Cause she's got a big ass, and you got your head all the way up it...

10. What should be done with the Royal Rumble? I fail to understand everyone's problem with the lack of uncertainty in who will win the Royal Rumble match. I was pretty uncertain myself, and the rest of the net couldn't be that certain either, because half of them picked The Rock. Who wants to see a midcarder win the Rumble? Not I. The problem isn't with the Rumble; the Rumble's fine. It's a great match and they did a nice job this year with sticking Austin and Rock in the Rumble. The real problem is the lack of viable contenders for the Rumble. And if one person says that this is a recent problem, they've got another thing coming. The Rumble is usually predictable. Why?

It's supposed to be predictable. Some of you maybe remember when it wasn't predictable. Russo booked McMahon to win the Rumble. Everyone bitched about it then, even though it turned out well, with Austin winning his title shot at St. Valentine's Day Massacre. That was the best build to the WM event. It was full of exciting moments: Rock v. Mankind, ladder match with Stone Cold on commentary, McMahon falling off the cage, Paul Wight's appearance, Foley's insanity at the Rumble, Vince gets sprayed down with beer, even Halftime Heat was kind of cool. I wasn't even into the WWF at the time, and it pulled me in. I was watching WCW in lieu of debacles like WWF Rock Bottom and the Royal Rumble match that year. The TV was so good. Thank Russo for that, at least. He did have two hot angles to go with in Rock v. Mankind and the hottest angle maybe of all time in Austin v. McMahon. But back to the Rumble. Each year, the winner has been easy to pick - EXCEPT for this year. So why the fury? I don't understand it. 1992 was a great Rumble, whatever, but the Rumble should not be for the WWF Title. It's great to see a WWF Title match on the Rumble card, and now those matches have a history, what with Rock v. Foley and HHH v. Foley. Just because the Rumble itself is getting kind of stale is no reason to reinvent the concept. Some people just won't be happy until Benoit is number one and goes the whole way, I guess....

9. The XFL - I'm a WWF stockholder, and obviously I was rooting for the XFL on that level, but I was more than pleased with the league's debut this weekend. I don't understand why everyone thought it was so bad in the national media. It didn't have anything to do with wrestling. Perhaps the news media is so jaded that they don't reason that commercialization itself has brought professional sports to its knees, and fans no longer have the sports heroes they once did. They like the idea of regular guys playing football. The football purists can watch the Total Request Live show before the Superbowl, I'll watch a league that can at least admit what it is.

8. Here's something I've never understood about being a wrestler? Why is it so difficult to get into the Big Three? And once you're in, why is it so easy to stay? I don't understand why the WWF employs Steve Blackman instead of Reckless Youth, for instance. It doesn't make sense: the fans don't like Steve Blackman. He's been shoved down our throats repeatedly for years and years, and yet no fan has ever cheered or booed consistently for him. The WWF, by any reasonable rationale, should simply let him go. And yet they continue to not only employ him, but put him on the big TV shows and give him wins over opponents. Okay, but let's take another example. Blackman's workrate, at least, isn't terrible. Let's take someone who really sucks, like Billy Gunn. ANY worker in the country is a better worker than Billy Gunn. Goodfather, for fat's sake, is a better worker than Billy Gunn. Meng - Haku, I should say - is a better worker than Billy Gunn. Why does the Federation continue to put him on television? It's their asses on the line, why bother to put someone on television that is a danger to every member of their company and makes the viewer turn the channel. I could understand if he was a stand up guy, but he's had incidents in the past that should make him questionable.

7. I watched Beyond the Mat for the first time today, and I was hugely disappointed. If I want second rate melodrama, I'll watch the Real World. One would think a documentary that exposed all the tordid incidents of the wrestling industry would do some serious business. Why not look at the history of wrestling - that would be a good idea. Go behind the business. In a little while, all the guys from the bigger incidents in wrestling history won't mind talking. There's plenty of television footage. The stuff on the DVD with Foley's commentary about no longer trusting The Rock as an opponent struck me as slightly hypocritical. Mick put himself into that situation - Rock had nothing to do with it. Mick is lucky he got out of the business alive.

6. RAW and Nitro were both kind of there. I liked the whole Steiner angle, but I seem to be in the minority. I hate Rick Steiner as much as the next guy. Why didn't they just let Franchise join the heel stable. I'm more psyched for Steiner v. Nash than I am for Angle v. Rock on a non-workrate level, and I'd rather watch Nash win the World Title than see a three-way or Rock v. Big Show at No Way Out. There's no point in Rock v. Big Show, so I think they'll go Rock v. Angle. I had a better time watching Nitro - the opening angle was very effective at setting up the evening. It's hard to quarrel with WCW booking per se, but easy to disagree with who's at the top of the company. How cool would it have been if it was Kanyon returning at WCW Sin, and joining what is now dubbed "The Magnificent Seven." At least there's one new guy. And Morrus could join the faces, along with Kidman, perhaps. While I'm on it, it's bad for the cruiserweights if they all job to each other. It's one thing to establish parity, but come on. The Yung Dragons are jobbers, period. Of course Steiner's going to kill them.

5. WWF No Way Out looks like this:

Rock v. Angle
Austin v. HHH

I expect the above two matches to be gimmick matches. None of those guys have signature gimmicks. I think they keep The Big Show as guest ref or in some like capacity. Perhaps he can be Angle's WM opponent. I hope not, but I can't think of a more positive alternative. Neither can the WWF, apparently.

Haku & Rikishi v. Taker/Kane

I'd say they'd do an inferno match, but I think it'll be a tag team casket match. Hopefully, a brief tag team casket match.

Dudleyz v. Edge/Christian

This match is a possibility, although for the life of me I can't think why. They would have done better for themselves if Lo-Down had stayed intact in its previous incarnation. Then Lo-Down could have jobbed to the champs at No Way Out while Edge/Christian gave Kai En Tai a big PPV rub. Now the tag titles are basically a show. Heels are always better to keep the tag titles on, so the Dudleyz should turn. Immediately. Perhaps I'm a bit biased on this point. In any case, the Duds are staying over right now, and good for them.

Side note: The WWF should not be signing new talent when they have no room for current guys like X-Pac and Gangrel.

Chris Jericho v. Eddy Guerrero (IC Title)

I could not be more pleased they are going for this matchup. Great opening segment on RAW.

Dean Malenko v. Matt Hardy (LHW Title)

I think Extreme SmackDown was an injury angle, and this match at the PPV should be killer. Scotty 2 Hotty isn't half the wrestler Matt is, and that Backlash match was ****1/4. This gets a good amount of time, I think, before the Hardyz try for the title at WrestleMania X-Seven in a losing team must split up match. ...Expect a further preview come PPV time. I already went too far already.

3. TV Match of the Week: There wasn't anything great on television this week. For some reason, WCW's stuff - now that matches are going a little longer - is fresher than the same WWF match I see every week. I kind of liked Team Canada v. NBT for the Tag Titles on Nitro. I couldn't stand Meltzer and Alvarez ripping apart WCW for that match. They called O'Haire's chops pathetic, and didn't know why Awesome jobbed. Those guys are unbelievable nit-pickers. Russo was right about this: who cares if Awesome jobs? Who cares if the cruiserweights get squashed by Steiner? A week means nothing in term's of the perspective of the fans. Everybody should job to everybody. Awesome's not going to lose his heat because of some stupid job in a tag match. He's six-seven and does a tope, he's got a measure of credibility anyway. How matches are booked doesn't really mean anything to the common viewer, but how the company is booked does. Another thing that pisses me off about Wrestling Observer Live is the way they talked about how Nash humiliated Flair on Nitro. Guys, it's an angle. It got the crowd going, don't criticize it because you were a huge Flair mark ten, fifteen years ago.

With all that said, this week l'm looking at the opening cruiserweight match from Thunder. The winner qualified for the cruiserweight four way opener at Superbrawl: Revenge. Shannon Moore is already in the thing.

Shane Helms v. Kaz Hayashi. They work in some basic stuff to start, Kaz kicks at Shane's leg, but he knows and I know it's not going to go anywhere. Spinning heel kick allows Kaz to chop down Shane. Kaz almost gets tossed, but he stays on the apron and tries to come in with a slingshot DDT but gets backdropped. Shane hits the frog splash plancha, nicely done. They work on the apron, with Kaz legdropping Shane's face off the apron. Neat. They mess around, and Kaz tries a moonsault, but Shane tries for the Vertebraeker, and gets a snapmare instead. Kaz gets a rana, and Shane slides out to let Kaz hit a highspot of his own with A Benoit-style tope. Back in the ring, it gets two. These guys are not pacing the match well, they were stressed for time, to be sure. Blind charge misses by Kaz, and Shane tries The Final Cut (um, it's Big Show and Shane Helms, I go with the WWF interpretation), but Kaz brings him onto the top and misses a rana. Shane comes off the top with the Free Fall, but Kaz slips out of that and misses some kicks. Superkick from Shane stems the tide, and Chavo comes down to ringside. Shane hits a TKO and a running neckbreaker. He goes for the Vertebraeker, but Chavo distracts. Kaz counters with a springboard kick and a German suplex for the pin. **3/4 Kaz looks like a little kid after the match.

I like Shane Helms quite a bit, but Kaz is just kind of trying too hard. There is no point in being pseudo-Benoit if you can't work a match like him. Kaz needs to develop a finisher, preferably a submissions move. No blown spots here, but very little actual offense. Too many counters for my tastes. It seems like these guys watched some juniors stuff on television and said, "Ah, this is what makes a good match!' They should tone down the insane spots and use some near falls sequences to their advantage. Near falls always work in building a match.

2. Who did Shane Douglas piss off? He jobbed twice to Rick Steiner. What was the point of the non-title match if Douglas was going to job again, this time with a cast? I think when the WCW Title is held by a heel they should keep the US Title on a babyface, preferably one with good workrate. Maybe Shane will turn face. Let's look at heels v. faces in WCW, active wrestlers only:

Faces			Heels				Neutral
Kevin Nash		Scott Steiner (c)		Jaime Knoble
The Cat			Rick Steiner	(c)		Chuck Palumbo (c)
Bryan Clarke		Lex Luger			Sean O'Haire (c)
Bryan Adams		Buff Bagwell			Alex Wright
Rey Misterio Jr.	Chavo Guerrero (c)			
DDP			Jeff Jarrett
Hugh Morrus		The Wall
Crowbar			Shane Douglas
Kidman			Animal
Lash LeRoux		Lance Storm
			Mike Awesome
			Elix Skipper 
			Kaz Hayashi
			Yun Yang
			Shawn Stasiak
			Mark Jindrak
			Chris Kanyon

How can you be successful when half of your company is full heel? It doesn't work. WCW has no way of pushing over midcard heels to the top titles, because they don't have King of the Ring. And they have no over midcard faces. None. This doesn't bode well for The Five Bischoffs v. The Magnificent Seven. The whole thing is dying for a WarGames blow off with Goldberg's return.

By the way - after Monday, WCW will have a hard time putting over Scott Steiner at Superbrawl: Revenge, but god knows I hope they do just that. 1. Feedback on my WWF Smack 'Em Whack 'Em review: For those of you asking, Amazon.com auctions often has old Coliseum stuff to bid on. I got the tape for five bucks plus three-fifty S & H, which is pretty good, I think. I listed off all the ladder matches I could think of, and realized the next day I had omitted Vince & Shane v. Austin from that godawful KOTR show. King of the Ring is pretty regularly a shitty show, usually (as in this year) the WWF's worst PPV. The one match that a few people wrote me about was Mankind v. Bossman for the Hardcore Title. I wasn't into the WWF at the time, and have never seen the match, but from what most people said, Foley might as well have been wrestling Russo.

After Ric came to the WWF, he was carrying the old NWA title around for awhile, until they started blurring it out. Ric claimed he was the real world champion, and had Curt Hennig with him as Mr. Perfect all the time. The character was in its prime, even if the wrestler was a little past his. Here's Bret and Ric working out the kinks before Ric's Rumble win.

Bret Hart v. Ric Flair, IC Title. So many wrestlers were just different men five to eight years ago because of the lifestyle they lived. They talk about the NWA Title (or lack thereof, at this point) that Flair was bringing to the ring. Bret is the de facto face here. Mr. Perfect is at ringside. Ric tries bridging out of a headlock into a pin, but no go. Bret holds onto the headlock. Bret slaps Ric in the face a few times, A drop toehold lets Bret try for the Sharpshooter. Announcers hype Hogan v. Flair, even though it wouldn't happen in the WWF. Ric takes Bret down, but Bret keeps kipping up. Backdrop, and Bret hits two clotheslines. Ric begs off in response, but Bret goes to the ten punch count, with Ric atomic dropping him out of the corner. Kneedrop gets two, with Ric's feet on the ropes. Bret takes the cute chest-first bump to the turnbuckle, and Ric gets several twos with his feet on the ropes. I love it. Slugfest leads to a sleeper spot, but Bret quickly drops him into the turnbuckle. Atomic drop from Bret, but Ric hits a shin-breaker and slaps on the figure four, pulling on the ropes - the top rope, no less. Bret turns it, and Ric gets to the ropes. Ric tries to suplex Bret out of the ring, but Bret reverses and brings Flair back in. Ric is up first, and Bret no sells chops in the corner with his straps down. Flair takes the bump over off the whip over the top rope, and Bret follows him out, abuses him, and throws him back in the ring. He pounds on him, but Ric no-sells. Hartbreaker sets up the Sharpshooter, but Ric is right near the ropes. Mr. Perfect breaks the hold. Hartbreaker again, Bret again goes for the Sharpshooter. Mr. Perfect interrupts. Ric tosses Bret, and then tries to suplex him back in. Bret flips over and rolls Flair up for two. Ric holds onto a headlock and slides it for a pin, but he can't get Bret. Bret turns that into a backslide, Benoit-style, for two. Bret European uppercuts Flair out of the ring, but Flair tries a piledriver outside the ring, only to be backdropped. Bret gets counted out quickly, ending the match in 18:14. It seemed like they were still working out a few things at this point. If this match had an ending it's as good as their WWF Title match, as is, it's just unbelievably good. **** I wish the WWF champion today could have these type of matches with the top undercard guys on the roster. This is a far, far better match than Angle v. Austin at RAW. Angle could take a lesson from Flair in working a match, if you ask me.

We segway right into:

Ric Flair v. Shawn Michaels. Shawn was one half of the Rockers, and just on the verge of a singles turn that would reinvent his career and slowly but surely sent him skyrocketing to popularity. Flair and Hennig were such a cool team. The "NWA" belt is digitally distorted. They work the headlock spot. All great matches used to start that way, but Benoit doesn't do a lot of mat wrestling in the WWF and neither does HHH, so that's gone out of vogue. Benoit's the only pure wrestler on the top of the WWF, and it shows. Shawn gets a top rope sunset flip for two, and he goes back to the side headlock. Shawn slaps Ric in the face. Ric will sell for anyone; he's like Mick that way. Lord Alfred isn't a bad color guy. Shawn gets the ten punch count, and then suplexes Flair back into the ring. Flair reassumes the advantage, and then a slugfest erupts. It seems one of those occurs in every match. Backdrop, and Ric begs off. Flair takes the Flair flip. This match is just lesson number one in how much stuff Michaels stole from Flair. Michaels vertical suplexes Ric on the floor. Ric tosses Shawn, but Shawn comes in with a sunset flip - and gets caught. Michaels gets a dropkick, but Mr. Perfect trips him up. Flair drops the knee, and starts working over Shawn's leg. Flair is just outsmarting Shawn at every turn. Flair goes to the top, and gets thrown off. That gets two. Shawn hits sweet chin music, which was always an awesome finisher, but not in 1992. Shawn gets a flying fistdrop for two. Shawn takes both men out of the ring in a Foley-type clothesline. Shawn then does a plancha into the rail. Ouch. Flair rolls back in. Shawn is still out, and Marty Jannetty comes down to ringside. Shawn is selling like he is literally dead. Jannetty rolls him back in the ring. Ric puts his feet on the ropes and gets three in 9:44 or so. I don't know what happened to that ending, but the rest was great. *** Shawn must have really hurt himself, cause he ain't getting up, and the WWF sure didn't have to protect him from Flair at that point.

Jesus, Ric was great. Bret was super too, and Shawn was just getting a hold of his ring style. The current main eventers can't match these guys, I think.

The tape itself is a recommendation to avoid, because Ric and Bret's WWF Title match was *that* much better. Try to get that instead.

Next week is Dragon v. Ohtani and coming soon, the verdict on the top WWF PPV Iron Man Match of all time: Rock v. HHH or Shawn v. Bret. WHO WILL BE THE SOLE SURVIVOR?