|
/wrestling /guests /Doomsday |
|
|
/wrestling /guests /Doomsday |
| Guest Columns | Dan Doomsday |
MainBLAH |
THE DEVICE (Blues riff) Oh you didn't know? (Blues riff again). Yo ass better CALLLLLLLLLLL SOMEBODY!! You DAMN RIGHT! It's me, it's me, my initials are D.D., and you can read me...on the site of CRZ!! Hey, I'm a poet and I didn't know it! Hello everyone, this is Dan Doomsday, the World's Most Dangerous Columnist, welcoming you to another edition of the most electrifying column in sports entertainment today, THE DEVICE!!! You know, when I wrote to CRZ about writing for [Slash] Wrestling, he told me to tone down my attacks on Sean Shannon. Well, I did, and what happened? Some two-bit Hyatte fanboy jabronie got to say, "Sean Shannon is a bitch," not once, not twice, but THREE F'N TIMES!! You know what I have to say to that? DOOMSDAY 5, SHANNON 0 Now that that's out of the way, I like to think that I'm a fairly down-to-earth guy. Consequently, there are very few things that can happen in professional wrestling that really piss me off. That said, I felt like throwing things at my TV last night when I saw Chris Benoit get screwed for what seemed like the billionth time, leaving the US Title around the waist of David Flair. I must admit, "Big Dave" did a nice interview, but if he still has that US Title at Halloween Havoc, I will never watch WCW ag...yeah right, I'm going to keep watching it so I can whine and bitch about it like every other Internet smart(other than Mike Michaelson). Anyway, it's time to get things started on the most sensational, inspirational, celebrational, DOOMSDAYTATIONAL...THIS IS WHAT WE CALL... "You Had to Be a BIG SHOT, Didn't Ya?" Wow. Who would have thought? Bob Holly is... Right up front, we should talk about what Bob Holly brings to the table when he gets in the ring. He has a good build, good athleticism, and a solid repetoire of moves. His dropkick is one of the best in the WWF. He has the ability to go to the top rope, and he's not afraid to go "hardcore." This combination of skills was enough to land Holly a place in the WWF. I believe it was late 1993 when Holly debuted in the WWF. A native of Talladega, Alabama, Holly was given the name "Sparky Plugg." Actually, his full name was Sparky Thurman Plugg, giving him the initials "STP." Clever, but stupid, and "Sparky Plugg" soon gave way to Bob "Spark Plug" Holly. Anyway, with his race car gimmick, Holly found himself working opening matches on house shows. This was nothing new, as the "curtain-jerker" spot has traditionally been occupied by wrestlers of Holly's size, like Owen Hart, Shawn Michaels, the 1-2-3 Kid, and most recently, the Hardy Boyz. However, unlike those other wrestlers, Holly found himself unable to move up the totem pole. Save for a one-day reign with the 1-2-3 Kid as the WWF Tag Champs, Holly was noexistent in the title picture. And after a couple of years, it seemed that Holly never won, save for the time Owen Hart put him over in front of a home! town crowd in Talladega. Eventually, Holly got another taste of gold, teaming with Bart Gunn as the New Midnight Express to win the NWA Tag Titles from the Headbangers. However, when the NWA-WWF working agreement flopped, "Bombastic Bob" flopped with it. He and "Bodacious Bart" became nothing more than glorified jobbers. This was all too familiar territory for Holly, who seemed to be a lifetime member of the WWF's job squad. Did somebody say...JOB SQUAD? Yes, fortunately for Holly. In 1998, Al Snow fought his way back into the WWF, and quickly adopted Bob Holly and 2 Cold Scorpio into his J.O.B. Squad. Holly's stock seemed to be on the rise, but it wasn't long before he found himself doing the J.O.B. once again. Undermined by a lack of charisma, Holly found that he had a lot in common with Tiger Ali Singh and Jeff Jarrett. None of them, it seemed, could get over in an airplane. Then, a freak accident changed the course of Holly's career. On February 7, 1999, at a Madison Square Garden house show, Hardcore Champion "Road Dogg" Jesse James was whipped through the ring ropes by the Undertaker. James suffered an injury that kept him out of action for several weeks. Holly found himself facing Al Snow at Valentine's Day Massacre for the vacated Hardcore Title. With a victory, Bob Holly became "Hardcore" Holly. At first, the change was irrelevant. Holly still had little charisma, and Hardcore matches in the WWF took a definite turn for the worse during Holly's two reigns as Hardcore Champion. When he lost the Hardcore Title, however, Holly would finally find his niche. That brings us to the present. Hardcore Holly is now one of the WWF's most entertaining wrestlers. His "Napoleonic complex" gimmick is hilarious. You have to laugh when you see 6', 240 pound Holly giving orders to the 7'2", 500 pound Paul Wight. It's hard not to smile when you see Holly accept a handicap match against the Acolytes, get his ass kicked, then tell the "Big Show" that he was in control. As a race car driver, an 80's throwback, and a Hardcore champion, Bob Holly has been nothing but a disappointment. As a 240 pound "super-heavyweight," and a self-proclaimed "big shot," Bob Holly could become one of the WWF's biggest success stories. He'll never be a world champ, but he could very well be remembered one of the best comedians in the WWF, but how far will he be allowed to go? The answer might surprise you. As we all know, Terry Taylor is one of the top bookers in the WWF. As we also now, Taylor is no stranger to bad gimmicks, having been stuck with "The Red Rooster," "the Computerized man of the 1990's," and the "Taylor Made Man." I wouldn't be surprised if Taylor sees a lot of himself in Holly, and gives the "Big Shot" the opportunities that Taylor himself never had. That's not a predicition, that's just my speculation. But who knows? Until next week, this is Dan Doomsday, the World's Most Dangerous Columnist, saying... DOOMSDAY 5, SHANNON 0 Dan Doomsday 2dope Mail the Author Visit 2dope |
BLAH |
Main |
||