--I got a lot of neat mail from Memphis fans over my last flashback. The coolest tidbit came from William Ricks, who let me know that commentator Dave Brown moonlights as a weatherman for a local TV station. And that describes Brown's announcing style perfectly: imagine a weatherman calling a wrestling match, and there you go. I can't wait until we get to Lance Russell...

--USWA Wrestling, originally broadcast 12/18/93.

--Dave Brown and Cory Maclin open the show.

--PG-13 VS. "MY FAVORITE JOBBER" TONY WILLIAMS/KIP MORRIS Yes, this is the same J.C. Ice who recently appeared on Jerry Springer as a pimp. Williams starts with Ice and sends him to the floor with a quick offensive flurry. Ice takes over with an eye rake, however, and PG-13 beats on Williams for a few minutes. PG-13 hit a cool double team spot, where Wolfie tilt-a-whirl slams Ice onto Tony. They fucked it up pretty bad, but hey, A for Effort. Why does Ice have a parrot tattooed on his arm? Williams ducks a double clothesline, and hits one of his own, then makes the hot tag to Kip. Morris cleans house for, oh, about 2 seconds, but gets nailed from behind while the ref escorts Tony out of the ring. PG-13 take the opportunity to hit their finisher (Wolfie side suplex with Ice second rope elbowdrop) for the pin (4:08). Man, Tony must've drew the short straw when he got Kip for a partner.

--Lee Womack (manager of the War Machines) comes out, and Dave Brown shows us the closing moments to a recent tag title match between the Machines and Far 2 Wild. Chris Michaels slams one of the War Machines' faces into the mat and makes the hot tag to Todd Morton. A pier six breaks out, and Morton gets tossed to the outside. A War Machine tries to suplex Morton back in, but Burt Brennis (F2W's manager) grabs the Machine's leg, Morton falls on top, 1-2-3, new champs. Womack bitches and calls for Eddie Marlin to come out and reverse the decision. Marlin doesn't come out, but PG-13 does, and they offer their services to Womack for the right price. Ice calls the tag champs "Far 2 Stinky." Clever, huh? Womack and PG-13 go off to negotiate. I guess the Machines left the promotion, because I never saw them again in USWA.

--Burt Brennis comes out with Far 2 Wild. He says he's made a lot of mistakes in the past, so I guess he used to be a heel manager. Anyhoo, Big Burt says he's making up for it now, apparently by flagrantly cheating for different people. Brennis is wearing a purple suit. Must...not...make...Barney...joke.

--FAR 2 WILD VS. KEN RAPER/THE ENFORCER: This is a non-title match, in case you were concerned. Far 2 Wild looks like they raided Brutus Beefcake's old closet. The champs squash the jobbers, and hit their finisher before PG-13 and Womack attack for the DQ (4:35). I guess the negotiations went well. Ice and Wolfie destroy the champs and bust open Todd Morton with the hubcap. Eddie Marlin tries to break up the carnage as Brennis chases Womack around the ring, although if Lee had two broken legs he'd probably still be faster than Burt.

--Brian Christopher video.

--BRIAN CHRISTOPHER VS. ALI BIN KHAN: Y'know, in general wrestling rules, you'd expect the 300+ lb. guy to squash the shrimp, but since Khan ain't Jerry Lawler's kid, no dice. Eddie Gilbert comes out for commentary, and gets a chuckle from me by imitating Brian's annoying laugh. Brian hits the full nelson into a faceplant early in the match. I didn't know he used the move back then. Long, boring squash, as Khan gets zero offense. Christopher slams (!) and suplexes (!!) Khan and hits the Tennessee Jam for the pin (4:54). Gilbert badmouths Brian after the match, so Christopher calls Eddie into the ring, but Eddie pulls him out and attacks on the floor. Brian makes a comeback, then Doug Gilbert runs in for a beatdown. Lawler runs in and makes the save.

--The Gilberts come out and threaten Lawler and Christopher. Eddie chimes in with some classic heel revisionism, saying that Brian turned his back on the Gilbert family when he jumped Doug in the ring. They tell Brian to dig up Andre the Giant, because that's who he'll need as a partner.

--THE GILBERTS VS. TD STEELE/CHARLIE LAIRD: Eddie and Doug destroy Laird in and outside the ring, taking turns badmouthing their opponents on the mic. The heels work on the arm for a good portion of the match. Finish of the match sees Doug whips Laird into the ropes, Eddie back bodydrops him, and Doug catches Laird and dumps him right on his head. (3:58) Nasty move, but psychology made no sense. You work on the arm all match and then drop a guy on his head?

--REGGIE B. FINE (W/Lee Womack and Sweet Georgia Brown) VS. JERRY "THE KING" LAWLER: Minor tirade here: what is up with all the mismatched tights? I'm talking about when someone wears long white tights with, say, red trunks on top. I always thought that it looks stupid, but so many people do it in Memphis (Lawler, Christopher, Fine, Doug Gilbert, most of the jobbers). Does anyone actually like the look? Yeah, I know, I'm discussing wrestling fashion, I'll stop now. I like Fine a lot. Sure, he looks like he's about 50, and he can't wrestle worth a lick, but he's got some classic facial expressions, like the one he uses here when he realizes he's wrestling The King. Georgia holds Laweler's tights in the corner, allowing Fine to pummel the King, so Laura Davenport (who?) chases after her. Lawler punches Fine a lot, so Reggie takes off and gets counted out (2:10). And that's your main event.

--Video of the Bruise Brothers beating Jeff Gaylord and Mike Anthony to earn a shot at the tag titles. The Brothers brutalize everyone after the bell, including referee T.D. Steele (who jobs even when he's not wrestling). The ref's shirt say "Levee Auto Parts" on the back. Classy. Eddie Marlin comes out and restores order. Sadly, Eddie does not get beaten up. Ron and Don would go on to win the belts on 1/10/94.

--Dave and Cory close things out.

--Cory opens the show solo. Maybe Dave had to do the weather.

--JERRY LAWLER/BRIAN CHRISTOPHER VS. THE GILBERTS: This was taped from the Mid-South Coliseum. Match is clipped quite a bit. Eddie starts off with classic heel cowardice and miscommunication. The Gilberts sell Lawler's punches like they stepped on a landmine. The Gilberts take over by throwing powder in the King's eyes, and then choking him with a plastic bag. Eddie piledrives Lawler (behind the ref's back, since it's illegal), but Christopher breaks up the pin. Eddie drops a second rope fist, but it only gets two. Lawler sneaks in his own piledriver when Frank Morrell's back is turned, but can't make the tag. Eddie goes for another piledriver, but Lawler reverses . The Gilberts manage to slap Lawler around some more, but Jerry's had enough and PULLS DOWN THE STRAP. Jerry with an offensive flurry and makes the tag. Brian cleans house, and Lawler drops a fist on Doug and covers. But Morrell is tied up with Brian, allowing Eddie to take Toni Adam's shoe and bop Lawler, allowing Doug to get the pin at 21:42 (8:34 shown).

--TWO RING BATTLE ROYAL: Everyone starts in one ring, and has to be tossed in another ring, where another battle royal starts. Winner of ring one faces winner of ring two, and the grand winner gets five grand. This match is clipped, too, so I don't know everyone who's in it. Killer Kyle (hey, don't ask me) wins ring 1, Christopher wins ring 2. Kyle attacks Brian, but Christopher mounts a comeback. Brian tries to slam Kyle out of the ring, but Buddy Landel runs out, trips Brian, and falls on top for the three (1:38 shown). Crowd shouts at the ref about Budro's interference, but to no avail. Christopher goes after Buddy, but gets double teamed by Landel and Kyle. Lawler runs in for the save, but the Gilberts run in to uneven the odds .

--Gilberts interview. Eddie with some heel revisionism, saying how he beat up Lawler and Christopher single-handedly. He challenges the Lawlers to a variety of matches, including a handicap match, although I don't think it ever came to pass.

--Eddie Gilbert video package, set to Jon Bon Jovi's "Blaze of Glory." *Sigh*

--Recap of the PG-13 attack on Far 2 Wild from last week.

--PG-13 interview: J.C. says that their upcoming match with F2W match is no DQ, so maybe he'll bring a nine and pop a cap in their ass. He really said that.

--FAR 2 WILD VS SCOTT MCKEEVER/MAD DOG: We're back in the studio for this match, and Dave has joined Cory. McKeever apparently stole his tights from Shawn Michaels. F2W hits a weird double team: Chris Michaels holds McKeever in a DDT position, and Todd Morton bounces off the ropes and clotheslines his partner for an extra velocity DDT, I guess. Mad Dog gets tagged in and eats a double Russian leg sweep. Camera misses the finish, as F2W hit top rope splashes from opposite turnbuckles for the pin (3:05).

--Clips (again) of the Bruise Brother beating Mike Anthony/Jeff Gaylord for a shot at the tag titles, then going ballistic afterwards.

--Bruise Brothers interview: The Brothers claim they destroyed everyone in Smokey Mountain, and now they're gonna kick tail in Memphis.

--DOUG GILBERT VS. "MY FAVORITE JOBBER" TONY WILLIAMS: Doug squashes Tony for a while, choking him liberally with a piece of tape. I've never been a big fan of Doug-maybe that's due to unfair comparisons to Eddie. Tony makes a quick comeback and gets two with a back bodydrop. Then Eddie runs in for the DQ (4:00). Tony wins! But he also gets the crap beaten out of him afterwards.

--JERRY "THE KING" LAWLER VS. JEFF JARRETT [C] (Unified World Title Match) Back to the Mid-South Coliseum. I barely buy Jarrett as USWA champ, never mind WCW champ. The good news: Lawler's wearing just one color tonight. The bad news: it's hot pink. Another clip job Lawler beats up Jarrett early on, so JJ gets on the mic, says he's pissed, and goes apeshit on the King. We clip ahead as Jarrett gets two off a fistdrop. Ref bumps at 20 minutes. JJ with two piledrivers, but ref is still down. He finally comes to, and goes to count, but Lawler kicks out at 2. Jarrett tries again and gets another 2 count. Jarrett then tries holding the arm down, but still only gets two. Jarrett tries another fistdrop, but gets caught with a boot coming down. Both men strike at the same time and both go down. Lawler gets up and nails a suplex. Lawler off the ropes and misses a fistdrop. Ref gets bumped again, and Lawler PULLS DOWN THE STRAP and hits two piledrivers of his own. But the ref is still down. Lawler with some fists, but JJ hulks up and pulls HIS strap down. Jarrett attacks Lawler in the corner and goes for a Flair pin. Ref counts, but stops when he notices the feet on the ropes. Jarrett struts around, thinking he's one, allowing Lawler to roll him up for the pin and the title at 26:34 (8:25 shown). That was Lawler's 17th of 25 go-rounds with the belt. Part of me wishes I could have seen the whole match, but another part of me believes a good chunk of it was stalling.

--Brian Christopher video. AGAIN. I guess they're getting their money's worth. I still laugh at the point where Brian's tights say "Mean and Nasty" on his ass.

--BRIAN CHRISTOPHER [C] VS. BUDDY LANDEL (USWA Heavyweight Title Match) Eddie Gilbert does commentary, and doesn't wish the fans a happy new year. Match is joined in progress. Brian beats up Buddy for a while, but when Budro gets caught in an abdominal stretch, he headbutts referee Frank Morrell! Buddy goes on the warpath, so Brian pulls out a chain. Morrell gets up, and Buddy tells him to search for a chain. While Morrell is searching, Brian tosses the chain to Buddy, who catches it, like an idiot. Morrell turns around, sees the chain, and DQ's Buddy (3:53 shown). Hi, welcome to Memphis. I wonder if a young Rob Van Dam watched this match and said, "Hmm, if I throw a chair and they catch it, maybe I can kick it in their face!"

--Video for the Rock n Roll Express. It's set to Kiss' "Rock and Roll All Night (And Party Every Day)," there's a lot of footage of the Express wrestling in various promotions, throwing double dropkicks, that sort of thing. Harmless, no? But then we see Gibson and Morton lip-synching along to the song, and they look like your dad does when he wants to embarrass you in front of your friends. But that's not all! The video has ultra-cheesy graphics (Look, the screen's pink! Now it's blue!) that scream "We made this at the mall!" Then we see Gibson and Morton riding dune buggies in the snow for no reason. I was on the floor howling. I mean, I have nothing but the utmost respect for Gibson and Morton, but my god! If this wasn't the funniest thing I've ever seen in wrestling, it's certainly in the top five.

--Dave and Cory close out the show.

--You know what would have been a cool angle? If Far 2 Wild turned heel and punked out Morton and Gibson, calling them washed up and referring to themselves as the new Rock 'n Roll Express. Then you could have a big blowoff for the titles. I suppose you could do it in reverse, having Morton and Gibson attack F2W for being imitators, but it probably wouldn't work as well, since the Rock n' Rolls are natural babyfaces. Anyway, that's pretty high concept stuff for Memphis.

--That closes it out for this USWA Flashback. I'll hopefully be back soon with a look at The Rock/Flex Kavana in Memphis. Send any comments to bwo@telegram.infi.net, and join us again for some more Memphis memories.