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SummerSlam 90: The Heat Returns
Live from Spectrum
Your hosts are Vince Mcmahon and Rowdy Roddy Piper
This is an interesting show for reasons I'll get into later.
The usual coliseum video stuff to start.
Opening match: The Rockers vs. Power and Glory. Shawn is limping on
his way to the ring. When he finally gets there Hercules whacks him in
the knee with a chain (off camera) and Marty has to go at it alone. He
fares pretty well... for a minute. At one point Michaels gets up on the
apron but Hercules simply kicks him in the knee and he falls back out.
Shawn was legitimately injured at the point if you couldn't guess.
Interesting fact: The one who took over as a pseudo-Rocker while Shawn
was injured was non other than Shane Douglas. Back to the match, Marty
gets some token offense to tease an upset but Herc clotheslines him from
the outside and that's pretty much it. Power and Glory finish it off
soon after with their finisher (Superplex/Big Splash combo). *1/2.
Match time is 6:00. Yes, that will become important later on. Power
and Glory end up beating on Shawn some more who does a stretcher job.
Sean Mooney interviews Mr. Perfect and Bobby Heenan. They basically
brush off Von Erich and Perfect ends it by hitting the catchphrase.
Scheme Gene interviews Kerry Von Erich. He makes a lot of Tornado
analogies.
Intercontinental title match: Mr. Perfect vs. The Texas Tornado. The
announcers keep noting that Perfect is overconfident guaranteeing an
upset win. Perfect starts off with two hip tosses and goes over to
Heenan to get toweled off. Perfect comes back and ends up getting
clotheslined over the top. Back in and Von Erich with an armbar but
Perfect escapes and ends up hitting his neck snap thing. Perfect puts
him in the corner and starts slapping him around but when he turns
around Von Erich hits the Hennig Killer (slingshot to the post). The
dreaded claw hold follows followed by discus punch (oversold to the 6th
degree by Hennig, albeit in the wrong direction). Wow, the two worst
finishers in a row. Von Erich gets the pin and the IC title. *1/4.
Match was 5:13.
We go back to Mene Gene with Perfect and Heenan. The usual heel
interview follows.
Sensational Sherri vs. Sapphire. No Sapphire. Sherri wins by
forfeit. Well, I guess this was better than having the actual match but
sadly this wouldn't be the last of the Sapphire saga. We go to the back
for...
Dusty Rhodes interview. Notable guest appearance: Hacksaw Jim
Duggan. If you weren't around back then, Sapphire had been receiving
anonymous gifts such as diamond rings, sapphire necklaces, etc. Anyone
with half a brain could've guessed who was sending her the gifts but
Dusty of course has no idea.
Warlord vs. Tito Santana. Tito actually controls most of the
beginning. The Warlord turns the tide by posting Santana. Back in the
ring and Warlord punches a lot. Santana hits the flying jalapeno out of
nowhere but Slick puts Warlord's foot on the rope. Warlord blocks a
monkey flip and hits to running powerslam for the pin. Another nothing
match. 3/4*. Match was 5:28.
Promo for the Survivor Series. November 22nd, only on PPV.
Demolition interview. They were basically doing the Triad gimmick at
the time, with any two members being able to defend the title.
Hart Foundation interview.
Tag team title match, 2 out of 3 falls: Demolition vs. The Hart
Foundation. Smash and Crush are doing the honors tonight. Smash and
Bret start out with Crush trying to get involved but it backfires. The
Harts proceed to work on the arm. Crush tag in. He's pretty bad at
this point but Bret carries him nicely. Smash tags in and so does
Neidhart. Smash whips Neidhart into the ropes and Crush kicks him in
the back (oh the irony!). Neidhart gets beat on for a minute or so but
gets the tag to Bret. Something must have happened to Anvil off camera
because he's outside while Bret's getting double teamed. Doesn't matter
since Bret takes out both members and proceeds to hit some moves of doom
on Smash. Neidhart's still outside. Crush breaks up a pin with a
legdrop and Smash drags Bret over to the corner to hit the Demolition
decapitation for the pin. First fall ends in 6:18. Second fall begins
and Bret's still suffering from the decapitation. He gets beat on a bit
then Crush puts on a neck vice to slow things down. I could never
accept Crush as a true member of Demolition because he never did the
double ax handle smash thing on his opponents. Hart hits the Hart
attack clothesline and makes the hot tag to Neidhart. Anvil with a
powerslam for two. He tags in Hart and the end up hitting the Hart
attack but Crush tackles the ref. for the DQ. Harts still win the
second fall at 3:48. I really wish they'd tell us before hand whether
or not you can loose your title on a DQ in a 2 out of 3 falls match.
It's a cheap way to keep the belts with the heels and is really unfair
to the audience. Crush clotheslines Bret over the top rope while the
Harts are celebrating. Ax runs under the ring while everyone's checking
on Bret. Piper, by the way, has been acting like a pseudo heel all
nights saying things like "They have 5 seconds to get out of the ring."
I guess Ventura couldn't make it to the show or something. Bret with a
sunset flip in the ring for two. He does some Hitman stuff then
Neidhart slams Bret onto Smash for two. Smash rolls out under the ring
and switches with Ax because they look so much alike. Ax hammers on
Bret for a while then hits a side russian leg sweep on Bret. Bret does
his run into the turnbuckle chest first spot. Crush with a tilt a whirl
backbreaker but Neidhart breaks the pin. Neidhart and Crush go at it
while Smash and Ax hammer Bret on the outside. Smash is back in and
hits a stungun on Bret while LOD walk out. They drag out Ax and Smash
comes out to help while Neidhart slingshots in with a shoulderblock into
Crush and Bret roles him up for the three and the titles. ***3/4.
Third fall lasted 4:07.
Promo for Wrestlemania VII. What, already?
LOD interview. They don't like Demolition much you know. The Harts
walk in and do the babyface interview. This really should've set up a
Harts/LOD match.
Sean Mooney's outside Demolition's dressing room door. They're not
too happy with LOD you know.
Sherri interview. What could've happened to Sapphire? KEEP WATCHING
AND FIND OUT!!!
And it's time for... another interview! This time with Duggan and
Nikolai Volkoff. See, Volkoff is now good since his idol is Duggan (his
words, not mine) and they're taking on the Evil Foreigners managed by
Mr. Fugi tonight.
Oh joy, it's another frickin' interview. This time with Earthquake,
Dino Bravo and Jimmy Hart. Clips are shown of Quake squashing Hogan and
Tugboat. Quake says he's going to end Hulkamania. Sure...
Jake Roberts interview. Sigh. I guess t-shirt sales were down.
Bad News Brown (w/ Sewer Rats) vs. Jake "The Snake" Roberts (w/
Snake). Finally, a match. Sort of. Big Bossman is the guest referee
for no apparent reason. Jake goes for the DDT about 10 seconds in and
Bad News bails. Bad News with a hip toss so devastating that Jake is
unable to stand for the Ghetto Blaster. Bad News hits a leg drop and
covers him with his foot for two. Bad News argues with Bossman allowing
Jake to almost hit a DDT. They brawl outside and Bad News hits Jake in
the stomach with a chair. Bad News throws him back in and works on him
for a while before he misses something off the top rope. Jake comeback:
knee lift, punch, punch, punch, short arm clothesline but Bad News
backdrops him to prevent the DDT. Jake rolls outside and Bad News hits
him in the stomach with a chair again for the DQ at 4:45. 1/2*. Bad
News tries to legdrop Damian but Bossman stops him. Bad News attacks
Bossman but Jake makes the save.
Another Wrestlemania VII promo. Call 1800-777-1414 for tickets now!
Or 1-213-480-3232 if you live in California!
Demolition interview. They still don't like LOD very much.
The Brother Love show... with special guest Sgt. Slaughter. That'll
rune your day. Vince notes that Sgt. Slaughter is too brutal for the
service. But he's Chyna's whipping boy? Sgt. Slaughter gives Brother
Love a medal. Sgt. Slobber doesn't like America much so he declares war
on American sympathizer Nikolai Volkoff and hit's the catchphrase to end
it.
Orient Express and Mr. Fuji interview. But wait! We've got to cut to
Mene Gene for...
Sapphire interview. Or maybe not.
Orient Express vs. Duggan/Nikolai Volkoff. Embrace the USA and all
shall be forgiven!!! But first, the faces "sing" "God Bless America."
I think that was the worst duet I've ever heard. Duggan says God bless
the troops for even more cheap heat. The Evil Foriegners attack but
Duggan and Volkoff clear the ring with a double atomic drop followed by
two kicks. Some crap power stuff by Volkoff but Mr. Fuji hits him in
the throat with a cane to turn the tide. Duggan gets the hot tag in
like 30 seconds! Man, this is right out of Prime Time wrestling. 3
point stance (oversold by Tanaka) finishes it in 3:23. DUD
Survivor Series Promo. It's the Thanksgiving day tradition you know.
We continue with the oh so exciting Sapphire saga as Dusty and Mene
Gene are outside her door.
Randy Savage interview.
Dusty Rhodes vs. Macho King Randy Savage. Oh man, why did Dusty have
to take his shirt off? Think Hak folks. But before the match starts,
Dibiase has words for Dusty Rhodes. You don't think... nah, it couldn't
be. OH MY GOD! Sapphire sold out! What a shock! Dusty goes after
them but Savage nails him from behind. Savage and Sherri double team
Rhodes for a while but Dusty hits to bionic elbow to turn things
around. Crowd could care less. Savage gets handed the LOADED PURSE OF
DEATH! and nails Rhodes with it while he's arguing with Sherri. Savage
gets the pin at 2:15. DUD
We conclude this epic angle as Dusty chases Dibiase and Sapphire in
their limo.
Wrestlemania VII promo. What do you mean you didn't order yet? Get
your tickets now!
Back to Sean Mooney to update us on everything that's gone down
because there's so much to remember.
Mene Gene interviews Hogan and Bossman. Hogan dedicates the match to
the “Tugster.”
Hulk Hogan (w/ Big Bossman) vs. Earthquake (w/ Dino Bravo). Quake had
been built up as a monster heel for months prior to this literally
squashing his opponents. Quake butt splashed Hogan on the Brother Love
show to set this up. I won't even get into the "Get well Hulk!"
campaign. Hogan, the sportsman he is, spits on Quake outside before the
match begins. Shoving to start but Quake wins because he's SO FAT.
Quake hits a shoulder block and Hogan bails. Back in and Hogan rakes
the eyes to get the advantage. What a hero. Hogan makes the mistake of
attempting a slam and Quake goes to work on the back. Quake eats boot
on a corner rush. Now it's time for try to knock the fat man down.
Hogan finally gets Quake down and then he bails. Hogan and Bossman
double team both guys outside. Now all four men are in the ring and
Hogan and Bossman hit a double big boot on both of the heels. Hogan
gets double teamed as the ref. escorts Bossman out. Quake hits an elbow
drop for two. Quake goes to the top (!) and hits an... um, single ax
handle I guess. Boston crab but Hogan makes it to the ropes. Hogan
bails and gets slammed by Bravo outside. Back in and Quake misses and
elbowdrop. Hogan, the idiot, collapses on a body slam attempt. It gets
two. Bearhug and it's time to hit the fast forward button! Hogan
breaks and hits two shoulder blocks but goes for a flying crossbody and
gets power slammed for two. Uh oh, Quake's getting ready for the butt
splash. He hits it but one's not enough. He hits another but Hulk
hulks up. Big boot, slam, leg drop but Bravo gets up on the apron to
distract the ref. Pier six and Quake and Hogan ends up outside. Quake
holds Hogan but Hogan moves and Jimmy Hart nails Quake with the
megaphone. Hogan slams Quake on a conveniently placed table (which
doesn't break but falls over). Hogan back into the ring and Quake...
gets counted out? I didn't get that ending. 1/2*. Match ran 13:10.
Quake chokes Hogan after the match but Bossman makes the save with a
chair. Quake is bleeding from the back. Hogan proceeds to pose for
about five minutes.
Gene Mene interviews Rude and Heenan.
Over to Sean Mooney with an interview from Dusty Rhodes. It's kind of
hard to translate into English but I think Dusty's mad at Dibiase.
Lord Alfred Hayes wastes some time out by the cage.
Mene Gene interviews Hogan who introduces a new demandment.
Piper and McMahon waste some more time.
Mooney interviews Quake, Jimmy Hart and Bravo.
Mene Gene interviews Warrior who tells one of the worst jokes I've
ever heard. This guy is a lunatic. If he ever holds a get together for
all his Warriors and for some bizarre reason you go, MAKE SURE NOT TO
DRINK THE KOOL-AID!!!
World title, steel cage match: Ravishing Rick Rude vs. The Ultimate
Warrior. Warrior does a couple of laps around the ring for no apparent
reason. Warrior climbs up the cage to attack Rude and the bell rings.
Can't he just fall down and win? I mean the bell already rung. Oh
well, Warrior rams Rude's head into the cage and Rude falls 15 feet
according to Piper. Yeah, right. He fell of the top rope which is 5
feet max. Warrior gets in and hits a double ax handle off the top
rope. Warrior tosses Rude into the cage and Rude blades. Rude tossed
into the cage again. And again. Warrior gets a head of steam but Rude
moves and Warrior crashes into the cage and blades. Geez, it takes him
long enough. Did he ever blade before this? Rude tries to climb the
cage but Warrior stops him. Rude punishes Warrior for a while and then
goes for the Rude awakening but Warrior powers out. Clothesline and
Warrior goes for the splash but Rude lifts his knees. This is a get out
or pin the man cage match bye the way. Rude gets up and hits the rude
awakening but doesn't cover. Instead he goes to the top of the cage and
hits a single ax handle. Rude goes for another but Warrior hits him in
the stomach on the way down. Warrior tries to go out but Heenan slams
the door into Warrior's head. Rude covers for two. Rude climbs out but
Warrior grabs him and of course Rude moons the crowd. Warrior pulls
Heenan in and beats on him then atomic drops him out the door. Rude
clotheslines Warrior but Warrior starts shaking the ropes and here it
comes: 2 GIMP ARMED CLOTHESLINES OF DEATH! GORILLA PRESS OF MILD
ANNOYANCE! Instead of splashing Rude Warrior climbs out for the win at
10:03. Call it *. Did I mention what a horrible blade job Warrior
did? I mean I've bled more from a paper cut.
Bottom line: One hour of in ring action, lots of filler and interviews,
an ongoing story line, DOES THIS SOUND FAMILIAR PEOPLE? It's sports
entertainment! Seriously though, considering the WWF's trend towards
these types of PPV I would recommend sitting through this before you
shell out your $30 for SummerSlam this year. If you're able to sit
through and enjoy the show WITHOUT using the fast forward button by all
means order SummerSlam now. If not, consider saving your money.
John Eustice
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