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Greg Kliver

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THANK YOU, UNCLE ERIC

On Friday, September 10, 1999, an era ended in World Championship Wrestling.

That era was the Eric Bischoff era. Nobody wants to give him credit, but I'll give credit where it's due. Eric Bischoff took WCW to the promise land.

Under the likes of Jim Herd, Kip Frey, and Bill Watts, WCW was content with being second rate. Those three men didn't mind people viewing their company as a "bush league." Eric Bischoff didn't want to play second fiddle to Vince McMahon and he would be damned if he didn't beat him. With millions and millions of dollars thank to Ted Turner, Eric Bischoff built his empire. The height of Bischoff's reign was WCW's reign of 83 consecutive head to head ratings wins which was incredible. In my opinion, his downfall began last November when he handed the book over to Kevin Nash. I'm going to do what no man (who isn't employed by WCW) has done before.

I want to thank Eric Bischoff for his contributions.

Thank you Eric for all the good entertainment WCW served up in 1993. I'm talking about all the mini movies, the Cactus Jack amnesia angle, and the Shockmaster ("Don't call me Uncle Fred!").

Eric, thank you for splitting up the Hollywood Blondes just because they were over. I thought the California Brian gimmick was much better. And I thought Austin had tons of potential with Col. Parker as his manager. It's a good thing you didn't hold up on your promise of giving him shots at Flair's World Title. Something bad might of happened like making Austin a star!

Eric, I thank you again for the Shockmaster ("Don't call me Uncle Fred!"). Thank you Eric for the Disney tapings. Taping 3 months of television at one time cuts costs and that's what really matters. Who cares if you gave away who your champions would be for the next 3-4 months? Eric, I want to thank you for signing Hulk Hogan in June '94. It was a wise decision. It also set the business back 10 years and that's a GOOD thing.

Thank you Eric, for putting Hulk Hogan over Ric Flair at Bash at the Beach '94 and Halloween Havoc '94. I just love it when Ric Flair gets his ass kicked. It's something to see because it rarely happens.

Thank you Eric for dropping Cactus Jack from the roster in September '94. God forbid, the all mighty Hogan working in the same company with an unintelligent and classless human being like Mick Foley.

Thank you Eric for not honoring Ricky Steamboat's contract after he suffered a career ending back injury. That was another great cost cutting move.

Eric, I want to thank you for giving Steve Austin the motivation to create the "Stone Cold" character. Without your speech about no marketability for a guy in black trunks and black boots, Austin would still have blonde hair and no mic skills. Before I forget, thanks for firing Steve over the phone. It's even faster than FedExing the pink slip to his house. Hopefully, you used 1-800-COLLECT because the extra pennies you saved might come in handy when you're begging on the streets of Atlanta.

Eric, thanks again for the Shockmaster ("Don't call me Uncle Fred!").

Eric, I want to thank you for promoting Paul "The Giant" Wight as "The Son of Andre." Nobody thought you were pissing on Andre's legacy, in fact, I believe it was a tribute to late Andre the Giant. Eric, thank you for promoting Halloween Havoc '95 as "Machine vs. Machine" and "Man vs. Man." The monster truck stunt you guys promoted was incredible. I gave it *****. And selling the notion that the Giant could survive a fall off of Cobo Hall was amazing. I can't believe you kept a straight face, because I know if I was in your shoes, I would be on the floor laughing like a maniac.

Eric, thank you for creating Monday Nitro and the Monday night ratings war. Thanks to you, everybody on the Internet lives and dies by ratings every Tuesday.

Eric, thank you firing Sean Waltman via FedEx. Not like he made a difference in the ratings or something.

Eric, thank you for having the balls to sue Ric Flair. Flair has been bragging about being a limousine ridin', jet airplane flyin', kiss stealin', wheelin' 'n dealin' son of gun, for years now. When you tried to sue his $500 pants off him for no-showing THUNDER! I gained SO much respect for you.

Once again, thank you Eric for the Shockmaster ("Don't call me Uncle Fred!").

Eric, thank you for letting Hulk Hogan have complete reign over his character, angle, who he jobs to. Eric, you have taught me that it's better to be friends with your employees than be a boss. I believe more employers should follow the standard you set.

Eric, thank you for that disaster with the Warrior. I felt embarrassed to be a wrestling fan after watching that crap.

Eric, thank you for handing the book over to Kevin Nash last November. Who would have thought he would have booked himself to 2 World Title reigns in the span of 6 months?

Eric, you are probably the most creative thinker I have ever read about or seen in my entire life. When I think about creative and great thinkers, I think about Albert Einstein, Benjamin Franklin, and Eric Bischoff.

Eric, thank you for putting yourself over on television week after week from November '96 when you joined the nWo up until your last appearance on TV at the August 23rd Nitro. When I saw you push down the Euro Trio of Finlay, Taylor, and Regal, I gained EVEN more respect for you. There's nothing like putting yourself over good talent.

Eric, thank you for employing Ernest Miller because he taught your kid karate. Of course, that's what friends are for!

Eric, thank you for booking yourself and Larry Zybsyzko as the last match before the main event of Starrcade '97, then having the gall to not job cleanly. We know you would have lost whatever credibility you had in that match.

While I'm on the subject, thank you for not jobbing to Ric Flair at Starrcade '98. I mean it wouldn't make sense to lose to a guy who suffered a heart attack a few week prior to the event. Now THAT's logical booking.

Eric, did I mention thanking you for the Shockmaster ("Don't call me Uncle Fred!")?

To close out this column in honor of the "Man who saved wrestling" according to Jason Hervey and the man who went on record with quotes like, "The WWF will fold in 6 months," "It's not fun anymore" (when talking about looking at the ratings every Tuesday), and "Hogan, Savage, and Piper are the only ones who have put asses in seats."

I would like to throw 2 more cents in.

Eric, you said you made a lot of enemies along the way during you tenure at World Championship Wrestling and I consider myself one of them. You weren't a competent President. You would rather be friends with the talent instead of their boss and that led to your fall from the top of the food chain. You embarrassed the Godfather of WCW, Ric Flair, as often as you could. You killed Vader's killer heel image by booking him with the Hulk Hogan who had complete control over his own angles. You made Sting play second fiddle to Hogan for over 2 1/2 years! When you did commentary on Nitro it was just painful to listen to. And for crying out loud, you gave us crap like the Shockmaster ("Don't call me Uncle Fred!") and the Dungeon of Doom (Damn, I knew I forgot something.). Eric, WCW will be a much better place without you. In 6 months you will be forgotten. And when your contract is up in 2 years and 3 months, you will be unemployed. Good luck, Uncle Eric.

Eric Bischoff can kiss my ass.

Thank you! And good night!

Greg Kliver
freelance

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Guest column text copyright (C) 1999 by the individual author and used with permission