Rather than book a PPV this week, we're gonna book a Nitro. While the show has certainly been improving, there also seems to be an emphasis on taking shots at the WWF, evidenced by the fake JR and Creative Control being named Patrick and Gerald. How would next week's Nitro be booked?

(Seated around a large table in Atlanta are Vince Russo, Ed Ferrera, Kevin Nash, Goldberg and Bret Hart. The date is Monday morning and they are discussing that night's Nitro.)

Russo: OK, good job last week boys. I liked it. The product was fresh, it was exciting. It was sports entertainment.

Hart: It wasn't bad, but, uh, one thing I thought could have been done better was the cruiserweight match. Maybe you should have given those guys a little longer. They're great performers.

Russo: Bret, you're talkin' like we're in the wrestling business or somethin'. This is sports entertainment.

Ferrera: Exactly. Now let's concentrate on this week.

Hart: Alright, alright. For the main event, how about we -

Russo: Hey, Bret, c'mon. Main event? We'll tackle that later, after the interviews and parodies. Get those priorities straight.

Nash: That Vince impersonation I did a couple of weeks ago, I kinda liked that. What can I do this week?

Russo: Glad you asked. You see, they have this guy up there that got paralyzed, his name is Droz. What you need to do is find a wheelchair and come out and get on the stick and say how -

Goldberg: Vince, hey, I don't know if that's appropriate. The man was paralyzed. He's probably feeling bad about it and he's never done anything to us.

Russo: ...............................yeah........... yeah, you're right. Jeez, I'm sorry. A better thing to do would be for you to dress up as D-Lo Brown.

Nash: Who's that?

Russo: That's the guy that paralyzed him. You could come out and bragged how you dropped a man on his head and now he'll never walk again. Instant heel heat, it'll be -

Goldberg: No, wait, I don't think that's right either. Let's try something else.

Hart: I was thinking that Kevin could dress up as Vince again, and maybe someone else could dress up as Shawn Michaels. Then you could have them do the Lenny and Lodi storyline. I think it would go over great.

Ferrera: So you're saying you want us to portray Vince McMahon and Shawn Michaels as homosexuals?

Hart: Yes.

Ferrera: OK, that could work. We'll use it.

Russo: Guys, can't you see what's happening? Ever since we came over here, they *know* they're been struggling. They're desperate. Did you hear what they did last week? They made it look like Vince's daughter Stephanie was raped. They're daring us to push the envelope further. I don't back down from challenges.

Goldberg: I don't know, haven't the guys at TNN warned us that we're treading on thin ice already? If we go even further with this kind of stuff, who knows what could -

Russo: Bill, you worry too much. They're just saying that. As long as the ratings come everything will be alright. Now here's the plan. Bill, you and Bret are kinda buddy-buddy now, right? So what happens is Tori will bump into you backstage, accidentally. She apologizes, but you see your chance. You grab her and drag her into your dressing room, where Bret is waiting. You then strip her naked and force her to perform oral sex on you. Then you tie her up and throw her into a dumpster out back. Let's see them try to top *that*.

Hart: Wait just a damn minute. I have morals, you know. What you're trying to get me to do now is the same stuff the WWF tried to make me do. I won't stoop to that level.

Ferrera: You still think we should do that homosexual angle?

Hart: Absolutely.

Russo: But this stuff gets ratings. C'mon guys!

Nash: I agree we should take a look at what the WWF is doing, but maybe something less..... offensive.

Russo: OK, OK, I see where you're comin' from. What do you think, Ed?

Ferrera: Hmm................ what about the Boss Man/Big Show angle? A lot of potential there.

Hart: What do they do?

Ferrera: The Big Show's father has died. The Boss Man makes fun of the father and also of The Big Show. It's genius. The Boss Man becomes a huge heel and The Big Show gains the sympathy of the fans.

Russo: Exactly. So Bret, how about we say Stu died and....uh....... Scott Hall makes fun of him?

Hart: No fucking way, my father is perfectly -

Russo: Oh, but wait, that's not the best part. We'll stage a perfect funeral. We'll have a graphic at the beginning of the show dedicated to his memory. We'll have a video tribute. We'll have the ten bell salute. We'll have all the wrestlers come out on the ramp and cry. We'll have footage of the burial, and Scott will interrupt, break open the casket, take out your father's corpse and give him an Outsider's Edge. What do you think?

Hart: Fuck this Vince. I'm leaving. Call me back when you want to do something less offensive.

(Hart gets up to leave.)

Ferrera: What about that homosexual angle, Bret?

Hart: Keep that, it's a good idea.

(Hart leaves the room).

Russo: Oh well, Bret'll come to his senses sooner or later. He's so childish.

(Everyone laughs).

Nash: One thing they do that seems to be popular is mooning the camera. I've seen a half dozen of their guys do it the last few months.

Ferrera: Maybe we could have the winner of each match moon the camera.

Russo: We'll try it this week.

Goldberg: Isn't Meng scheduled to beat Silver King?

Russo: Yeah.

Nash: Oh...... well...... how about we start mooning the camera *next* week?

Russo: No, we'll do it this week. It's best that we get on track as soon as possible.

Ferrera: Maybe the women accompanying the winning team could flash the crowd.

Russo: Yeah, yeah, I like it. Now we're gettin' somewhere.

Goldberg: Guys, I don't know if -

Russo: Bill! You're Jewish, aren't you?

Goldberg: Yeah.

Russo: Perfect. Berlyn is German. What we'll do is have him bring out this guy next week named Adolf.

Goldberg: Hey -

Russo: What they'll do is attack you each week, until you learn that they've slaughtered your entire family while you were away. Then it's revealed that Dean Malenko is also Jewish, and Berlyn and Adolf try to murder you guys too.

Goldberg: How about we don't do that. Talking about it infuriates me.

(Goldberg begins to headbutt the ashtray on the table.)

Russo: Damn. OK, we'll drop that too. I'm starting to run out of ideas. Soon we'll have to just - Bill, did you just blade?

(A dazed Goldberg is bleeding from the forehead).

Goldberg: No, that's a real wound. I'm not mad anymore, though.

(Blood is running down his face and dripping onto the table).

Ferrera: Hey, Bill, clean yourself up. Go on.

Goldberg: OK, sure. I'll see you guys later.

(Goldberg leaves.)

Russo: OK, now we'll handle the main event, Kevin. What do you think?

Nash: How about I go over Benoit?

Russo: Clean? No, this is the main event, remember? It can't end clean.

Nash: Screw job, then. Hall interferes and allows me to get the win.

Russo: Screw job pin? No, this is the main event, remember? It can't end in a pin.

Nash: Right. How about me and Benoit start in the ring for about 30 seconds and then brawl into the crowd, until we're out of sight and the cameras can't find us?

Russo: Perfect. You could be a booker someday, Kevin.

Nash: Uh...... well, actually, earlier this year, I -

Ferrera: Anyway, Kevin, we're busy people. We've got the basic idea for tonight's Nitro, so we have to get to work on something else.

Nash: Sure, I'll see you guys later.

(Nash begins to leave.)

Russo: Oh, and Kevin, give these to Bret.

(Russo tosses Nash a pair of colorful tights that look very familiar to him.)

Russo: And tell him to die his hair.

Nash: Yeah, sure thing. Why?

Russo: He's playing the part of Shawn.

All feedback is greatly appreciated.