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| Guest Columns | Rebecca Cerese |
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REBECCA'S RANTS Hey All, Rebecca here with a less than enthusiastic rant this week...so lets get to it... Let me preface my tirade by saying that I am a huge WWF fan. True there are times when I don't agree with what they have done, but I have always found something in the product that I have enjoyed, if not wholeheartedly supported. Right now, though my patience is wearing a little thin. Suddenly it seems that storylines and pushes are coming out of nowhere, and many of them are not working...couple this with a totally piece of shit PPV and a RAW which was missing most of my favorite midcarders, and I can honestly say the WWF really need to do some damage control before things spin any further out of control. Where to begin...for the past two years the Survivor Series has been synonymous with someone getting screwed. The title for this year's Survivor Series (giving credit to my friend Lewis) should be "Survivor Series '99: the Fans Get Screwed". The thing is the WWF knew that Stone Cold had no intention of wrestling in the main event at the PPV, yet they continued to promote the same main event all week long, and indeed all through Sunday Night heat as well. This is called false advertising and it pissed me off. I have to say I was actually looking forward to this match, and throwing in the Big Show at the last minute just didn't cut it. Its not that I am a huge Stone Cold mark or anything, but a triple threat match with the three big men in the business definitely had endless possibilities. I mean we already know that a WWF PPV main event isn't going to be much in the way of wrestling, but at least with this story we would be given some good drama. The WWF should have come clean with us before hand and let us decide if we wanted to buy the PPV or not...the truth is I probably would have still bought it, but I would have liked to have the option. Which leads me to the new WWF champ...the Big Show Paul Wight. Truth be told I like the Big Show, but he is far from championship material. Some of the few problems that I can see right off the bat are, one...the guy has a very limited amount of moves. I mean he makes Stone Cold look like a technical master. Let's see...headbutt and chokeslam...not only that the chokeslam just isn't very exciting anymore, esp. the Big Show's chokeslam. Plus it doesn't help if he's having trouble executing his one big move correctly (cough Bulldog on RAW cough). The guy needs to pull out some new moves, and he needs to do it quickly. I mean when he first came in he was doing drop kicks and spinning heel kicks...we need some of this. The other big problem is no one can realistically fight this guy because of his size. I mean for a normal size guy to fight him they need to smash him with a foreign object. The only people who can fight him are Kane (who is for some f'cken reason been demoted to "the bottom of the ladder") and the Undertaker who is still on the shelf. Not to say that watching two guys attack him isn't cool. HHH and Rock joining together to suplex the Show onto the Spanish announce table was an awesome sight, but still. The third big problem with Paul Wight being champ is that his big rivalry is with the Bossman, who for some reason WWF management has decided to push over more deserving people like KANE. Bossman sucks...I mean they had to give him this extremely tasteless cancer storyline to get people to care enough to boo him, not a good sign, and then on RAW, he defeats the Great One...what in the hell is up with this...is someone in the WWF on crack??? Ok, so it was fun watching Rock go apeshit with a metal chain at the end of RAW, but to have Bossman be the #1 contender to the most coveted title in the WWF is a f'cken joke that defiles the belt and the entire WWF for that matter. One more thing, why didn't Paul Wight have some kind of in ring interview before his match against Bulldog. He came out, got little crowd reaction, and didn't even give his big chokeslam symbol before the match. Definitely far from a champion's entrance. Of course I am a huge Kane mark, and so perhaps I am slightly biased, but Kane has paid his dues, and it should have been him who came out to be the third participant. I mean Kane has more of a back story with HHH than Big Show has. Kane is smack in the middle of a big rivalry with X-Puke and HHH. He could have pulled double duty. Plus, at the end of his Survivor Series match, DX came in and gave him a beatdown, during which X-Punk leveled his "girlfriend" Tori, payback is certainly warranted and to have Kane win the belt under these circumstances would have been great drama and made sense, and been a whole hell of a lot better than having Big Show as champ. I mean Kane is about 100x more over than Paul Wight, but no the WWF continue to waste Kane's talents and I for one am really sick of it. I mean, I know that my favorite wrestler can't always win, and there are going to be times when he is screwed over, but with Kane it is bordering on ridiculous. They are building up this X-Pac thing, and then of course they don't deliver, stupid run in at the PPV resulting in a DQ, ok fine. So I figure payback on RAW, but no, first he is lured into a ridiculous trap by X-puke, then he is actually beaten down by HHH in the ring. I am sick of the WWF using Kane to get people over when they should be putting him over. They better be building up to a major showdown between Kane and DX, because if this shit goes on much longer I will scream. Ok, back to the Survivor Series... I can't help but think back to November to Remember, the ECW PPV a few weeks back. If you read my column you know that I wrote that I thoroughly enjoyed every match, every damn one. Well I can honestly say, in the same vein, I hated every match on the WWF PPV...ok maybe I am being a little extreme, but for the most part every match was a disappointment, and if you stick with me I will go into a few reasons why. Ok, first off the live crowd was absolutely dead. It is not a good sign when you can hear everything the ref is saying during every fight. Not only that, but everyone of the wrestlers seemed a bit stiff, and unpolished. I would even say, most of the matches looked extremely sloppy, as you could see spots coming from a million miles away. Not only that, no match ever seemed to find any kind of groove, not even the Hardy's/Edge/Christian vs. The Holly's/Too Cool which I had very high expectations for. Believe me I think the live audience had a lot to do with it, its hard to get into a match if no one is cheering or reacting in any way , so I can see how the wrestlers weren't really into it. I have to say, I really enjoyed the first match, as all of the Godfather's teammates coming out as pimps was very cute. In fact D'Lo looked damn good, and I think he should consider wearing that to the ring more often. As usual D'Lo looked quite impressive, as he was one of the few wrestlers that came out with any kind of excitement...which leads me to my first question, Where the hell was D'Lo on Monday night? In fact where were half the midcarders that I love and look for each week? I mean where the hell was Edge and Christian, the Hardy's, the Dudley's? I am sick of seeing Farooq and Bradshaw fighting big thugs (and then fighting them again?) They need to get these guys into a rivalry with the Dudley's. This rivalry has the potential to be one of the all time greats, especially with the great ability of all four of these men. The Dudley's were another team that impressed me at the PPV, Bubba Ray in particular looked really good even being completely outnumbered at one point during his match up. Shawn Stasiak vs. Kurt Angle was a decent wrestling match, but it just wasn't very exciting, as neither man has much charisma. Believe me, I am not one of those people that is only into wrestling for the entertainment aspects, hell I love the ECW, but I guess I am more about seeing some of the more exciting moves performed than old fashioned wrestling moves. Although I also love any kind of display of strength, but that wasn't present during this match either. I must say I was ecstatic that Kurt Angle won over Godfather on RAW, as the Godfather is one of my least favorite WWF characters. The women's match isn't really worth mentioning, except to say that I was shocked that Terri Runnels was wearing a bra!!! I mean she never wears one, what the hell was the special occasion? Also, are the WWF purposely destroying whatever miniscule credibility the women's division does have by once again allowing the women's champ to be pinned by Moolah? Big Show's 8 man elimination match...what a rip off. 3 chokeslams...ok I'll admit a pretty impressive bodyslam of Viscera...but then what...he's left with the bossman...finally the showdown between them, which will hopefully end with Bossman losing a couple of gallons of blood, but what do we get instead, Bossman high tails it back to the locker room, and we are robbed of this...for what reason...is this a future main event for a PPV...hell no. I'll tell you right now I would never buy a PPV that had Bossman in the main event. Oh god did I feel ripped off after this... How can I forget...somewhere in the middle of all of this was the Stone Cold getting hit by a car fiasco. I cannot express how much I hated this...Not only did it take way too much time...I mean it was a good 10 minutes, it served to further remove the live crowd from the action. I mean, I know I changed the channel like 10 times, and everytime I switched back it was still on. By the time they returned to live action, I was barely in the mood anymore for the rest of the PPV. Plus, it really pissed me off how they were playing it up like it was a real injury. Ok, fine, they need to explain why Austin isn't going to be on TV for a long time, I understand that. But they could have wrapped it up much quicker. On top of that, JR did not shut the hell up for the rest of the night about this stupid injury. I literally found myself yelling at the TV for him to shut the fuck up. I mean how are we supposed to get into the other matches when all he talked about non-stop was Austin's "condition". Which leads to the Jericho/Chyna match. At first I was overly critical of this match, as I had very high expectations for Chyna going into it. I mean she was facing the technical mastery of Chris Jericho (and no I am not being sarcastic). So I was pretty disappointed at the beginning of the match which I thought was extremely sloppy, with a lot of missed spots. Plus I didn't feel that she came out with much energy. To her credit though, she bumped like hell. Hell, she took more bumps in one match than _ of the WWF lockerroom has ever taken combined (excluding Mick Foley and Al Snow of course). And I have to say that the pedigree off the top rope was awesome, but you gotta give Jericho as much credit for that as you give Chyna. All in all, although I love Chyna, Jericho definitely deserved to win the title, but I give him a ton of credit for doing the job to the "girl" as a certain asshole wrestling columnist calls Chyna. Side note: I was reading some WWF newsbites on some messageboard and they had a quote from Bob Ryder. He actually had the nerve to say that "for those of you who still feel Jericho is better in the WWF, take note that he just got beaten by a girl". By a girl!!! I have to take exception to that. First of all, Chyna is no freakin' girl, she is an incredible athlete, and should be recognized as such. Second of all it is good to know that at least some people like Jericho are secure enough with their manhood to do the job to a very worthy opponent in Chyna. Don't know about this whole breaking her thumb with a hammer angle, but Chyna's and Miss Kitty's little sex change skit was about the funniest thing I have ever in my life seen. Ok, I am sure you are so over hearing me bitch, so I will end on a positive note. I love Test...his match against Mr. Ass was the shining light on RAW in my opinion. He has the charisma, and the skill, and he gets quite a little pop when he goes out there. This match had high energy, and a bunch of cool moves to boot, and the best part...Test actually won. This guy has main event written all over him, and while I'm thinking about it, that is another thing that was missing from the PPV, Test...and oh yeah, Shane McMahon too. Yeah he had a little part as ref, but not long enough for this woman's taste. So Vince, if you are by some miracle reading this column, here are some of my suggestions... Don't forget that you actually have some excellent mid card wrestlers...and along those lines, an excellent tag team division. Put together some storylines which would lead to a tag team tournament and get the belts off the Outlaws... As soon as possible get the belt off of the Big Show and give it to someone else!!! And I don't mean the freakin' Bossman. Of course my choice would be Kane, but the Rock would be really good too. Continue to give Test a push and get him in the IC race if nothing else. Don't make us wait to long to see X-Puke get his ass stomped by Kane. Like I said earlier, get the Acolytes into a long rivalry with the Dudley's. Matches between these two teams will be red hot. Do more with Christian/Edge and the Hardy's. In my opinion these four should be on TV every Monday and Thursday night, no exceptions. Get the hardcore championship off the Bossman and give it to someone worthy. Hell, give it back to Hardcore Holly. The WWF needs to have their title belts mean something again. The Bossman doesn't care about this title, and him holding any sort of title is a damn joke. Continue to push Prince Albert, but change his name, and get him away from the Bossman. Give Too Cool a gimmick overhaul. These guys are too talented to be stuck in the dark abyss of silence. Did I mention that this push of the Big Bossman needs to stop!!! Ok, enough from me...I would love to hear what you though of the PPV, so write me to let me know. See ya. Rebecca Cerese The World's Most Dangerous Abs Mail the Author Visit the World's Most Dangerous Abs |
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