The internet is buzzing with rumors of who could win the King Of The Ring tournament. The early favorite to win was everyone's favorite silent Canadian, Chris Benoit, but, as angles progressed and the KOTR drew nearer, many people have changed their minds. Hi, I'm the "J-Mann," Josh Haggard. You may remember me from such columns as "The MOTHERF***ING BURNING HAMMER!!!," and "It Doesn't MATTER What I Think!" And yes, this is a complete NON-PURO column. Have fun, kids!

So, I bet you're all asking yourself, "Why did I click this link?" Well, my only answer for that would be the boyhood charm that makes me so damn endearing. Actually, what I was HOPING you'd be asking yourself is, "Josh, who do you think will win at the King of the Ring?"

(pauses for effect)

Thank you. Now, who do I think will win at the King of the Ring? I'll break it down as we move along the card. Quick plugs of the week go to J-Mann.com (www.j-mann.com), if SeArZ is paying attention, please link these suckers up! Also, The Oracles get a mention, because they are our lords and masters), as well as OurSoCalledSport.com, ShootAngle.com (JUSTIN LEE, BABY! Iron Chef kicks ass), The Shooters is back, and Eric S. is ready to kick some ass...I guess. They're at www.theshooters.net. And, finally, read CRZ. He's the best recapper on the 'net, and, due to his exposure, gets a LOT of nasty e-mails from people.

MATCH 1: EVENING GOWN MATCH for the Hardcore title: GERALD BRISCO v. HYATTE'S BITCH

So, what's led up to this match? Well, Brisco beat that lovable scamp, Crash Holly for the Hardcore title, then lost it back to Crash (thanks to Patterson), then won it BACK from Crash (thanks again to Patterson), then had a champagne bottle broken over his head by, yes, children, Patterson. After a match for the ages (*coughBULLSHITcough*), Brisco comes away victorious, leaving many men puking their guts out looking at the site of a /BLATANTLY HOMO Patterson in lingerie. Then, for an added bonus, THAT LOVABLE SCAMP comes running down, smashes Brisco with an (insert object here), covers, and becomes the NEW Hardcore champ.

PREDICTION: Gerald Br...er...Crash Holly

MATCH 2: 3 ON 2 HANDICAP MATCH, TABLES AND DUMPSTERS ALLEGEDLY WILL BE INVOLVED: TDX VIDEOS v. THOSE DAMN DUDLEYZ

Here's the story(line): The Dudleyz are crazy about putting chicks through tables. They tried to put Tori through one, which started this whole feud. Tori has put Buh-Buh Ray Dudley through tables with some nifty top-rope splashes, and the Dudleyz have been thwarted in each attempt to get wood on Tori, or the rest of DX, for that matter. The Degenerates have to put the Dudleyz into the dumpster; the Dudleyz have to put all three Degenerates through tables. Hey, did anyone else find it stupid how DX put the Dudleyz through the table WHILE THEY WERE IN THE DUMPSTER? That looked incredibly goofy, considering the fact that the table would do absolutely NO damage to the Dudleyz while they were riding in el-dumpster-o. Anyway, my prediction: The Dudleyz will finally make it out of this feud, with their heat still intact, and their streak of putting chicks through tables will continue as they smack those damn Degenerates around and break some tables.

PREDICTION: The Dudley Boyz

MATCH 3: FATAL FOUR WAY for the World Tag Team Titles: LOS CHICOS DE HARDY (con Lita) v. TITS AND ASS (w/Prince Albert and Test...wait, did I just...) v. PHOTOGRAPHY, INC. v. THA MOTHA OF PEARL HOMIEZ

How this ended up to be a four way affair, I don't know. I'm going to make this short and sweet: Edge and Christian *must* win, here. These guys are awesome, in my book, and totally rule it on the mic. Hopefully, this'll start another long-awaited E&C vs. Hardyz feud.

PREDICTION: Edge & Christian

MATCH 4: WEIRD ASS RULES, SIX MAN TAG TEAM for the WWF Title (?): THE FACGIME v. CAIN, ABEL, & THE MESSIAH

Well, to quote Stan (or is it Kyle?) from South Park: "This is pretty f(beep)ed up right here." I don't like this idea, kids. Isn't it funny, though, how Vincent K. was in a match at LAST YEAR'S KOTR? Ah, yes, the mysterious "Who raised the briefcase?" angle. That's almost as tricky as such great mysterious angles, such as DDP's Mysterious Benefactor (Colton), the Higher Power (Eric S.), or even, the Hummer Driver! (E.B.) Anyway, Triple H doesn't get screwed over here, proving that he is (booked to be) THAT...DAMN...GOOD-uh. Undertaker will probably go heel (and, hopefully, will get rid of that horrid Kid Rock stuff), and Kane'll probably take the fall.

PREDICTION: Triple H

Now, for the King of the Ring Tournament: It's really a wonder how it's been a year since Owen's tragic death...I'm still hoping they rename the tournament to the Owen Hart Memorial King of the Ring Tournament...Oh well, there's always hope for next year.

Here's the brackets:

OUR OLYMPIC HERO v. OUR PARAGON OF VIRTUE

THAT LOVABLE SCAMP v. BULL(shit) BUCHANAN

RIKISICHI FAT-U v. JESUS C. BENOIT

THAT GUY WITH THE PENIS v. C'MON EDDY...DO IT THE GUERRERO WAY EDDY (con Mamacita)

Well now, onto predicting:

1ST ROUND:

Angle d. Jericho - Yeah, I was going to pick Jericho, but, looking at the angles, it'd make sense for Angle to win. They're building the Angle/Stephanie relationship to a climax, so it seems logical to have Angle advance over Jericho with Stephanie's interference. Jericho will have his day in the sun soon enough.

Buchanan d. Crash - Bull defeats Crash, hopefully to become fodder for Angle to deal with in the 2nd round. Another Hardcore title defense for Crash, as both Brisco and Patterson run out to attempt to take the belt from Crash. Crash manages to escape, but not empty-handed.

Benoit d. Rikishi - Benoit gets revenge on the big guy for taking his belt...I'm predicting a belt shot and a Crippler Crossface.

Guerrero d. Venis - This is just me DREAMING. I'd LOVE to see a Benoit/Guerrero matchup in the 2nd round. Give 'em 10 minutes, please? Thank you, God.

2ND ROUND:

Angle d. Buchanan - Once again, Angle is my favorite to win the KOTR. Should be no problem for Kurt, he advances easily. Buchanan may impress SOME people, but not me; not quite yet. There's always next year for Buchanan.

Guerrero d. Benoit - In the /UPSET OF THE TOURNAMENT (there's always one), Guerrero is able to pull off a victory over Benoit. I'm predicting some Chyna interference, but I'd like to be able to say it was a tough, 15 minute, five star encounter with no outside interference. In sports-entertainment? Ha!

FINAL ROUND:

Angle d. Guerrero - Angle will go over, here, as well. They'll build it up for a NEAR Guerrero win, hoping he can get some face heat as the underdog (he's a face, anyway), but Eddy misses the Frog Splash (or Angle escapes the Gory Special 2000), and hits the Olympic Slam to become the 2000 King of the Ring. Whoo!

Holy crap, it's 3 AM. I'm finished for the evening. I won't be waking up until 1 PM, most likely, which I REALLY hate, by the way... I just feel that the ENTIRE day is gone. You'll see me next week, hopefully. Until then, I am the "J-Mann," Josh Haggard, and the Houston Astros are the worst (record wise) team in the majors! Now I know how you poor Floridians feel, with your Marlins and all.