick Foley webpage last year on New Year's Day. I eventually got lazy and abandoned the idea, though now I wish I hadn't. At this point, however, I couldn't make a Foley webpage that would stand out because he's a pretty popular guy now and some sites dedicated to him on the Web have everything a Foley fan could ever want, from videos, sound clips and interviews to title histories, pictures and links. Instead, I hope it's enough to just say Mick's my favorite wrestler, and always will be, even if I don't have a tribute page made for him. End of rant.



    That concludes this confusing column. I won't do something like this all the time......... starting next week I'll be back to my usual format. Having said that, I'd love to hear what you thought of this one.

    See you next week.

    Matt "Blackjack" Hayden
    freelance

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