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/wrestling /guests /Doomsday |
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/wrestling /guests /Doomsday |
| Guest Columns | Dan Doomsday |
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THE DEVICE Welcome to my nightmare, I think you're gonna like it, I think you're gonna feel like you belong. -Alice Cooper Hello, everyone. Allow myself to introduce…myself. My name is Dan Doomsday, and I am the World’s Most Dangerous Columnist. I am a former host of the Long Island-based wrestling radio show Three Count. For the past nine months, I’ve been writing this little weekly masterpiece known as the Device on a site called 2 Dope: The Online Degenerate Magazine. It’s been a lot of fun, and now, you loyal followers of CRZ are going to be let in on the fun. That’s right, beginning this week, the World’s Most Dangerous Columnist is bringing the most electrifying column in sports entertainment today to [Slash] Wrestling. So sit back, relax, and let’s get ready to have a little bit of fun. One quick thing before we get started, something of a tradition in the Device. You see, I have this little feud going with Sean Shannon, which I’m winning, and I always post the score, like so: DOOMSDAY 5, SHANNON 0 With that, I bring you this week’s edition of the Device, entitled… Why Hate Konnan? No one seems to like Konnan these days. I really don't understand it. CRZ, Hyatte, and Mick only knows who else have been complaining about K-Dogg since...well, I guess it was when the nWo reformed without him. However, the fact of the matter is, Konnan is actually a very decent wrestler. He has good mobility, some really killer moves like the 187 Suplex and the Rolling Clothesline, and some decent charisma. He is one of the best loved and most respected wrestlers in Mexico. He used to be one of the most popular wrestlers in WCW as well, as evidenced by the fact that he has his own WCW Mastercard. So, if you don't mind my asking, what the hell happened? Let's start at the beginning, or at least my beginning. You see, I don't follow Mexican or Japanese wrestling. I have the utmost respect for the Mexican and Japanese wrestlers, but I don't have the budget to keep up with them. Therefore, we'll start with Konnan's debut in the "big time." Under the name Max Moon (originally Kosmic Kid), Konnan wrestled in the WWF for a few months in 1992 and 1993. I actually liked Max Moon. I didn't know it then, but I happen to be very attracted to the fast paced Mexican style, and Konnan was one of the first people that I saw bring that style to the US. Unfortunately, Max Moon didn't last very long. After a few months, which saw Konnan team with High Energy (Owen Hart/Koko B. Ware) against the Beverly Brothers (Wayne Bloom/Mike Enos) and Lanny Poffo, Max Moon was gone from the WWF. After a stint in ECW (before I caught on to them), Konnan debuted in WCW, along with Rey Mysterio, Jr., Psychosis, and several other Luchadors. When Konnan came to WCW, he wasn't very well received. He had talent, but the crowd didn't seem to respond to him very well. Winning the US Title didn't seem to help, so Konnan adopted a "gangsta" look and joined the Dungeon of Doom. It was there that his trademark "Arriba La Raza," (Literally "up with the race"), became a part of Konnan's routine. However, by the time Konnan joined, the Dungeon of Doom seemed to be on its way out, and Konnan soon found himself in the nWo. There, he served little purpose other than running in to partake in a gang beatdown of some hapless victim. Konnan seemed destined to be another foreign star who couldn't find a niche in American wrestling. Then, the wrestling gods smiled on Konnan, as the nWo broke up into nWo Hollywood and the nWo Wolfpack. Konnan found himself in the Wolfpack, alongside four of the most popular stars in wrestling at the time: Sting, Lex Luger, Kevin Nash, and Randy Savage. As a member of the ultra-popular "Red and Black," Konnan found his niche. His mic work became a routine part of every Wolfpack interview segment, and the fans ate it up, chanting along to every "Oyale," "Arriba La Raza," and "Rowdy Rowdy." I myself was a big fan. When I bought my Wolfpack T-Shirt, I often wore it with a red flannel (no, I did not button the top button). A good friend of mine, whose last name begins with K, became known to me as K-Dog. Konnan had arrived, and he found the World TV title waiting for him, thanks to the Chris Jericho soap opera. When the Wolfpack broke up, Konnan found a new tag team partner in Rey Mysterio, Jr., battling the Wolfpack in a feud that cost Rey his mask. Following Superbrawl, Rey Rey ditched his tights for a more urban wardrobe. Konnan too, changed his style, ditching his old look for a FUBU makeover. His stock with the fans seemed to stagnate, then drop. Then there were the music videos. When "Ashes to Ashes" debuted at Halloween Havoc '98, it was tolerable. I don't have a very discerning ear when it comes to rap and hip hop, so I didn't make much of the video. Besides, Konnan was still Red and Black, y era un vaco loco 4-ever. However, once Konnan was out of the Wolfpack, all bets were off. The "Bow Wow Wow" video (do these songs have titles?) was unoriginal and uninspired, and there was no Red and Black cool to hide Konnan's inability to rap. The subsequent feud with Disco Inferno did absolutely nothing for me. But, as always in WCW, the worst was yet to come. One day, Curt Hennig decided he hated rap. Konnan decided he didn't like it. Konnan and Mysterio started feuding with Hennig and Bobby DunCUM, Jr. The nicest thing I can say here is that it sucked. Konnan and Rey started wearing combat fatigues and prison jumpsuits. Then Master P signed with WCW, and introduced the phrase "Hootie Hoo" into the wrestling vernacular. Did I ever tell you my theory on that? No? OK, here goes...remember that part of Jerry Maguire where some kid in an airport asks Cuba Gooding, Jr. if he's "Hootie?" Well, the same thing happened to Master P, except instead of getting pissed off and saying, "No, I am not Hootie," P asked, "Hootie? Hootie who?" Then P thought for a second, decided he liked the sound of that, and screamed out, "Hootie Hoo!" And Satan looked up and had a good laugh. Anyway, Barry Windham came back, Kendall Windham got involved in a major feud for the first time...umm...ever, and the No Limit Soldiers debuted in WCW. On the one hand, it's about time Brad Armstrong escaped the "Armstrong Curse." But Konnan has become a curse in and of himself. I know it, CRZ knows it, Hyatte knows it (notice how I keep putting CRZ before Hyatte? Gee, I'm a kiss-up), and you probably know it. However, the curse seems like it might become a blessing for El Vampiro. Before, the highlight of Vampiro's matches was getting to hear Mike Tenay say the words "hardcore punk band" as if he had half a clue about what he was talking about. Now, it seems like he might get over by kicking the crap out of one of WCW's least popular stars. Hey, it worked for Scott Norton...sort of. I don't think there's anyone out there who doubts Konnan's abilities in the ring. They made him a star in Mexico, and they're still visible now that Konnan has found a home in the US. However, Konnan's character is one of the more annoying aspects of WCW these days, and Mick knows that's saying something. With any luck, WCW will come up with something intelligent, and Konnan will find a way to regain his popularity. Until next week, this is Dan Doomsday saying, DOOMSDAY 5, SHANNON 0 Dan Doomsday 2dope Mail the Author Visit 2dope |
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