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I CAME, I SAW, YOU GOT SICK OF ME, AND I LEFT
FINALLY, THE LIT HAS COME BACK TO...oh wait, I was never here... Well, hi,
I'm EverLit, the fourteen-year old prodigy who everyone loves to hate.
This is my first column, so pardon me if I completely suck, and cut me
some slack. A little about the author: I'm a fourteen year-old Long
Islander with a high IQ, I'm into Everclear and Lit, hence the handle...
Um, I'm whiter than Berlyn, I'm in a shitty Catholic school, I use
excessive profanity, and I get a raging hard-on over Shirley Manson...oh
yes, and I'm a pathetic loser, too... So, onto the random shite called
this column. I'm just making this up as I go along...OH YES! FEEDBACK,
PEOPLE! FEEDBACK!
Oh, one more thing. Song for the random interval: Matthew Good Band "Hello
Timebomb" YOU FUCKING CANADIANS!!! YOU LUCKY BASTARDS GET ALL THE GOOD
ROCK BANDS... But, anyway, this song fucking rocks, buy the album, even
though you probably have if you're Canadia...yadda, yadda, go Edwin...I'll
just take my Big Sugar album and cuddle it...
Oh yeah, the column...um...random thought time:
Triple H: Mr. Russo, HE AIN'T GETTING OVER!!!
By the time they FINALLY get him over, he'll have beaten all the faces and
aligned with all the heels, so give it up now...there.
Steve Austin: The pieces are in place...will
they do it? I've talked to my mark friends, and they'd think a Austin heel
turn'd suck, so...I don't know...but hey, if you want Triple H to get
heat... THAT should do it...before it's too late...
The Rock: Same old shtick, yeah, whatever.
I'm not exactly a fan of his, but I have the feeling the guy has only
shown about 1/5 of his charisma. But why push him down? Maybe Austin IS an
egomaniac...hmmm...
Chris Jericho: the question isn't "Do the WWF
detractors 'Get It?'", it's "Do the WWF fans get Jericho?" I liked the
Gotch Gracie thing, but did the average fan get it? Jericho might be too
subtle, so get the boy a feud with someone who'll let him show off his
ability, although if he's the one to drive Kenny out, that might be a good
start to build heat, even if it's not a good matchup... Feud him with
Edge... Edge gets "the rub", Jericho shows his ability...
Light Heavyweights: Taka, Funaki, Gillberg,
Christian...pick up some of the released WCW Luchas, and it might
work...maybe.
Hardcore Matches: Make Bossman a
lower-carder. Get Snow a new gimmick, or re-do the psycho "EM RAEF" thing
again..quick. Who HAS the fricking belt anyway?
Outlaw reunion: Hell, they're the match made
in heaven. A tag reign right away? Nah, but at least they DID reunite...
The Hollys: HOLLYS~! I've been a fan of Bob
since Sparky Plugg...as well as a Falcon Arrow mark.. Bob=Euro champ....
Oh yeah, The Extreme Leprechaun could make a good LHW... Hopefully it'll
turn into Taker-Kane, and we'll almost forget they're brothers...
The Hardyz: WHY THE DE-PUSH? Fucking break
'em up, turn 'em loose... These could be the guys, along with Jericho, who
could get the WWF to actually, have, y'know...wrestling.
Test: MMM...Stephanie...drool..huh? What? Oh,
Test...yeah. The man who made Test's career...Shane MacMahon... I don't
see the big shit really, outside of that SWANK~! Flying elbow...judgement
postponed.
Women: The WWF needs a nice, tall, leggy,
large-chested redhead.
That's enough WWF ranting...onto WCW...
Benoit: Have Flair manage this man. NOW. That
would fucking ROCK. Flair knows how to work the crowd, and Benoit...well,
we all know how much HE rocks...
Shane Douglas: And the big shit WAS...?
Lash LeRoux: This man signing with the WWF
will destroy WCW beyond repair. You heard it here first...
Van Hammer: BRING BACK THE HIPPIE! Hey, so I
liked the hippie.
Sting: Countdown 'til "face turn": 3 months.
Hogan: In an effort to try and get himself
over with the smarks, he tries to wrestle Benoit in a technical match. He
flubs a move, and ends up shattering his knee beyond repair. He retires,
and the rest of the uppercard goes with him (outside of Sting/Bret)
Bret Hart: I don't give enough of a shit to
make a comment.
And wrapping it up: Scott Norton: Make this
man the next "unstoppable monster". I liked his whole "come out and beat
you in 30 seconds" thing.
Well, that sucked, didn't it? Tell me so at EverLit@hotmail.com and go to
my extremely crappy, rarely updated music site:
http://www.geocities.com/SunsetStrip/Disco/9747 . This is EverLit,
everyone's favorite Shirley Manson mark, going away to his own happy
little fun-land, with all the cute girls from his school.
EverLit
who can hear the dolphin's cry
Mail the Author
Visit his crappy, rarely updated music site
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