Okay, enough of that. Onto the column:

As you may or may not know, I have a crapload of .MP3's, including a giant selection of wrestling stuff. ECW, AJPW, NJPW, WWF, WCW, M-Pro, FMW, and even a couple of Toryumon themes. Much of my computer experience each day is to sit and read CRZ/Hyatte/whatever while listening to my vast array of music (about a gig's worth of my crappy 3 gig hard drive), and sometimes the songs come up at the perfect times, or in the perfect order. This was quite funny, to hear one song come up, then the other, then another. It helped me think of my next column: To have a CRZ-style (hopefully) recap, with my own little storyline. Here it is:

CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO vs. CHRIS BENOIT for the WWF Heavyweight Championship in a Ladder Match.

"Welcome to RAW IS (crowd: JERICHO!). And Chris Ben-oyt, fellow Canadian {crowd pops, they're in Canada, by the way}, we may both be from the same country, we may both have abandoned a sinking ship {WCW has gone under}, and we have both tasted WWF Championship gold, but the difference between you and me, Crappler, is that I have...personality...and good looks, a certain boyish charm, a knowledge of more holds (1004 and counting), and, quite frankly, a bigger PACKAGE {crowd goes nuts, for some reason. I guess they enjoy talking about wrestler's packages? Stupid hosers} than YOU do. So, Robocop, come on down so I can whip your ass all over Canada, and once agayne become WWF Champion...AYATOLLAH style."

Benoit's music hits and he comes FLYIN' down the aisle with his title belt and a ladder. He drops both at the ring apron, slides in and we've got a Pier-Two brawl going. Benoit takes the advantage after decking Jericho with a killer lariat. After a nice bit of chain wrestling, Benoit hits a snap suplex and goes for the ladder. He picks it up and catches a SWEET looking baseball slide from Jericho, with an assist from the ladder. Lawler: "He just knocked more of the Crippler's teeth out!" JR: "Well, he shouldn't have played hockey to get the first few knocked out anyway...Stupid Canadians." JR is vicious. Jericho takes the advantage and whips Benoit HARD into the steel steps. "C'mon BABY!" Jericho stays on the advantage and attempts to drop the ladder on Benoit, but he moves and throws the aforementioned steps right into Jericho's face. He rolls Jericho back in the ring and slides the ladder in, as well. Benoit sets up the ladder, and DROPS it onto Jericho's arm. Jericho is writhing in pain. Benoit locks in the Crippler Crossface, but no matter how hard Jericho taps, it won't do any good because you can't win by submission. Benoit eventually releases but stays on his arm with a vertical kneedrop to the arm, an armdrag and a nice short clothesline which he turns into a cross armbreaker. Jericho is screaming in pain. Benoit again attempts a short clothesline but Jericho ducks, goes behind the champ and gives him a vicious release German suplex onto the ladder. Jericho continues HIS work on the neck with a neckbreaker, a snapmare and a Dragon Sleeper. King: "Will somebody tell that idiot that this isn't a submission match?" JR: "Will somebody tell you to shut the hell up? I will! Shut the hell up, King!" King: "Hey!" Jericho drops the ladder on Benoit's head, sets up the ladder and begins to climb, but Benoit pushes the ladder over and Jericho's arm is crushed by the ladder...again. Benoit immediately goes up top and hits the diving headbutt onto Jericho's arm, but, in doing so, weakens his neck (which Jericho had been working over.) Psychology in a WWF match? Wow. Both men are down for the count, and just as they both get to their feet, ready to WAFFLE each other with fists of fury, who's music should play but BRET CLARKE's {crowd goes insane, they remember what Bret's WWF music sounds like}. The referee wants no part of this, so he calls for the relaxed (double) DQ. (no contest, 15:03)

"Woah, woah, woah! Stop it!" He starts to walk down the aisle while talking..."This is not what we want to see. Two young Canadians beating the hell out of each other. Now, as for you fans: You may remember me. I am the Hitman, I am the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be, I am Bret Hart, and I was SCREWED by Vince McMahon in November 1997, at the Survivor Series. Judging from your reaction, I see you remember me. Now, I have a few pieces of business I have to deal with. First of all, Jericho, Benoit, you are two of the most skilled wrestlers on the planet, but you've been forced to fight in this puppet show, the WWF. Come join me, we can start a NEW Hart Foundation." Jericho and Benoit nod their heads slowly, almost if they were in a trance, unable to think for themselves. "Now, as for McMahon: Apparently, he's not here tonight, but, God help me, when he rears his ugly head, I will destroy him, and kick his goddamn ass all the way to Calgary. That sick son of a bitch murdered my brother!" We cut to the back, where VINCENT K. MCMAHON, apparently in the building, is in the control room, and GROWLS to the camera crew to end the transmission. "DO IT NOW, DAMMIT! DO IT, GODDAMMIT!!!" We cut back to Hart, mid-rant: "He sent him up there for a crazy stunt! This is wrestling! No one wants to see someone fly in from the ceiling! That sick motherf-"...

And the show ends.

Yeah, a screwy ending to a hell of a match like Benoit/Jericho would piss me off normally, but if Hart showed up to rip McMahon a new asshole? I'd be jumping up and down, I'd be as happy as a little girl. {Pantomimes the Dieter nipple pinch}.

Well, back to bed for me, I'll be writing next week, most likely. "School's out for summer...School's out for-ever!" Well, except for the two years of high school and four years of college left. <Sniffle>