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| Guest Columns | Rebecca Cerese |
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REBECCA'S RANTS Where is the stage, I must entertain... Chris Jericho Yes, its me, Rebecca back with another edition of my rants to entertain all of my many fans. I have no earthly idea what to write about this week besides Summerslam predictions but I will try to come up with something. Recently it has come to my attention that many male wrestling fans have a problem with Chyna emerging victorious over men such as Val Venis and HHH. Well I have one thing to say to them...GET OVER IT. Chyna is an extremely talented and athletic woman. She has excellent in ring ability, and in my opinion is more than capable of holding her own in a match against most men in the WWF (I exclude Undertaker, Kane and Big Show from this list for obvious reasons). She gave HHH the best, most exciting match he's had since the ladder match at last years Summerslam, executing more moves than Stone Cold and HHH have in their repertoire's combined. Now I truly believe if she took on Austin she could easily beat him, and should. She is in better physical condition, and she is a better wrestler, and hell lets face it I also think she is a better brawler, after all she has the low blow which is devastating on the male species. So lets look at who really got screwed on RAW on Monday Night. Chyna defeats HHH...ok so Mankind helped out, but Chyna was well on her way to the victory on her own before this interference. She is still the #1 contender... HBK comes out, forcing her to fight again against Mankind, who she then loses too, because of a distraction!! Then suddenly, although he was already defeated earlier in the night, HHH gets yet another shot at the #1 contender slot??? HUH???? What the hell is up with this crap?? Now it's a triple threat main event for whatever reason, but it should be a 4 way contest!!!! If HHH gets another chance so should Chyna, what's fair is fair after all. But Chyna couldn't carry a PPV main event... I hear people say. That's bullshit, the main reason RAW was any good was because of Chyna. Besides the match for the tag team belts her match vs. HHH was the best match of the night. Also the confrontation between the two to kick off RAW was great, due to their real life relationship (which now after months, hell years of speculation is now officially out in the open) and the great chemistry that exists between them. If Chyna can carry RAW, then she could certainly carry a PPV. The real question should be can HHH carry a main event? And the answer to this is HELL NO!!! Even with the much anticipated return of Mankind and the two Hot guest referees, this match barely kept my interest. HHH just isn't exciting in the ring. He brings no charisma or heat with him. Plus its not like he has a plethora of moves to get the crowd into it. No crazy swan dives off the top rope from him, hell we're lucky if we get a body slam or a suplex. HHH seems like a really sweet guy, truly, I think that a lot of what he does, he does to share his glory and spot light with Chyna, and I respect this, I really do. I mean the guy is 0-3 against Chyna in the ring, if that doesn't say love I don't know what does. So its not about the kind of person he is, its about the fact that in this girl's opinion he doesn't have what it takes to be a great champ. The Heavyweight belt is the most prestigious prize in the WWF, and should be around the waist of some one truly worthy. And I ain't talking about Stone Cold. Let me touch on the Stone Cold thing...I'll admit it, I started watching wrestling again because of Stone Cold. One day I was flipping channels, and this crazy bald, redneck SOB was beating up his boss and giving him the middle finger. Wow, I thought to myself, this is some crazy shit, and from then on I was hooked. I was so caught up in the character and attitude of Stone Cold that it took me a long time to realize that he can't wrestle. Honestly, I just didn't really notice. But I do now. Now that I've been watching for a while now, what I like about wrestling has changed. I am a sucker for storyline...yes, but I am also still a sucker for a good old wrestling match, and no I am not talking about the WCW, which I personally think sucks (excluding Rey Mysterio, most of the other Cruiser weights, and Raven). I am talking about any match with Kane, when he's fired up, or the great contests between Christian/Edge and the Hardy's, or an Acolyte match (yes, I think these guys have some of the best power moves in the WWF), or any Val Venis match (this guy has more moves than anyone in the WWF). I can't forget Test, Shamrock and D'Lo Brown. The WWF is full of WRESTLERS, athletes that are both old school in terms of moves, and new school in terms of interesting storylines, characters and gimmicks. That is why Stone Cold upsets me so much now. He is unquestionably the number one reason that Wrestling is as popular as it is now, but with constant health problems, and a gimmick that is just getting old, he is in serious need of a overhaul, or he needs to pass the crown down to someone else. Whereas I used to be very excited when he would come out, I now dread it and role my eyes, because I know we are in for the same old thing. And now with Vince McMahon gone, Austin is missing his number one rival, and honestly seems a little lost. I read a column today that said that HHH is not really in a rivalry with Stone Cold right now, its more a quest for the title that he's in the middle of and I agree. I feel the WWF have not written this rivalry in the most effective manner that they could have. Austin is at his best when he's up against someone he hates, and I don't get that with this rivalry. Personally I think Austin needs to drop the belt, and take a long vacation, heal up, and come back with something more exciting. The loner rebel SOB character was once great, but it has lost its magic, and they need to find something else. I really think that they should put him and Debra together on TV. This would serve two purposes, it would give Stone Cold another dimension to his character which is sorely lacking, plus it would get him even more over than he is now, because hell Debra was even able to get Jeff Jarrett over. Whatever they do, they better do it quick. Ok, let me run down my checklist... ranted about Chyna, HHH and Stone Cold, who else is there... Kane...with all this talk about Main Eventers, I want to know why the big Red Machine isn't up there. Don't get me wrong, I love the storyline with X-Pac, but come on we all know the real reason why this team is so devastating, and it ain't the bronco buster. Kane is the best big man in wrestling today, he is in the best shape of his life, he is agile, athletic and powerful, I mean damn did you see him suplex the 500lb Big Show on Heat. Give this guy a run at the belt, he is so much more deserving than HHH. And of course people will say, but he can't talk, so he wont' be a good champ because you need mike skills to be a champ. I'm not saying make him the champ for 6 months, but come on, how about a short reign. (plus I don't think HHH has the best mike skills either) Not having the ability to talk doesn't seem to take away from his popularity now. I mean damn, do you hear the pop for this guy when those organs come over the PA. I mean to compare Kane to HHH and Stone Cold is s joke, he could beat both of these guys with one hand tied behind his back...ok enough said about that. Give Kane the belt...ok last thing. So I've been watching this Best of Raven in the ECW tape (now this is some crazy stuff...thanks Joe), and Stevie Richards is all over this tape, because he ran with Raven in the ECW. Therefore when he made his debut on Heat, I was very excited. The Blue Meanie is so freakin' funny, and looks much better since he dropped an estimated 50 lbs!!! Together these two could pull off some crazy pranks, and I for one can't wait...Now if only Raven would consider jumping ship to the WWF....wishful thinking on my part, since he is now my new obsession. Good to see Foley back and as usual his mike work had me rolling on the floor, esp. his references to the "vague sexual tension" with Chyna. This guy is too funny, still looked to be heavily favoring the knee though. I hope he isn't rushing back to soon, but I'm glad he's going to co-headline Summerslam, although the reasoning behind it is rather dubious. Before I do my Summerslam predictions I am going to do something that I never do, and that is write about something concerning the WCW. I realize I might anger some people, but since no one reads my column anyway, here goes...I think bringing back Hulkamania is the single most pathetic thing the WCW has ever done. It is such a blatant and desperate attempt to try to pick themselves out of the toilet that it's almost laughable. Sure they are playing up on the nostalgia thing (something that I don't get either considering the fact that I hated Hulk Hogan in the 80's too) but after people initially mark out to see the red and orange they will soon realize like with most things from childhood that it is not as good as you remembered it to be, in fact it sucks. Just by changing his clothes and doing his little hand up to the ear thing isn't going to make him a good wrestler, it isn't going to take away his limp, and it won't make him any younger, and it will get old very quickly, hell for me it got old two seconds after I saw it. So that's my take on the return of Hulkamania, just thought I would put in my two sense worth. Now onto the predictions: Now I'm not even sure that I have all the matches, and remember I suck at predictions, but here goes: Test vs. Shane McMahon (love her or leave her match) I don't know what's going on with this storyline. Columns on WWF.com are hinting that perhaps Test's feelings are a little stronger for Stephanie than hers are for him, also, she has been conspicuously absent and silent these last couple of weeks. I definitely think she will make an appearance at Summerslam, but I think it will be in a surprising way, perhaps she will be repulsed by Test's brutal treatment of her brother. Prediction: Test wins the match but still loses the girl. D'Lo Brown vs. Jeff Jarrett (two titles on the line) I predict that Debra has orchestrated a grand plan to break free from Jeff, and humiliate him at the same time. (at least I hope) Prediction: D'Lo wins thanks to help from Debra (not that he needs any) Ivory vs. Tori (Women's title match) Ivory is a little spitfire, I really like her. Unfortunately the way the WWF has been shoving those Tori body painting vignettes down our throats, I can't imagine her losing the match. Prediction: After hopefully a short match, Tori becomes the new champ. Tag Team Extravaganza: This is the match I am most looking forward too, it consists of every great tag team in the WWF competing for the #1 contender slot. This match promises high flying action, power moves and loads of excitement. I honestly have no earthly idea who will win, so I am going to pick who I want to win: Prediction: Hmm....Christian and Edge of course!!!! Al Snow vs. Big Bossman vs. Road Dogg I heard that Road Dogg was being added to this match though I am not sure. I really hope so!!! Because otherwise this match will suck!!!! We know bossman is dropping the title. Now who will pick it up? Prediction: Al Snow's new gimmick sucks, and Road dogg is kind of without one so I predict that Road Dogg will be the New Hardcore Champion of the world. Blackman vs. Shamrock (Lion's Den weapon's match) I can't imagine why they would give Steve Blackman a push, the guy just SUCKS. They won't send Shamrock off to the UFC with a loss in a lion's den match. Prediction: Shamrock beats Blackman to within inches of his life. Billy Gunn vs. the Rock I don't know who will win this one. I can't imagine the Rock losing after being forced to kiss Mr. Ass's ass on RAW, so I will go against the tide and say... Prediction: The Rock Kane/X-Pac vs. Undertaker/Big Show (Tag Team title match) At first I thought well UT and Big show have this sewn up. To further their angle of being an indestructible force and all, but then I remembered that Summerslam is taking place in Minnesota. I can't imagine the WWF making X-Pac lose in front of his home crowd, I don't see it happening. I think this will be a great match and... Predictions: The Hometown boy and his Big Red Best Buddy hold on to the belts. And now the main event: Austin vs. HHH vs. Mankind (Triple threat championship match with Jesse Ventura as the special guest ref) Despite all of Jesse the body's talk about Law and Order I know something screwy is going to happen. I think Chyna and HBK will play a huge role, and I even see the possible reforming of the original awesome DX. Its an idea they are leaking out on WWF.com, but I think it is a possibility. I don't know exactly how, but I definitely see... Prediction: HHH walks away arm in arm with Chyna and HBK title slung over his shoulder. Well that's my column for this week. Let me know what you thought. And enjoy Summerslam. See ya. Rebecca Cerese The World's Most Dangerous Abs Mail the Author Visit the World's Most Dangerous Abs |
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