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| Guest Columns | Travis Fury |
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STONE COLD...VADER? Hey, it's me again. Remember me? No? C'mon... Well, nevermind. Anyhow, I have returned, and after a few weeks of intensive research (read: watching lots of TV), I've found a few interesting topics of discussion. So, lemme speak on dis... Item number one: Jim Duggan killed Vader's career. Well, okay, not exactly. Bad booking involving Jim Duggan killed Vader's career. Dig it- In the early nineties, before the days of the Dungeon of Doom and the nWo, before KISS and Master P, WCW was on the rise. Ted Turner had just purchased the promotion, and the production values and pay per views were slowly, but surely, improving. Two young stars stand out in my memory of this period- Brian Pillman and Steve Austin. We all know the story behind Pillman. We all know where things went "wrong" there. But what about Austin? Steve Austin was (allegedly) promised big things. Feuds with Flair, World Title reigns, main events. But he never got there. Many people, including Austin, blame Hulk Hogan's appearance in WCW. Me, I blame Jim Duggan. Or, at least, the brain surgeon who booked him to beat Austin for the US title in less than a minute. This event was, no doubt, the "straw that broke the camel's back." I realize no wrester likes to job, but jobbing out Austin to Duggan, of all people, is the modern day equivalent of jobbing Bret Hart to Roddy Pi- er...like jobbing the Rock to the Ultimate Warrior. Yeah. Sure, Duggan was over...over the hill. He had no heat, and, in fact, no business holding that title. The Orange Spectre backstage screwed Steve Austin, just to give one of his old (emphasis on "old") pals over with a major title reign, something no promoter in his right mind would have EVER given Duggan. Not much longer after this debacle, Austin went off to VinneMacLand, and thus was born Stone Cold. And the rest, as they say, is history. So, what the HELL does this have to do with Vader? Well, I was watching a re-run of "Boy Meets World" the other day, in which "The Man Called" was playing the father of one of the show's characters. This was right before the time period in which Steve Austin became "Stone Cold", and "attitude" took over. The episode even included appearances by Brother Love and Jake the Snake. It was THAT BAD. But, it made me wonder. If Steve Austin hadn't been screwed over by WCW, if he hadn't come to the WWF, if he hadn't become Stone Cold, who would have? Who would have been the WWF's most believable bad ass heel? Answer: Vader. By the time Stone Cold came around, the WWF was DESPERATE for a main event heel that could draw heat. Jake was way too old and out of shape. Only one man could have filled this role, and feuded with Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels as a heel. That man was Vader. Instead, it was "Vader time". Seeing that old TV show with Vader running around barking and yelling "it's time! it's time!" made me sick. This is a guy who legitimately hurts people (he really should learn to pull his punches). This is a guy who's a legendary heel in Japan (every wrestling video game over there has an homage to Vader). I remember Vader's debut in the NWA/WCW (they were just starting to call it "WCW"). This HUGE guy came to the ring, wearing a creepy looking helmet, and absolutely KILLED his opponents. This was a guy who you legitimately believed was "unstoppable". So, how did his tenure in the WWF eventually end? Jobbing to Marc Mero. Imagine, however, of Steve Austin never made it to the WWF, and Vader turned heel (the only LOGICAL way to use Vader). Vader would have been everything Sycho Sid was supposed to have been. And indestructable "monster" heel who made any opponent an automatic underdog. Oh, and a guy who could stay healthy, not stab people, and not skip shows to play softball. In the age of the "interview", could a heel Vader gotten over? Yup. Vader can act, so I'm sure mic skills are no problem. On that show I was watching, Vader did what was probably the best acting job I've seen by a wrestler in a non-wrestling program (I REFUSE to acknowledge Roddy Piper anymore...he's dead to me). So, what character would have gotten Vader over? Stone Cold, of course. Vader's a big redneck, and the Stone Cold character probably wouldn't be much of a stretch for him. Throw in a borderline sacreligious catchphrase, and Stone Cold Vader would have gotten over just fine. Would he have eventually turned face, like Austin? It doesn't matter. He would have drawn heat, either way. Maybe even more than Austin. Instead, the annoying "Vader Time" act wore thin, and by the time Vader was jobbed out of the WWF, he was a laughing stock. All because Austin had left WCW to take the WWF's main heel spot (when it was open). All because of bad booking in WCW. All because of Duggan. Sigh. Item number two: Who wants Head? Not Wal-Mart... What in the name of Heidi Klum is Wal-Mart thinking? Is it not made clear enough that Al Snow's character is carrying a *manequin's* head? That's WHY he's crazy. He's not homicidal, he's just insane. I swear the WWF plants crap like this on the AP wire just to draw more attention to themselves. No logical and sane person would ever take this thing seriously. I bet Snow's off laughing his ass off right now. And enjoying his newfound "celebrity" status. Note: It's been quite a long while since Head has ever been on TV. At least three months. Item number three: JR's boy got fired. No, not Steve Austin (as much as I HATE Austin, I sure have been talking alot about him). No, I mean the original "JR's boy", Dr. Death Steve Williams. FINALLY! The WWF totally screwed up with this guy. Steve Williams is a good worker and should have been in the upper mid-card, at least. WCW, if they're smart, should pick him up. He's a guy, like Vader, who is legendary in Japan, and has enough "tough guy" charisma (when he's not flabby and out of shape) to be a draw. I think we're seeing the WWF getting cocky, thinking they can just give any no-talent hack cough*BillyGunn*cough an "edgy" gimmick and put him over. Guys with actual skill, like Jeff Jarret, Dustin Rhodes and Williams get lost in the shuffle. Which reminds me of item number four: Chyna should NOT be the IC champ, regardless of what some of the Wrestline staff may have you believe. Where do they find the tools who write for Wrestleline, anyway? I realize Shannon and Keith were brought in by Wrestlemaniacs (though I couldn't BEGIN to tell you why), but what about these other losers? Norton/Galatea may be gone, but guys like "Fonzo" Castillo are carrying on the proud tradition of getting utterly crackpot articles put on a major site. Let's ignore the fact that he referred to Chyna as "eye candy" (somebody's got issues...and most likely, REALLY likes Ricky Martin). He also refers to Chyna as a "good wrestler". Say whaaaa? Compared to whom? I guess he means she has a move set comparable to such skilled technicians as John Tenta, the Shockmaster, Jim Duggan, Kurrgan and Jay Leno. She knows two moves, three TOPS. She makes Sid Eudy look like Yoshi Asai. And let's not gloss over the fact that she's a WOMAN. I don't care if it IS the 90's, that title is meant for men. They have a *women's* title in the WWF. She's cheapening the title, and all the guys who have to sell her crappy offense. No need to put the strap on a talented guy like D'Lo Brown or Val Venis. No need to use it as the lynchpin for a major feud. Nope, just put it on a woman as a novelty sideshow attraction. Christ, why not just give the IC title to Gillberg and get it over with. Better yet, just give it to Shane McMahon so he can retire it and then "lend" it to Mideon so he can...well, you get the idea. Chyna has NO business wearing that strap, and the sooner the WWF realizes that, the better. The only plus of the whole situation is Jericho cutting killer interviews on her...one of these days he's gonna slip up and call her Mrs. Helmsley. Heh. Well, I'm fresh outta venom, so I guess I'm done. Keep it real, and be safe. Travis Fury freelance Mail the Author Visit my homepage AOL Instant Messenger: FuryWC |
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