Okay, so, [slash] celebrated its one-year anniversary three days late. So, being the lazy fuck that I am, I declined to send in a column as I had planned. With that said, I'd like to say that this is my excuse: I wanted to celebrate an EXTRA two days late, because that would make me hip and trendy, and possibly controversial, and such. Max the envelope, onward with power, etc.

I'm pretty sure this one's gonna just be all over the fucking place, because there's nothing too interesting right now. Besides, of course, the whole WCW fiasco. My thoughts? W. O. R. K. That's all from me.

I see that WCW is playing "The Mullet Card" with Mike Awesome now. Strange, considering his mullet isn't nearly as bad as it once was. You wanna see a mullet? Bobby Eaton in '91. Now THAT, my friends, was a mullet.

I often get e-mail from people, and they say, "Scott, what's the dumbest thing you've ever seen in wrestling?" I simply respond with this:

I like the way the WWF is using Tazz now. Its no secret that I'm a pretty big fan of Tazz, and I thought they'd pretty much shit on him when the Radicalz arrived in February. But, alas, Perry Saturn has turned out to be a personality-less hunk of shit, and Dean Malenko is just plain not being appreciated. I really think that if Vince had the option, he would've signed Chris Benoit and Chris Benoit only, but since they were a "package deal," he had no choice. But, anyway, I think Tazz will do fine with this new character, which is more suitable for someone like him.

So I says to the guy, I says, "Yeah?! Well Irwin R. Schyster can KISS MY ASS, BUDDY!"

Fully Loaded might tank. You never know. But, if it works, it'll be a nice move on McMahon's part to give Benoit, Angle and Jericho a shot at selling a pay-per-view. I mean, hell, what's he got to lose?

Speaking of Angle, he's getting ridiculously unoriginal. Let's face it, his entire schtick is contrived from Jericho's 1998 WCW run. Monday, before he even brought out the damn moped, everyone knew it was a damn moped. It would've been funny, had it not been so apparent what he was doing. But he wore FUNNY EYEWEAR! Nothing makes me laugh like FUNNY EYEWEAR! OH HO! OH HO HO! He'll be nothing in two years. It's TRUE.

On a side note, why did Dwayne Wayne [Kadeem Hardison's character on "A Different World"] ever stop wearing those cool flip-up specs? Maybe Kurt Angle should get some of those. That might be funny.

Will someone PLEASE explain to me, in a manner that does not include "because they're friends of Triple H," why Road Dogg and X-Pac are continually pushed? Does anyone notice that X-Pac's window of opportunity as the valiant lil' scrapparino was gone after Shamrock whomped his ass real propa-like in October '98 on RAW in that I-C title tournament final? Does Vince care? If he's going to "use" X-Pac, will he actually try to make something of him? Am I going to stop bothering to find the reason why these useless drug addicts even have jobs?

Speaking of strange and undeserved pushes, I admire the effort to make Val Venis a singles star, but they really should've changed his name. Since he's trying to be a little more straight-forward and hard-edged, he should've just dropped the whole "Val Venis" name and went with his real name, Sean Morley. Its not a bad name. Maybe change the last name. And his new haircut is EERILY similar to the Big Show's right when he got his haircut.

Since I covered DX, here's a list of other people that should be canned from their various promotions: Sting, Sid Vicious, Lou E. Dangerously, Gangrel, Big Boss Man, Mideon, Mark Henry, Sal E. Graziano. There are more, I'm sure, but those are some guys I see having no more use in the industry, or guys that didn't have any to begin with. Borden's a bitch. Don't get me started on Sting. His action figure ROCKS, though! Thanks, Renee!

"These people are hanging from the rafters, although this Roman coliseum doesn't have rafters, it has columns, and people are hanging from them!" - Randy Savage

Why is it...that every time I go to Rant-syl-va-ni-a...I see the same damn server problems...fifteen times a day...for three weeks? C'mon, mannnn! FUNK DAT!!!

All-time favorite Ross Report quote: "Who's the toughest member of DX?" Idiot.

Is anyone but me a tad disturbed by Bill Apter? Not only did he pretend to be various people for about twenty years, but he also pretended to be various *women* for about twenty years. And he made these WEIRD personalities for them. "Brandi Mankiewicz," the "redhead with a whip." What the FUCK is in Apter's head?! Fucking weirdo. Stay away from WrestleLine, people. Much like Triple H's catchphrase, its NO...DAMN...GOOD!

Sometimes, just for kicks, I like to say the names of Japanese wrestlers really fast in a deep, stereotyped, angry Japanese voice. MITSUHARUMISAWA! TATSUMIFUJINAMI! Try it. Or don't.

I wonder if Chris will even post this? If he did, you know right now, right? But if he didn't, only he and I will know. But RIGHT NOW, not even he or I know! Like Tom Cochrane said, "Its a Mad, Mad World."

Does WCW really have the United States title anymore? For the love of all that's still worth anything, just put it on Billy Kidman or Lance Storm, throw Shane Douglas in there with a little three-way feud, and let them have at it and restore some credibility. That's A) Not hard, and, B) Not fucking with any storylines.

Plug: Check out my site.

Personal Satisfaction Plug: Piss on this site.

No matter WHO they put the title on, be it Booker T or Hulk Hogan or Jim Powers, David Arquette was STILL the WCW world champion at one point, and the fact remains that the belt is forever tarnished.

But, "the belt's just a prop," right? Classic Russo: Try the controversial way, watch it fail, then do what you're supposed to. That way, he saves face if it fails, and if it succeeds, he's a "genius." Brilliant man.

Okay, I think I'm done for now, as I just wanted to say...stuff...or something. Happy one-year anniversary to [slash], and let's all hold hands and watch WCW fuck this up after the next pay-per-view.

Next on The Late, Late, Late Show: Funnyman Howie Mandel!!!

Later.