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| Guest Columns | Dan Doomsday |
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THE DEVICE You can feel it...the power of the moment...your adrenaline pumps...the rush is indescribable....it's the feeling you get when you read THE DEVICE. Hello, everyone, this is Dan Doomsday, the World's Most Dangerous Columnist, coming to you once again with another edition of the most electrifying column in sports entertainment today, THE DEVICE. And we'll get to the Device in just a moment, after a little EXTRANEOUS BULLSHIT. DOOMSDAY ON MOVIES: Still haven't been back to the theater. There's nothing out there right now that really interests me. On video, this week's pick is Antz. The opening is classic, and Woody Allen is a perfect fit as Z, the wimpy ant that thinks too much. Gee, Woody Allen's playing a wimpy character thinks too much, what else is new? DOOMSDAY ON BOOKS: I just finished James W. Hall's latest, Body Language. Plenty of interesting villians here, although the story's end isn't all that satisfying. There's plenty of blood, plenty of sex, and all the other stuff that makes murder mysteries fun. DOOMSDAY ON MUSIC: I must say, I really dug the performance by Kid Rock, RUN-DMC, and Aerosmith, at the Video Music Awards. "Bawitdaba" was one of the best songs of the past year, and "Walk This Way" is one of the best songs, well, ever. Put it all together, and you have VMA history. DOOMSDAY ON TV: Good to see California Dreams is back in reruns on WGN. Honestly speaking, Dreams was the last halfway funny show to be cast in the Saved by the Bell mold. The music was relatively bland pop, but it wasn't as bad as, say, your average boy band. Not something I'd make a point of watching, but it's good background for homework or whatever else. DOOMSDAY ON FOOTBALL: My Jets suffered bigtime yesterday. I find it amazing that the Jets lost my man Vinny Testaverde in the first quarter and still managed to only lose by 2 points. Let's just hope Tuna-man can find a way to win without him. Hey, you have Keyshawn, Chrebet, and Curtis Martin, shouldn't be too hard. Okay, enough of that. Time for the Device. A brief disclaimer: I'm started writing this on Monday afternoon, after Fall Brawl, but before RAW and Nitro. Therefore, some of the things I write now might change by tomorrow. One thing won't change however, and that's the fact that WCW is... The fact that Eric Bischoff is now out as executive vice president of World Championship Wrestling is now old news. Last night, Fall Brawl gave us our first glimpse into the future of WCW, and at this time, our view is still a little bit cloudy. However, over the course of the rest of this column, I'm going to try to clear things up just a little bit. Let's see just how the management change will affect some of the key players in WCW. KIDMAN: Once he learns what to do with a microphone, Kidman is a future main eventer for WCW. He has Tom-Cruise-level good looks, a wealth of talent, and a good reserve of unspoken charisma that people don't always talk about. He may have been in the doghouse after trying to take Bischoff up on his offer of a release, but with Bischoff gone, Kidman will probably be forgiven. Plus, he still has yet to be powerbombed, I think (did Sid powerbomb him, or chokeslam him?). THE CAT: Initially, Ernest Miller sucked. Plain and simple. His sole reason for living was to teach karate to Garrett Bischoff. Now, though, he has a great heel gimmick that gets a lot of heat. Before Bischoff was removed, rumor had it that Miller would get the opportunity to feud with Hulk Hogan. With Eric out, I don't think so. However, look for the Cat to keep hawking Cat-Bo and drawing heat from growing WCW crowds. TONY SCHIAVONE: Apparently, someone finally got through to Schiavone about his commentary style, and not a moment too soon. Although I didn't order Fall Brawl, and my TV isn't even set up so that I can listen to the audio, Schiavone, by Scott Keith's account, seems to have cleaned up his act. This may affect the quality of Nitro greatly, although we'll all see how much on tonight's Nitro. RIC FLAIR: Friday morning, it was announced that Bischoff was out. Friday night, Flair was directing traffic at WCW's house show in my true hometown of Baltimore. Flair seems to have forgotten about getting out of his contract, and I'm glad. Flair is still the best mic worker that WCW has, and he can still have a tolerable match with anything that moves. SHANE DOUGLAS/THE REVOLUTION: Here's the story of the Revolution in a nutshell. Eric Bischoff hated Ric Flair, and therefore, Bischoff did everything in his power to annoy Ric Flair. He subjected Flair to some of the most retarded booking in WCW history (and when you realize that WCW history includes Cheatum the Evil Midget, that's saying something). He signed Sid Vicious and Shane Douglas, and used Douglas as the centerpiece for the Revolution, which was a good idea on paper. However, due to the untimely exit of Flair from WCW TV, the rug was pulled out from underneath Douglas, leaving him to feud with the First Family, and dragging Dean Malenko into this sorry situation. Malenko, according to some accounts, has played politics with Bischoff, and changed the endings of his matches. When Bischoff was ousted, the chickens came home to roost (huh?), and what was supposed to be a Revolution victory turned into one of the worst booking decisions of the year. This happened to coincide with Benoit's scheduled job to Sid, and Perry Saturn was probably a victim of momentum. Benoit's title match with Sting seems like it might well save the Revolution, as it provides potential to start over and book a new angle for Benoit, if not for the Revolution as a whole. DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE: Initially, Page did two or three things to merit his spot as a top wrestler in WCW: 1) Getting WCW to put Eric Bischoff in charge; 2) Living on Bischoff's street; and 3) (Allegedly) allowing his wife to sleep in Bischoff's bed. However, Page should continue to be a factor in WCW, because he has become more than Eric Bischoff's lap dog. He's a good wrestler, one of WCW's best with a mic in his hand, and he's not afraid to put the younger wrestlers over. He may be a friend of Eric, but he's also the two-time, two-time, two-time heavyweight champion of the world, and that should mean something. HULK HOGAN: Bischoff has been living inside Hogan's back pocket since 1994. As a result, the quality of WCW has suffered dramatically, at times. Hogan is probably going to have to pay for what he has done to WCW, and dropping the World Title to Sting (which I don't think was originally in the cards) was the beginning. Call it wishful thinking, but I wouldn't be surprised to see Hogan do the clean job to Bret Hart. Hogan's days as the company's top face are done. STING: Turning Sting heel is a good idea. Really. I was a little hostile to it at first, but the more I think about it, I realize that it can work. Unfortunately, Hogan is not over enough to support the turn. And neither is Sting as the driver of the Hummer, if that's what anyone at WCW thinks. The logical progression here would be to pit Sting against Goldberg at Starcade. How? In three easy steps: 1) Goldberg beats Sid at Halloween Havoc to end this "winning streak" business and take the US title. 2) Goldberg drops the strap to Luger at Mayhem, as Sting knocks Goldberg with a bat, making him more vulnerable to Luger's LOADED ELBOW OF DOOM (tm Scott Keith). 3) Goldberg gains revenge on Sting at Starcade by regaining the World Title one year after losing it. While it involves Goldberg losing, it shouldn't really hurt his image, because it's not a clean loss. Plus it reestablishes Goldberg as the company's main man, which is the only way WCW can recapture any of its lost glory. GOLDBERG: The millenium showdown should happen sooner and not later, because the only way WCW should begin the millenium is with Goldberg as the World Champion, and that means Sting-Goldberg at Starcade. Goldberg is still WCW's meal ticket, and unless he's a moron, Bill Busch knows it. Look for things to continue to happen for Goldberg, which should be good for WCW. OK, that's enough for me. Thinking about WCW too much hurts, plain and simple. Keep your eyes peeled for a very special Device with an exclusive interview. Until then, this is Dan Doomsday, wishing condolences to the friends and family of Brian Hildebrand, and saying, "Goodnight, everybody." Dan Doomsday 2dope Mail the Author Visit 2dope |
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