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/wrestling /guests /Craig |
| Guest Columns | Richard Craig |
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Another week, another column...now that I appear to be slash wrestling
affiliated, I guess I need to come up with regular content. This week,
however, poses no problems in *that* department, since I have wanted to
preview the WWF's back to back PPVs, Unforgiven and more specifically,
Rebellion, and get some things off my chest. WWF Smackdown I accept that as I cannot see Smackdown in the UK (relying upon the "clipped" recap shows Metal and Livewire for Smackdown highlights) that my opinions may be regarded as sour grapes. However, as I am perfectly aware, there is a sizeable number of fans within the US who are also currently Smackdown-less and I am sure that my sentiments will strike a chord with them. Basically: ENOUGH with loading Smackdown, already!!!! I am sick of the WWF taking angles and matches that only a matter of weeks ago would have been reserved for their FLAGSHIP cable ratings-monster that we know to be Raw is War. In the weeks since Smackdown debuted on UPN "network" (which sounds like the US version of Channel 5, the UK's fifth free-to-air terrestrial network, only with sub-cable viewing figures) the following matches/angles have occurred...
This match looked great from the little I saw of it, and to compound the matter, the damn belts change hands as well...
No, WWFE, lame segments like last week's caged debacle just don't cut it
You'd think the WWF would, despite screwing his brother-in-law, Bret and being forever and irrevocably linked with Owen's death, make sure that the return of their frickin' no.1 UK draw would be played out on a show that can be frickin' seen in the United Kingdom?!!!
Surely the WWF owner, completing what is seemingly another effortless face turn from an impossible set of circumstances (or is it just that the majority of fans have developed such a short memory span, that they simply forgot all the "asshole" chants, etc.? Heh.) whilst his top face screws his top heel, in the process giving the title to his hated rival should be on Raw? After all, the feud played out for over a year on Raw, why not let its most shocking twist yet play on the same show? Things have been so bad, that I was shocked to hear that Test and Steph's "wedding" will be on GeorgiaDome Raw on October 11. What puzzles me is that the WWF doesn't fully get to *be* the WWF on UPN. Where network considerations naturally dictate that violence and profanity are somewhat toned down, USA Network is seemingly less stringent. (BTW, in the Sky version of last week's Raw, we got to hear Al do his "payback's a bitch, and these bitches are in heat!" line bleep/mute free, and boy did I laugh... I guess that USA Network would have been a lot more resistant to the idea of Smackdown if they had realised that Raw was going to be raped so frequently. The #1 show in wrestling history should NOT bleed airtime to say, "I'll fight you Thursday on Smackdown" or "We're running a crazy shit angle on Thursday that we want you watch, so make sure you tune in..." It merely serves to infuriate those fans who would watch if they COULD, but who are currently unable to, whilst drawing attention to the fact that more creative energies are being expended on our new baby. In fact, that is a good analogy, Raw is War, the first born, being sorely neglected (I mean, hasn't it basically been second best to Smackdown ever since Summerslam?) whilst the parents are engrossed in its new-born sibling, Smackdown. Does that mean I am acting like the jealous first-born? Probably, but I DO have serious concerns that the "hotshotting" which JR has denied in this week's Ross Report will damage Raw is War in the long-run: sorry, JR, but I believe that, owing to the uncertainty of the future of UPN, that is precisely what you are doing, in the effort to score big ratings, thereby garnering interest from other networks in the event that you need to find a new home for your network "baby"... That, as Stone Cold would say, is all I have to say about that. WWF UNFORGIVEN The "Kennel From Hell" match has already got me wishing that the PPV was on this weekend. I unashamedly admit that I love the WWF's silly "high-concept" hardcore matches, and the visual of a steel cage, INSIDE the Hell in the Cell, plus the crazed rottweilers (or should that be trained pet actors?) between the two structures should be pretty neat. All I am wondering is how will they get any plunder into the ring with all that steel and canines in the way? If this match can end in ANY other way other than Bossman (who is surely training as we speak) having a rottweiler gnaw on his arm, however, (will they conceal one of those dog handler gloves within his ring attire?) and I will be impressed. Effectively, this match is the doggy equivalent of Kane's "arm on fire" gimmick in inferno matches, IMODO. Unless things turn nasty, and it becomes an extreme extension of Damien's chow-down on Savage (one of my FAVOURITE WWF angles as a young teenager) prior to his scheduled match with "The Snake" at 1991's Survivor Series... Based on the crap-fest that was the Five Man Free-for-all on Raw last week, I hope that the Six Pack match doesn't actually the viewer require to *consume*, in short order, a six-pack to make it look like a good match. With six guys in the ring at once, with Austin guest-reffing or maybe announcing, HOW THE F*CK are the production crew going to be able to catch every spot in this match. I witnessed a Fatal Four Way in person at last December's Capital Carnage and these things are bloody impossible to follow live, and last week's shambles proved that it is becoming increasingly impossible to follow them on television as well. They need to work in small groups: pair couples off at a time, and let them do all their scripted spots (eg, wasting the Spanish announce table, if it is still intact) before moving on to the next pair. Repeat, change partners and this COULD work. If you have SIX guys brawling simultaneously all over the place (with the likelihood of Austin, Linda, Vince, Chyna, Shane and possibly Stephanie and Test with the Stooges all present as ringside observers/interference runners) this will be a nonsensical mess. WWF REBELLION The WWF's own commercial (currently inserted into UK programming) is available at WWF.COM at http://wwf.com/media/netshow/ppvfree/199909/rebellion56.asx or rebellion28.asx if you only have a 28.8 modem... However, BSkyB's own trailer (which was clearly recorded when Ivory visited the UK the week before Summerslam) features the aforementioned superstar and has the following premise... A typical UK kitchen/dining room, I guess? Son says to father, "I wanted to see the WWF!" or words to that effect. Father replies, "I know, I wish we could have gotten tickets!" Cue Ivory, dressed in white blouse and a black miniskirt, her hair up and wearing glasses. "Be careful what you wish for, boys!" says the champ, before completing a spin-change in the style of Lynda Carter (Wonder Woman, for those of you who don't know who Lynda Carter is) into her WWF attire. The spot is only thirty seconds long, and fails to reflect the change of logo that the event has undergone since its initial announcement. A brief shot of what looks suspiciously like a programme for the event (this could be something that had been dummied for the commercial, though) also carries the earlier event logo. If anyone is bored, more about Ivory's promotional visit to the UK as well as WWF Rebellion itself can be found, including an audio web-chat with the Women's Champ can be found at http://www.megastar.co.uk/fan/uswwf/. Finally, in all of the Slam Jam segments (or "UK Update" as we know it) the card advertised at WWF.com is being strictly adhered to, and appears to be confirmed. I plan to comment upon each of these matches in my column next weekend, but to whet your appetite, here is the card as currently advertised: Ivory vs Tori vs Luna vs Jacqueline (given that Vince Russo revealed that Sky and the WWF had reached an agreement whereby Sable would get "her tits out for the lads" (a British colloquialism) at "No Mercy" in Manchester, this match is surely going to deliver the goods again. Could I see Jackie's ample black beauties for the second time? If not, I would like to see Tori's, since my #1 pick, Ivory would probably refuse to show hers, I guess... X-Pac & Kane vs Big Show & Taker vs Acolytes Triple H vs The Rock (not non-title because he lost the strap, but in order to afford more creative scope for potential match finishes. Whilst keeping the strap away from this one is good, in so far as it avoids the need for a DQ or screwjob ending, it telegraphs that the Rock will go over clean as a whistle here. I actually might cheer Triple H for the possibility of a "swerve" ending, just to lash out at those marks again.... Until next week, Richard Craig Aberdeenshire, Scotland, UK [slash] wrestling Mail the Author |
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