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| Guest Columns | Alex Carnevale |
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WCW SLAMBOREE '99 I have the week off, and my local video store is pretty weak when it comes to wrestling videos. I hadn't seen the three-way tag match, so I was looking forward to that. I also thought by picking this and Starrcade '98 up I could do a nice little back-to-back of the two shows that pretty much sealed WCW's fate. To start off, WCW tried to recreate some ECW tag team magic with these three teams. It worked in a BIG way. This match followed the classic, classic tag team match between the Horsemen and Raven/Saturn at the superb Spring Stampede PPV. Dean Malenko/Chris Benoit v. Raven/Saturn v. Rey Mysterio Jr./Kidman (c), WCW Tag Team Titles. Horsemen get a nice heel pop. Huge face pop for Raven and Saturn. Both of these guys need to go back to this gimmick, this music, and these ages. What a great combination. Another big face pop for Rey Mysterio and Kidman. Tenay teases dissension between the champs. Dean, Kidman and Saturn in to start, all three the weak links to their team in terms of crowd heat. Faces double-team the Horsemen, and Saturn hits a suplex on Benoit. Saturn clotheslines Kidman to turn on him. Saturn looks great and he gives Kidman a CRAZY belly-to-belly out of the ring. Beautiful. Kidman takes the best bumps out of the ring, second only to Shawn Michaels. Huge "HORSEMEN SUCK" chant. Benoit is in, and the Horsemen whip out the dropkick into German suplex, which the New New Rockers should steal. Raven snaps Benoit over with a suplex, but Rey double-dropkicks them both. Benoit takes a rana from Rey, but Raven cleans house. The faces fight over pinning Benoit after a Rey slingshot legdrop. Benoit and Kidman suplex Raven on the ropes, and Benoit chops Kidman down. AHA! Rydeen bomb sets up a headbutt try from Kidman, but he misses. Benoit slaps the crossface on, but Raven saves. Gourdbuster from Raven to Benoit, and Saturn frog splashes Benoit's back for two. Rey in, and he moonsaults onto a standing Deano from the top rope for two. Horsemen recuperate, as the champs fight Raven and Saturn, who are left alone in the ring. Nice tope onto everybody by Saturn, as Benoit suplexes Raven in the ring and hits the flying headbutt on Raven for two. Saturn makes the save. Horsemen toss everyone out, and begin to dominate the match. Short-arm clothesline from Benoit to Saturn, and Dean fights off men coming up on the apron. Double suplex, and they attack Rey further. The whole match slows down, as everyone rests. The Horsemen play devilish heels, and Benoit chops Kidman's chest off. It's amazing how Benoit's character has stayed constant from Stampede to NJ to WCW to the WWF. It's only in the WWF that it began to develop things like a catchphrase. Chris Benoit in the WWF is a little more twisted as well, he's not old-school Horsemen Benoit. Raven-style clothesline off the ropes by Kidman on Benoit, but Saturn superkicks him when he tries the same thing on him. Saturn crotches Kidman on the top rope, and takes Kidman out of the ring. Benoit does the same to Saturn in a springboard fashion. Benoit rolls Saturn in the ring. Northern lights suplex for two as everyone battles on the outside. Saturn rolls the Crippler up for two, but Benoit clotheslines him for two. Rolling German suplexes with a bridge, but Kidman saves. Malenko is in, and he tries the Texas cloverleaf, but Saturn rolls him up for two. Press slam by Malenko, and Saturn is knocked out of the ring by Deano. Malenko powerbombs Kidman for two. Benoit in, and he hits a snap suplex on Saturn, while he and Kidman fight for the cover. Benoit does the dragon suplex - which he always does fairly badly - on Kidman for two. Kidman hits a mid-air dropkick on Malenko, and Benoit is back in with chops on Saturn. Saturn pulls out a Russian legsweep, and rolls over for the tag. Raven cleans house, but pretty much everyone is dead. Raven with the rolling vertical suplexes on Benoit. This gets two. Faces destroy Benoit, and Rey is in. He ranas Saturn, but Benoit breaks up the pin. Rey takes the Bret Hart bump to the turnbuckle for two. Saturn hits a powerslam to set up a Kidman UT-like flying clothesline and a Rey flying rana. Malenko tries to powerbomb Kidman, but he reverses to a roll-up for two. Rey hits the broncobuster, and they do the assisted rana spot out of the corner on Chris Benoit, but Saturn breaks it up. The champs do the same thing to Saturn, but Saturn reverses to a superbomb. He tries to powerbomb Kidman, but he reverses to the facejam. Raven takes the up-the-ropes bulldog, and Saturn takes a spinebuster from Arn Anderson. Kidman goes to the top to finish Raven, but Kanyon knocks him off and Raven sling blade DDTs him off the top turnbuckle. Raven gets the pin as Saturn is in the Texas Cloverleaf. Saturn didn't tap, so Raven/Saturn are the new champs in 17:19. ****1/4 As usual, Benoit and Malenko don't do as well in three-way match-up as they do in controlling a simple tag match (See ECW Three Way Dance), but the match was pretty fucking great despite that. Saturn put on a clinic, showing off what he can do and what he'll never be able to do in the WWF. Why is Benoit unable to hold the bridge on a Dragon suplex anymore. Is it because his arms are too short to complete the bridge? Yes. Rey and Kidman are now in the finals of the Cruiserweight Tag Title Tourney, and every other over wrestler in the match is now in the WWF. Konnan v. Stevie Ray. Stevie Ray is the leader of the nWo b-team, and wasn't that a great fucking idea? They couldn't think of anything else for those guys to do? This match is horrible, with Stevie Ray redefining the word 'suck' for a generation of fans that were unable to observe him during his Harlem Heat days. At some point Konnan takes his shirt off. Rey comes to out to help Konnan, and a complicated sequence allows Konnan the roll-up for the pin. It's not that complicated, I just don't want to go through it. DUD Stevie Ray is temporarily out of wrestling, and Konnan is forming a tag team with Hugh Morrus so he might as well be. For some reason, during the show they show little stupid hype packages of Nash and DDP, as if to prove there was no actual feud going on. DDP and Bam Bam Bigelow have a conversation that seems to consist of this: DDP- Stick with me, I'm going to the top. Big Sexy is the booker and he loves you! Bammer- You're not just playing politics, like the time you said the Triad was going to the moon? DDP- Well, that hasn't happened yet, but no, it won't be like that time. Bammer- I can't believed I jobbed to Lawrence Taylor. Actually, as I remember, this whole thing led to the formation of the Triad. Why did Nash put the title on DDP to do the job to him? Wouldn't a match against Hogan or Sting have done a better buyrate? Did he just not want to put himself over those guys? As if the PPV couldn't look any worse, I have to see Brian Knobs. Brian Knobs v. Bam Bam Bigelow. Bigelow brings plunder. I can't remember one angle Bammer had with another wrestler except the stuff he did with the Sandman. This match is beyond stupid, as Knobs is and has always been HORRIBLE. Bigelow should have learned how to no sell at a very early age. The being to blow various spots, as is the Nasty Boys custom. Bigelow drops a headbutt, and I PRAY for the pin. The only thing remotely interesting to watch in this match is Knobs' considerable disregard for his opponent's well being, which includes blowing spots like women have babies. Knobs throws a chair almost into the audience, and a woman screams. He can't even keep the blown spots within the context of the wrestling match. This match redefines the phrase "way too long," as it goes on FOREVER. To Bammer's credit, he allows this debacle to be almost watchable. Also, Heenan ruins any credibility the match might have had, exactly as he did the Owen Hart Tribute Match on Nitro. I swear to God I will never forgive that washed-up has been for that ugly attitude that he showed during that match. Crowd is not into this at all. Bammer throws a chair viciously at Knobs' head and the announcers all laugh. Maybe Tony can whip out the old: "That'll give you Excedrin headache number nine." They take the brawl into the back, with Tony acting like the FCA is some kind of new, spectacular invention. They've given this match a good ten minutes already. I mean, I didn't bother to time it, but it's long. Eventually Knobs misses a huge elbow so Bigelow suplexes him through a table and pins him. * for the spots. Hardcore matches are lame unless somebody risks their life. Next! Booker T (c) v. Rick Steiner, TV Title. I feel like an asshole saying this, but the more things change, the more they stay the same. Booker T isn't too motivated here, since it's obvious to everyone watching that he's doing the job. Rick Steiner still sucked. Remember the whole angle where Booker T lost the "T" from his name? God, that was atrocious. The announcers put over the TV Title, which would be buried forever shortly after this PPV during the Russo era, when Scott Hall would throw the thing in the garbage. Duggan carried it around for awhile, but then they just forgot about it. Steiner hits a belly-to-belly and runs over Booker T. Booker slams the big man, and hits an elbow for two. Booker keeps trying to get the crowd into it. Booker T slaps on a resthold, presumably at Steiner's bequest. Standing sidekick, but Steiner tosses Booker onto the top rope in a hotshot like maneuver. Your Standard Brawling Outside The Ring for two. Release German suplex for two. Steiner moves into a resthold. The crowd is unbelievably bored, and I don't think it's just the face v. face confrontation we're seeing here. Steiner is horrible here, but he's a hundred times better than he is today, if you can imagine that. Booker hits a suplex, no cover. The pace of this match is atrocious. Another resthold by Steiner. Jesus, this match is so frustrating to watch. They know they can put together a good match, but for whatever reason they just don't want to put the time or energy into it. Booker hits the ax kick and the spinebuster. He goes to the top and hits the missile dropkick, but Scott Steiner is out. Rick Steiner hits a Steinerline, as the crowd is finally awake. Miscommunication spot, but Booker only gets two. More interference from BPP sets up a horrific looking bulldog for three. *1/2 What a crock of shit. I hope Rick Steiner breaks his neck instead of someone else's next time. What a fucking waste of space he is. He's got to go over Shane (who is now trying to turn face???) and he'll probably go over Booker at Greed. What a load of shit. This pisses me off now and it occurred more than a year ago. Now THAT is hatred for Rick Steiner. You know what I don't get? Kevin Nash lost to Goldberg at the previous month's PPV, and yet Nash gets the title shot at DDP instead of Goldberg. What kind of fucking sense does that make? Flashback to Macho Man and Austin-style angle he was running against Flair. The stipulations for the match are that if Gorgeous George wins, Macho Man is reinstated and gets to main event the next PPV and kill the organization dead in the process. Charles Robinson v. Gorgeous George. Robinson comes out dressed like Flair w/Flair and Asia. I don't think I'll ever understand why Randy Savage had a stable of women. Bizarre shit. They cut promos on each other before the match; perhaps to add to the heat and clarify who the face and heel are. Don't ask me who the face and heel are. They go through various comedy match shenanigans, including seventeen or so armbreakers. Gorgeous George goes for a dragon suplex, but she pushes Charles out of the ring instead. Couldn't they have done a Macho Man v. Ric Flair match here. It might have been pretty good. It probably would have sucked compared to their previous matches, but it might have drawn money. I forget that Kevin Nash wouldn't know how to draw money if Austin v. Rock dropped in his lap. Charles slams Miss Madness and Tony acts as if it's heinous. Charles gets in a shoving match with the ref. Gorgeous George's idea of selling is chirping like a grasshopper. Robinson chokes George for three minutes or so. They do some further ragging on Flair, and then George does something that enables a two-count. George misses a blind charge, and the heels work her over. This whole thing is a serious debacle. Robinson starts to work the leg, thus losing 1/4* from the match rating. Obviously, it's pointless to rate this match on a star basis, but it's not effective as an angle. Robinson applies a shin-breaker and goes to the figure four. George turns it. Savage comes in and sets Robinson up for a second rope elbow for three at 10:31. That's right, Nash or Flair or whoever gave this fucking shit TEN MINUTES. Forget the rating, this whole thing sucked. It led to Macho Man v. Nash at the next PPV and then Macho Man/Sid v. Nash/Sting at Bash at the Beach so I don't know a good thing that could be said about this whole fucking stupid ass angle. I remember this sequence getting pretty good reviews at that time, but it absolutely does not hold up today. If Macho Man is a face here, how come he's a heel against Nash. Flair's match with Piper later in the evening would be eerily similar to Robinson's match with George. Bagwell v. Steiner recap. Bagwell mocks Steiner like HHH to the Rock, but it's far, far lamer. Buff Bagwell v. Scott Steiner (c), U.S. Title. Buff whips out the ugliest swinging neckbreaker I've seen in my time on this earth. Steiner hits a low blow and begins to administer the punishment. Steiner picks him up as if for a powerbomb and drops him into the turnbuckle. Buff gets tossed, and Steiner follows it up by talking to the fans in that genteel way of his. Steiner starts to work Buff's neck by applying a facelock while Buff's in the tree of woe. Buff is brutalized whenever he comes back. Steiner stalls and then hits a tiger bomb for two. Belly-to-belly suplex allows Steiner to grab a steel chair. He swings at Buff, but Buff ducks and clotheslines the chair into Steiner's face. Nice. Buff dropkick! Atomic drop! The ref is bumped on a clothesline. What if Buff and Billy Gunn are the same person? Rick Steiner comes in when Buff readies the chair and decks Buff, obviously, to set up the Steiner Recliner for the submission in 7:02 **1/2 Relatively inoffensive stuff, if a little obvious that Bagwell is useless. This is the standard rating for a decent Steiner squash today. Too bad Buff didn't break out the "Kobashi" DDT for a year after this. That would have been a killer near fall. Who's with me? This is a message to Justin Credible: no one should have two DDTs in their moveset. It just ain't right. A recap package of the Flair v. Piper feud shows what a parody of their former selves these two had become. Ric Flair v. Roddy Piper. These two pretty much do a comedy match as well, even after Flair carried DDP and Sting to a pretty fucking good match at the previous PPV. I've always hated Piper quite a bit. His only good match was the one where he lost the IC Title to Bret Hart. Hart can draw a good match out of virtually anybody. You knew Piper wasn't going to win that often when his finishing maneuver was a sleeper. Flair hits a low blow. We're at three minutes and I have yet to see a wrestling move of any kind. Anderson interferes, if only to try to draw heat to a match that doesn't have any. Now Asia interferes. The wind brushing by your face is the cold drift of a match descending into negative stars. Flair never did have a spectacular moveset. Piper does a backbody drop and he falls down. More interference and more chops ensue. This whole match is like one continuous slugfest. Punch, kick, punch, kick. Still, not one wrestling move has been used. This match is depressing. I thought Flair v. Funk from last year was depressing, but it's nothing compared to this. Double KO, and Flair works over the knee. Does anyone seriously think that Flair is going to get the submission. He slaps it on without even bothering to set it up. Piper eventually turns it. Piper pulls the old man's pants down on a sunset flip. Backslide, but the ref is distracted. Flair tries the figure four again, but Piper cradles. No ref. Flair goes to the top, and is thrown off, Piper puts the figure four on Flair. Piper puts the sleeper on Anderson, and Flair takes it as well. Asia comes in and pounds on Piper, who kisses her and then puts the sleeper on her. He then knocks out the ref, but Flair uses some kind of object and hits Piper for the three-count in 12:17 of utter hell. -* I REALLY hope Piper is retired for good. Bischoff comes out at this point and hopefully will never come back to the business after trashing WCW for years. This was the most worthless angle in either Federation in any part of the 90s, and I include the Black Scorpion debacle, which at least had a payoff, even if it was a really awful payoff and angle altogether. Fortunately, this upcoming Goldberg v. Sting match never meant anything, because if it did, someone might remember it. As it is, this match will probably never go down for the WCW Title, because assholes like DDP and Nash will always get in the way. And maybe instead of an endless string of jobber to feed to Scott Steiner, we'll see him fight Goldberg or Sting in a match where I'd doubt the outcome. Goldberg v. Sting. The crowd finally wakes up after suffering through that undercard. Sting is wearing silly-looking white boots, which clearly make him the heel. They blow a spot to start, but at least it's energetic. Goldberg hits a press slam, and clotheslines Sting out of the ring. Sting walks it off. Lock up, and Goldberg eats a dropkick. Sting clotheslines him out of the ring. Goldberg lands on his feet. Nice spot. Goldberg hits a fireman's carry slam into an arm-breaker. Sting neatly moves to the ropes. Sting hits a bulldog out of nowhere and receives heel heat. Another sequence lets Sting begin to work over the knee. He dropkicks it, and uses a Boston Crab. Goldberg powers out. This match is much better than I remembered it. Sting continues to work his knees and begins to lay into Goldberg. He holds onto a headlock. Man, Sting could work a nice heel, he's seen Flair do it enough. Sting suplexes Goldberg, but big bastard no-sells. Goldberg hits the butterfly suplex for two. Last Rites (you may know it as Roll of the Dice) for two. Goldberg misses the spear and goes into the turn buckle. Sting hits a flying clothesline. STINGER SPLASH! AGAIN! He gets caught and the third one and hits a combination uranage/spinebuster to set up the double KO. Bret Hart is out now, and cracks Goldberg on the head and then begins to Pillmanize Goldberg's knee for the DQ at 9:07. *** I don't know about that ending, but the match was really good despite its limits on length and having no actual finish. It was a nicely paced power match. It makes me want to see a longer match between these two. Afterwards the Steiners come out and clean house on the faces together. Man, I would have liked to see Benoit v. Goldberg on PPV. If WCW collapses, maybe I'll see it yet. This is the third recap package for the World Title match and I still have no idea who is the heel, who is face, or why they are fighting at all. Ah, Nash's booking. So fucking pointless, self-serving and stupid he makes Vince Russo look like Jim Ross. Buffer says DDP is 6'5''? Yeah, if you count the five inches of ego. Kevin Nash v. Diamond Dallas Page, WCW World Title. They start off with an ugly-looking sequence. You know, the previous match needed no hype, but the announcers feel they have to pump this piece of shit up. Nash at least you'd think would be motivated, but no, the man is *more* lazy. DDP whips out all his lame old-school heel tactics. DDP off the apron to the rail. You can see him turn to the camera and say "I just took the Bret Hart bump, did you see that?" Nash pounds away with his offense, and there's no Madden to call him limited. That shit used to crack me up despite myself. Nash is just a total jackass in the ring, doing all his stupid shit and laughing his ass off, even as the fans could care less. How could he think he deserved the fucking World Title? Nash tries a hotshot, but Page comes back and punches him in the corner. Nash no-sells, but DDP punts him in the penis and retakes control. Page cuts off the top turnbuckle. Just what this borefest needs, a stupid gimmick. He decks Nash with the microphone for two. What is this, Shane v. Pitbull #2? Nash ironically takes DDP to his own exposed turnbuckle. I can imagine them planning that part of the match. "It'll be so fucking ironic!" They do the double KO bit, even when it's like five minutes in the match. Nash covers for two. Crowd asks themselves if there's a chance of seeing Goldberg again. Should they stay? DDP clotheslines Nash out of the ring, and the crowd still doesn't care. DDP may also be drunk. Tony- "Here's the boos, richly deserved I might add." DDP hits a baseball slide. LUCHA PAGE! DDP lays Nash out with the Diamond Cutter. He then attempts to cover Nash, yelling "Falls Count Anywhere!" Tremendous. That's all I'll ever remember about this match, that's for fucking sure. He drags Nash in, and gets a two count with his foot on the ropes. I feel like Page is wrestling Mero here, but at least that would have been watchable. DDP yells "Bang" at Nash. Where's the cigar, fuckface? DDP adds a gratuitous ballshot to further kill the crowd. I'm going to start calling DDP Diamond Lawler or some funnier joke along those lines. He showboats, paying homage to his spiritual master, Rob Van Dam. DDP starts working the leg. THE BIG MAN CAN'T STAND IF HE DON'T HAVE HIS LEGS. Tenay- "It's well documented that Nash has his knee problems." DDP works Nash's legs around the post. You can see Nash drifting away and wishing he was working with Shawn Michaels. Fortunately, Nash brings DDP into the post. He's a big man, but he also goes by the name SIR CRAFTY! At least Nash is selling, I'll give the bastard that. Before the match Nash said, alright, I'm booking myself into the title, ruining the fate of the entire company - I should at least sell for a few minutes. Slugfest erupts, and Nash takes ten minutes to move from one turnbuckle to the other to clothesline Page. He whips out the stungun, and jumps on Page while Page is hung on the ropes! Big boot! Jackknife, but Savage is in for the disqualification. WHO FUCKING BOOKED THIS SHIT? Oh, Nash did, I'm sorry. Bischoff comes out again and takes out his penis, instructing Savage to suck on it. I wish the crowd would chant "Austin" right now. Bischoff restarts the match and accidentally ejaculates over his face in the process. Nick Patrick restarts the match, and Page resumes the brutal beating with a Russian legsweep. 1, 2, 2.9999999!!! Discus clothesline for two. DDP applies the sleeper, but Nash fights out. The fans throw shit at Nash in the ring. Nash applies a sleeper of his own but DDP jawbreakers out for two. DDP goes to ringside and gets a chair. Ah, he's studied his WWF main events. Then DDP does the bit that the Rock taught him where he swings the chair, hits the ropes, and knocks off himself. "If it's good enough for the Rock, it's good enough for DDP!" Nash covers for 2.999999999999999999. These nearfalls are KILLING me. Nash attempts a chairshot but another low blow from Page makes him the recipient of ANOTHER two count. VANBOOTINATOR! NASH HAS HIT THE VANBOOTINATOR ON PAGE! HE'S DROPPING THE STRAPS!!! THIS IS TOO FUCKING MUCH!!! POWERBOMB! POWERBOMB! YES! YES! 1, 2, 3 in 15:24. ** I'm trying to be impartial about the match itself, even if I detested the angle. The angle with Nash's title reign and the whole Savage interference during the match was altogether so, so horrible. Also, the entire Eric Bischoff angle went nowhere and just was some dumb-fucking-stupid-Nash-bullshit. You know, I think if they had saved WCW with the following angle instead of burying the next two PPVs with Savage, Nash, and Sid, WCW would never be where it is today: put Goldberg over clean, and have Sting beat DDP for the World Title the next night on Nitro. Then build to Goldberg v. Sting at the GAB, or do a three-way. Just listen to the fans. They paid attention to Sting v. Goldberg, and they didn't give a shit about your title match. Why was this PPV so destructive? It certainly wasn't the matches. I mean, the matches weren't great. In fact, despite the opener, they were downright shitty. But the WWF was putting on similar tripe at the time, like WM XV, for instance. In terms of workrate, there's not much of a difference. Basically, Nash booked himself to the top of the company when he said that's exactly what he didn't want to do. He's not Ric Flair in '89 for godsakes. He's not the best worker and the most respected guy in the company. He's the worst worker and one of the least respected guys in the company. The angle with him and Savage was so asinine, so contradictory to what the fans wanted, that it couldn't help but fail. Sting should have been rewarded with the title over this period of time. Instead WCW would go so bad that they would be forced to bring Russo in when a simple correction of their main event booking might have kept their loyal audience. The basic problems with WCW are still present, obviously. The best and most over workers in the country are all in the opener, for instance. I mean, the two chants we heard during the show were "Goldberg" and "Horsemen suck." That should tell you something right there. There were no "Nash chants" or "DDP sucks" or "Savage sucks" or "Flair sucks" of any kind. At this point the company might have been saved, but the pratfalls that had been put in place at Starrcade of that year were even more destructive. I don't know why I did them in this order, but I did. So look for a Starrcade '98 flashback review type deal in a few days. And after that - some WCW stuff from 2000. Out. Send me feedback (which god knows I'm open to). Gould41@aol.com. Alex Carnevale [slash] wrestling Mail the Author Comment about this article on the EZBoard |
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