LAKERS UPDATE: Make it 9 straight for my boys, taking down the Knicks last night. Looks like Kobe and Chris Childs were pissed that they couldn't be in Anaheim, so they decided to have a little slobberknocker of their own on the court. So LA will have to do without Kobe for a game or two. Big deal.

CREDIT WHERE CREDIT IS DUE: I completely dug Sean Shannon's "April Fools" Power Puff Girls recap...I went for it, I admit it. I was ready to write and replace him (and you KNOW I can do anything twice as well as Sean...except maybe whining...heh heh, just kidding), and then I got hit with the joke...Kudos to ol' Slymmfast.

SPEAKING OF REPLACEMENTS: I have applied to be the new Nitro recapper for Rantsylvania if Ol' Ketchup and Mustard wins the strap and Bob Morris quits, so please voice your support for me by e-mailing Scott Keith and telling him that YOU WANT DAN DOOMSDAY TO RECAP NITRO FOR RANTSYLVANIA!

Allright, enough bullshit, on with the most electrifying column in sports entertainment today. And it should come as no surprise that this column is called...

As Wrestlemania ended last night, I was absolutely livid. I thought Vince McMahon was the biggest idiot alive. I thought that the seventh seal had just been cracked. I thought that there was nothing sacred left in the world of wrestling.

It just might turn out that I'm wrong on all counts.

As I drove home from my friend's house, I was cursing out Vince to myself. I thought Wrestlemania 2000 had turned out to be a horrible mistake. I refused to believe that the heel had gone over in the main event. I refused to believe that there would be no happy ending. I felt betrayed.

And that's when I said to myself, "Self, the hell with Freakboy, we're stealing this gimmick. But seriously, man, it's PROFESSIONAL FUCKING WRESTLING for cryin' out loud, or sports entertainment, if you feel the need to use Vince's terms. It's not that important, and it's not all that big a deal."

As I sit here now, I think about the end of the match, as fans threw their garbage into the center of the ring. I thought of it as a bad sign at first, but the more I thought about it reminded me of Bash of the Beach '96, as Hulk Hogan and the Outsiders posed in the middle the ring, showered by garbage. That night kicked off the single greatest period in the history of WCW, a period that ended only because Eric Bischoff didn't know when to give the fans their happy ending. And rest assured: there will indeed be a happy ending. Vince isn't that dumb. It might even happen 6 hours from now, in front of what has the potential to be one of the largest RAW television audiences ever.

Yes, you heard that right. Tonight's RAW could be HUGE in terms of Neilsens, the NCAA final notwithstanding. Wrestling tends to attract a younger audience than basketball, and that younger audience is going to get a lot more excited about Terri Runnels' ass than they are about a fast break. Furthermore, everyone's Final Four bracket is screwed, thanks to a lot of upsets. Those upsets made great television then, but the fine folks at CBS might not be ecstatic when the sheet comes in tomorrow morning. Why? Because the money wasn't there. Meanwhile, Wrestlemania had its most controversial finish since Goblin Boy threw a hissy fit and got himself the WWF title at Wrestlemania 9. What's going to happen next?

We're all hooked. I'm hooked. You're hooked. When 9 PM comes tonight, our televisions will be tuned to USA, as we eagerly await the next developments in the most popular soap opera in the world. And here, Vince McMahon should deliver that happy ending that we were expecting last night.

And it should happen tonight. If Vince tries to push this all the way to Backlash, I seriously question his judgement. It's one thing to make the fans pay 35 bucks for a pay-per-view, only to give them the finish they want for free the next night. It's quite another to make them pay 35 bucks for a pay-per-view, then make them shell out another 30 to see the finish they want.

Meanwhile, the more I think about Wrestlemania, the more I realize that it wasn't that bad a show. Far from it. Bull Buchanan showed us why he's going to be main eventing Wrestlemania 20. Chyna showed us once again that she is the real deal. Chris Jericho, Chris Benoit, and Kurt Angle gave us some great wrestling. The Hardcore battle royale was an unbelieveable display that was hilarious, disturbing, and just plain old fun, all in 15 minutes.

Of course, there was also the bad stuff. The Catfight didn't fulfill its purpose by delivering gratuitous T&A. And T&A vs. Head Cheese had potential, but the match just never had any flow to it. It was a disjointed string of moves. That's why you don't book heel tag teams against one another, by the way, because it's really hard to tell a tag team story without a hero. The post-match shenanigans from Kane, Rakishi, Too Cool, Pete Rose, and the Chicken went on way too long. And the post-match beatdown on Stephanie pissed me off a little.

However, these are all forgivable offenses. In fact, as I sit here, everything is forgiven.
One condition: There will be a face champion going into Backlash. Other than that, though, Wrestlemania 2000 didn't do anything to change me as a wrestling fan.

I'd be interested to know your thoughts, so drop me a line at dandoomsday@wrestlingfanz.com. Until next week, this is Dartmouth Dan Doomsday, reminding you to help control the pet population, have your pets spayed or (vague reference/Michaelangelo ripoff)...no, that ain't it...oh, this is Dartmouth Dan Doomsday saying, "Keep you feet on the ground and keep reaching for the..." that ain't it either. OH MY GOD, THEY KILLED...no, no, NO!!! Oh yeah, this is Dartmouth Dan Doomsday, reminding you to keep reading, because READING IS FUNDAMENTAL!! Goodnight, everybody.