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THE RADICAL RANT FOR WWF EUROPEAN CHAMPIONSHIP
Being of proud European origin myself, I was of course delighted when the WWF decided to introduce a tertiary European strap for the lower midcarders to squabble over. Never mind that there was roughly one European wrestler on the whole roster-piffling little details like that didn't matter. No, what amttered was that this gave an excuse for the WWF to have an exclusively European pay-per-view. So, without further ado...exclusive to Sky Sports...
Live from Berlin, Germany, the date is the 26th February 1997, your hosts are Vince MacMahon and the Honky Tonk Man. Now there's a team I hope I never have to hear on commentary again...
Interview-o-rama to kick off as Rocky Maivia talks a little on how much he sucks-oh, and he's fighting Vader in the biggest match of the night. Man, how can someone suck so bad then get so good? He deserves an award or something.
Intercontinental Title Match: Vader (w/Paul Bearer and no entrance) Vs. Rocky "Shitlocks" Maivia (c): The announcer tonight is German, completely ruining all entrances. (That's Carsten Schaefer - CRZ) There is also a German referee-I assume this because I've never seen this ref outside of this event. Vader kicks off with some intimidating muscle flexes, then cups his ear to the crowd. This would be the start of a lot of strange behaviour from the V-Man tonight. Stttttttaaaaaaaallllllllll to start, lockup, more heinous posing from Vader, Vader encourages the crowd to turn up the volume on the "Rocky" chant. Boy, the WWF would do ANYTHING to get Rocky heat, wouldn't they. Test of strength-yeah, that's a good idea when fighting Vader. Vader wins, of course, then works the arm-Vader the submission specialist! Waistlock by Vader, then he trips Rocky and goes to work on the leg. Vader with an armbar-what the Hell is this? Rocky breaks free and gets a couple of clotheslines to come back and slaps his own armbar on, then works the shoulder. Drop toe hold by Rocky, then a strange inverted figure-four/Tejas Cloverleaf variant, then ANOTHER armbar. They've been taking lessons from Chris Jericho, I'd say. Vader breaks with right hands and bodyshots, and pounds Rocky down in the corner. Vader taunts crowd, then whips Rocky across the ring and eats a boot. Clothesline gets two for Rocky. He goes back to the shoulder. So, ya like armbars? Then this match is for YOU! Another amrbar for Vader, and it's LOOOOOONG one. Vader eventually breaks with some more right hands and a clothesline, then beats him down in the corner again. Another clothesline puts Rocky down and Vader slaps on a Regalesque stretch-kind of a sit-down abdominal stretch. Sorry, not too hot on submission holds. Vader turns that into a chinlock and Rocky breaks free, then gets a rollup for two. Vader takes his head off with a clothesline to retake control. Irish whip and avalanche and Rocky crumples. He rebounds with a sunset flip attempt-and Vader sits on him. Ouch. That gets a two count. And another. And another. Vertical suplex attempt by Vader is blocked, however, and Rocky hits his own to start his comeback. Clotheslines by Rocky, and a belly-to-back gets a nearfall. Vader rebounds off an Irish whip with a cothesline to kill Rocky's comeback, then gets two off of a splash. Second rope splash gets another two for the big man. He slams Rocky and does his patented "powerslammed off the second rope" spot, giving Rocky a nearfall. Belly-to-bellies gets another two for the champ, then the (not-yet) Layin' The Smackdown DDT gets a third. Flying crossbody connects but Rocky doesn't cover. Vader appears to have lost his mask. Rocky sends him to the floor and follows, but Mankind's out with an urn shot to Rocky, giving him the cheapo DQ win at 15:11. Not bad. Not terribly good, either.**
Berlin footage. Pfftt....
Replays from that epic Thursday RAW Thursday, where Shawn "I'll Die Before I Drop A Title In The Ring" Michaels tells us all he's lost his smile. And if you don't know about that, I'm sure there's an old edition of The Rick that covers it.
Wacky Mankind promo-in German. Kinda killed my enjoyment of it.
Sid offers his rebuttal in English, and Mankind's is still more understandable. Wouldn't a Warrior/Sid tag team blow the roof off? "The Unpronouncables"! Think of the promos!
WWF Title Match: Mankind (w/Paul Bearer and Urn) Vs. Psycho Sid (c): Sid beats on Mick a bunch in and out the ring, and Mankind returns fire but runs into the ringpost. Back in the ring and Sid hits the chinlock-already. You are one lazy, useless, talentless, no-money drawing piece of shit, Sid. Two minutes in and you're already using restholds? God. Moankind thankfully breaks free-and so Sid slaps on an armbar. Oy. He breaks and kicks Mick around a bit. To the floor again and Mick chokes Sid as he lies on the apron. Back in the ring and Mick chokes Sid over the second rope, then legdrops him over it. Elbow to the throat-Mick's trying to salvage this match with some psychology, bless 'im. Second rope choke again. Sid's back up, however, in full no-selling form, and he hammers Mick some more. He props Mick in the corner and hits a charging knee, but the second misses and he gets hung up. And just when it looks like Mankind will get some notable offence, we go to an
Ad Break.
And, shocking, when we return Sid's back on offence, kicking Mick around the ring. He tosses Mick to the floor and follows, then goes after Paul Bearer. Mick tries an ambush but Sid gets him in a choke and hurls him against the ringpost, and Mick cracks his head audibly in a sick bump. Sid gets a belly-to-back on the floor, then gets back in the ring and gets hung over the top rope by Mick. Mick climbs back in the ring and gets a nearfall from a second rope legdrop. Chinlockery ensues as the crowd chants for Sid. Sid breaks loose but Mick catches him with the Mandible Claw off the ropes. It gets a couple of two-counts before Sid just yanks Mick's hand out of his mouth. Mick gets a gutshot and the double-arm DDT for two, then gets a sleeper off the ropes. Sid squashes him in the corner to break but Mick puts it on again, so Sid does the Vader spot of falling back and squashing Mick. Always impressive. Ten-punch countalong-with the crowd chanting in English-gets to seven before Sid forgets what comes next. Mick runs into Paul Bearer by mistake, and Sid capitalises with a chokeslam for two, then takes the win moments later with a powerbomb at 10:26. Not the worst Sid match I've ever seen...*1/2
"Touching" SHawn Michaels video package for absolutely No reason whatsoever. Geez, from all the coft lenses and corny fan shots here you'd think he'd DIED or something.
Some shots of the Brandenberg Gate. Whee.
Owen Hart interview. He's gonna win clean tonight. Honest.
European Title Tournament Finals: The British Bulldog Vs. Owen Hart: These two were, of course, Tag Team Champions at this point, and friction had been teased since Owen accidentally eliminated Bulldog from the Rumble in January. Bulldog's theme is barely audible for some strange reason, and he's the face here. The British Bulldog...a face...in Berlin? Bizarre-or BIZZZZAAAAAAARRE, as Davey would say. Circle, lockup, break to start, then they trade wristlocks and flipouts-Davey works in some breakdancing too. Owen goes for a monkey flip but Bulldog flips out on landing then tries a hiptoss, but Owen blocks, then blocks a second attempt, flips over but gets caught on another attempt for two. Owen nips up and they go back to circlin'. Bulldog calls for the test o' strength and Owen, like an IDIOT, goes along with it. Davey powers him down to the mat, but Owen leaps onto the top rope, sits down, bounces off and hits an armdrag. Oh, man, I miss Owen. He goes for a rana but Bulldog powerbombs him, then catapaults him over the top rope. He holds the ropes open for Owen to re-enter as Vince and Honky speculate on the good sportsmanship here. Back in and Bulldog with a hammerlock, but Owen flips over his shoulder to break and gets a rollup for two. Bulldog rebounds with an armdrag into an armbar, and he works the shoulder. Back to the hammerlock, and Owen tries to flip out again but Bulldog drops him on his arm. More shoulder-working and Bulldog puts on a good old-fashioned wristlock as Honky busts out a decent Stu Hart impression. Owen escapes but Davey catches him with a crucifix for two. Owen blocks a suplex attempt but misses his enzuiguri, and Bulldog puts on the surfboard but releases quickly. Snapmare into an armbar by Bulldog. Owen whipped into ropes, criss-cross, and Bulldog monkey flips Owen but gets backdropped to the floor on the follow-up clothesline. Owen showboats to BIG heel heat, then patronisingly holds the ropes for Bulldog. They slap hands again, then lock up. Bulldog with a snapmare into a headlock for two. Owen shoves Bulldog into the ropes, criss-cross, and Owen fakes a knee injury, then goes into full dickish heel mode by jumping Bulldog when he shows concern. Sharpshooter attempt is blocked, and they finally have the shoving match. Shoving symbolises animosity, see. Or something. Bulldog grabs a headlock, thrown into the ropes, another criss-cross, and Owen gets a heel kick then works over Bulldog in preperation for the Sharpshooter. Backbreaker, and Owen works the back as we go to an
Ad Break.
Owen's got a chinlock on Davey when we come back and the crowd rallies for him. Bulldog breaks free but Owen catches him ff the ropes with a knee to the gut, then stomps him some more. Bulldog rolls out to the floor as Owen basks in the heel heat. Davey takes a breather then sunset flips back in for two. Owen knocks him down straight afterwards and gets a two off of an elbowdrop. Back to the chinlock, and Bulldog breaks free again but Owen catches him with a belly-to-belly for a nearfall. Owen with a camel clutch, then turns it into a sleeper, but Davey stands up with Owen on his shoulders and drops him on his head. Owen blocks a blind charge in the corner and gets two from a Flair pin. Neckbreaker and a second rope elbow gets two. Back to the chinlock, Bulldog powers out but owen rakes his face. Bulldog sat on the top rope and Owen goes for a superplex but Bulldog reverses it into a bodypress IN MID AIR for two. Gotta love it. Three clotheslines from Davey as he makes the Superdog comeback. Vertical suplex gets two. Irish whip, and Davey press-slams Owen onto the top rope in the ULTIMATE crotch shot. Bulldog goes to suplex him back over the top rope, but Owen slides out and hits a German suplex for two. Bulldog reverses an Irish whip and catches Owen on his shoulders, but Owen blocks the running powerslam by holding onto the ropes in the corner and gets a rollup from it for two. Great spot. Bulldog rolls through a springboard bodypress for two, and Owen hits the Shawnbuster enzuiguri. Sharpshooter (which Bulldog sells with gusto), and Davey makes the ropes. Owen whipped into the ropes, reversal, picks up Bulldog for a tombstone, but Bulldog reverses into the ~RUNNING POWERSLAM~for two. Bulldog argues the count, and Owen sneaks up with a victory roll for two, but Bulldog reverses into one of his own and we have a new European Champion-Der Britische Bulldog-at 17:30! Whoohoo! Crowd goes nuts for some odd reason. Absolutely bitchin' match. ****1/2, and only kept from five star status by the number of chinlocks. Post match Owen raises his hand and leaves, and some German guy interviews Davey. Then Owen returns and they tease a split as Owen argues abou how he's the best and Bulldog shouldn't take credit for the great match all on his own. But nothing comes of it. Why didn't they do this pay-per-view in England?
Final Thought: This tape is near-impossible to find in te US, but dammit, it's worth it. There are two more matches on the card-Bret Vs. Austin and Hunter Vs. Goldust-which aren't on my copy because my dumbass friend started recording late. But the Austin-Bret match kicked ass and Hunter-Goldust....well, the Austin-Bret match kicked ass! Thumbs up for this tape-it's worth looking for. Keep those emails comin' at forthebenefitofthosewithflashphotography@hotmail.com. Seeya...
Ian Challis
freelance
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