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| Guest Columns | Rebecca Cerese |
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REBECCA'S RANTS Sorry to all my loyal followers for not writing a column last week, I had a serious case of writers block!! But I'm back and I am going to take a different approach this week...and I am going to take a look at one of my favorite wrestlers, Chyna. But first off I want to say a few words about being a female wrestling fan...yes we have endless hot men to look at, which is great, but we also have to put up with a lot of shit...and I'm talking about evening gown matches, bikini contests and of course the worst of all...the women's hardcore match on last week's Raw which was nothing more than an excuse to showcase tits and ass. I mean did Tori forget to get completely dressed before attacking Ivory...and did the three pieces of clothing she did have on have to be white so that we could see through them when they just happened to stumble into the showers? I have not seen such gratuitous T & A since I watched Porky's as an adolescent. Then of course we have Terri Runnels who now comes to the ring wearing only a shirt and who could forget the countless hoes who besides wearing dresses that look more like tank tops, also partake in ass slapping and the simulation of humping!! Ok, enough about the simulated sexual innuendo and all around degrading female behavior and back to my point...the male wrestling fans have a wide array of characters that they could relate to or look up to...Stone Cold...the blue collar everyman ....Undertaker...the demonic dark one...the Rock...the Great One who just about everyone seems to love...the old DX...the degenerate rulebreakers...Kane...the silent one who has been burned his whole life (in more ways than one) D'Lo...the accountant turned wrestler...HUH...but anyway you get my point. The male wrestlers have distinct characteristics and personalities, in some cases, as with Kane and Mankind, I would even say their characters are quite complex. Now conversely, who the hell do we as women have to relate to...or look up to...a bunch of cosmetically altered bimbos who parade around the ring, dying to expose their breasts, and generally acting like complete sluts... I mean, now Terri Runnels is the personal concubine of the Mean Street Posse? Debra...we won't even go there, I mean I've never seen a woman as eager to expose herself as Debra is...Miss Kitty...look at her name...need I say more...Marianna is now crying to a nameless someone on the phone about how Chaz is treating her like shit...and now she is starting this very upsetting domestic violence angle which I don't like one bit!!!! Ivory actually showed she had brains, but now they are just turning her into this complete psycho bitch, and Jackie...well before she got her ass stomped by JJ I almost forgot she was still on the WWF roster...plus she is still the queen of accidental nudity, (I mean I could see how it might be hard to keep those giant breasts inside a shirt) and there's Luna...juries still out on that one since she has just returned and who knows where they will go with her character. And that leaves only one woman, the truly great woman who is in a league of her own...the 9th wonder of the world Chyna. Now, I'm not saying that I can relate to a huge 6ft tall body builder woman wrestler, but what she has accomplished in this male dominated sport is nothing less than spectacular. In my mind she is truly someone to look up too! And before I go any further, I want to give Kudos to Vince McMahon, who besides making an auspicious return to TV this week to chivalrously defend his wife's honor, has the huge grapefruit sized balls to make a woman an equal competitor in his sports entertainment empire. Since I first started watching wrestling again, about a year ago, Chyna has made a huge transition (in more ways than one) from a silent bodyguard who stayed in the background to the top contender for the IC belt at Unforgiven, a PPV that yours truly is lucky enough to have excellent seats for. Yes, I will be up close when Chyna makes history by becoming the only woman to ever hold one of the traditionally male belts. If you want to spot me, I will be the woman with the long red curly hair, going crazy when Chyna pins Jeff Jarrett 1..2..3. But before I get ahead of myself, let me take a look back to the Chyna of old, post Boob job, but pre-face surgery... When I first started watching wrestling, HHH was injured, and Chyna was basically hangin' out with the rest of DX, watching their backs...handing out low blows...but always blending into the background, never taking center stage. Immediately she intrigued me, because she was obviously completely different from any of the other women in the WWF, most notably Sable (or as I now refer to her as the Bitch who shall not be named) she wasn't afraid to get in any man's face, and get physical when she needed too. So Hunter was on his way back, and I started getting curious about this whole DX thing, what was it all about? I wondered, so I went and purchased the DX video at my local Video store, and as I watched the tape in complete hysterics, I realized that the combination of HHH and Chyna was really something unique. There she was always loyal, always in the background, always there with a low blow, or a cheap shot to help her man out of a jam. Then when I started watching more closely I realized to my amazement, that Chyna was the true talent of the group, she was the real draw. Without Chyna, HHH wouldn't have any kind of gimmick...without Chyna, HHH wouldn't have ever held a title, hell he would never even have had a single victory. At this point I was enthralled with her toughness and her unique position among the females in the WWF, but I was still unsatisfied, because I felt that something was still missing. He talents weren't being used to their fullest potential. Then the WWF did something that started her on the road to where she is now...they gave her a storyline that didn't involve HHH...the Chyna/Mark Henry love story. This story started off as a sexual harassment case, where Henry had Chyna arrested...(aka...Chyna takes time off to have facial surgery). When she returned there was no turning back for her...her journey to top contender status had begun. I think this storyline, had two major effects. One it gave Chyna her own identity, as someone separate from HHH, and two it showcased her feminine side, which up till this point has been left unexplored. It didn't hurt that after the surgery, it was obvious that Chyna felt a lot better about herself, you could tell by the way she carried herself. When she seeks revenge on Mark Henry, it is very much in a sexual context, playing up on her gender, but not downplaying that she is smart, resourceful, and still willing to play dirty with the big boys. Next stop...the Corporate Royal Rumble. When Vince McMahon orchestrated the Corporate Royal Rumble with the members of DX and the Corporation to determine who would enter the real Royal Rumble as the 30th participant, he forgot that Chyna was an official member of DX (I know, I know it was written this way, but you know what I mean.) While the crowd screamed ecstatically, Chyna made her way to the ring. The stooges attempted to hold her back, but she took care of them!! Then with the help of Stone Cold, Chyna dumped Vince out of the ring on his ass, and quickly became the first woman to ever enter the Royal Rumble. Fast forward to the Rumble, Chyna put on a decent showing for her first real match, and at least got the satisfaction of dumping her enemy, Sexual Chocolate, Mark Henry out of the ring, before she was eliminated herself by Stone Cold Steve Austin...he gives and he takes away. Now comes my favorite part in the Chyna saga...when she turned on DX. Basically, at the time this move was a complete surprise, and completely floored me. HHH was about to become the new champion...in that match he actually looked like he half deserved it as well, and the corporation surrounded the ring, and Kane grabbed Chyna by the throat (man, he should have just chokeslammed her then and there) and held her up high. Big BossMan gets on the mike and tells HHH that he better leave the Rock alone, or Kane will break Chyna's neck...so HHH, to protect Chyna lets go. Of course he is pissed off, and challenges Kane but more importantly, he turns his back on Chyna, and spreads his legs apart, just so far, as to give Chyna plenty of room for her lethal low blow, which she delivered. Then as he turned around, kneeling in agony to look at her face, she shoves him away from her like he is a piece of trash. Then she stands off to the side while the rest of the corporation kick his ass!! At first I was shocked and horrified, I couldn't believe Chyna had turned her back on DX, but as time passed, I realized that this split was very beneficial for Chyna, and proved to me even more that HHH is nothing without the 9th wonder of the world. While HHH seemed lost and alone, Chyna flourished while in the corporation. Her mike time increased triple fold, and she was put into what I still believe to be one of the best storylines of all time, the Kane/Chyna love story. In my mind, there was something that just clicked between Chyna and Kane, maybe it was there size compatibility but whatever it was, they seemed to really fit together. Plus as a corporate member, Chyna was respected, she was never pushed to the background, she was never silenced. In fact when she stood by Kane's side and asked Vince to give him another chance, Vince listened to her, of course there was a stipulation involved, but he listened to her none the less. Plus, Chyna seemed to become a favorite of Shane, defending him on numerous occasions, and even helping him win the European Championship from her former buddy X-Pac. Chyna was everywhere!! On top of being involved in all of these different storylines, Chyna also had a doozy of her own, her very heated rivalry with her former leading man, HHH. Because of the depth of their relationship, this rivalry was extremely intense from day one. Not only had Chyna turned her back on HHH, she had cost him a chance to be the world champion. Needless to say, HHH was pissed off!!! Still, as much as he wanted to put Chyna behind him, he became consumed with her, obsessed with hurting her, and paying her back for turning on him. This of course leads to one of my favorite matches of all time...the mixed tag team match at St. Valentine's Day Massacre. Now of course, Chyna's partner was Kane, who by now was being led around by Chyna like a love sick puppy dog!! Chyna looked really good in her debut, and was able to hold her own against both HHH and X-Pac. It didn't hurt that her tag team partner was the awesome indestructible Kane! After taking care of both HHH and X-Pac, Kane put the unconscious Chyna over HHH's body for the pin. Chyna had her first victory!!! Ok, so I am going to do the quick fast forward through Chyna turning on Kane at Wrestlemania to rejoin with HHH, because I haven't quite gotten over it, but by the look on her face when she jumped into HHH's arms, there was no place she would rather be than by her man's side. Personally, I would have stuck with Kane, but that's just me. But, the realliance with HHH has led Chyna to where she is today. After Wrestlemania, and the famous heel turn by HHH, things were different between HHH and Chyna. They were no longer showcased as a male wrestler and his female bodyguard, in fact they were now more of an equal team. Next on the ladder to success was the KOTR tournament. HHH took his name out of the tournament and instead gave his position to Chyna. Chyna was set to take on Val Venis in the qualifying round, and with the help of HHH, Chyna pulled off the victory. Now of course I feel Chyna could have beat Val without the help of HHH, but I guess the writers don't want to make it look, like Chyna is actually a better wrestler than HHH (who can't win on his own) or Val Venis (by scoring a clean pin fall over him). So Chyna once again made history and became the first woman ever to qualify for the prestigious King of the Ring tournament. Now, I was lucky enough to go to this PPV, and I'm telling you I was hoping and praying that we would see a Queen of the Ring, but this was not to be as, Road Dogg put on a special protective cup, and was able to defeat Chyna in the first round. Despite the loss, this match was one of my favorites, and despite a slower pace, Chyna showed that she has what it takes to compete in a man's world. Apparently Vince and company thought so as well, because they paired her up with Mr. Ass and she began to compete as his partner against men!!! This made me very happy, because I feel Chyna has as many moves, if not more than most of the main eventers in the WWF!! But of course her biggest shot came when Shawn Michaels gave her a shot to become #1 contender for the WWF title. While HBK, was going on and on, I figured out where he was going, and I started jumping up and down. Its no secret that I feel HHH has no business being the champion, as he is unable to garner any heat on his own, or win a match for that matter, so I was ecstatic to see Chyna get her shot, and against UT and HHH no less. Of course I never expected them to give her the win, but when Stone cold came down, smashed HHH over the head, and pulled Chyna over him for the pin fall, I couldn't believe it!!! Chyna had once again made history and become the #1 contender to the most prestigious belt in the wrestling world, the WWF Championship belt. Now of course this didn't last, and although Chyna was able to defeat HHH the following week in an all around excellent match, she was robbed of her shot after a BS loss to Mankind (in a match where she also looked really impressive) thanks to HBK. But despite this crappy turn of events, Chyna was still the number one contender for one week!! Very impressive!! Which of course leads me to now, two weeks away from Chyna making history once again!!! It is this girl's belief that Chyna is walking out of Unforgiven the WWF IC champ, in fact I will guarantee it. I have been watching wrestling long enough to know that this all out assault JJ has been waging against the women of the WWF, is just setting him up to lose to one at Unforgiven. I couldn't be happier, especially since I will be in the audience to witness it. And I'll tell you something else, Chyna deserves it!! She trains extremely hard, and has payed her dues!! Chyna has come a long way, and along the way, she has served as an inspiration for women everywhere, to never give up hope, and to care about our bodies, and to always fight to be equal in a society still ruled by men!!! And as for her match against JJ at Unforgiven, all I have to say is YOU GO GIRL!! Rebecca Cerese The World's Most Dangerous Abs Mail the Author Visit the World's Most Dangerous Abs |
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