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/wrestling /guests /Doomsday |
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/wrestling /guests /Doomsday |
| Guest Columns | Dan Doomsday |
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THE DEVICE Paging Mr. Shannon, paging Mr. Shannon, why don't you drag your fat ass down to 2dope and get a load of the Showstopper's little animated graphic that says...
DOOMSDAY ON SHANNON: So, our good friend Mr. Sean Shannon finally saw fit to mention me in his ECW Hardcore TV recap last week. Well, it looks like ol' Slymm finally worked up the balls to mention the name of the man who has been a thorn in his side for the last year. Good for him. He's got the balls to stand up to WCW, I'm glad he's got the balls to stand up to me. He's still a moron, but that's beside the point. DOOMSDAY ON MUSIC: Gary Cherone left Van Halen this week, and I gotta say I'm disappointed. I saw VH live at Jones Beach in August '98, and Gary was an amazing onstage performer. With him gone, it'll be interesting to see who sings the new album. My personal hope is that Diamond Dave will return, bury the hatchet with Eddie, and bring VH back to the top, kicking ass all the way. But that's wishful thinking. DOOMSDAY ON MOVIES: Wild Things, Wild Things, Wild Things. I just bought a copy of this one on video, and if you haven't seen it, you owe it to yourself to see it, and not just because of Denise Richarda and Neve Campbell and what they do. The plot of this movie is just great, although I can't tell you much about it, or else I'd ruin it for you. DOOMSDAY ON FOOTBALL: The Jets won! The Jets won! The Jets won! All right, now it's time to see if Keyshawn and the boys can run the table in the second half of the season. C'mon, say it with me! J-E-T-S, JETS JETS JETS JETS!!!! DOOMSDAY ON BASKETBALL: Lakers are 3-1 at the moment, including a win over the Jazz, which is something I've been waiting for for a while. I can't help but be pleased with PJ's work thus far, and thigs will only get better when Kobe Bryant returns. And if all else fails, heck, at least they'll be better than the Bulls (heh heh). All right, it's time to get down to business. Like I said before, this is a column I've wanted to do for a while, ever since I read Ted Dibiase's book a couple of summers ago. A bogus rumor finally got me to sit down and write it, so here ya go, this one's called... Internet wrestling fans and writers are quite possibly one of the sickest, most unfeeling collections of human beings I have ever run across. Hey, sometimes the truth hurts. When I got home Friday night, I signed on to check my e-mail, and I got an instant message from a friend of mine telling me that Nelson Frazier, aka Viscera, died today in a car accident. As it turns out, it was a bogus rumor, but I didn't find that out until I got an e-mail from Bob Ryder the next morning. But in any case, the "news" got me thinking. To be completely honest, I'm not a huge fan of Viscera. I thought that he was just plain scary as a member of the Ministry of Darkness, and he's one of those guys who has the size to impress a crowd night after night, based on his size alone. And that's good, because Nelson Frazier was never the greatest wrestler. And it's not that he doesn't try in the ring, because he really does. I remember him as Mabel of the tag team Men On a Mission, hitting a spinning heel kick on an opponent. That's not easy for a five-hundred pounder. But still, Viscera has never been a great wrestler. But you know what? That doesn't mean jackshit. If the rumor had been true, somebody would have gone on the Internet and write a column about how he was glad Viscera died because he had the workrate of a slug and was stinking up WWF TV with his shitty angle. As crazy as that sounds, you know it would have happened. Just like someone on Xwrestling wrote that the world rejoiced when Dave "Fit" Finlay suffered a leg injury that may have ended his career. Just like a bunch of workrate freaks said they were glad when Jim Duggan announced he had cancer. Just like Scott Keith expressed remorse that Chris Jericho didn't break Gedo's neck with a botched top-rope huracanrana at Halloween Havoc '97. Just like people have sent e-mails to Sean Shannon threatening him with bodily harm and/or death (hey, this applies to columnists too). It would have happened. But you know what? It shouldn't happen. What we do as Internet wrestling fans is very simple: we sit on our asses and watch an adult male soap-opera on TV, then go on the 'Net and talk about it. We talk about which performers we like, which ones we don't like, and you know what? That's cool. But what's not cool is when we lose sight of who these people are when they get out of the ring. Each and every wrestler who gets in the ring, be it on Raw, Nitro, Smackdown, Thunder, ECW, or an indy show, is a guy who's doing what he can do to make a livelyhood for himself and for his family. They're making a livelihood by putting their well-being on the line for our enjoyment. And we Internet fans have the gall to wish them injured, to wish them unable to support their families, to even wish them dead? That's just plain wrong. I think Hulk Hogan is an asshole. I think he's made unfair use of his stroke to keep people down. I think he has the workrate of a slug, and I think he doesn't know when to quit, as evidenced by the latest rumor that has him returning to WCW under his real name sometime next year. But you know what? The guy has a wife and at least one kid, and I wouldn't wish anything bad on them. I think Bret Hart has been obsessive over the Montreal screwjob. I think that if the rumors of him threatening members of his family over working for the WWF are true, then Bret was in the wrong. But professional wrestling has been Bret's life almost since he was born, and it's how he goes out and supports his family. I think Buff Bagwell is a self-obsessed prick who needs a serious reality check. I think he was way off-base when he balked at jobbing to Berlyn, and I think he was off-base when he gave Evan Karagias a hard time over the tearaway pants. I laughed my ass off when I saw Bagwell lay down for La Parka. But he's doing what he can to make a living for himself. Who the hell am I to wish him to be deprived of his livelihood? I think Ernest Miller is a lousy wrestler who got where he was by teaching Eric Bischoff's kid karate. I think he got a very undeserved push, and he never really tried to get better in the ring as other wrestlers have after getting huge, undeserved pushes (See also: Goldberg, Bill; Rock, The). But does that mean I should wish him dead? Hell no. I think Eric Bischoff is a power-hungry jerk who managed to take credit for Terry Taylor's ideas and use Ted Turner's money to sign a lot of major talent, then managed to completely screw everything up. I think he got what he deserved when he was taken away from WCW and put to work elsewhere in the Turner empire. I don't think he deserves to be killed, maimed, or anally raped. My point is this: most Internet wrestling fans have little or no respect for professional wrestlers, these athletes that some fans even consider heroes. I hope I'm not the only one who finds that disturbing. I really hope so. I just don't know what else to say. I'm Dan Doomsday, and this has been the Device. Thanks for reading. Dan Doomsday 2dope Mail the Author Visit 2dope |
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