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| Guest Columns | Dan Doomsday |
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THE DEVICE FINALLY DAN DOOMSDAY HAS COME BACK TO THE WEB!! Yeah, yeah, I took a week off. You don't like it? F-You, F-You...no, wait, that's what Hyatte would say...Hello everyone, this is the World's Most Dangerous Columnist, Dan Doomsday, back from vacation in the Land of the Rising Sun and ready to pick up where I left off, bringing you the freshest wrestling opinions on the Internet...in 30 minutes or less. But first, how's about some EXTRANEOUS BULLSHIT? DOOMSDAY ON MOVIES: Before I left for Japan, I had the chance to see Mystery Men. It was a fun movie, but I don't think I want to see it again. Stiller and Garofalo work well together, and it's good to see Pee Wee Herman again...sort of. I never thought much of Kel Mitchell, but William H. Macy is cool and so is that guy who played the Blue Raja. Oh, and that guy who played the Sphinx was Sagat in the Street Fighter movie, so that makes him cool. Hey, I liked Street Fighter, okay? DOOMSDAY ON MUSIC: Okay, I hated Jesse Camp on MTV as much as everyone else did. But I was listening to his new CD, Jesse & the 8th Street Kidz, when I was in Japan, and it's some damn good stuff. If you're into punk, metal, or alternative, do yourself a favor and get this album. DOOMSDAY ON BOOKS: I just finished If I Pay Thee Not in Gold by Piers Anthony and Mercedes Lackey. It's a really good fantasy novel with a healthy amount of sex and a really good story. Somehow, whenever I read one of Anthony's solo efforts, I hate it, but his collaborations are great. Go figure. Okay, enough extraneous bullshit, it's time for this week's Device...but first, I'd like to send a quick welcome-back shout-out to my friend Kenny Wallace on 2dope. Go read his column, Where It's At. Why? Because I said so. Get it? Got it? Good. NOW, without any further adue, I give you this week's Device, entitled... WHO'S NEXT? If the recent rise in status of Rick Steiner has proved anything, it has proved that Goldberg is running out of opponents. One would assume (and hope) that WCW is building up towards Goldberg regaining the World Title at Starcade, but as with anything in WCW, nothing's for sure. The fact remains, however, that WCW is rapidly running out of things to do with their black-clad superhero. Watching the Dog Faced Gremlin KO the previously near-invincible Goldberg on two occasions was almost laughable, and easily pathetic. Complaints about wasted talent in WCW are nothing new, but who ever thought that Goldberg's talent would be among those wasted? Don't let the two-minute squashes and jobber opponents fool you: Goldberg is no "big stiff." Test has been the focus of a lot of positive attention lately, but most columnists fail to realize that Goldberg's array of power moves is equally as impressive as Andrew Martin's. He may have been a two move wonder when the streak began, but his hard work in the Power Plant has shined through over the past couple of years as his repetoire has grown and grown. More importantly, though, Goldberg is over. His intensity in the ring has made him one of wrestling's hottest commodities, even as the WWF has dominated the Monday Night ratings war. So why the misuse? A lack of opponents. When you have a wrestler like Goldberg, who often seems impervious to pain, you need an opponent who is his equal in power and/or intensity, and those are hard to come by. Hulk Hogan was wrestling's biggest star for a long time, but in order to perform in that role, he needed to combat the size and power of Andre the Giant, the violent intensity of Randy Savage, the mystique and fury of the Ultimate Warrior, and the shameless rulebreaking and technical wizardry of Ric Flair. The question is, who does Goldberg need to face to match or exceed Hogan's success? One likely answer is Hogan himself. Now, Goldberg may have won the title from Hogan in the Georgia Dome, but he didn't beat Hulk Hogan. He beat Hollywood Hogan, and there is a big difference between the nWo leader and the red and yellow clad superhero. A meeting between Hulk Hogan and Goldberg would be of the same magnitude as the epic battle between Hogan and the Ultimate Warrior at Wrestlemania VI. Unfortunately, Hogan would undoubtedly demand the win, and Goldberg's defeat of Hogan would be a perfect note for Hogan to end his career on. Sting would be another formidable opponent. His Nitro battle with Goldberg last fall was a classic, and Sting was on the verge of winning when Hollywood Hogan made Sting break the Scorpion Deathlock. Neither of the two meetings between Sting and Goldberg have yielded a decisive winner. At some point, these two are going to have to settle this rivalry of sorts once and for all. However, while megaface vs. megaface battles often make true classics, federations cannot survive by those matchups alone. Goldberg needs some respectable heel opponents, and the best one, unfortunately, is "retired." I was truly hoping that Kevin Nash would end Hogan's career at Road Wild, not only because I feel it's time for Hogan to hang it up, but because I wanted to see Nash and Goldberg meet for the World Title at Starcade, with Goldberg looking to regain his title from the man who took it from him one year prior. Now, I don't think we've seen the end of "Big Sexy," but I think that Starcade will have come and gone before Nash laces up his boots again. Fortunately, WCW has another suitable heel opponent in Sid Vicious. By now, it's obvious that WCW is building towards a Goldberg-Sid match at Starcade, with Goldberg challenging Sid for the World Title (Look for Sid to win it at Halloween Havoc). Sid's amassing of his own "record" is self-explanatory, and the matchup has a great deal of potential. Provided WCW doesn't find some way to screw this one up (and they probably will), Goldberg vs. Sid will be a great match. But after Sid, "who's next?" Randy Savage would also be a worthy opponent for the Golden One. Savage's reputation as an ultra-dangerous loose cannon is still firmly in tact, and he's still dangerous enough to be a threat to Goldberg. Remember his attacks on Ricky Steamboat? (if it was before your time, it's on the Wrestlemania 3 tape; they have all the build-up) A similar assault with the bell would be convincing enough to support a Goldberg-Savage match. Savage's in-ring skills are somewhat in question, but he still has the charisma to get by, not to mention a more impressive physique than he's had in the past. This would be a good Superbrawl contest. A heel Lex Luger is a more over Lex Luger, and he would be a formidable foe for the former Atlanta Falcon. Like Savage, Lex's best bet in setting up a feud with Goldberg would be a sneak attack, probably directed at the knee. It was a credible start for a solid feud between Luger and Sting in 1992, and it would work again here. Luger's return on the 8/23 Nitro gave a sign of things to come, namely his 5 millionth betrayal of Sting and the accompanying heel turn. A feud with Goldberg might not, and should not, be far behind. The aforementioned wrestlers would be solid opponents, but there are two more wrestlers who would present a great match for WCW's homegrown superhero, two wrestlers who would have to cross federation lines to fight the big man. One of them is obvious, but I'll get to him in a second. The other is Vader. When considering opponents for a wrestler like Goldberg, being able to sell the "impervious to pain" gimmick is a major plus. Vader can do that. Also, when considering opponents for Goldberg, being able to work a great match and silence the workrate freaks and other Goldberg-critics is a plus. Vader can do that. I don't know when his no-compete clause with the WWF runs out, but when it does, Eric Bischoff should prepare to grovel. Just don't promise Vader that he'll win the feud. Steve Austin. Bill Goldberg. Wrestling's latest "dream matchup" is likely to remain a dream for the forseeable future, some might say that it will never happen. However, ten or fifteen years ago, the "dream match" between Hulk Hogan and Ric Flair seemed just as unlikely. Now, we've seen it a thousand times. On the one hand, Austin vs. Goldberg may be different. Austin periodically discusses retirement and his own TV series, Goldberg could find himself leaving the ring for the silver screen, and I doubt either man would be particularly willing to job to the other. Not to mention the hatred between Austin and Bischoff, which would likely kill all chances of the matchup happening in WCW. Whatever. As the Stinger once said, "The only thing that's for sure...is nothing's for sure." Oh yeah, and about me wanting to have a feud with Hyatte...well, yeah, I do. It would be fun for me, and it would be fun for all of you out there in Internet land. Heck, people seemed to love what Hyatte did with Shannon so much, just imagine what it would look like if Hyatte went head to head with a REAL writer...just kidding, Sophi...err...Sean. Of course, Hyatte is making it perfectly clear that he doesn't care about any of you, but I DO DAMMIT! If I take a week off, I LET YOU KNOW FIRST! Okay, I'm better now, whatever. Oh, and I got taken off the Scoops mailing list because of this whole Hyatte thing...that's low. But I'm okay. Like I said, whatever. Dan Doomsday 2dope Mail the Author Visit 2dope |
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