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(A different) Dave

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BLAH

Well, since this *is* CRZ's site, I'm going to start this off with a little personal information. Of course, by "start this off," I mean start talking about myself, and if I get to the topic, then maybe I'll talk about that. And I'll probably throw in some unnecessary, inflamatory commentary to make CRZ regret the whole free speech trip.

My name's Dave, I'm 18, from north of Boston. The way I figure it, leaving out my last name only encourages you freaks to open it, hoping it's from one of those established Daves like Meltzer or Scherer. Ha! Suckers! ...um...okay, moving on, I swear casually, so if you don't want to read it, you'd do best to move on to another article. I can also be the biggest asshole this side of the Grand Canyon, or, if you insist on the metric system, this side of Mark Madden's ass crack, so keep that in mind, as I'm likely to display that assholiness (it's a word...now) sooner or later.

I'm a member of the bPk--boarder PATROL kliq. Basically a bunch of wrestling fans screwing around on AOL (and ripping off the nWo), we've had our hand in a little bit of everything, from running some informal e-wrestling to making parody posts to unsanctioned board monitoring to engaging in stupid flame wars (which, as you know, are fun, especially when they're *really* pointless) to harassing Canadians and feminists. You'll probably see posts from other members here, and if not, hopefully you'll stop by our page and see columns up there, when I get around to updating it.

I've been trying to get one of them V3 URLs for a couple weeks (i.e., trying for a few minutes, forgetting about it, then trying again a few days later), but as far as I can tell, their system hates me, so you'll have to deal with the messy version. Of course, you'll just be clicking on it anyway, so fuck you. Oh yeah, another thing, I never use them little facey things that CRZ is so fond of. No insults directed towards you will be followed by them, but most of the insults will be kidding. At least I'll claim it's kidding when it's just simple misanthropy.

Now I've got to get something off my chest...GBy the way, he's Bald 2 Dope now, isn't he? (I stole that line from somebody - I admit it)H [referring to Shaggy 2 Dope of ICP]...He stole that line from ME. All of a sudden, I'm just "somebody"? Did my E-mail mean *nothing* to you? Where's the love?

So, five paragraphs and one potshot at Mark Madden's weight later, we come to the topic...AND WE'RE OUT OF TIME FOLKS, TUNE IN NEXT WEEK!!!!!! ...No, wait, that *ruined* Nitro...nevermind...

So, six paragraphs, one potshot at Mark Madden's weight and one lame joke later, we come to the topic:

Vince McMahon vs Eric Bischoff

...No, wait! Stick around! I *promise* not to make any cracks about lawn mowing!

Well, for those of you still reading, I'm going to do something a little different. Instead of taking all the standard shots at Bischoff for being the incompetant schmuck that he is, I'm going to talk about the thing that Bischoff has that McMahon doesn't.

Eric Bischoff has mainstream media credibility.

While we--being smart marks, and therefore somewhat informed--know Bischoff for the lying, two-faced, ass-kissing weasel (and not a cute weasel like a ferret, but one of the really ugly ones, like a wolverine or something) that he is, the suits out there don't know about that. While it's common knowledge among online wrestling fans that Bischoff pushes his friends and people who do favors for him, advertising executives don't know about that.

You and I know that Ratings Death Ernest "Goes to Camp" Miller is a bad wrestler. We know that he blows spots, many of which he called looking straight into the camera, at a rate that will have him surpassing Sabu's career total within a few months. We also know that his rate of blown spots is even more pathetic because the spots he blows are, on average, a lot simpler than the stuff Sabu does. We know that most of the boos he gets are from bad heat--genuine dislike of the idiot--and we know that despite his complete lack of ability, and the horrible ratings for his quarter hours, he still gets air time and mic time because he teaches Bischoff's son karate. If you or I were an ad exec, we'd be jumping off the WCW ship faster than rats out of a...burning...um...cheese factory...yeah...

But, bad analogy aside, we aren't. For all of Bischoff's faults, he *has* been able to maintain a good image among the mainstream media. They don't know, nor do they care about all his lying and faking, because he's nothing to them. They can put any spin they want on it, but once you stop mincing words, the media's sole function is to rape and exploit. And the wrestling industry is a prime target.

So some journalist wants to do a story on wrestling, and who does he or she encounter right away? Vince McMahon. For all his brilliance, for all his ability, Vinny Mac is a shameless shill. Bischoff will go into a meeting and try to avoid controversy, trying to make his product seem to conform to the views of his advertisers. What Vince does is the exact opposite. Vince goes into a meeting and tries to extoll the virtue of his product. He tries to make them see it through his eyes and the fans' eyes. Obviously, he succeeds often enough (or they just don't care) so that he has plenty of advertisers lined up.

However, when he doesn't succeed (or when a media outlet is looking to show Vince The Wacky Huckster), up steps Uncle Eric, and if you don't know any better, you're apt to mistake that stuff coming out of his mouth for the truth. So Eric comes off as a nice, humble, reserved and honest guy, while Vince looks like a used car salesman. Point for Bischoff.

That's it for me today. See you whenever my lazy ass decides to write something else up. By the time you read this, I'll probably have updated our website, so be sure to check that out. Also be sure to check out anything my fellow bPk members write up, as I can guarantee that it *will* have some sort of redeeming quality.

Dave
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Guest column text copyright (C) 1999 by the individual author and used with permission