DOOMSDAY ON MUSIC: I just got Weird Al Issa...er, Yankovic's Running With Scissors album, and it's a definite must have. Al may have his best song ever in "The Saga Begins," and "All About the Pentiums" is THE computer geek anthem. And I know that there's some computer geeks in the house tonight, right?

DOOMSDAY ON BASKETBALL: Kobe's moves are...Kobe's, and Kobe is back in the house with the Lakers. After the Lakers went 11-4 without Bryant, everyone in the Pacific better be watching out, and that goes double for CRZ's beloved Kings (ha!).

DOOMSDAY ON TV: Buffy was great this week. It was a very funny show, and even though it definitely had its cheesy moments, those moments were cheesy by design. That seems to be a running theme for the WB, and I can't say I disapprove.

DOOMSDAY ON FOOTBALL: OK, the Jets lost last week, but not before a three game win streak, during which they beat the crap out of Shatter-Star's Bills (heh heh) Now, it's time for the Jets to run the table and finish the season over .500. J E T S, JETS JETS JETS JETS!!!

All right, enough of that. Now, it's time for this week's Device, and I'm in the mood to write a thought-provoking treatise, so I'll see what I can do, but actually, all I want right now is some....

So, the WWF has decided to clean things up, a little. I can't say I'm surprised.

Not because of the advertisers. Not because of any moral groups.

The WWF was ready to clean up because of the wrestlers.

I mean, let's face it. The WWF has a new nucleus, a great young crop of stars with enough charisma and in-ring skill to get over without any objectionable storylines. The way, I see it, there's 10 or 15 guys who are going to carry the WWF into the next era, an era that will see it proved that it was the WWF that made Russo and Ferrara, and not the other way around.

Right now, let's look at what's going on in WCW. Okay, so Russo and Ferrara can throw women into mud. I think I speak for most of the Internet wrestling community, and I definitely speak for the ratings, when I say, "So what?" Vince and Ed can load WCW up with smut until they're blue in the face, but that's not going to bring WCW back in the ratings. Why not? Because WCW still can't make people care more about Goldberg than about the Rock.

The WWF's new nucleus is filled with guys in their late 20s or early 30s who are already over with fans, and probably will be for some time to come. These guys can be put into a clean storyline, and fans will still tune in to watch them. Who am I talking about? Who's going to help the WWF pass the test?

Well, Test, for starters. Test is currently being groomed to become the WWF's top star after the Rock rides out his run at the top, and he's handling it well. He has a great storyline going, and it's actually very clean. I know there was a sexual reference in the end of RAW on Monday, but even without the line about "consummating the marriage," the overrun on Monday still ruled it for me, all while keeping it clean. Add Test's massive amount of in-ring ability, and you can see why this guy is going to be a major star.

And with Test, at the moment, comes Triple H. Hunter is a guy who I got down on for a long time. I really didn't think he had the stuff to be a serious main-eventer. Boy, was I ever wrong. I still don't think much of him in the ring, but he has become great on the mic, and he's another guy who can get his character over without really resorting to profanity. The DX-McMahon feud will probably eventually grow to be almost as hot as Austin-McMahon, and Helmsley will be in the driver's seat. I'm impressed.

Chris Jericho may be the man to follow in Helmsley's footsteps as a future top heel. As he proved in WCW, Jericho has the ability to be tremendously entertaining within a PG rating. Also, he's a great worker in the ring, and if I'm right, he should have the chance to show it in the new, cleaner WWF.

For some odd reason, a lot of people on this list are Canadian. Edge and Christian are, and they're another couple of guys who don't need to curse (or even speak, really), to get over. In a lot of ways, Edge's "fierce but enigmatic warrior" persona reminds me of the Ultimate Warrior, only he has sex appeal for the female fans, and he's 10 times better in the ring. Christian is a tremendous talent, and if he can get over his lack of size, he might himself become a great upper-midcard star. Oh, and did I forget the Hardys? The former tag champs have a great future ahead of them, especially if they stay invovled with Edge and Christian. If there's more actual wrestling in the new WWF, I doubt the Hardys would be disappointed.

If the WWF lets the Big Show emerge from the background as a champion, they might find themselves pleasantly surprised. Wight happens to be a great worker for a big man, but his sheer size is enough to get him over with crowds for a long time. And sure, the Bossman angle was tasteless, and will probably be history under the new WWF programming guidlines, but a long feud with the Undertaker seems like a natural progression, with the Undertaker claiming that he made the Show a champion. Sure, it's not great in-ring fare, but the characters will work, and that's what matters these days. Besides, didn't YOU mark out when the Taker got chokeslammed through the ring?

Jim Ross keeps reminding us that the Rock is only 27 years old, and that's improtant to remember, because barring some horrible accident or injury, the Rock is going to be on top for a long time. Sure, the toning down of the WWF might curtail his fascination with rectal insertion of inanimate objects, but the Rock needs to create a new variation on his schtick every few months or so anyway. Besides, even with out sticking something up someone's candy ass, the Rock is still the same character that he's been since he started to get over. He has his eyebrow, and he has his elbow, and he can still layeth the smacketh down, so, even in a toned-down WWF, he's still the most electrifying man in sports entertainment today.

If he doesn't go to WCW in January, D-Lo Brown will be another guy who will thrive in a toned-down WWF. Some if this toning down may involve the WWF stars having to "Shut Up and Wrestle," and that's where D-Lo will thrive. He's an amazing in-ring talent, and he has a good reserve of natual charisma. Stick around, D-Lo. Russo will ruin you in WCW.

You know, for all of the supposed problems with Val Venis, this toning down may be exactly what he needs. For all intents and purposes, Val is a 90's version of Rick Rude, may he rest. Rude was great back in the day, and there were no real moral problems with him. Ditching the double entendres may hamstring Val initially, but the transition from adult film star to overzealous ladies' man should come fairly easily. Besides, he and Edge are family, and we all know how these guys help out their friends and family.

In all of this, though, there's one man who may benefit more from this new morality in the WWF. A guy who is larger than life without an over-the-top gimmick. A guy who doesn't need to curse to get over. A guy who will make his career on being a good, old-fashioned ass kicker. And he's got ten words for WCW and their Powers That Be: "BEAT ME IF YOU CAN. SURVIVE IF I LET YOU."

Taz is destined for grreatness in the WWF for one very simple reason: intensity. Taz radiates intensity in everything he does, on the mic and in the ring. He doesn't do a lot of high-flying, he doesn't have to do a lot of cursing, but when he gets pissed off, he's soil-yourself-scary. He's a natural badass, and that should get high marks with WWF crowds.

There might be a brief period of confusion for the WWF, and some superstars may be in trouble. If I were the Godfather, for example, I would be very concerned about what I might be doing with that contract extension. Kurt Angle might have some problems, given that a lot of what he's supposed to be railing against may cease to exist, but we'll see. All I know is that the WWF's future is bright, and WCW's is about as unclear as that mud they couldn't stop talking about.