Guest Columns | Ian Challis |
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BACKLASH '99
It's that time of year again! The time when every wrestling fan gets excited, where waiting for that special day is the only thing on your mind, where you just know that the GREATEST NIGHT OF ALL-TIME is only a couple of weeks away. Yeah, it's Backlash time! Okay, so maybe I'm exaggerating Backlash's importance somewhat. But it's still now a yearly show, which means I can do rants on this year's predecessors. So, without further ado, the Ian Challis throwback to Backlash '99...
Opening Six Man Tag Team Match: The Brood Vs. The Acolytes/Midian/eon: The WWF were still unsure on the whole "Dennis Knight's name" issue at this point. The Brood were always mondo cool, IMO, and were one of the few Russo brainchilds that were actually worthwhile. It's a shame they were treated like total jobbers. But then I guess we wouldn't have gotten Edge and Christian's current act were it not for the Brood breakup. Mideon and Christian start with a duelling crouch staredown, then they lock up and Midian beats the piss out of Christian. Christian ducks a clothesline and gets a heel kick, then an armdrag into an armbar. Tag to Gangrel, who continues the arm workage, but Mideon gets a headbutt and tags Bradshaw. He no-sells a Gangrel shoulderblock and slaughters him, but eats two back elbows, the latter from the second rope. Rope reversal, and Bradshaw gets a fallaway slam, but Gangrel tries a drop toe hold and Edge clotheslines the big man down to complete the move. Double suplex, but Bradshaw just gets up and tags Faarooq, and they beat on Edge. Edge and Christian hit a double team crucifix for two, and Edge gets a heel kick, but Faarooq spinbusts him into the Goth-in-peril role. The heels beat on Edge and Mideon hits a delayed suplex for two. Edge gets a quick sunset flip, but Bradshaw breaks it up. Tag to Bradshaw, and a shoulderblock gets a one-count before Christian saves. Christian and Bradshaw slug it out while Faarooq works over Edge, then Bradshaw gets a legsweep. Tag to Faarooq, who hits a headbutt for two, and the crowd lets us know that Midian Sucks. Edge gets a fluke cradle for two, so Faarooq knocks him down and hits the chinlock. Edge hits a jawbreaker to escape, and Mideon gets the tag to big boos. Those Providence fans sure know a sucky wrestler when they see one. Headbutt to the groin gets two for Midian, and the Ministry does some more illegal beatings. Irish whip, but Edge gets a boot up to block Mideon's charge, then hits a second rope spear. Hot tag Christian, who gets a slop drop for two, and it's pier six brawl. Double backdrop on Midian, and Bradshaw comes in and gets beat. Edge and Christian hits Poetry In Motion on both Mideon and Bradshaw, and Edge and Gangrel hit the floor with Faaroq and Midian. Christian hits a tornado DDT on Bradshaw for two. Bradshaw gets an Irish whip and misses a charge, and Christian does the ten punch countalong. Bradshaw reverses to a VICIOUS powerbomb, for a REALLY close two-count before Gangrel saves. Edge missile dropkicks Bradshaw into a rollup for two. Christian hits a pescado on Faarooq, but Big Fat Vis, surely the most talented of the Ministry, drags his fat ass down and crushes Christian against the ring apron. Vis rolls Christian back in the ring, and a Clothesline From Hell finishes it at 11:39. Stupid, pointless opener. *1/2.
They toss each other around for a bit, and Holly grabs the kitchen sink, but Snow sprays him with a high-pressure hose. Brawl into the parking lot, where they exchange whips into a car. Al throws Holly into a plastic barricade and breaks a broom over him, then they fight up some steps. Holly shoves Al into a dumpster and follows with a splash for two. Brawl over to the production truck, and up the steps leading to it. Brawl in the truck, and Al hiptosses Holly from the truck onto a car roof, then drops an elbow for two. Al throws Holly into a car a few times and they head back inside. Holly covers Al with a metal rack for two. Al comes back with some elbows to the face, and they go back through the curtain, to big cheers. Holly pounds Al as they go down the aisle, but Al grabs a frying pan(!) and nails Holly with it in the ring for two. Al lays Holly out on the table and goes upstairs, but Holly smacks him with the frying pan and superplexes him through the table. Ouch. Both men down, and Holly rolls over at nine for a two count. Al crawls over, grabs Head, and nails Holly with it, and the hand holding Head falls on top for the pin at 16:28. Hard-hitting, but not much else.**. That finish kicked off the fascinating third chapter of the Holly/Snow feud, as Snow would only recognise Head as the champ and thus could not grant Holly a rematch, infuriating him.
Anyhoo, both these guys are faces here, but you can't hear much crowd heat anyway so it doesn't really factor into it. I'm pretty sure this is pretaped, too. First improvement over the first one of these: commentary. Second: lighting. Show enters the boiler room and looks for Mankind, who ambushes him with a pipe, and it's ON. Mick beats on him and forces him into an electrical cupboard, but Show gets him in a choke and throws him against the wall. Show nails him with a bin and tosses him across a table, then picks up the table and drops it on his head. Owwww. Mick fights back, but gets whipped into a fridge(?). He dodges Well It's A Big Punch, and breaks several pieces of sheetrock over Show's head, but gets a trash can kicked in his face and goes down. Show pounds him with the can, then sits him in a trolley and sends him careening into a stack of...I dunno WHAT they are. They look like chalkboards on wheels. Show slams him onto one of them, then another FALLS ON MICK'S ARM. Good God, no wonder he needed time off later that year. Show stupidly rescues Mick and tries to make a quick exit, but Mick smashes a pane of glass over his head. Both guys blade-Show on his forehead, Mick on his hand. Guess which one's better. Mick sets a ladder up and climbs, going for whatever, but Show pops up and chokeslams him through a table AND more glass. Mick rolls around in it a bit and Show tries to escape again, then decides against it and beats up Mick with a broom. He slams Mick onto a wheelie ramp, then sends him flying across a stack of equipment. Show goes to fetch him, but Mick knocks open a valve, sending a shot of "steam" into Show's face, blinding him. That's some pretty innovative offence right there. Mick nails him low with a pipe, then dumps a pile of pipes on him, and crawls out the door(leaving a nasty trail of blood behind him)for the win at 7:36. Good but short-Mick's bumping made the match.***1/4. The Big Bossman and Test launch a surprise assault and beat Mick back into the locker room, but Show rises from the grave(JR compares him to a Pheonix)and chases Bossman off, then Mick gets Socko on Test. Russo's knocking 'em for six here-ANOTHER disastrous angle set up. In this case the Union.
Pac fights up, so Trip simply yanks him down by his hair. A pair of kneedrops to the neck get two. Dragon sleeper across the knee, but Pac knees his way out. He tries a comeback, but Trip hits a facebuster for two. He throws Pac to the floor, and Chyna drops him on the crowd barrier, then Trip elbowdrops his neck across the apron. Back in, and Pac gets a quick cradle for two, so Trip knocks him down for two. Another front facelock, then a sleeper, but Pac fights out and gets his own. Trip squashes him in the corner to break it, and Pac gets it again, so Trip turns it into a belly-to-back. Both down, and Pac starts to rally. Both up, and Pac gets two heel kicks and a SWANK jumping clothesline, then a tornado DDT for two. Chyna gets on the apron as Trip tries the Pedigree, but Pac trips him and headbutts him low for two. They hit the floor and Pac sends Trip into the steps, and goes for a baseball slide, but Trip pulls the ref in the way, and we have a ref bump. Pac gets the X-Factor back in the ring, so Chyna comes in and hits an inverted DDT-and the lights go out. Crowd pops big for Kane, who chokeslams both heels and props them in the corners, then leaves. Pac comes to and hits the Broncobuster on Trip, then one on Chyna, but it's all for nought as Trip pulls himself up and hits the Pedigree for the pin at 19:10. Good match-Sean's at his best when getting the crap kicked out of him, and JR's at his best when talking about Sean getting the crap beat out of him. ***½. This was the decider match-if Trip won here, it was a sure thing he was going headliner. Which he did. Ken Shamrock Vs. The Undertaker w/Paul Bearer: Taker's sporting the Lucifer beard here. Setup for this match: the Ministry kidnap Shamrock's sister and say nasty things to her, so Shamrock goes nuts before decides to date one of them. They exchange some rights and lefts to start, and Taker gets a clothesline for two. Taker gets the ropewalk, then chokes Shamrock with his knee. Jumping clothesline gets two. Taker chokes him some more and beats him up in the corner. Irish whip, but Shamrock dodges the charge and Taker gets caught up in the ropes. Shamrock kicks way at Taker's leg, wand works it over on the ropes. More workage. BOOOOORING. Taker fights out of the corner and gets a belly-to-back for two. More choking by Taker, and Shamrock gets a sunset flip, then rolls through into a kneebar. He breaks and kicks at Taker's leg some more. Back to the kneebar for two. Taker breaks free with kidney shots, then drives his leg into Shamrock's face. Both up, and Taker takes over, but Shammy rolls through an armbar attempt and goes back to the kneebar. Taker makes the ropes and bails. Shammy follows and goes back to the leg, wokring it over using the ringsteps. Back inside, and more shots to the leg. Taker rakes his eyes to come back and elbows Kenny in the corner, but Shamrock fights out. Taker gets a drop toehold and pummels Shammy, but Shammy turns it into an armbar. Crowd agrees with my assessment of "Boring". Taker makes the ropes and bails again, then hangs Kenny over the top rope. Shammy comes back and knocks Taker off the apron, but Taker catches him as he jumps down and rams him into the ringpost. Back inside, and taker works the back, hitting a backbreaker into a stretch. He breaks and gets a two count. Taker slaps on a bow and arrow(!), then catapults Shammy into the air with his legs. He grinds the kidneys with his knee. Bodyslam and legdrop, but Kenny grabs the leg on impact and rolls through to a kneebar again. He stands up and kicks at the leg, but Taker reverses to a half-crab. Taker breaks and chokes him some more. Shammy tries a comeback, but Taker gets a weak forearm for two. Shamrock gets a back elbow and a flying knee, but Taker hits a big boot for two. Chopblock by Shamrock, and a rana for two, then the armbar takedown. He tries the ankle lock, but Taker kicks him off and covers for two. Irish whip by Taker, and he goes for the Tombstone, but Shammy slips out and gets the ankle lock. Bradshaw runs in and Shammy breaks to nail him, then Taker tries chokeslam but Shammy reverses, in MID AIR, to an armbar. Kenny gets the belly-to-belly and unwisely tries the Tombstone, and Taker rolls through to his own for the pin at 18:51(!!). What a complete snoozefest.**. This was obviously designed to elevate Shamrock, but Taker looked so bad that neither came off well. Apparently, Taker's performance was so impressive that he deserved the WWF Title the following month. Yeah.
WWF Title Match, No Holds Barred-Special Referee: Shane McMahon: The Rock w/Smoking Skulls Belt Vs. Stone Cold Steve Austin: Okay, the setup here, for those of you that don't know: Austin won the belt back at WreslteMania, and demanded his personalised Smoking Skulls belt back from Vince. Vince refused and instead handed the belt to the Rock, who held it hostage and demanded a rematch, which Austin gladly granted. So here we are. Shane is the less-than-partial referee, and he demands that the Smoking Skulls belt be taken back to his office before the match. Brawl to start, duh, and Austin gets the upper hand, but Shane distracts him and Rocky takes over. Austin gets the Thesz press and BMF elbow for one, then Rocky gets a swinging neckbreaker and stomps him. Austin thrown to the floor. Rocky clotheslines him down in the aisle, and they wander up to the entrance area. Austin thrown into the barrier, and Rock clobbers him with a fire extinguisher. Rocky pounds him and whips him into the cyclone fence around the curtain, knocking it down. They fight in the wreckage, and Rock keeps control. Austin reverses a suplex on the floor to come back, and throws Rock into the other side of the cyclone fence, knocking THAT down. Both lie around for a bit, and Austin chokes Rocky with a cable. He throws Rocky into a set of railings, then clotheslines him from atop an equipment case. Austin runs him down with another case, but Rocky gutshots him and does the same to him. He stomps Austin and throws him into the boom camera, then chokes him. Austin reverses a whip into a clothesline, and gets a slam. Back down the aisle and Austin hurls Rocky into the steps, then throws him in the ring and stomps a mudhole(But neglects to walk it dry). Shane hits a devastating shove on Austin, but Austin dodges Rock's sneak and sends him FLYING to the floor. Clothesline from the apron. Austin throws him onto the Spaniard's table, and goes for a piledriver, but Rocky reverses to a Rock Bottom, as JR's head explodes with the excitement. Rock is up first, and he trashes Austin over the Spanish headset, then hammers Austin. Austin tries to grab a chair, and Shane nabs it away from him, but No Sell Steve still manages to come back against Rocky. They fight into the crowd, and Rock takes over with a low blow. Back over the rail, and Rocky throws Austin onto the remaining announce table, then spots a cameraman who is eying him wrong and grabs his camera. Rocky films Austin lying on the table, and turns and pans the crowd as he talks trash-and when he turns back to Austin, he's met with a double bird and the Kick Wham Stunner through the table. Priceless spot. They show a few replays as both men get up, then Austin nails Rocky with a fan (the extractor kind, not the chanting kind). Back into the ring, and Austin tries a Stunner, but Rocky shoves him into Shane and hits Rock Bottom. He's too knackered to cover, so Shane drapes his arm across Austin for two. Shane gets agitated and grabs the title from ringside, but he misses Austin and nails Rocky instead. Austin covers-and Shane won't count. Shane legs it down the aisle, as Vince McMahon w/Earl Hebner & Smoking Skulls Belt struts down the aisle. Shane gets in his face, so Vince coldcocks him with the belt and directs Hebner into the ring. Rocky nails Austin with the belt for a two count, but Austin ducks another try and hits a Stunner. Superfluous belt shot finishes at 17:09. Great match, but considering what they've done since then, and how awesome that's been...***3/4. Vince leaves the belt on the apron and leaves quietly as Austin celebrates...
Final Thought: Pretty good show, on most accounts. Some of the earlier card sucked the big one, so that's strictly fast-forward material, though, and the angles started here did lead onto some of the lamest matches and cards of the late nineties. But the boiler room brawl, X-Pac Vs. Triple H and the main make this particular show worthwhile. It's also Owen's last PPV match, which is worth checking out. Next week: Backlash 2000. Toodles!
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