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Why Nicole Bass Should Sign With WCW with apologies to Bob Ryder On July 15, 1999, Nicole Bass became the hottest free agent in recent wrestling memory... if your memory only goes back a day. Since her release speculation has run rampant that Nicole will turn down a big money offer from World Championship Wrestling, and instead patch things up with her former employers and resign with the World Wrestling Federation. I hope that doesn't happen. If there's a God, it won't happen. Nicole Bass should sign with WCW. I realize it won't be an easy decision for Nicole, and it will certainly be an emotional one no matter what she chooses. But after weighing all her options and consulting with her spiritual advisers, her steroid distributor, and the guy who does her daily mustache waxing... I think it makes for sense for her to go. WCW NEEDS HER Since Nicole became a free agent, little has changed in the ratings war. (Christ, it's only been a day.) Monday night ratings are hardly worth waiting for and WCW may have to worry about being overtaken by ECW as the number two promotion in terms of ratings. While Nicole has been on the sidelines, working to remove the deep bass from her voice and hoping no one tests the feces found on Sable's bag for abnormal levels of testosterone, the ratings gap has closed by a few tenths of a point. Nicole's unique look of an extremely un-feminine woman with large, unhuman breasts could have made a difference in recent months and still can in the future. Having Nicole Bass on the roster immediately gives WCW the ammunition they need to scare young children into having nightmares about the beastly she-man on NITRO, further distancing themselves from being "family friendly" entertainment more than Randy Savage striking females or attempted vehicular homicide ever could. Furthermore, the obvious angle of making Nicole the third Steiner Brother is just the boost WCW needs to get a jump in the ratings. TIME IS ON HER SIDE Let's face facts. Some of WCW's female employees are getting old. REAL old. The WWF's Debra can only reasonably hope for another year at best without beginning to show her age, and once that happens she'll be put out to pasture. Down in WCW, Miss Elizabeth is nearing 20 years in the business, but she has the benefit of being a blood relative of Dick Clark. In 15 years she'll look the same as she does now, if not better. But Madusa has already shown signs of her arteries hardening. As long as Madusa is employed, Nicole will never have to worry about being the promotion's only grotesque hag, as she'll soon be in the WWF. Scary, yes... freakish, yes... but not as bad as Madusa. THERE ARE NO GUARANTEES There are no guarantees that Nicole would be given a chance to further develop herself in the WWF. It's often said that Vince McMahon is a genius when it comes to making stars bigger, but his track record is mixed. For every Hulk Hogan there's a Billy Graham. For every Ultimate Warrior there's a Billy Jack Haynes. Paul Wight has only been in the WWF for a few months, but his performance thus far has been disappointing. It's obvious he's not laying off the Heineken and the Cheetos, and the only juice he's touching is what drips off his chili dog. WCW routinely looks the other way as performers such as Scott Steiner double their body mass in three months. Clearly Nicole should go where she'll be used properly. POSITIONING In the WWF, Nicole often has to jockey for position around the mirrors in the women's locker room. Attempting to force her way in would bring about a barrage of bitchy attitude from PMS, a distracting view of Debra's breasts as she tries to lead Nicole away from the vanity, and a switchblade to the gut from SuperAstros' Maria Felipe. As WCW has very few women who have personality and/or combat experience, Nicole would have a much easier time pushing aside a Nitro Girl so she can shave before making her entrance. Factoring that in it seems to make much more sense to go to WCW. DIFFERENCE MAKER Much like the signing of Master P was the dawning of a new era in both music and professional wrestling, Nicole Bass brings an entire new audience of men with a fetish of being beaten and humiliated. She can be a difference maker. The WWF is having an incredible run right now, but without catering to the all too important "domination" crowd it will be nearly impossible to sustain those ratings. When you add in the uncertainty surrounding one legitimate lawsuit and a few petty attempts at extortion, and the still unknown reactions from advertisers and cable systems who are notorious for doing anything possible to avoid people seeing their products, it just makes sense to leave. Nicole Bass should sign with WCW. Chris Jones Current site on hiatus Mail the Author |
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