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Greg Kliver

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BOOKING WCW'S WORLD TITLE

Last time I wrote I promised a column about what sucks and what doesn't. I'll sum it up in one sentence. WCW sucks and Crash Holly rules. There you go.

There is no bigger joke right now in the wrestling business than World Championship Wrestling. If you haven't seen WCW's programming the past two weeks, you're missing out on some unintentionally funny stuff.

Their World Title is a complete joke. It's been stripped three different times in the last two weeks. So, as a lead in to my scenario, a recap of the WCW Title situation since Souled Out.

-The WCW World Title is vacated since Bret Hart is injured and would not be able to compete at the Souled Out pay per view. Chris Benoit vs. Sid Vicious is held for the vacated World Title. Chris Benoit wins the World Title. -The next night on Nitro, Chris Benoit is stripped of the World Title because Arn Anderson didn't see Sid's foot under the rope when Benoit had Sid in the Crippler Crossface. -Sid defeats the Harris Bros. in a "Roadblock Match" to get his shot at Kevin Nash and the vacated World Title. Sid defeats Nash to win the WCW Title. -On Thunder Nash strips Sid of the title since he pinned the wrong Harris brother in the Roadblock Match. As a result, Nash awards himself the World Title. -Nash defends the Title on Thunder against Sid and Ron Harris in a "Caged Heat" match. Sid makes Nash submit to the Crippler Crossface and wins the World Title.

With that lead in, we go to this Monday's Nitro where Kevin Nash will strip Sid Vicious of the World Title since Sid didn't PIN Nash like he stated in his pre-match stips for the cage match. Once again, the WCW World Title is vacant. Nash also decides to ban the Crippler Crossface from further use in WCW since Chris Benoit is no longer with the promotion. Nash and Sid are signed to a no holds barred street fight where anything goes for the vacated World Title and with help from the Terry Funk and his old timer friends Sid wins the World Title.

That takes us to the February 2nd edition of Thunder where Nash strips Sid of the Title for no apparent reason. He just didn't want the World Title on Sid. Nash figures to keep the "young" guys happy he'll have Lex Luger wrestle Bam Bam Bigelow for the vacant World Title. Sid interferes in the main event and pins both guys in a scene similar to his "Millennium Man" winning streak from four months ago. Charles Robinson just happens to be the referee and awards Sid the match and belt.

We then go to the February 7th Nitro where Commissioner Kevin Nash strips Sid of the World Title because he was not signed to be a part of the World Title match on Thunder. As a result, Nash orders Sid to spend the rest of his WCW contract teaching students at the Power Plant how to work. Nash also bans Charles Robinson from his referee duties and orders to become a full-time wrestler. Lil' Natch will enter the Cruiserweight division. For the time being, Nash makes himself the WCW World Heavyweight Champion.

At the February 9th Thunder, Kevin Nash kicks off the show by announcing that a new world champion was crowned late Monday night in his hotel room. Out comes fitness babe April Hunter with the World Title. Nash declares that it was an official title match and admits he did the J.O.B. Nash claims he had footage of the match, but lost the tape. Somehow, Dave Meltzer got a hold of a copy of the tape and calls it a ***** match and "Nash's best work in WCW EVER!" On that very Thunder, April Hunter loses the World Title to Torrie Wilson in the best damn cat fight in the history of this great sport!

February 14th is the Nitro where many BIG name stars returned. Hulk Hogan, Sting, Randy Savage, and Bill Goldberg are just a few. Despite the star studded lineup Kevin Nash signs Billy Kidman vs. Torrie Wilson in a World Title match in which he hopes the duo breaks up. In a bloody 15 minute brawl (Kidman was pissed that Torrie became World Champ before he did), Kidman wins the World Title, however, Hulk Hogan walks to ring and takes the World Title away from Kidman. Nash calls it an official title change.

On the final Thunder before Superbrawl, Hulk Hogan throws the WCW World Title in the trash and cuts a promo stating that he's going to the WWF to work a six month feud with The Rock. "Janitor" Hacksaw Jim Duggan comes by and picks the Title out of the trash and declares himself the new WCW World Champion. Kevin Nash says Duggan will defend the title in as many matches as possible at Superbrawl.

At Superbrawl, Duggan loses his first match against the Maestro. Maestro then loses to Vampiro. Vampiro then loses to Brian Knobbs. Knobbs loses to Fit Finlay. In a "shocker" Finlay loses to Norman Smiley. Smiley defends the title successfully against Jeff Jarrett and Scott Hall until a "masked man" appears from the back and scares the hell out of Smiley. Smiley faints and the masked man makes the pin. The masked man reveals himself to be none other than VINCE RUSSO! Kevin Sullivan wanders out from the back and nods his head in approval while Russo looks into the camera, winks his right eye and says "Get it?" as the show goes off the air.

The next night on Nitro, Kevin Nash disregards EVERYTHING that happened the previous night at Superbrawl and declares himself the PERMANENT WCW World Heavyweight Champion. Nash claims no matter how many matches he loses when the title is on the line it won't matter since he will FOREVER be the World Champion in WCW.

Chew on that. Peace out!

Greg Kliver
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