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Dan Doomsday

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THE DEVICE

It's not Miami Vice...

It's not Crush's Neck Vice...

No, it's the most electrifying column in sports entertainment today, THE DEVICE. And I am your party host, the World's Most Dangerous Columnist, the Pride of 2Dope, and one bad mammajamma, Triple D Dartmouth Dan Doomsday, and we have a great column coming up for you this week...at least that's what I think. You folks out there in Internetland can make your own decision after this EXTRANEOUS BULLSHIT (damn, CRZ stopped using the little HTML thing...or did he?).

DOOMSDAY ON BASKETBALL: OK, so my Lakers lost 2 out of thir last 3 games, but they've won 17 of their last 20, and that's pretty damn good in my book!

DOOMSDAY ON MUSIC: After years of being a cheapass, I finally went out and bought a new copy of Van Halen (see if you can guess who it's by?). If you haven't heard it, then I want you to sign off, go to your local record store, and buy it. I can wait, because it's that good, quite possibly one of the best albums of all time. And yes, this IS where WCW ripped off Wrath's music from. Where the hell is Wrath, anyway? Oh Rick...

OK, now it's time to get down to business. WCW...oh boy. WCW, ladies and gentlemen. But seriously, there's a lot of stuff that's up in the air in WCW, but it's not all that bad. Really. I mean that, and you'll believe me, once I explain to you about...

Who's Left?

WCW did the right thing this weekend.

I repeat, WCW did the right thing this weekend.

I think we're all in agreement insofar as the fact that Vince Russo just HAD TO GO. Creaitvely, the man has been in a downward spiral ever since he left the WWF, and WCW was about to go down with him. But the wrestling community was turned on its ear when, less than 48 hours after Russo was demoted, major WCW talent, including Internet darlings Dean Malenko, Perry Saturn, Shane Douglas, and former World Champion (!) Chris Benoit, asked for their releases, then were promised those releases before Monday's Nitro. From what I understand, the releases should become final later this week.

The Revolution members should not let the door hit them on the way out. Yes, you read that correctly. Benoit, Saturn, Malenko, and Douglas will find in time that they made the wrong decision when they left WCW. Why? Look at what they bring to the table...

MALENKO: The man has to be out of his mind. He's a master on the mat, to be sure. But sadly, that doesn't get you very far in today's wrestling world, especially in the WWF, which is the only place where he could make the money he would have made in WCW. Outside of WCW, Malenko's blend of skills is best suited to Japan, and given that Malenko has a family, I doubt he wants to be half a world away from them on a regular basis.

DOUGLAS: As much as I hate to admit it, the WCW incarnation of Douglas was indeed an "overrated piece of crap." Douglas has yet to find a convincing finisher, which has always hurt him in my eyes, and in WCW, he was unable to be The Franchise. One thing Mark Madden is very very right about is the vast difference between "Shane Douglas" and "The Franchise." "The Franchise" is, when he's in his element, the hottest wrestler in the arena. Shane Douglas is a lukewarm midcarder. Unfortunately, Douglas doesn't really fit in the more family-oriented WCW (which will most likely return with Vinnie Roo out of the picture). I'd expect Douglas to head back to Philly, which I doubt was on his list of things to do.

SATURN: OK, WCW could have used him. He's a great worker, able to deliver highspot after highspot when healthy. In addition, when Saturn walks in the arena, you can't ignore him. He has a level of charisma that you don't just show through cutting promos. But if Saturn thinks he's going to go on to the WWF and become a huge star, he's DEAD WRONG. The WWF has a solid core of talent to lead the way into the next millenium, and I just don't see any room for Perry on the WWF roster. And ECW is a definite step backwards. Bad move, Perry.

BENOIT: OK, what world champion throws his belt in the trash and walks out on the promotion right before he gets a MONSTER push?? OK, I guess that means that this was Stu's idea. Benoit was about to become WCW's Steve Austin, battling in a constant struggle with Commissioner Kevin Nash. The angle seemed like a sure winner, at least in my eyes. And yet, Benoit chose to walk out of WCW. And for what? Benoit's blend of skills does not include great strength on the mic, and the WWF does not need a "silent but violent" ass kicker, with Tazz about to take his place as a huge badass. Benoit is another great talent who will not be able to find a niche in the WWF. Sad but true.

OK, we've established that Benoit and company made the wrong move. But how will WCW fare without a sizable portion of its midcard talent? Well, considering WCW history of having a deep roster, the future of WCW might not be as dark as everyone thinks. With several former World Champions on the roster, WCW still has a lot of roster depth. Let's take a look under the Doomsdayscope, going from the top down.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: in my mind, WCW starts and ends with Sting. Since the Bill Watts UWF got absorbed into WCW way back when, Sting was WCW's equivalent of Hulk Hogan. Then Hulk Hogan showed up. Now, with Hogan on the verge of leaving WCW (Thank Foley), Sting can retake his role as top babyface.

Oops, I forgot. WCW also still has its one-man heat machine, the fifteen time heavyweight champion of the world himself. Ad long as Ric Flair is around, you can't count WCW out. And with Vinnie Roo out of power, I doubt it will be too long before the Nature Boy returns to save the day. WCW may have done Sting vs. Flair about 5 million times, but it keeps working, so I don't see anything wrong with it.

Have I forgotten the single fastest-rising superstar in the history of professional wrestling? Some guy by the name of...oh, I don't know...Goldberg? He may be injured, but he'll be back, and when he returns, look out. Injury will not affect Goldberg's most valuable attributes, those being his charisma and intensity. And I doubt that Bill Busch will spare any expense to keep the phenom under contract.

Sid Eudy is not capable of carrying the promotion on his back. Those who have doubts can go look at the WWF's figures for Sid's disastrous tenure as WWF Champion. But he does have a certain level of charisma, not to mention a great package of size and power, which will keep him at least partially over for the rest of his wrestling career. WCW will definitely have a use for him in the months to come.

While the DDP experiment may have been something of a failure, the fact remains that the man is still the two time, two time, two time former heavyweight champion of the world, which makes him a credible upper midcarder/occasional main eventer. With a good blend of mic skills and a seemingly tireless work ethic (witness his consistent improvement from his first day in the ring as a wrestler), DDP was a key part in the WCW ratings machine that rocked the wrestling world for 83 consecutive weeks.

Bret Hart has one more chance. That's it. WCW needs to pick a direction for the second generation superstar and stick to it. Otherwise, Bret will lose all his heat permanently. But Bret still has one more good run left in him, and if WCW seizes on the opportunity, they'll have one more proven main eventer.

Kevin Nash should never set foot in the wrestling ring again. OK, maybe just once more, so he can ditch this "commissioner" bullshit. Nash's best use at this point is as a color commentator, where his undeniable (yes, UNDENIABLE) gift of the gab can be put to work in making wrestling fans actually GIVE A SHIT. You know they won't care as long as Schiavone and Heenan are running things.

Lex Luger, when used properly, can be incredibly over. He may not work as well anymore, but he still has a great look that serves him well as a power wrestler. His powerslams, clotheslines, and forearm shots are very convincing, and the Torture Rack is a credible finisher. One hint, though: ditch the "Total Package" crap, or at least bring back your real name!!!

WCW's midcard is equally fit, starting with Jeff Jarrett. He may be somewhat unhappy with Russo's demotion, but I'd expect him to stick around for the remainder of his contract, and that's a good thing. Jarrett is still massively over as a heel, and he brings his working boots when he has the right opponent. As US Champion, Jarrett is a great leader for the WCW midcard.

With tour de force performances like Starcade '98 and Souled Out '00, Billy Kidman has become one of WCW's most popular stars, despite his lack of breakout mic skills. And judging by his presence at this week's Nitro, his unahppiness will not turn into his departure from the promotion. If I were Bill Busch, I would thank my lucky stars, then push Kidman to the moon.

Once the innovator of anti-heat, Chris Kanyon has found a good new gimmick as "CCK." I'd gladly raise a toast to the new character, and he has the potential to go even further. The "I'm from Hollywood" schtick makes him a solid heel, and his ability to work a great match should serve him well as WCW turns back to actual wrestling.

Tony "Big T" Norris' arrival in WCW should improve the promotion twofold. First, his ability to work should cover for Stevie Ray's lack of ring skills. The new Harlem Heat combination will undoubtetly become a force to be reckoned with as heel tag team champions.

The second benefit of Norris' arrival is that the new Harlem Heat frees up Booker T to become a breakout singles star. He was on the verge in 1998, when he dazzled us in the best of seven series agaisnt Chris Benoit. Stevie Ray, however, floundered without a partner, and Booker T had to save the day by reuniting Harlem Heat. Now, though, Norris can take care of Stevie, while Booker T can work towards realizing his World Title potential.

Bam Bam Bigelow is a big man who still knows how to work. All that he's missing is the right opponent. In the right feud, he could get over huge. But what is the right feud? Hey, I don't have all the answers.

Tank Abbot could be a good match for Bigelow. With the right development (as in a high profile feud with someone NOT named Jerry Flynn), Abbot could develop as a badass, leading to a feud with Goldberg somewhere down the road. I wouldn't have made him the world champion at Souled Out, but he does have potential.

Personally, I think Buff Bagwell is a self-obsessed prick. I don't think anyone is surprised by that statement. However, he's been in WCW for the past 9 years, and has been a constant presence. In the wake of the most recent defections, this could be Bagwell's time to shine.

Speaking of time to shine, how about Lash Leroux? He was on his way to getting a push in the weeks before Russo and Ferrara took over, and he may be able to resume his progress in the post-Russo era. He has talent, personality, and charisma. I see potential.

The Disco Inferno is another potential star. Bring the Goodfellas rehash to an end, and Disco will be able to use his charm, sense of humor, and considerable wrestling ability to rise to the top of the WCW midcard.

Devon "Crowbar" Storm is an accomplished independent worker who has been earning high praise ever since I was a host on the radio show "Three Count" (I still shudder thinking of how my show's good name is being sullied, but more on that later). He may not have the right gimmick at this time, but he will get there eventually, and I would expect to see him become a cornerstone of the new WCW cruiserweight division.

Al Issacs has already written at some length about Vampiro's potential, and I agree with Al wholeheartedly. Vampiro has a solid array of moves, and a unique look that will serve him well as he rises to the top in the new look WCW.

I count 20 very marketable stars, and that doesn't include suspected malcontents like Eddy Guererro, Rey Mysterio, and Scott Steiner. Further down the roster, there's a healthy supply of jobbers to the stars, including Three Count, the Artist Formerly Known as Prince Iaukea, Jerry Flynn, and the Maestro. The State of WCW may be weak at the moment, but if WCW finds the right guy to run things, that could change six months down the road. Until next week, this is Dan Doomsday, reminding you to keep reading, because READING IS FUNDAMENTAL. Good night, everybody.

Dartmouth Dan Doomsday
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