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| Guest Columns | Rebecca Cerese |
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REBECCA'S RANTS Hey Billy Gunn just kissed that fat lady's ass... J.R. (before the brutal attack that left him with a limp rubbery looking arm) Hello, and welcome to my post PPV edition of Rebecca's Rants. This week is a very good time to be a wrestling fan, a WWF fan in particular. Coming off their strongest PPV of the year, they put on a solid RAW and are returning in just a few days with the Premiere of Smackdown on UPN. Also as if that isn't enough the long awaited debut of ECW on TNN happens on Friday, just one day after Smackdown. Very cool. First things first. If you read my column last week you will know that I have recently become a huge Raven fan, well there are rumors all over the internet, that he has walked out of the WCW and is now negotiating an official release which can see him going to the WWF or more likely back to his roots in the ECW. All I have to say is Congrats for leaving that crappy promotion and taking your chances on signing with the other two. I for one will be happy wherever he ends up because he is a major talent who was wasted in the bottomless talent wasting pit known as the WCW, and now I can see him without having to tune into the WCW which for me is pure torture. Well enough on that...on with the column. Summerslam was a PPV that unlike Wrestlemania which in this girl's humble opinion just plain sucked, really lived up to the hype. In fact I can say I enjoyed the show from start to finish, with some slow matches, but none that were complete stinkers...not even the women's match. Random thoughts: Of course as stated my predictions were way off, but what are you gonna do, that means that at least the WWF surprised me. The best match of the night was unquestionably the Test vs. Shane McMahon match. Unlike many people I had high hopes for this match because Shane McMahon impressed the hell out of me at Wrestlemania (his match with X-Pac was one of the few redeeming factors in the lackluster card) but this match just came off perfectly. It was written extremely well, and executed extremely well. To me this match was a perfect example of what the WWF strives to achieve with their concept of Sports Enertainment. Throwing in the Mean Street Posse sitting on their couch drinking champagne...and the returning Stooges were only parts of what made this match so enjoyable and entertaining. The bumps (particularly the framed photograph head shot Test took, and of course the monster elbow by Shane McMahon off the top rope to the Spanish Announce table) the countless near falls and of course the great happy ending were the other factors that caused me to get so into this match. Basically I think that if Shane McMahon wanted to be a wrestler he could. Although he doesn't look to be in the best shape, he has really good in ring skills, better than a lot of the more experienced members of the WWF roster. So basically if I could pick a performer of the evening it would be Shane McMahon. Great job!! Onto my second favorite match... the tag team turmoil match. Edge and Christian are an excellent tag team...enough said. They were pumped up and really had the crowd behind them. I was slightly pissed that after carrying this match through four opponents they lost to the Acolytes, but I know the WWF wanted to set up a master vs. his old followers mach on RAW...but still. The Hardy's looked impressive as usual, and I think there new union with Gangrel as the New Brood is a good move for all involved. The Hardy's needed someone more exciting than Doc Hendrix, and Gangrel needs to have followers, so basically this works. Edge and Christian looked hungry, and I think this hunger will lead them to the titles... once the two fat guys...UT and Big Show drop the titles somehow. I can't wait, my boy Christian deserves some time in the spot light. He is just as major a talent as Edge, and its about time someone recognizes this. Speaking of....was it just me or did I see a flash across my screen on Raw of Christian wearing some completely sexy sleeveless net shirt. It's about time the powers that be let this boy's body out in the open. All I have to say is there better be more where this came from because that little tease just wet my appetite...and I definitely want more. The D'Lo/JJ match was a good solid opener, with fast paced exciting ring action and a surprise screwjob ending. That Debra....(was it just me or was her usual PPV garb particularly skanky and nasty this time around.) Plus, I can't believe she has agreed to let that younger Miss Kitty (please do we need another woman like this...and Lawler's girlfriend no less!) come out with her, because it certainly makes Debra look her age. Well can we say Cat fight!!! Oh great...this is the REAL reason I watch wrestling.... Anyway, back to the SS match. I can't believe Mark Henry turned on his good buddy D'Lo, what a jerk-off. Plus his new Sexual Chocolate outfit has got to go!!!!! He looks like some freaky reject super hero, plus why have straps if you are just going to take them off? I just don't understand. Well, this will lead to a rivalry with D'Lo and Mark Henry which should be good. D'Lo is so talented, and in the best shape of his life. I know this is just the start of great things to come. Hardcore match...Road Dogg's commentating saved this as did the start of his rivalry with Y2J. Jericho seems to have recruited Howard Finkel to be his follower, well at least the Fink has great Mike skills (but we may need him back as ring announcer... who let that horrible woman in the ring... I mean you need a certain kind of voice to do ring announcing...and guess what she doesn't have it...having a woman in the position is step in the right direction...just not this woman). Jericho was impressive with his double power bomb, and I for one can't wait to see the actions this hottie has to back up his words. Back to the hardcore fight, someone needs to stop this shaky, scared dog angle before the dog drops dead of a heart attack, it has already gone to far...please stop. No one wants pepper we'd rather have head... Undertaker and Big Show pulled off the win to become the new tag team champs. I can't believe X-Pac had to do the job in his own hometown. Sadly, I see this angle ending soon, as how many times will we see X-Pac get stomped, while Kane is preoccupied on the outside of the ring. Kane is too good for this!!!!!!! Please give this guy a main event push...Please. Also, I don't know where they are going with the Big Show/UT team. These guys cannot be beaten by mere mortals. Hell the only way anyone can get an advantage on Big Show is by giving him a nut shot...the guy is just to big. And also, I like Paul Wight, but the guy needs to practice his wrestling moves...he misses his punches and kicks to often. Plus, what happened to the drop kicks, and the high flying moves. He needs to reach down into his bag of tricks and pull out something new real fast. He has the potential, but he doesn't use it. Plus putting him and UT against X-Pac isn't enough of a challenge for them. When he gives X-Pac the chokeslam (which X-Pac shockingly kicked out of) it somehow doesn't look very impressive. Now when Kane gave the Big Show a suplex, that was impressive....GIVE KANE THE PUSH HE DESERVES AND STOP THIS ENDLESS JOBBING. I mean is it right that one of the most talented guys in the WWF has to job to Mideon and freakin Viscera...HELL NO!!!!! But Kane wearing the head set on Raw was priceless. I like Ivory, and I'm glad she hung on to the title. Tori just has zero personality, at least Ivory has a fire under her ass. I like this. Plus it was great to see Luna back. If anyone can bring respectability back to the women's division its her and Ivory. I was pretty disappointed in the Lion's Den match. I love Shamrock, but it doesn't seem like Blackman is a good opponent for him. Their matches are just boring. I mean Shamrock showed more moves in the Straight jacket match a few months ago with both arms tied behind his back than he did in this Lion's Den match. Shamrock is too talented to be stuck in this dead end angle. Hopefully he will start a better rivalry, or else maybe he is just going to leave and go back to UFC. I still think this is a huge mistake, but what do I know. As the paper view continued, the pace slowed for me considerably. I am not really a rock or a Billy Gunn fan, so I didn't know what to expect with this match. That lady who came out with Billy was just too much, when she pulled up her dress and her stockings were all torn, I was rolling on the floor. I knew that Mr. Ass was going to be puckering up and kissing that sooner or later. The best part of the match was JR and King's commentating (see quote on top of page). All in all more entertaining than I expected. Of course the worst wrestling of the night came in the Main Event (isn't there something wrong with this?) I for one found Jesse the body to be completely entertaining. Those people who criticize his choice to be part of this sporting event in his home town need to shut the hell up and get a life. In my opinion it is similar to throwing out a first pitch at a baseball game, just a little more involved and hands on. I thought he did a great job, and I loved when he wouldn't count HHH's pin on Foley. I was also happy that there was no scewjob ending and that Foley cleanly pinned Austin. Austin needs to take a long vacation and heal up. He should not come back until he is ready to wrestle. The WWF has plenty of talent that can carry the weight. Hell back before the Royal Rumble, he took a month off, and DX took over the load, and these were some of my favorite RAW's. I think it will be an interesting challenge to build main event storylines around some of the other major players in the WWF. And of course I have some opinions about what they should be. First off, I love, I repeat love the idea of giving Chyna an Intercontinental title run. She has more than proven that she has what it takes in the ring to hold this title. Plus it could lead to a bunch of interesting storylines, including an intense rivalry with Billy Gunn. These two have a very good chemistry together, whether it be working together as a team or squaring off against each other in the ring, even verbally like on RAW. Plus I would love to see Chyna avenge the wicked guitar shot she took and beat JJ in the middle of the ring 1, 2, 3. JJ should not be the IC champ. Hell build up the rivalry and sign a match for Unforgiven. I would love to be in attendance when Chyna makes history as the first woman to hold a man's title in the WWF. Then if HHH is still clinging onto his title for dear life, they could be king and Queen of the WWF. I still don't know about this HHH as world champ thing, but since I love Chyna I see this being a way for her to get even more exposure. Plus I loved the look of pure happiness on her face when her man finally achieved his dream. He was all ready to leave and she made him come back in the ring to celebrate some more. He got a lot of boos, but there were definitely some people cheering. Which just goes to prove there are very few true heels anymore. But he is pretty damn close to one... I mean damn he "broke" JR's arm just for fun. He's one mean bastard...I guess.... I did absolutely love the chair shot which finally shut the Rock up though!!! Cold cocked him right in the face!! Now wouldn't it be something if HBK made a final ring appearance and beat the snot out of HHH took the title, just to go back into retirement the next night...Now that would be sweet. Otherwise it will just be more HHH vs Mankind again, or HHH vs. the Rock again. But I have to say I wouldn't mind seeing HHH vs. UT once. But we need to get some new blood in the mix. How about.....KANE? Play up on the past between him and Chyna, the friendship with X-Pac, hell it's a rivalry just waiting to be born!! I am intrigued by the search for the Blonde bitch. (I wonder who oh who they can possibly be talking about?) I can see Meanie and Stevie Richards becoming kings of Smackdown, pulling off another crazy prank every week. Ok, one more suggestion and then I'm out of here split up taker and Big show, put them in a rivalry against each other. This rivalry kicked ass when it was going on before, culminating in the baseball bat shot heard round the world and the chokeslam to hell. Then the tag team belts will be available for one of the many excellent tag teams (Edge and Christian) to pick up. The tag team division is too strong right now to keep the belts tied up with two big men that no one can beat. Ok, I'm out of here, don't forget to watch Smackdown, and for god's sake don't read the spoilers...let it be a surprise. And of course the premiere of ECW on TNN. Wrestling is taking over the world... See ya. Rebecca Cerese The World's Most Dangerous Abs Mail the Author Visit the World's Most Dangerous Abs |
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