My Thoughts on the NBA Finals: I wish my Pacers would've pulled the series out, but they played damn well after game one, and the Lakers were proven to be human by Indiana and Portland, much like the Bulls were proven human by Indiana and Utah. Much like the WWF, anything can happen in the NBA. But usually its pretty boring.

My Thoughts on Internet Journalism For Right Now: I miss some of the old Rant Crew guys, like The Authority, SUPES, and others. To replace them, we have people making inane comments about how "gay" things are, and threatening to piss us off. Note, morons: You don't threaten people by promising to write even MORE juvenile and "scathing" columns next time out.

My Shameless Plugs: http://www.ncw3.com/rantcentral and http://www.ncw3.com/authority. The official websites of the Rant Central newsletter, and my journalistic pal Brian "The Authority" Gleine. Check 'em out.

There seems to be a lot of internet journalists and other assorted smarts, or smarks, or whatever the fuck we're calling ourselves this month, attempting to return to being marks. I am somewhat guilty of this, myself, and can't really complain. I mean, good Lord, remember when it was fun?

See, there are good things to know, that you only know as a smart. Understanding ring psychology, why things are booked the way they are, and what guys are real assholes in reality. Many people would prefer to not know what a dickwad Hulk Hogan is, or that Steve Austin's attitude is a major reason Jeff Jarrett returned to WCW. But, look at it like this: if I was working with Hogan, I'd be all for him on one level, and against him on another level. Being for him deals with the fact that he is/was a draw, and that with him in my company, there's gonna be more money coming in, thus my job is more secure. However, with him in the company, its a strong possibility I will be held back in the mid-card or curtain-jerker range, and not ever really getting the chance to further my career.

Its nice to know that Hulk Hogan is an asshole to have to work with unless you're in with him. It makes the guys seem human. In every major corporation, there are cliques of employees and a guy that can get you over the top of the mountain up to that level where you want to be. Right now, Triple H seems to be that man in the WWF. How else do you explain the continued pushing of Road Dogg and X-Pac? Someone said it before, but when casual fans are waving signs for X-Pac to be fired, shouldn't you consider his importance to you? Of course, but when Triple H, who has you believing that HE is drawing the money and the fans, also has you believing that X-Pac is over and an integral ingredient in the company's success, then you're going to keep the guy around. Same can be said for Road Dogg, who's really living off the Outlaws gimmick at this point. I mean, for God's sake, he's an Armstrong! Armstrong's aren't needed.

Also, when you're a mark, you DO recognize a truly great match. Take Shawn Michaels vs. Razor Ramon at Wrestlemania X. Everyone knew that was amazing, and many marks even thought that Bret Hart vs. Owen Hart on the same event was great, I, myself, being one at the time. I've always been a fan of mat wrestling, what can I say? I guess even when I was a major mark, I still had sharp, pointy triangles of smartness poking through my skin. Many, many marks will tell you that Bret vs. Owen sucked, however. It was "boring." And, how can you disagree? The match was a beautifully worked, scientific masterpiece with mucho psychology to boot. But, hey, its not for everyone. Much like many of Bret Hart's great matches, like the match at Survivor Series '94 against Bob Backlund.

You can't define a match as great, really, but, marks and smarts have different opinions. Hulk Hogan vs. Roddy Piper at Starrcade '96 might've been considered a classic by many marks, but, to the smart contingent, it was shit. A boring, poorly worked, and almost "crippled" match that was ridiculously out-of-date. Hey, I'll admit that I liked the storyline. Before Piper became a major pimp of himself in 1997 or 1998, I liked Piper a lot. Sure, he's Hogan without the status and Flair without the talent, but, he's entertaining. When I was younger, I used to get goosebumps from that bagpipe music. I knew he wasn't going to come out and work a match like Ricky Steamboat, and I knew he wasn't going to come out and electrify a crowd and dominate an opponent like The Ultimate Warrior did, but I knew he was gonna come out and have a brawl with some hardass of a heel that thought HE would be the one to finally shut Piper's mouth. Take Bad News Brown at Wrestlemania VI, for instance. Of COURSE that match was going to suck! Everyone knew it going in! But you also knew that those two would punch, kick, scratch and claw to beat the hell out of his opponent. It wasn't gonna be pretty, but it was gonna be a fight. And thats how mark Scott looked at it. It'd be fun and exciting. Smart Scott looks at it like he would a young woman that squatted down and pissed all over his pillow.

I have TNM7, the greatest wrestling simulator in existence, on my computer, and, lately, I've been running a circuit that involves using wrestlers IN THEIR PRIME, from any era whatsoever. TNM7's match ratings are rather accurate, most of the time. If you mix a shooter with another shooter, then you're likely to get a good match. I have been running several tournaments, including a 128-man singles tournament to determine the greatest wrestler of all-time. Eight brackets, sixteen men per bracket. Sometime soon, I'll have a website where anyone can view the results, if they'd care to. The finals was Bret Hart vs. Steve Austin, with Hart winning. It came to about ***1/4. Its one of those matches where, in theory, it wouldn't REALLY mix well, but, in reality, it does. Like Lex Luger vs. Ric Flair in the late 80s/early 90s. They did well with one another, no doubt. But if you really just looked at it as how they supposedly would do, you'd expect no more than **1/2 or so.

The 80s were a fun time to be a mark. You could get into stupid bullshit like Big Boss Man turning away from the heel side of things to take his stand for what's right and help Hulk Hogan out. You knew you were watching a great match when The Rock n' Roll Express and The Midnight Express hit the ring, but you also sat in anticipation for Dusty Rhodes vs. Arn Anderson the entire way through it. Why? Because those were the stars, and Morton, Gibson, Eaton and Lane were mid-carders.

You'd pop just for the hell of it when your favorite came out, no matter if it was Hulk Hogan, or if you were enamored with the heel announcers and decided to cheer on Mr. Perfect or Randy Savage, which many of the "cooler" marks did. "Cooler" marks like me.

But, then, you became a smart. You either decided to subscribe Meltzer's Wrestling Observer or Keller's Pro Wrestling Torch, or you got the internet and started giving them hits there. Well, them or one of the sites that gets their news from them. You started hearing of how Chris Benoit and Eddy Guerrero were living legends, and you thought, "What? These guys haven't even won a world title, and they're too small to, anyway!" Now, take this as you will, but I remember pegging Benoit as the best wrestler in the world while I was transforming from mark to smart, before I got the internet. But, many marks have always respected Benoit. Tony Schiavone used to frequently remark about Benoit's ovations simply because he was a great wrestler, and the fans knew it. And, Tony was right. The fans in WCW always knew that when Benoit was coming out, they were seeing one of, if not the, greatest wrestlers on the planet. Many also felt that way about Dean Malenko and Eddy Guerrero. They'd get very nice pops when their music would hit, and the fans would always be drawn in by their matches. Many instances of this can be seen, but I think the best example may be Dean Malenko vs. Ultimo Dragon at a Clash of the Champions in 1997, when Malenko regained the cruiserweight title from Dragon. The fans in Milwaukee were solidly behind a then-heel Malenko, wishing that he'd somehow show that evil foreigner who had stolen America's cruiserweight belt to go with all of those evil Japanese belts he had. I know that sounds racist, in a way, but, thats how it was looked at.

To sidetrack once more, Vince Russo IS right about that, whether we like it or not. American fans can't identify with a Japanese wrestler. The Japanese wrestler can get great pops for his wrestling, but is he money? No, and he never will be. Do you see any Japanese wrestlers headlining the WWF shows? You sure as hell don't, and if you wanna think about it, I don't see any black wrestlers headlining the WWF shows, either. Unless you consider the half-African American Rock, which you can, if you'd like. But, still. Don't just point that finger at WCW. Look at the WWF, as well as ECW the same way. Its just that McMahon or Heyman never publicly said anything like that. But, lets move on, or sideways, or wherever the hell I'm moving.

There's a cry to go back to just being a fan again, and its becoming an increasingly large cry. Fine, thats nice and all, but realise that your cries for this are going to go unanswered. Why? Because being a smart is like being brainwashed.

"Just sit down and watch the shows for a week, don't go look at any news." Right. I'm just going to sit down, watch the Monday shows, and not want to see the ratings. Oh, I can go see the ratings, right? Okay, cool. Wait...shakeups in WCW?! News on an injured ECW wrestler?! GOOD GOD! I HAVE TO CLICK THE LINK! I HAVE TO CLICK THE LINK!!!!

And its like that, really. You go to a site to get ratings, or you go to a site to see what Don Becker thought of RAW, and end up reading all kinds of shit you had no real intention to read. Why? Because you're interested in the goings-on. And you get sucked in by headlines of someone being fired, or someone being backstage at Nitro, or someone spraining his wrist while he cleaned his gutters.

And, while watching wrestling may not be the relaxing pastime it once was for you, its still enjoyable. If it really flat-out was NOT enjoyable for you anymore, you'd quit watching altogether, or at least the shows you don't like. You must get SOMETHING out of Nitro, or you wouldn't waste your time tuning in every Monday. Bitching about it sucking is fine, just remember that when you ask, "Who do they think is going to want to watch this shit?," you yourself just sat through two hours of it.

ECW sucks, and I couldn't stand it any longer. I started asking myself, "Who do they think is going to want to watch this shit?" Know what I did? I stopped watching the TNN show, and I don't get Hardcore TV, so it all works out fine. Occasionally, I'll catch a match or two, but I can't sit there with that bush-league garbage for more than 10 minutes. I am more and more frequently missing Thunder nowadays, as well. But, I never miss RAW or Nitro. Because I need to know whats going on.

Many people say that wrestling is better now, because of the increased weekly amount of wrestling programming. With RAW, SmackDown!, Heat, Nitro, Thunder, Worldwide, Saturday Night, ECW on TNN, Superstars, Livewire, and Hardcore TV, and Jakked/Metal, we have 16 hours of wrestling per week if you get all those shows. 16 hours! Granted, some of those hours just show what happened on previous others, but, still. Also, to go with all those hours, most are "jobber-free!" No more Sting squashing Sgt. Buddy Lee Parker! No more Arn Anderson pummeling poor Big Josh! Its great!

I disagree. I liked that shit. You could get some surprisingly good matches out of that. Plus, those matches didn't have to end with fuckjobs and DQs and shit like that. They provided a spot for the babyface to go over and be cheered, or the heel to beat the shit out of some poor, clean-shaven fellow and taunt the crowd further. It was good stuff. Sure, you usually knew damn well who would win, but what if Koko B. Ware was able to pull the upset over Mr. Perfect? It would elevate him, right? I mean, holy shit! If the jobber pulls the upset, he's an IMMEDIATE title contender! At least you thought so.

Now, we never get big upsets. The most recent was Michael Modest upsetting The Artist at the Spring Breakout Nitro, and then what did Modest do? Went away, thats what. Blame that on Russo/Bischoff replacing Sullivan, if you want, but, still, the point is there. There's no intrigue. When The Rock wrestles Road Dogg on a Monday night, you know that The Rock is winning, no matter WHO interferes on Road Dogg's behalf. He'll hit that Rock Bottom and People's Elbow somehow. And when Jeff Jarrett defends the WCW title against Scott Steiner, you know damn well that Jarrett is going to walk out of Nitro with the belt, whether he gets his ass beat or not.

Its not good enough to just have the heel get his ass kicked nowadays. They need to lose for it to be effective for the crowd in attendance. Things have changed, and the fans of my era and the one directly before mine have changed. We expect so much more now. In our youths, we, for the most part, expected someone to beat Ric Flair once and for all in the NWA, and for Hulk Hogan to conquer the newest challenger to his throne in the WWF. We expected nothing from the AWA, by in large.

We weren't looking for Curt Hennig or Strike Force or The Rockers to go out there and wow us with their ability. We weren't looking for anyone to cut a great promo. We weren't looking for anything more than our favorites to go over and our most hated combatants to be humiliated. Thats it.

But, we can never, ever return to that now.

If you hate Chris Benoit, you still respect his in-ring ability. If you hate The Rock, you still have to admit that he's the top wrestler in the world. If you hate The Cat, you still have to say he can draw cheap heat like a champ. Its all ass-backward from how it once was. Lets say Perry Saturn and Dean Malenko are wrestling one another. We will blatantly ignore the complete lack of interest shown toward the two, and we comment on how great the chain-wrestling was. Why do we do this? We're trained. The same way the marks we villify are trained to chant The Rock's name and sing along with his catchphrases.

We're trained to say, "Chris Benoit carried (not-so-great wrestler) to a watchable match." We're trained to ignore the way the fans sit on their hands during a match with two good but not over workers, or else we're trained to damn them for their ways. We're trained to comment on how The Rock sucks, and, believe it or not, you'll be trained to comment on how Chris Jericho and Kurt Angle suck someday, too. The marks have been brainwashed, and so have we.

We're marks with information, you know? We aren't "smarts." We don't know jack shit, in all reality. One day, we say Meltzer said this, and the next day, we say Meltzer said something different about the same damn thing, because a "more reliable source" has told him differently.

I'm not saying we don't, mostly, make up our own minds about our likes and dislikes. One man's DUD garbage match is another man's ***** masterpiece. One man's Flair is another man's Shawn Michaels. We don't always agree, but we always agree. And what I mean by that is that our favorites and preferences may not be the same, but our way of thinking is generally nearly identical.

Its impossible to return to being a mark. Once you get a taste of the inside information, you want more and more. We're like vampires, and this is our blood. We've been sucked in to this world, and there's no turning back.

Bitch like you have the urge to, and stop trying to return to your childhood as far as wrestling goes. You can't dip those Oreos when there's no more milk left in the glass.

As always, I remain more jaded than Mark Madden can ever pretend to be.

Later.