10. Internet columnists regarding Monday's RAW: Oh, god I'm coming - this is it I swear to God, oh jesus christ, you make me feel so good Rock Benoit oh shit Austin celebral ohhhhhhhhh. Seriously, RAW sucked, and it sucked in a big way. The main event was what I would refer to as "not bad," although it's not like I haven't seen every fucking combination of those wrestlers battle FOREVER. I mean, I'm bored of it, plain and simple. I know who's going to win - Rock and Austin - and I know who's going to job - Benoit. I swear, it's like I'm watching the nWo again. You know, people thought that was good much longer than they had to. To me, how much RAW sucked was epitomized by the Dean v. Lita match. FINALLY, there seems to be an angle there - Matt kissed Lita, she's not sure how to respond. It's simple right - the Hardyz finally have something they can work with. Instead, the whole thing is blown off right in front of my eyes. Thanks WWF, I wasn't going to come to that conclusion myself. Couldn't they at least have teased a heel turn? I agree with Jon Richardson's interpretation of the situation's possibility.

9. The other thing I read about RAW that angered me was that reportedly Jericho wearing the He Hate Me jersey was really sad. Look, the WWF is shilling products relentlessly. The WWF is fake. If they want to promote a jersey and have Jericho cut a promo about it, who gives a shit? It's nothing to do with the business itself.

8. Let's quickly run through WCW Superbrawl Revenge:

For The World Heavyweight Title: Kevin Nash v. Scott Steiner (with Midajah)

WHAT I SAID THEN:
This feud has been developed admirably. The match will probably suck, but it shouldn't be too horrible, because Nash should step it up a bit. I expect a lot of interference in this one, and perhaps a surprise return for somebody to pave the way for Nash, but any way you look at it, Steiner retains. * to **1/2

WHAT I SAY NOW:
A clean match with Steiner going over probably would have done the trick. On the other hand, the match did have some heat. The announcers totally oversold the angle, which I'm sick of. Tony apologizing for saying "This sucks" struck me as particularly depressing. I went *1/2 for this mess. 1 for 1.

Jeff Jarrett v. Diamond Dallas Page

WHAT I SAID THEN:
These two usually have good matches with each other. The triple cage for the World Title was decent and their straight match was as good, if not better. I expect a *** match here, with Kanyon interference paving the way for a Jeff Jarrett win.

WHAT I SAY NOW:
If DDP was credibly over, the Superbrawl angle would have been fantastic. It yielded two good matches, particularly the Kanyon one, and really put DDP and Kanyon over, which was nice. I was pleased by the whole thing, and Steiner v. DDP should be a clean, good match, so no complaints here. I was almost right with the prediction, although in a different way. 1 for 2.

For The Cruiserweight Title: Rey Mysterio Jr. v. Chavo Guerrero Jr.

WHAT I SAID THEN:
This should be a good match. ****, I'm hoping, which would be the first four star match on WCW PPV in a long, long time. Chavo retains.

WHAT I SAY NOW:
It was good, not four stars, but good. Chavo retained, which was good, but no real title changes was a disappointment. 2 for 3.

For The Commissionership: Lance Storm v. The Cat.

WHAT I SAID THEN:
Cat like a true babyface, goes over for the commissionership that he lost. I like the Cat, and I hope this match is good for both men's sake. ***, tops. Probably more like **.

WHAT I SAY NOW:
I was dead on. Cat should start engineering a babyface turn for a wrestling by acting as his manager. I advise Chuck Palumbo. 3 for 4.

For The U.S. Title: Dustin Rhodes v. Rick Steiner.

WHAT I SAID THEN:
This is the primary reason I won't pay money to buy this PPV. Whoever conceived of this match should be shot and killed. DUD, bordering on negative stars, much like their horrific Nitro "brawl." Steiner retains. Lot of that happening, that's probably why they did the commissionership switch.

WHAT I SAY NOW:
This sucked. 4 for 5, next.

For The Tag Team Titles: Mark Jindrak and Shawn Stasiak v. Sean O'Haire and Chuck Palumbo

WHAT I SAID THEN:
This should be a whipass match featuring the good, young, big workers of WCW and I am jacked to see if they can step outside the formula. Champs retain, *** minimum. These fellas can go.

WHAT I SAY NOW:
They didn't change the formula, but they worked a no-bullshit match which was always appreciated. I kind of liked this. 5 for 6.

I won't bother reviewing the rest of the card, because it was by and large worthless. Superbrawl was such a meaningless show I give no ranking for it, except to say I thought the angles came over well.

7. Here we go brutha: The top ten overrated matches of all time, with my star ratings as a meaningless (word of the day) addendum.

10. Steve Austin/The Rock v. Kurt Angle/Chris Benoit (RAW 2/19/01) **1/2
9. Sting/Luger v. Steiner Brothers (Superbrawl II) ****
8. Hardyz v. Edge/Christian (No Mercy '99) ***1/2
7. Ricky Steamboat v. Ric Flair (WrestleWar '89) ****1/2
6. 5. Randy Savage v. Ricky Steamboat (Wrestlemania III) ***3/4
4. Mankind v. The Undertaker (KOTR '98) ***3/4
3. Hardyz v. E/C v. Dudleyz (Summerslam '00) ****1/2
2. Nasty Boys v. Maxx Payne/Cactus Jack (Spring Stampede '94)
1. Nasty Boys v. Cactus Jack/Kevin Sullivan (Slamboree '94) **

There she is.

6. WWF No Way Out preview, and may I mention that this card will be better than Superbrawl because of the double main, but even then it's close:

WWF Title: The Rock v. Kurt Angle (c)

They tried to spice it up a bit on RAW, but nothing doing. Angle's been a lame-duck champion for a long time now, and he's dead at the PPV. Lack of an angle kills this match dead for me. It should be better than a RAW match, but I've seen a million of these matches and I don't want to see another. Typical WWF main event that's been beat to the ground, Rock wins 6th WWF Title. Expect a ***1/2 affair, much like their No Mercy match. I will nevertheless be bored.

2/3 Falls: HHH v. Stone Cold Steve Austin

If you read the previous Top Ten Bits, you know I think this should have most definitely have been an "I Quit" match. In any case, this match should be good, even though I can think of a lot of people that could run into the match off the top of my head: Regal, Rock, Angle, Vince, Linda, Stephanie, Mick Foley, Shawn Michaels, Stephanie, Trish, Chyna. If it goes down clean, all the better, but it won't. The match should be ****+, if only because they have a lot of incentive to tear down the house. Austin loses, and HHH gets the win and a written message from Vince that says, "Sorry you ain't in the main event of WM this year." HHH has been fucked with too much to lose here.

Four-Way for the IC Title: Chris Benoit v. X-Pac v. Eddy Guerrero v. Chris Jericho

Color me stupefied. If there a more aggravating match on PPV, I won't know it. Look, just do Eddy v. Jericho. Have Benoit wrestle X-Pac to set him up for the face turn at WM. Just not another stupid, stupid four-way. Horrible. At least there's more speculation as to who will win. I pick Eddy, to set up for the face win at Wrestlemania X-SEVEN. Should be ***.

Table Match for the Tag Titles: Edge/Christian v. Unholy Alliance v. The Dudley Boyz

I'm glad they made this a table match. Insanity is expected with the big men in there. I'm looking forward to this. It should do ****, and could steal the show in a big way. I have no idea what they're going to do with the tag division, but contrary to popular opinion (Scott Keith's, at least) I don't think they'll do Samoan Fat Team v. Unholy Alliance at WM, so I'll go with E/C. It's time for them to do the big job at WM.

Hardcore Title: Raven v. The Big Show

I like TBS quite a bit, and I expect them to bury the Hardcore Title at this show. This match is begging for an angle other than TBS is a big fucking monster, and good for them if they get it done. Raven should make this watchable, unlike every stupid fucking RAW brawl I've seen for the past twenty months. Raven v. Stevie comes next.

LHW Title: Dean Malenko v. Matt Hardy

They'll go with this instead of a tag team match, hopefully. If it is this, it's ****, so let's hope they get that chance to shine. Dean goes over after the job on RAW.

Jerry Lawler v. Steven Richards

Whatever, I just hope this gimmick ends at WM.

Stephanie McMahon v. Trish Stratus

Someone on the internet said the buildup for this match is good. Oh god, I feel it coming on. DO THEY REALIZE WHAT THEY'RE SAYING? THIS ISN'T A MATCH! THIS DOESN'T DRAW MONEY, AND THE TELEVISION HASN'T EVEN BEEN MODERATELY FUCKING ENTERTAINING! I DON'T CARE WHETHER FUCKING STEPHANIE IS A HEEL OR A FACE, IF SOMEONE'S NOT WRESTLING ABOUT IT, I DON'T WANT TO FUCKING WATCH IT. I DON'T CARE IF SHE'S PISSED OFF HER FUCKING FATHER IS PLACING HIS PENIS IN TRISH'S VAGINAL CANAL, AND NO ONE DOES. Endgame.

5. I hate the cruiser tag titles, and this is why: it's even more of reinforcement that only big guys can fight big guys that we've seen forever in WCW. When the light-heavies tore the house down in the WWF, they were given the tag titles as a result. The Federation listened to its fans and moved the cruisers into the tag division, where they won the tag titles and changed tag team wrestling forever, for better or worse, and anything is better than what they were in both WCW and the WWF. Instead, these tag titles will be used to hold down the smaller guys permanently. I mean, at least call them the U.S. tag titles. Anyone who thinks the cruiser tag titles will do anything for any wrestler with medium size and talent in WCW but bury them in the midcard should get their head fucking checked.

4. The new Stephen Malkmus album is really, really good. I loved Terror Twilight, which may put me in the minority (not among Pavement fans of course), but SM is a good deal better. Pick it up if you're the picking up kind.

3. That was not wrestling related, which means I'll be writing on a "major" site before long. And when I say major, I imply a percent of the profits. I'm available for a small amount of money if anyone's interested. I do birthday parties and bar mitzvahs. Also circumcisions.

2. No match of the week this week, because aside from the tag match on RAW, nothing was remotely good. I can't degredate myself to reviewing that tag match, because if you've see one RAW main event with Rock pinning Benoit, you've seen them all.

1. Lastly, I want to recognize all the people who've thrown their hat in on star ratings arguments. Eric S. (the same man who criticizes Keith's star ratings after every PPV) broke out the congrads on Becker's rejection of the star ratings system. Look fellas, it's all fake. Tiger Driver is a move named after an African cat, and the word Driver attached to the end. You're outsmarting yourselves. Believe me, star ratings are not fucking rocket science, you're right. But furthermore, I'd rather look at some "stupid" biased star rating than read another PPV recap that just describes the action. If you're into describing the action, do it. It's made CRZ a lot of a money. When I say a lot of money, I mean of course very little money. But that's his business. He's talented, you're not. I mean, I have no fucking idea why there's eighteen different recaps of RAW on the net. There's approximately two people who aren't just copying CRZ and the forebearers of the wrestling recap. Scott Christ, for one, although it'll be a few weeks before the Monday Night Evaluation is called the Monday Night Recap, and Scott Keith, whose style, I assume, is copyrighted.

I'm sick of reading these recaps of people how don't bother to judge the shows, who offer no interpretation into Wrestlemania whatever except "it's one of the better WMs" along with some match times. I have the fucking PWI almanac, I can get match times from there.

And god knows I'm as much a violator as anyone else. But what I'm trying to say is that when I review a match, I'm genuinely trying to review it. If a star rating with an explanation helps get across how I feel about a match, then I'll continue to include it. That is, as long as one day I don't become like Scott Keith and drop "***** They deserve it after that brutal war." I don't know what that is, but he's got I book, and I don't, so this point is done.

If you are wondering, I'm aware of the gratuitous number of columns featuring the reviews of one match, and I plan to combat this problem three ways:

(1) Reviewing better than anyone else. (2) Not reviewing any fucking Michinoku Pro. (3) Reviewing two, count 'em, two matches each column.

The imitators are depressing me severely.

I was going to do two All Japan tags from back in the day, but I wanted to watch this instead, god help me.

I did a review awhile ago of WrestleMania 12 but there's no point in including it here. The show itself is a two match event in Shawn v. Bret and UT v. Diesel. I mean, Steve Austin pulls out a killer match on the undercard but it's nothing he wasn't doing on a weekly basis when allowed to in WCW, so there's no point including it here either. I'm a big fan of the Diesel v. UT match, so here it is before I look at Shawn v. Bret.

Incidentally, I don't think Vince McMahon was ever worse on commentary than he is on this show.

Diesel v. The Undertaker (Loser goes to the WCW and beats WWF in the ratings for 83 weeks). Diesel comes out, and the crowd is simultaneously happy to see the big name while hating Diesel quite profusely. Huge entrance for the Undertaker. Diesel is plenty motivated to start. UT hits a lariat but misses an elbow, and Diesel clotheslines him out of the ring. UT smashes Nash's face into the steps, and back in the ring tries for the tombstone, but Diesel wriggles out. Flying bodypress gets two. UT walks the ropes, continuing the attack. He misses a charge and hits the ropes ugly. UT gets a guillotine from the apron. Diesel gets knocked right back outside, and UT throws his back into the post. He tries to hit Nash with a chair, but hits the post. Taker gets whipped into the rail hard. Diesel drives UT into the post. And he does it again. UT sells masterfully. Diesel draws HUGE heel heat. Nice bump as UT gets knocked off the apron into the rail by Diesel. Nash hits a vicious big boot. Oh sweet Jesus, what a beating. UT can barely get up, and takes some stiff shots from Nash. Taker can barely stand, and when he does, Nash hits a sidewalk slam for two. Diesel gets Snake Eyes, and the running "sit down on Taker while he is on the ropes" bit. Diesel signals for the Jacknife. He continues the beating in the corner. Taker gets an elbow and tries to mount the comeback, but a double boot spot leads to a double KO. That's an awesome spot in its original incarnation. They both gets out at about eight. Big bearhug from Diesel. FINALLY Taker breaks out, and hits a nice side suplex out of a headlock. Taker drops an elbow, no cover. Taker to the top rope for the clothesline, and that gets two. You can see Nash looking over at the ref for the count. Diesel then hits the powerbomb out of nowhere, to a tremendous heel reaction. He poses. Diesel taunts him, and Taker sits up. Nash sets up another jacknife, and hits that. Oh god. No cover. Finally he leans down, but Taker grabs his throat. Nash pounds of it, and they do the bit again. Then Taker gets up and tries the chokeslam, but Diesel hits a belly-to-back suplex out of it. Taker gets up and hits the flying clothesline to set up chokeslam, cool tombstone, three count. ***1/4 I think the reason I like this match is because it works if the guys aren't both nearly seven feet tall. It's just a really decent encounter between two guys who had reasons to be motivated and weren't totally crippled with injuries.

Johnny Ace & Steve Williams v. Misawa & Kobashi. I fight my aversion to All Japan tag matches by reviewing this. They do a lot counter reversals to start, with Kobashi going for the exploider and Ace going for the Ace Crusher. More of the same follows, with Ace controlling the match. He hits the giant-killing legdrop, but picks Kobashi up. Short arm clothesline allows the tag to Williams. Ugly-ass dropkick, but he misses a blind charge, allowing a bearded and scarred Misawa into the matchup. Staredown, and they run through pretty much the exact same bit. Steve Williams is such a fat piece of shit. I hate looking at his fucking mug. Misawa pounds on him hard in a headlock, and Steve takes him down with takeover in return. Misawa looks old here. Slugfest, and Misawa puts him down to set up whatever from the top, but he gets dropkicked. Steve presses him and sloppily drops Mitsuhara on his head. They check to see if he's okay. Chaos erupts, but Misawa hits a bridging German suplex for two. Kobashi in, and Williams hits a flying shoulderblock to set up the Oklahomo Stampedo, as the announcer calls it. Steve tries a doctorbomb, but Misawa charges and takes a clothesline for his troubles. Williams tries to press Kobashi, but the gaijin takes a DDT in mid-air. Neat. Misawa in with a flying shoulder block, but the tiger bomb is reversed and he manages an enziguiri instead. Misawa hits the frog splash for two. Tiger bomb for two. These near falls are weak, probably because it's too early in the crowd's mind for the pin. Misawa rests and fends off interference after that sequence. Williams then applies the backdrop driver, but Misawa flips over and thankfully, doesn't get dropped on his head. Misawa rolls out to sell the move. Steve follows but is cut off by Kobashi, who hits a Northern Lights suplex on the outside. Needless to say, it's of the release variety. Inside, it gets two. Kobashi tries another one, but Williams is down and both men are out. Tag to Johnny Ace, who hits the flying clothesline for two. DDT out of the corner for two. Ugly reversal sequence leads to Shannon Moore's showstopper for two. Williams sets up Kobashi for the top rope Ace Powerslam, but it gets two. Heels now in control, as Ace applies an abdominal stretch to kill the crowd. That move isn't even over in Japan for chrissakes. Match is -*1/2 for this glaring resthold. I am disgusted. Williams in, and he slams Kobashi. Twice. He calls Misawa "tough guy." They fight over a suplex, but they maneuver into a clothesline stop for deuce. Heel double teams don't work on Kobashi, and Misawa is in to clean house. Leaping Taker clothesline from Misawa. Second rope clothesline for two. He tries the tiger bomb but is backdropped, and Ace rolls out of the ring. Baseball slide from Misawa sets up a possible Tiger Driver from the apron to the ring, but Ace applies STUNNER STUNNER STUNNER instead. Everyone is down. Williams goes to a half crab, and hits a powerslam on Kobashi out of it. He then goes back to the half crab on Misawa. Oo-kay. Misawa breaks free, and Kobashi is in with a flying dropkick for two. Knee smash and t-bone suplex set up another T-Bone, but Ace makes the save and jacknife powerbombs Kobashi fro two. Demolition Decapitation, but Misawa breaks it up. The heels then hits Decapitation on Misawa. Face are outside, the ring, and the gaijin roll Kobashi in the ring for the Oklahoma Stampede for two. Ace Crusher for two. On the top rope, he tries the top rope Ace Crusher but Misawa comes in and administers the release German suplex. It gets two. Kobashi hits the T-Bone and goes for another one. 1, 2, no. Williams kills Kobashi with a doctorbomb, but Misawa attacks only to get release backdrop suplexed for his troubles. Um, ugh. In the midst of this living exhibition of the chaos theory, Ace hits a foldover doctorbomb for two. Close one. Ace hits a nasty reverse arm and neck Tazzplex, which I've only seen as Tazz's special move in no Mercy. It's nastier in real life. This maneuver is enough for the pinfall, as you might imagine. ***3/4 I can't go any higher than that with the weak build. The tag stuff with Kadawa is eons better. Steve Williams is being carried like hell in there, and the gaijin are so, so fat. If anyone can explain to me why the gaijin are so fat, I'm glad to know. As far as All Japan goes, this was pretty good, but it's not a great crossover match or anything so don't go looking for it. Anyone who loves AJ has probably seen this match, and anyone who doesn't won't want to.

I'm gone for the weekend, but back on Monday with something new and cool. Send me feedback, that's the whole fucking point, right? gould 41@aol.com

Later.