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WRESTLING IS REAL
Long time reader, first time writer. I've been trying to think of something
to add to [slash] wrestling. So here is what I hope to be a regular here on
the site. PLEASE ACCEPT ME, I HAVE ISSUES!!!
It is beneath me. I will not lower myself until next week when I plan
things better and record Nitro.
REPLAY FROM THURSDAY-It looks like they save the good video packages
and highlights for Smackdown.
Shane-O on the mic. Didn't we just see the highlights he's introducing?
Oh, how I miss him on Sunday Night Heat.
Steph isn't a slut...perhaps a tad rebellious.
See what I said? Sluts don't wear non-revealing blouses, but I don't know
about that skirt...(see Godfathers Ho's)
Why does the crowd boo Big Show? His father just passed away. Bastards.
Ohhh, Steph with the bitch slap to Shane.
RESULT-Kane vs Big Nasty and HHH vs Rikishi to keep you watching.
A Days Inn? This whole Mean Street Posse/referee/Crash Holly in duckie
pajamas thing reminds me of some bizarre porn setting...ewww.
RESULT-Elroy escapes the scene with title as Pete Gas gets down on
food service.
For all that weight Paul Bearer lost, he's still damn fat.
Big Nasty does NOT have heel entrance music.
Hey! What's the deal with HHH and Chyna in the storylines? Cheating
bastard.
Big Nasty, BIG elbowdrop, 1" vertical. Fat boy.
Rockee run-in to blow the match with a Booker T Bottom!
RESULT-Rockee blows a clean finish. Big Nasty handled his business
otherwise.
Mark Henry's STILL with that lying slut? It wasn't his baby!
Hell yeah, APA = Vincent and Jules, hey Mr. JF, life imitates art. I'd sue
for some kind of damages if I were you.
REPLAY FROM THURDAY-Mae Old in labor?!? Fuck, I was eating jello,
next time gimme a little time to change the channel! Says Lawler: The hand
had an Oklahoma class ring? Perhaps Ed Ferrara's?
The Dudleys. Whoooo!! Tell JR to quit with that irritating Damn Dudley
shit already. Why not make them REAL heels and give JR a 3D!!
A Mae Old Put-Out-To-Pasture-Bronco Buster? Someone give BubbaRay some
mouthwash, stat!!
3D for Mark Henry for his insolence...a table spot for Mae? PLEASE, if the
Dudleys want to be my mostest bestest favoritist tag team EVER, they will
put the hurt on Mae Old and write that mummy out of the storylines!
OHHHH...KILLER GRAMMA TABLE SPOT!!! WHOOOO!!! BOO-YAH!!!
For the love of humanity, someone have Devon grab another table while
BubbaRay grabs JR!!! Gimme a JR table spot, please!
RESULT-Hopefully they will have broken Mae's hip in the storylines
and pray she has vacation time coming. But that could be bad as Mark could
begin a secret affair with Moolah....yuck.
So would you call X-Pac Shakur and Road Dogg the New New Age Outlaws?
I hope Jesse James didn't cut a record with all this bullshit rhyming in
it.
How long has Too Cool had this gimmick? Can't the WWF put up some money
for a dance instructor? All I can think by watching these two geeks is lame
80's breakin'.
X-Pac Shakur and Bartty 2 Hotty Simpson to start things out.
I'm sorry, Grandmaster will always be Jerry's Kid to me.
Positive Side to these guys? The Worm. 'Nuff said.
How long before a WCW wrestler uses 'The Worm'? Wrong question. WHICH WCW
wrestler will use The Worm? I'm betting on Tank Abbott.
X-Pac Shakur shits himself at the sight of Kane. Hehe.
RESULT-I don't know. No forward progress to this match. Kane gets a
little revenge, but overall it was like a segment on Nitro.
REPLAY FROM SMACKDOWN: Kurt Angle gives Sgt. Slobber a beating for
participating in that little Iraq angle a few years back. That wouldn't
have had happened to Snake Eyes.
Kurt Angle, my hero and yours. Work on your 3-I's kids.
I'm begging to sober up from being a Jerichoholic as he becomes a face.
Says Jericho: 'A 30-year-old-never-kissed-a-woman-geek?' Maybe Madden was
right.
Angle with the beat down, USA, USA, USA!!!
Angle in Walls of Liontamer, reaching for them ropes=INTENSITY!!!
I have never been so happy to see Bob Backlund. Now I'm sure he HATES
Canadians.
RESULT-U.S. pride is triumphant, once AGAYN!!!
Rikishi ass close ups? Who is this sadist cameraman? Have him fired, post
haste!
Rikishi Fatass-tu vs 3H
Big Nasty and Shane-O watching match on a monitor...boo-yah!!
Did JR say 'smash-ass offense' about Rikishi?
3H introduces Fatass-tu to some Knee-Fense.
Stef looks like a clown, she needs to tone it down. She's trying too hard
to be Vinnie-Mac.
Speaking of asses, who doesn't think Yokozuna could get serious heat over
his big fat ass in a G-string?
Rockee back in to interfere with a Booker T Bottom!!!
Rikishi with the Bonzai Drop, leaving ass imprints in 3H's chest, no doubt.
Now THIS is pathetic. The guy with the huge fat ass has more rhythm than
his Caucasian cohorts.
RESULT-Rikishi is riding a monster wave (though I'm sure nothing less
than a monster wave could do that) by holding his own against the champ. Oh
yeah, Rockee has nothing to lose.
Matt 'The Other' Hardee vs 'Lethal Cheese' Kent Brockman
No midgets or he'll KILL YOU. He's lethal.
Is it just me, or is Matt screaming 'hooo' a la Michael Jackson before
executing a move?
I never saw it before, but Blackman sure is lethal.
'Imitating Matt Hardee' Who says he has no personality?
OH SHIT!!! Ken!! Take your foot out of Matt's chest!!!
RESULT-Ken beat the snot-bubbles out of Matt. Damn.
The McMayhems/Helmsleys/Shows discuss Rockee having a match with, the
Buzzsaw. Shoot Benoit, shoot!!!
Out come Christian and Edge, of course meaning here come UnderCleavage
Runnels.
Someone tell Edge and Christian that Bob Backlund is in the building, take
notice.
Now, Edge and Christian vs The R4dicals.....WCW is fucked.
Malenko and Saturn with killer tag teaming...ECW! ECW!
From here on in, Edge and Christian shall be known as the OLD Brood.
(Easier to type)
Stinko Malenko working on the knee, double fast!!...maybe he just needed a
WWF push.
Hey EDGE!!! Terri=PMS=Pregnancy=Ankle=Bullshit Injury? Where's D-Lo?
E-Liminator!!! ECW! ECW!
RESULT-Old Brood are keeping it going with this Terri thing, R4dicals
are kicking ass.
Elroy Backlund vs Viscera Phatu
If Yokozuna can't work because he has a fat ass, then why the hell is
Viscera on TV?
It looks like Viscera is tenderizing young Elroy for dinner immediately
following the end of the show.
Business is starting to pick up, it's the APA Office!!
Elroy gets the pin and a lariat for just barging into the office.
RESULT-APA continue to just beat the hell out of everyone because
violence=ratings. Elroy keeps the title and Viscera goes to bed without
supper.
I'm so sorry, but the Rock truly has become, A JABRONIE.
When I see Rock going on about how he loves cage matches, he reminds me of
Hogan and his so-called Yavapai Strap Match. Everyone knows Yavapai's use
blunt objects to inflict pain.
Chocolate was promptly beaten for violating a Dudley Commandment.
The Rabid Wolverine, he can handle his business solo.
The steel cage. Of course there is a head butt, but will it be off the
cage, and will it be in the middle of the match to help 3H and Big Nasty?
Canadian Warning: Chris, Bob Backlund is in the house.
Who makes their way to the ring? Big Nasty and Shane-O!
Says Shane-O: Get 'im Chris, boo-yah!!!
Here is 3H and Stef
Benoit STIFF clothesline! Boo-yah!!
A surprisingly crisp Rockee smack down.
The BIG HEADBUTT! BOO-YAH!!! BOO-YAH!!!
Benoit for the triple rolling german suplex....1.....2.....doh!
Aw shit! Rockee with the Booker T Bottom.
Who cares who wins? Why doesn't Big Nasty and 3H get in the cage and put
the hurt on Rock.
Was that, or was that not the very first Rockee power bomb? Poorly executed
might I add.
Shane-o run-in, pummeling on Rockee. Boo-yah!! Uh,oh, he's getting up,
get the hell out of the cage Shane!!!
RESULT-Shane-O is the most interesting character in the WWF universe.
Big Nasty got his, and 3H continues the count down to a title loss at
Wrestlemania.
END TRANSMISSION
So there you have it. Sarcasm at its most mediocre. Stay tuned this week
as Jeff Jarrett calls people slap nuts and hopefully, the Dudleys put JR
through a table. We can all wish, can't we?
Dimebag
freelance
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