10. A look back at the Royal Rumble:

WWF Title Match: 3H (with Stephanie) v. Kurt Angle (c) (with Trish)

I don't think the heel v. heel aspect of the match appeals to anyone. I don't know what they are going to do with Angle after this loss. Push him back down the card? I think the most ballsy move they could pull out here is to put Angle over, and I actually think they might do that. It'd be a nice swerve, and it'll give Angle some much-needed credibility. Then at No Way Out he can return the job. That's what I'd do to build Wrestlemania mystery, although I think they want to stop the bleeding and just give HHH the belt. I expect a better match than the pretty good one they had at Unforgiven because of the larger stage and increased importance, probably playing to HHH's strength and Rumble tradition with a brawl here to get the crowd going. Both men bleed, and despite not having great chemistry, the match is probably ****+. The pick is HHH.

It was a nice swerve, but it didn't give Angle credibility. The only real positive thing I can assert about WWF booking is that I have no idea what the WM main event would be, and if they would dare to put on HHH-Austin, a Survivor Series repeat. They blew a huge opportunity to pop a rating by giving Austin the title on RAW. I've had enough Angle surprise wins, and I've had enough of him proving his credibility. I want the belt off of him. 0 for 1. Maybe the match is ****1/4, but it's underrated. The mark contingent of the audience that watched it with me along with the people who don't watch wrestling and aren't sick of run-ins really enjoyed the match. I think that's the test.

Royal Rumble Match

This is one of the most stacked Rumbles in years, and even though I would have liked to see Triple H in the Rumble, there's enough mystery to make it interesting. The last few years the WM title shot has been contested at the next PPV. Seems like they might give away Rock v. Austin at No Way Out to spike the buyrate there. Instead Austin wins the Rumble, point blank. Austin v. Rock v. Taker to end it and Taker costs Rock the title shot. Rock beats Taker at 'Mania, Taker feuds with Benoit. It should be a good Rumble, even though I'm not a big Rumble fan. The pick is Austin.

I was correct with the pick here, and the Rumble was okay despite a no-show from the Holy Trinity. Kudos to Kane. I liked the Big Show surprise, and I am jacked for Benoit v. Show after watching RAW. That is EXACTLY the right thing to do with both men. 1 for 2.

Intercontinental Title Ladder Match: Chris Jericho v. Chris Benoit (c)

I have seen far too many ladder matches in the last year alone, and I'm not looking forwards to this one. It'll probably be pretty good, make no mistake, but I'm tired of these two fighting each other. I would have preferred both men in the Rumble to hike up the star quotient there, and maybe they'll get in anyway. With the way this card looks, I don't see this match getting enough time to be really great. Jericho + a ladder= forty-plus blown spots, and that can't bode well for anyone. I like Jericho to win the title and start crushing the opposition for awhile before he turns heel.

These two exceeded my expectations and put on a classic. The ending should have come on the Walls of Jericho spot, but other than that I can't fault them for effort. They got more time because of Regal's back, and they needed it. 2 for 3.

Tag Team Title Match: The Dudley Boyz v. Edge/Christian

If I was the World Wrestling Federation, I would have made this a losing team must split up match and separated Edge and Christian afterwards, as both should move on after the success of the team. I expect a good to great match here, although they'll be short on time. Duds to win, setting up a No Way Out losing team must split up rematch.

The DQ in the tag title match on RAW that I suffered nearly made me cry. When Edge and Christian come back next week, I want to see the stipulation added. I want the Dudleyz to turn heel, period. Match rocked, though. 3 for 4.

9. M.I.A Version 2.0 - I'm into it. The team turns full heel and battles General Rection. Oh, I'm sorry, Hugh Morrus. Oh god, this whole thing is lame. Hey brutha, your gimmick sucked then and it sucks now.

8.5. Mike Awesome - with his new mullet-less haircut - looks exactly like the British Bulldog. Scary stuff.

8. I should admit that part of the reason I like the Big Show return so much is that I've discovered I'm a Big Show mark. I think it's cool Benoit calls him Show. If they were teasing Benoit v. Show for the Intercontinental Title, I am so hype for the match-up you wouldn't believe. Give them twenty fucking minutes.

7. It was pointless to go 55 minutes with Kane in the Rumble. His performance was good, but he's had so many RAW and SmackDown main events that his match-ups with EVERYONE are playing out. Whether it's v. UT, v. Rock, v. Austin, or v. HHH, it's been done before and it sucked. If he could put together a killer feud with someoneĞANYONE - he'd increase his stock a lot. He also has to do it through storyline rather than killer matches, because Benoit v. Kane is the last thing anyone wants to see now, even if it leads to a great match or two. Raven might be that guy. Especially if the girl in the car is either Tommy Dreamer or Paul Bearer.

6. When Malenko comes back, I think they should do "Tommy Dreamer's never pinned Raven" with Dean v. Lita. Have them have a million television matches in which Lita ALMOST pins Dean a thousand times, and then build up to a pay-per-view match. She goes over Dean - but he has so many wins, it doesn't matter. Then Dean starts working the IC Title, like he should, and putting on a killer angle with Matt Hardy.

5.5. I know this might be repetitive, but how kickass would Show v. Benoit be? They could do a whole Shawn v. UT thing. Benoit could *make* The Big Show. Whip out the goddamned Hell in a Cell. I'm down.

5. I know I may be being redundant, but Dallas Page? Hear me now: LEAVE WRESTLING. DO NOT EVER COME BACK. You are a washed up, stupid babyface who plays politics at every moment.

4. RAW IS...LAME. I am baffled as to what they are going to do with Jericho. There's always the possibility of a Rock v. Jericho program - said program would jump start ratings. There's a few programs, that, if they were given the main event spot along with Austin v. HHH v. Angle would draw at WM and pop buyrates. One is Rock v. Jericho. Another is Rock v. Austin. Yet another is a heel Austin in any form.

3. Looking back on it, it's actually painfully obvious what the World Wrestling Federation should have done with the Austin comes back angle. The man who ran Austin over at Survivor Series should have been Kurt Angle. Austin comes back from injury, battles Angle at Survivor Series after an eight week build up from Unforgiven. This would have given them mega-time to establish his credibility. Meanwhile Rock retains the belt on the undercard against Undertaker. That would have been an OK Survivor Series, right? Rock v. Undertaker (WWF Title), Austin v. Angle, and HHH v. Benoit II. HHH comes full face. Jump to Armageddon - bring out the Hell in a Cell and do the same thing you did but with different guys: Austin v. Taker v. Rock v. HHH v. Benoit v. Angle. It's that simple. Rock does the job to Angle, end of story. You go next to the same pre-Rumble Angle v. Austin shenanigans, & this time Angle has more credibility as champ. It's that easy, and you're all set for the Rumble. Austin v. Angle with McMahon *kind of* helping Austin. At the Rumble Austin wins the belt, ending Angle's reign as transitional champ, and turns dead on heel. Benoit can still fight that ladder match. Rumble comes down to HHH v. Kane v. Rock v. Big Show. You can go Rock v. Austin, you can go HHH v. Austin. I'd prefer the former so that Rock gets his babyface triumph before you turn him heel to do the job to Jericho or something like that. Then it's the best possible blowoff for HHH v. Angle as Stephanie finally turns on HHH. Then Benoit and Jericho can hook up on the undercard, if need be. What a kickass WM that would have been: Rock v. Austin, HHH v. Angle, Benoit v. Jericho. That's THREE ****+ matches. No one would have put down that PPV, even though last year's WM featured a ***** match, a **** match, and a ***1/2 match in the main. Meanwhile, Rikishi is still a viable face, even though Too Cool turned heel on them and Scotty 2 Hotty beat him on TV. With the Worm! Boom. Simple, fun booking. I'm no Stephanie McMahon, but I'm getting there.

2.5. Too Cool should turn vicious heel immediately.

2.25. Remember, while the majority may not be interested in puroresu, they are the ones missing out. Instead of seeing a Misawa vs. Kawada ***** classic they are watching The Rock finish off opponents with a weak elbow drop! Enjoy!
- "Stuart," Wrestling Viewpoints

I stumbled across this guy's site while looking for something else. It isn't too bad, but if you were wondering about the guy in the front row of the WWF show wearing the Misawa tee-shirt, here he is.

Stuart: [net geek voice] Michael Cole, you are incorrect in assuming Chris Jericho invented the Walls of Jericho. [sniff] In fact, it was used [cough] by Chris Benoit for many years predating his WWF appearance.

S'really funny though.

2. How much would it cost to air NOAH TV or All Japan TV or FMW in America. They could put their big shows on PPV. What would that cost, nothing? If you let the audience soak it up, it could get popular like Iron Chef - it would have the same sort of kitsch appeal. I know net geeks wouldn't be into it, but it would bring the product over here at least.

(I guess #1 was "Next time, proofread and doublecheck numbers before sending to Chris; make sure there's a #1, lest he make fun of me" ;-) - CRZ)

Also, here is a review of Owen-Bret from Summerslam '94 that does not give the match five stars. Maybe I'll get shit for this one. Who knows?

Psicosis v. Ultraman (2/3 Falls,1.18.96)

The match is of handheld quality, but it's really, really, good handheld quality, so that the perspective you get is like the standard shot on WWF television.

FIRST FALL: The arena is pretty big. Psicosis is dressed as in all his other '95-'96 matches, and he seems to have slimmed down a bit since then. Ultraman I don't know much about, but if this match is any evidence, something is psychologically wrong with him. The match starts out Benoit-Meng style, as after Psicosis gets kicked off the top turnbuckle by Ultraman, Ultraman follows it up with the first insane spot of the match, a no hands tope onto the cement. The ring is shitty-looking, and it's cold hard cement on the outside. You can hear the smack. The announcer is still doing ring intros. Psicosis finally makes it in the ring, and Ultraman is still wearing his cape. Psi gets clotheslined out by Ultraman, and Ultraman follows it up with a feet first tope in which he kicks Psicosis in the FACE. This is the first MINUTE of the match. Let me again inform you that this is cold cement on the outside. A bunch of other masked wrestlers are on the outside checking to make sure both guys are all right. Back in the ring, Ultraman hits a second rope superplex. Ugh, the ring has no give. He goes up top and hits a twisting body splash for three. That's enough for the first fall.

They actually rest and everything between falls to sell the match.

SECOND FALL: Psicosis misses a blind charge, and an over choreographed sequence allows Psi to take the advantage. Then something ugly happens. Psicosis charges the corner, but Ultraman moves, as Psicosis goes flying out of the ring, past the post, landing flat on his back on the cement with a loud THWACK. Oh, god, this is ugly. Ultraman follows it up with another no hands tope. Someone tell these guys it isn't worth it. Psicosis rolls back into the ring, and hits a tope,but t Ultraman doesn't catch him, so he falls flat on his back after bouncing off his opponent. Sick, sick, sick, sick bump. Back to the ring, on the top rope, Psi hits a gourdbuster and follows it up with a top rope lariat. By the way, the match has no heat whatsoever. The crowd is dead silent, except for the falls. I don't know if that's the style, or what. Psicosis tries to powerbomb Ultraman, but the guy almost kills both men with a rana for two. It's reversed, but the ref is distracted. Sunset flip gets two for Psicosis. Ultraman to the top, but he gets armdragged off Angle-HHH style and la magistraled for three.

Another rest period. Both guys look PUNISHED.

THIRD FALL: Let the sickness continue. Ultraman applies some kind of submission hold, but it's difficult to see what he's doing. Interference from Psicosis' side turns the tide. Psi hits his own guy, and Ultraman's buddy takes out Psi's buddy with a slingshot Thesz press. Nice. In the ring, a spinning heel kick sends Ultraman to the outside. Psicosis does another tope about six feet outside of the ring and is met with a chairshot, Benoit-Jericho style. Oh lord. He hit him right in the face there. I fear for Psicosis's life after that. Back in the ring (how many times have I said that?) Ultraman hits an Arabian facebuster but the ref is distracted. Psi's friend beats on Ultraman whilst his back is turned. They rest for a bit in the ring. Then a ladder is thrown in. Oh God. Psicosis picks up the ladder and throws it at Ultraman. The ladder is a piece of shit by the way. Psicosis gets a bodyslam, and sets up the ladder in the corner. He then tries to bulldog said ladder on Ultraman's face but misses. He covers anyway, and gets two. Brawl goes on outside the ring, as Psicosis redefines the word sick. Psicosis props the ladder up against the ropes, in the middle of them, and Psi whips Ultraman into the ladder, reversal and Psicosis takes the ladder off the top rope and onto himself. Some dudes ( as I must term them) bring a table to ringside as various shenanigans (I've used that word a lot in this column) erupt outside the ring. Psicosis returns to the ring and deftly catches a chair thrown into the ring, and delivers it to Ultraman's face. His friends put Ultraman on the table on the outside, and set up a ladder on the outside, like Jeff Hardy in the WM Ladder Match. Now here comes the really ugly part of the match. Psicosis tries a twisting body splash, but he falls short. He just undershoots, and his feet hit the table, but his body falls flat on the cement. So he redoes the spot to put Ultraman through the table. He succeeds, barely, with a frog splash. I am surprised he is not dead after those spots. Both men roll back into the ring and all of that gets TWO. Hit Konnan's music. Konnan gets the biggest pop of the night, and he cleans house outside the ring. Psicosis puts Ultraman on a table inside the ring, but Konnan brings the ladder into the ring. The table is perilously unstable. So what happens is that Konnan holds the ladder so a Rey-like guy (maybe Rey) can jump off of it, onto the top rope, onto guys on the outside of the ring. I don't know what the point of the ladder was. Rey hits another plancha as the Ultraman and Psicosis almost kill each other setting up for a powerbomb on top of the table as the table collapses. They say fuck it and bring the table outside. Now for the sickest spot of the matchup, all in caps for dramatic effect: ULTRAMAN POWERBOMBS PSICOSIS OFF THE APRON, ONTO THE TABLE ON THE OUTSIDE, BUT THE SWEAT AND INVINCIBILITY OF THE TABLE ALLOW THE TABLE TO SLIDE OFF OF HIM. THUS, PSICOSIS TAKE THE ENTIRE POWERBOMB DIRECTLY ON THE CONCRETE. Horrible, horrible blown spot there, although I can't fault them for effort. Psicosis is DEAD. Magically he returns to his feet, and continues the match. Remember when I said the last spot of the match was the worst. Wait for this: Psicosis tosses Ultraman, and climbs to the top rope and flies off with a plancha but misses Ultraman, going directly onto the floor and steel rail. He FLEW ten feet and landed unprotected, and almost died there. Oh. My. God. Crowd is shocked audibly. Ultraman picks up Psicosis' corpse and drags it back into the ring. They fuck up a tombstone spot, almost killing Psicosis in the process, and fake a ballshot. The match continues, astonishingly enough, and Ultraman continues the blown spot parade by nearly killing Psicosis with a top rope DDT on a chair for the final fall. The whole match with rest periods is about 22:03. ***1/2 This match is a crazy brutal spotfest, and its insanity

The match is in that stupid blue cage. Owen is so over as a heel here...he would be the WWF champ here with this kind of heat. Headbutt from Owen, and chops. Inverted atomic drop and a clothesline by Bret to get things going. Owen back with cheap heel tactics. Bret with a headbutt, even though Bret with a textbook DDT. Stu and Helen watching at ringside. Bret trying to get out of the cage, as per WWF rules...Owen brings him down and punches him in the face. Owen hits the enziguiri and get one leg over the top of the cage...Bret pulls him down. And Bret belly-to-back suplexes him from top rope level on the cage. Bret trying to go out the door "the coward's way out" according to Lawler. Whip to the corner. Bret comes out of it with a bulldog. Bret goes for the door, then Owen goes for the door then Bret goes for the door then Owen goes for the door in the best going for the door sequence in WWF history. Bret scrapes the plaque off Owen's teeth. Bret double axehandle to the head. Bret going out the top and Owen gorilla presses him to the mat. They never come down the same way, pretty much showcasing all the ways everyone has ever tried to get someone down from the cage. Owen is on the other side as Bret catches him, pulls him back up, both on the top turnbuckle. Slugfest, and Bret to the ground. Back up. Owen kicks him off again, and missile dropkick to the head for massive heel heat. Owen showboats for the crowd and jumps to the cage...Bret retaliates by wearing Bike elbow pads and then tries to climb out himself. Lawler notes the Bret loss at Wrestlemania X. Heat is unbelievable as the two fight with impeccable balance. Bret takes Owen's block off, falls down himself and tries to exit the cage. Owen takes him back to the mat. Owen tries a piledriver, but Bret backdrops him out of it. The match is very realistic; there is no time when someone is standing around waiting for the other person. Both men are doing killer sell jobs as they shoulderblock each other in the spot I invented at the very first War Games. Owen tries to sneak out again, but Bret is a hair Nazi. Bret is about to whip out the corkscrew somersault senton but instead tries to leave the cage! Wow. Owen stop him by grabbing the foot, and then pulls him down, crotching him on the top rope. The crowd HATES Owen. Owen for the door. WILL BRET STOP HIM? CAN BRET GET THE ANKLE? Yes.

Bret pulls him back, and does the thing where he pretends to go for the sharpshooter but instead whips out the headbutt so Lawler can say, "I thought he was going for the Sharpshooter." I'm surprised he doesn't get heel heat for that. Wide-shot as Bret goes for the cage. No, it's top rope elbow that misses. Both men out. Clearly, if anyone knows the Hitman's moves, it is his brother Owen who goes for the cage as the crowd severs its pulmonary artery. Bret gets boos as he tries to get him down. Bret holding Owen by the hair. Drags him back in, and Bret throws him down to the mat. Nothing can stop Bret, except his brother Owen who knows his moves better than anyone. Owen takes him in the torture rack position and slams him. Looked good. Davey Boy screams for Bret get up. Bulldog would be more over as a heel if he had long hair, I think. Both men back to the mat as Bret takes Owen headfirst to the cage. Crowd goes apeshit as Bret is about to go over. Owen hauls him in, then backdrop suplexes him to the mat. My tape cuts to a double clothesline spot. Owen then almost puts Bret through a table but instead goes to exit the cage. Bret then vertical suplexes him from the top of the cage. Nice spot. Both men are spent. Bret sells an injury and he gets to his feet. Door is open. Can he? Will he? Owen gets FOOT, and then sticks Bret in the sharpshooter while yelling, "THE BELT IS GOING TO BE MINE!" Bret REVERSES the Sharpshooter, and has a real ugly one on. He has to drop it, and does. Bret goes for the cage. Why is he going the top way I will never know. Owen jumps and grabs hair. Both men fall from the top rope. The crowd is exhausted, and can feel the finish coming. Owen goes out the top way, Bret following. LEG ANKLE LEG ANKLE! Both of them are now outside the cage. Owen hits Bret, slam his head to the cage. And vice versa. Owen gets stuck in the cage, and Bret drops down to win the match and retain the WWF Championship. ***3/4 plus 1/4* for what happens after the match is over. It's not on my tape, so I won't bother getting into it. On the plus side, this match is Owen-Bret, which is excellent.

The tape doesn't show the post-match shenanigans, which would maybe kick it up to the four star level. Why isn't this match as good as everybody says it is? Four reasons:

(1) It's spotty. Which isn't necessarily bad, but compared to the five star match they pulled at Wrestlemania it's a bit of disappointment.

(2) The cage. First of all, the blue blue blue cage is horrible. Second of all, cage matches generally suck. Let me rephrase that: escape the cage matches always suck. They restrict the format of the match and change what two great workers could do otherwise. Imagine if this match had been a marathon match - there is no doubt in my mind it would have been the greatest match in history. As it happens, it wasn't.

(3) Wrong booking. Owen going over for the title just once, at Summerslam, would have changed the entire arc of his career. Today he still might have received a push that would have given him the road to the WWF Title, but winning this match would have made his career, point blank. Even if it was only one reign, the heat would be transferred and Owen would be over forever. If it weren't for the Clique, Owen-Bret could have restarted the greatest rivalry in history with more matches.

(4) Age. Because the match is spotty, the spots don't look amazing in comparison. And compared to the WM match, it's a huge disappointment. And the missed opportunities, and what we've seen since, make it look worse than it was.

Next week comes more cool stuff, including a new new review of Savage-Steamboat. And I'm hoping to get a copy of Shawn v. Bret ladder match to review, so we'll see how that goes. Until later, hit me with feedback at gould41@aol.com. And - by the way - if you want to request a match, let me know and if I can get ahold of it, I'll review it.