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/wrestling /guests /Cox |
| Guest Columns | Ronnie Cox |
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A THUMB IN THE EYE Not even bad wrestling angles and room mates who can't run a VCR can keep me down. I handcuffed my self to a chair and threw the remote out of reach so I had to watch Nitro. Desperate times call for desperate measures. I think this is the part where I'm supposed to be walking. So I'll get down to business now. We're gonna start with WCW first this week. Vampiro loses the clowns. My prayers have been answered. And then he loses to Buff Bagwell. Houston we have a problem. It looks like Vampiro could be heading towards jobber status. We were trying to only push the clowns. Thought it might increase sales of their new CD. I didn't really care for ICP, but I really do not like Buff. He has like three moves. Punch, kick and busting out the white man shuffle. If it wasn't for the twelve year old girls who watch WCW this guy would be working at a dirtbag strip joint getting food stamps shoved down his shorts. So here's a thumb for you Buff and tell your mom if I see her involved in anymore of your matches. She'll get one also. Hi my name is Brett Hart and if you can bear with me I'll be kissing Hogans' ass for the next five minutes. Oh look it's Ric Flair. Maybe I should kiss his ass while I'm out here. And he wonders why he gets no respect. Hmmm I wonder. I think there is a support group for people like this. Here's an idea for Brett. Shut your piehole and wrestle. I love it when I get to bust out the Canadian thumb in the eye. I will now sing Oh Canada and keep the beat by popping Brett in the eye. Ric Flair please lay off the cough syrup. It appears that you are seeing things again. Dallas Page, does he just look unclean or is it just me. When he started spouting off about looking at his wife, I was like hooray. But oh no, we still have to look at his gruesome mug. He is a pretty good wrestler. And that's about it for skills. Let's see more of your wife and less of you. In fact let her do your interviews also. Here's one for you to use. You all know the way it goes. Budda Bing, Your'e a Bum, Here's a Thumb. Look it's that one guy who plays the harmonica and eats plastic cups. I've warned them about showing the crowds at their shows. Only show signs. Too many scary people. Lex Luger will now be called The Total Pile. If you put Hogan, Flair, Luger and Savage in the ring at the same time it will look like a Four Piece Meal from KFC. These guys are the same color as the Original Recipe. Sorry, back to Luger. I just don't buy it. I will need to be paid off before I start giving praise to Lex oops sorry, The Total Pile. Why do they keep bring back three move wonders. My theory is that they can bring anyone back. All they have to do is hook them up with Hogan. Hahahaha Look who's on his way back to the ring. Yay, it's the beer man ! Bummer, so is Hogan. Armed with a taped up wiffle bat. I'm gonna die from this. I've seen T-Ball kids swing a meaner piece of lumber. I'd give both of you a thumb but that wouldn't do the trick. You guys get the fast forward. My Special Guest Thumb In The Eye this week goes out to that guy called Goldberg. Next time smash the crap out of Sid also. I found this bit to be a little played out, but it still made me laugh. Good work Cold Beer. The WWF. Half wrestling and half other stuff. You must have some great mic skills to get over in the WWF. HHH and The British Bulldog seemed to have misplaced their skills somewhere. Ya right, they never had any mic skills to begin with. HHH is a great heel and a pretty snappy wrestler. He just isn't very interesting to listen to. Look at me, I'm the game. Whatever. That's something between you and Chyna so please keep me out of it. Yuck. Both of these guys need to quit writing their own stuff. Or if you insist on it. Then please get a teleprompter. This is merely a warning. I will be back next week if you continue to suck. JJ continues to reign supreme as the biggest pile in the WWF. Please can we have a decent champ. I do believe you need a refill of your prescription from last week The only push that Droz and Prince Albert should get is right out a window. Two straight up generic thumbs in the eyes. You aren't over enough to get any better. Who is the sick and twisted individuals who came up with the Evening Gown Match !!!! A couple a weeks ago I bitched about Brisco and Patterson running around nekkid and now you give us this. I am now slowly beginning to regain my sight. My TV is still covered in vomit. You are very evil people. How could you do this to us. We are loyal fans. But you punish us with ways that are so vile and disgusting. But you have pushed us too far. A brutal chair beating for you and your kind. How many young minds have you scarred with this angle. Please stop showing nekkid old people. ECW keep up the good work. So there it is. My twisted look at the finer moments of Mondays wrestling. Thanks to all wrestling fans and CRZ. Props to my friends and family. And a special thanks to this college teacher who's been kickin down free knowledge to help my skills. Keep it real, Ronnie Cox [slash] wrestling Mail the Author |
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