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Richard Craig

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TABLE MANNERS: Is the WWF anti-hispanic?

For WEEKS, I have been straining to think what to contribute next to [slash] following my piece on UK PPVs and then my general rants piece and have failed to come up with anything serious or meaningful to say. Then I realised...HEY! this is [slash]! I don't NEED to say anything serious or meaningful!!

Therefore, following this week's edition of Smackwire! or LiveDown! (my pet names for Livewire which provides me with my only source of Smackdown highlights here in the UK...) where Mick Foley promo'd his upcoming match with Shane-O @ WWF Rebellion, referring to Shane's table spot at Summerslam, I thought someone should do all of the [slash] readers a favour and trace the history of the most notable table spots in the WWF and establish once and for all whether the Spanish announce table is unfairly singled out for abuse.

In case CRZ feels this is my lamest contribution to date, I will shamelessly suck up to him by revealing that I have fashioned a wicked sign to bring to WWF Rebellion which simply reads: "[SLASH] Wrestling http://www.crz.net/wrestling" I just hope that I am on the opposite side of the arena from the hard camera so that my creative signs can be seen by the tv audience...

WWF Survivor Series 1995
Diesel vs Bret "Hitman" Hart
WWF Championship Match
This was my VERY first live PPV that I saw on TV, having only acquired satellite TV a couple of months previously, and if I'm not mistaken, was the first time that the WWF had done a table spot in AGES, let alone one on TV. Of course, Bret was the recipient, being bumped from the apron, through the Spanish announce table. This will, despite the obvious pre-cracked nature of the table, always have a fond place in my heart, for it was the first time that I had ever seen a table spot ANYWHERE and I loved it!
Spanish Announce Table: 1

WWF Good Friends Better Enemies: IYH
Shawn Michaels vs Diesel
WWF Championship
Diesel, WCW-bound as everyone knew, had promised from his locker-room in Germany that he had a surprise for Vince at this PPV, and he sure delivered. This improved upon the Bret-Diesel spot insofar as there was real force and velocity behind the jack-knife powerbomb which drove HBK down through the table, as opposed to Bret who simply fell through the table thanks to gravity. Spot was complemented well by the announcers going off-air for around three minutes while everyone scrambled to assist Shawn from the debris: also, check those heavy WWF monitors absolutely FLY into the air, before falling back onto Shawn...OUCH!
English Announce Table: 1

WWF Mind Games: IYH
Shawn Michaels vs Mankind
WWF Championship
Unlike Good Friends..., I didn't have to wait months for the video to come out to see this spot, for a few weeks earlier, BSkyB and the WWF had finally canned Raw from its ludicrous 5pm slot on a Friday afternoon (cut all to hell) back to 10pm. This enabled the WWF to air highlights from the match a couple of weeks later. This lived up to all the platitudes the spot had receieved over the 'net and was the most insane attempted in the WWF up to that point.
Spanish Announce Table: 2

WWF Survivor Series 1996
"Stone Cold" Steve Austin vs Bret "Hitman" Hart
Terrible spot edited from the BSkyB version of SS that aired ten days or so after the live event in the US. Bret catapaulted onto/across the Spanish announce table (he actually has to jump onto the table. Whether the table was supposed to break, and this was a blown spot is unclear, but this one ain't worth worrying about..

WWF Royal Rumble 1997
Faarooq vs Ahmed Johnson
I'd like to clear up this for once and for all: The guy semi-Pearl River Plunged through the table is NOT D-Lo Brown!!! So many people say that it is: I think they confuse this spot with the Pearl River Plunge on the car on SSN which WAS D-Lo, as far as I can remember. Coming off a delayed and heavily edited SS, it was genuinely encouraging to see that this spot was left in (this PPV would later become the second and LAST to be shown on tape delay in the UK, and represented the beginning of Sky shedding the uptight, conservative approach to screening the worst excesses of "violence" in WWF programming that Elizabeth Murdoch was so opposed to.)
French Announce Table: 1

WWF Wrestlemania 13
L.O.D. & Ahmed vs N.O.D.
Chicago Street Fight
Meant to be a piledriver through the table by Animal at Faarooq's expense, that spot was horribly blown by the bumbling Lauritanis. Step up Tony who delivers a far more conventional body slam through the French announce table.
French Announce Table: 2

"Psycho" Sid vs The Undertaker
WWF Championship
Eudy yet again demonstrates his inability to grasp the mechanics behind breaking a table (remember his length-wise powerbomb of Pete Lothario on Raw a few months earlier?) by merely toppling the table after slamming? 'Taker onto the Spanish announce table.
Spanish Announce Table: 3

WWF Revenge of the Taker: IYH
The Undertaker vs Mankind
WWF Championship
The FIRST ever live IYH in the UK and Mick flys HEADFIRST through the Spanish announce table. "Somebody help him" shrieks Lawler. "I'm not gonna help him, you help him!!!" retorts Ross. Excellent visual, great spot.
Spanish Announce Table: 4

WWF King of the Ring
Triple H Vs Mankind
KOTR Finals
Quickly gaining a reputation as the primary enemy of proud carpenters across the United States, Triple H decides that a pedigree atop the English announce table is what's needed to finish off Foley's face turn...er, I mean King of the Ring chances.
Despite futile pleas from Ross to the referee: "Get him off the table!!", Triple H delivers with a suitably satisfying CRACK! and to my great satisfaction a ringside fan responds quite audibly with the brutally honest, "Holy Fuck!!" (Listen to the tape and you shall hear it: whether it was censored for the home video I don't know, but it was definitely there on the LIVE version.)
English Announce Table: 2

WWF Badd Blood: IYH
Shawn Michaels vs The Undertaker
Hell in the Cell
A few weeks previously (MSG Raw if I remember correctly, the WWF debuted their new announce booths) and I distinctly thought that was to be the end of the WWF table spot, as those mofo's looked indestructible. The only damage that they'd inflicted upon a WWF wrestler was thanks to shoddy carpentry (Ahmed cut his hand wide open on a nail, or something that evening...) Of course, this 5-star match blew that theory out of the water, as Shawn was dropped from the side of the cell through the, by now customary, Spanish announce table. (As I "smartened up", I soon came to realise that the complete opposite of my original theory was true: these booths had been ESPECIALLY designed to enable MORE table spots to occur. After all, these tables were lighter in weight, incorporated flexible plastics to absorb some of the force of impact and could be recycled by the WWF with only minor repairs needed...)
Spanish Announce Table: 5
French Announce Table: 3 Although Taker's biele of a bloody Michaels doesn't break their booth, he does so with enough purpose and velocity that this deserves to be classed as an "attempt".

WWF Gang Rulz: Survivor Series
Kane vs Mankind
In this, Kane's first proper match, he chokeslammed Mick from the apron through the Spanish announce table (the WWF couldn't piss off the Quebecois by destroying their countrymen's table now, could they?). Nice visual, but spoilt by the fact that the red light made it difficult to see.
Spanish Announce Table: 6

WWF D-Generation X: IYH
Shawn Michaels vs Ken Shamrock
WWF Championship
As the return of Owen Hart was not supposed to be "known" to the WWF production crew, they completely miss Shawn's trip from the apron to the floor via the Spanish announce table live. Instead, the spot is best seen via the double-feature replay, and suffers from the same faults as Bret's: it's really only a gravity based spot, and is one of the weakest seen on PPV to date.
Spanish Announce Table: 7

WWF Wrestlemania 14
Kane vs The Undertaker
In a jaw-dropping moment, Taker secures his spot on the furniture wrecking alumni, after an attempt tope on Kane is swatted aside by the Big Red Machine, leaving Undi nowhere to go but through the...ahem, Spanish announce table.
Spanish Announce Table: 8

WWF Over the Edge: IYH
"Stone Cold" Steve Austin vs Dude Love
WWF Championship
The Undertaker aids Steve in his interference laden brawl with the "Corporate Butt-Kissin'" Dude by despatching McMahon stooges Paterson and Briscoe through BOTH announce positions. Paterson steals the spotlight, as his table (the English one) completely flys apart beneath his ample girth. A great end to a match I nominated as Match of the Year.
English Announce Table: 3
Spanish Announce Table: 9

WWF King of the Ring
Mankind vs The Undertaker
Hell in the Cell Proving the theory that you should NEVER devise a match with Terry Funk, Mick quite honestly, risks his LIFE and allows Taker to throw him off the top of the Cell through the Spanish announce table (Was SuperAstros full of spots in which the English announce table was wrecked in revenge?).
I need not say more on this match, for it has already been said. Foley immortalised himself with these 20 minutes.
Spanish Announce Table: 10

WWF Fully Loaded: IYH
Austin and Taker vs Kane and Mankind
WWF Tag Team Championship
A blown spot, Austin knocked Foley off the apron as he geared up to deliver a hipbuster elbow-drop and onto, but not through, the seemingly reinforced Spanish announce table. This looked really painful for poor Mick.
Spanish Announce Table: 11

WWF Raw is War
Kane vs Mankind
Hell in the Cell
In a cheap reprisal of the KOTR incident, Taker pulls Mick off the side of the cage and through the Spanish announce table. I always mark out for table spots on Raw, and this match was totally hardcore for a Monday night.
Spanish Announce Table: 12

WWF Highway to Hell: Summerslam
"Stone Cold" Steve Austin vs The Undertaker
WWF Championship
Although let down by the new-found strength of the Spanish announce table, which seemingly had decided to fight back, the visual of Taker leg-dropping Austin across and off the Spanish announce table was WAAAY cool (the WWF production crew frame the spot beautifully, and check out all those camera-flashes and a great CRACK! sound to boot...
Spanish Announce Table: 13

WWF Deadly Game: Survivor Series
The Rock vs Mankind
WWF Championship Tourney Finals
Simply because it is expected of them both by now, Mick telegraphs an elbow drop from the top turnbuckle to the table and hey presto! the Spanish announce table is no more!
Spanish Announce Table: 14

WWF Royal Rumble
Mankind vs The Rock
WWF Championship
In a blatant effort to get the last laugh, the Spanish announce table commits the furniture equivalent of suicide, and falls to pieces before The Rock can administer a Rock Bottom on Foley.
Spanish Announce Table: 15

WWF St Valentine's Day Massacre
"Stone Cold" Steve Austin vs Mr McMahon
Steel Cage Match
In a genuinely gutsy and endearing moment, Vince actually agrees (who the f*ck persuaded him to do this, or even worse, did he need persuading?) to outdo Shawn Michaels effort at Badd Blood and absolutely launches himself from the side of the cage and onto the hapless Spanish announce table below. For a while, I fear Vince is REALLY hurt, as he lands on the table in a fashion where it initially doesn't give, causing him a visibly HARD knock to the spine. At this point, whilst immensely entertained, I pray that Vince has proved his point and NEVER does anything resembling this ever again...
Spanish Announce Table: 16

WWF Wrestlemania 15
The Rock vs "Stone Cold" Steve Austin
WWF Championship
No matter how hard I try, I will NEVER dig the Austin elbow-drop through the table. It is SUCH a waste of a table spot, that it's CRIMINAL. Ross, making his proper return to Play-by-Play since Capital Carnage oversells like he's never been away. Bless him.
Spanish Announce Table: 17

WWF Backlash
"Stone Cold" Steve Austin vs The Rock
WWF Championship
Both tables get to share the spotlight. Austin gets the Rock Bottom through the Spanish announce table (albeit less ferociously than Mankind had tasted on Raw in December and February: see footnote) whilst in a spot that was either loved or hated by the masses (I thought it was great for the record), The Rock was Stunnered atop the English announce table.
Spanish Announce Table: 18
English Announce Table: 4

WWF King of the Ring
"Stone Cold" Steve Austin vs Vince & Shane McMahon
Handicap C.E.O. Title Ladder Match
Austin serves up his boring elbow-drop through the table at the Spanish position, whilst the English announce table rejects Austin's efforts to dismantle it following Vince's success at pushing Austin off of the ringside ladder.
Spanish Announce Table: 18
English Announce Table: 5

WWF Summerslam
Shane McMahon vs Test
Greenwich Street Fight
Shane pisses off Vince by eclipsing his father's efforts at February's PPV, and immediately earns a shitload of respect from regular and especially internet fans. I personally place this awesome looking spot at the head of the list, but for Mick's Hell in the Cell jaw-dropper. At this point, this spot put the finishing gloss on what is my standard-setter for Match of the Year and I look forward to seeing ANY match which can usurp this from the top of the heap...
Spanish Announce Table: 19

Footnote: There have been a few decent spots on Raw, and their bearing upon the final results is as follows:

WWF Raw is War
Shawn Micheals vs Mankind
In Shawn's wrestling return following his locker-room brawl with Bret in Hartford, he drops a mean looking elbow-drop onto Mankind across the English announce table. The wooden table does not break, but fails to detract from the quality of the daredevil move.
English Announce Table: 6

WWF Raw is War
New Age Outlaws vs L.O.D.
Egged on by DX, the Outlaws powerbomb Animal from the apron through the English announce table.
English Announce Table: 7

WWF Raw is War
The Rock vs Mankind
WWF Championship
The night that Schiavone commented wouldn't "put asses in seats", saw Mick ferociously Rock Bottom-ed through the English announce table. Witness the wide-angle replay with Michael Cole holding his head in his hands. Did he build the damn table or something? English Announce Table: 8

WWF Raw is War
Mankind vs The Rock
WWF Championship Ladder Match
An effective reprisal of their spot on Raw a few months previously, only transferred to the Spanish announce table.
Spanish Announce Table: 20

WWF Raw is War
The Big Show (representing Taker) vs The Rock
No Holds Barred Match
>From two weeks ago on Raw, the WWF attempts to hold viewer's interests early on the East Coast, loading the first portion of the show with garbage wrestling, culminating in the Rock tasting "AAAHHHHHtheChokeslam" (TM CRZ) through the English announce table.
English Announce Table: 9

Therefore, in closing, of the some 32 table spots alluded to in this analysis, 20 were inflicted upon the Spanish announce table, representing 62.5% of all furniture abuse documented. The English announce table catches up when including the Raw is War spots, with 9, or 28%. Finally, the French announce position accounts for 3 of the table/wrestler interfaces, or 9%. Therefore we can conclude that the WWF has serious issues with the Spanish community, shows some ill-will towards the French and goes to great lengths to protect its own-language broadcasters from the chaos and carnage of Foley et al. Either that, or it's simply more fun to be able to commentate from afar on any given table spot, obviously difficult when you're at ground zero!!!!

Seriously, if any Spanish readers would let the readers of [slash] wrestling know how the Spanish announce team of Hugo Savinovich, Tito Santana, Savio Vega, etc. have come to accept their lot, or if they can even call the destruction of their set enthusiastically anymore, please feel free, 'cos I'm interested to find out.

For now, this has been

Richard Craig
Aberdeenshire, Scotland, UK
[slash] wrestling


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