I try to reconcile conflicting notions of wrestling this week in TOP TEN BITS. NEXT NEXT NEXT

10. Flair says Nash is talking big for someone who's all by himself. Nash - "Not quite termite! Heh heh heh!" [silence from the crowd] "Anyways, let me introduce you to the other top babyfaces who are going to lead this company back to ratings prominence...First, he is Eric Bischoff's next door neighbor, and the master of the Diamond Cutter...DDP!!!" [DDP stands by Nash.] Next up, he is Eric Bischoff's hunting buddy, and the arch nemesis of all Battledome warriors...RICK STEINER!!" [Rick comes out and stands with DDP and Nash.] And finally, last, but not least...he taught Eric Bischoff's son karate...THE CAT!!!" The Cat tells Flair that he has power as the commissioner and makes the Steiner vs. Nash match official. Commercials. God almighty, they broke out the unheard of 30 minute promo.

-GH & Joe, Nitro Manifesto 1.16.01

This is the best thing I have read about the new Bischoff regime.

9. It's time for a quantum leap in how the actual sport of wrestling works. It's time to redefine how matches occur. For all intensive purposes, Dusty Rhodes has decided a lot of how singles matches happen in North America. And the WWF has likewise dictated how tag team matches work.

Consider the tag match. Every single WWF tag team matchup is the same. Even as Bischoff destroyed the tag team division in WCW, the match we saw at Sin was one of the best straight tag team matches I've seen in awhile. I like WCW's tag division a lot of late. The younger teams have put together some hot, hot matches on PPVs, starting with MIA v. Three Count at Fall Brawl. But now that we're back to the Insiders stuff, let's look at where it all went wrong.

The formula of every WWF tag match is the Ricky Morton equation, the hot tag to the man on the apron, clean house, champs retain. Or, alternately, clean house, new champs. It's overdone. Meanwhile on WWF TV we see it every every week, and in the godforsaken six man tags as well.

It would be a fantastic revolution in the wrestling business, and it wouldn't take anything but one team. Back in '99, while I was depressed that Malenko and Benoit were being pushed down the card, and that all the *good* wrestlers were being shunted to the undercard, I did think, what with having two straight ****1/2 matches on WCW pay-per-views from the tag division, that I was seeing a change in tag team wrestling that would force the WWF to change its ways. I reviewed one of those matches (Horsemen v. Raven/Saturn at Spring Stampede), and three way blow off at Slamboree was equally tremendous.

Flash to 2000: I thought the Hardyz v. E/C v. Dudleyz were going to revolutionize tag team wrestling in the WWF, no less. In a way, they did. But this Sunday at the Rumble, I was treated to a heaping dose of more of the same. When these teams have had to do straight tag team matches, they still haven't able to avoid the stigma of the formula. And this spells bad news for the tag team division. Because when Edge and Christian split up - as everyone predicts they must - then the division will go hell. And I don't want to see that happen. So while they still can, I plead with the WWF - book every tag team match differently. If you have to overbook to do it, just do it.

8. Tag divisions, part two: The WWF tag division was awful because of Vince Russo's main event oriented booking; besides which the New Age Outlaws ruined the division with their atrocious workrate. Besides besides which there were no excellent teams in the WWF during that time period. If the Hardyz had been ready, they would have just held the belts during that time. Meanwhile, everyone from the Bushwhackers to the Acolytes were being shoved down the fans throats with no concern whether they were good or not.

Like I said, without any discernible storyline from insane match to insane match, the crowd hasn't created guys that are over for life. The Dudleyz heat, for example, is directly tied to tables, the Hardyz heat to spotwrestling. Only Edge and Christian are over of their own volition.

Maybe whatever face team takes the belts will do something remotely interesting with them, but I'm not getting my hopes up.

7. Angle-Austin back at RAW: Now that I think about the match, I like it even better than I did. A re-watching also enhanced my appreciation. Later learning that Austin called the whole thing surprised me. I would be very interested in knowing who put together Austin v. Michaels at Wrestlemania XIV.

6. You know what's never done? No one ever compares the moveset of two guys. Let's try The Rock v. Benoit, only moves, no mat stuff.

The Rock: DDT, belly to belly, belly to back, fireman's carry, spinebuster, People's elbow, Rock Bottom, neckbreaker, vertical suplex, slingshot suplex, powerslam. That's eleven.

Benoit: German suplex, belly to back, snap vertical suplex, dragon suplex, gutbuster, suplex on the ropes, backbreaker, neckbreaker. That's eight.

Who carried who at Fully Loaded? Feel free to write it up and contradict me. Why did everyone say HHH & Rock didn't have the moveset for a marathon match? Probably because 3H was a workrate violator for fifteen years previous to that match.

Now I know why no one compares movesets. It's a 'net conspiracy against The Rock, presumably started by Eric S. Think about it. Think about it.

5. Is Benoit overrated? Do wrestling writers overworship Benoit? I don't think so. The only thing that worries me about Benoit is that he's never let anyone else carry him in a match. His style is dominant. He can carry capable men by the thousands, but his style is very definite. I think that's why maybe Triple H is the worker of '00 instead of Benoit. 3H has good matches in three different styles: the brutal Cactus Jack classics, the No Mercy Benoit wrestling match, and the Rock series of WWF regular main events. All went ****+

4. Every time I see Lo-Down on one of the secondary shows, I get really depressed. Their cool superplex frog splash finisher made them credible challengers to the Hardyz, but instead of working them into the tag elite, they regimmicked them for no reason and pushed them down the card, claiming a winning streak.

3.

WWF Pay Per View main events as I see them for the next year, including a Rock heel turn and a Benoit face turn:

Royal Rumble '01
Kurt Angle (c) v. HHH
The Rock wins the Rumble

No Way Out '01
Kurt Angle (c) v. Austin

Wrestlemania X-SEVEN
Steve Austin (c) v. Rock

Backlash '01
Steve Austin (c) v. Big Show

Judgment Day '01
Rock (c) v. Austin
Iron Man Match
King of the Ring '01
HHH (c) v. Chris Benoit v. Austin v. Big Show

Fully Loaded '01
HHH (c) v. Chris Benoit

Summerslam '01
Benoit (c) v. Austin
Submission Match

Unforgiven '01
Benoit (c) v. Jericho v. Angle
First Man with Two Falls

No Mercy '01
Benoit (c) v. HHH

Survivor Series '01
Benoit (c) v. Jericho
Survivor Match

Armageddon '01
Benoit (c) v. Eddy v. Rock
Angle v. Austin v. Jericho
Hell in a Cell

Royal Rumble '02
Rock (c) v. HHH
Chris Jericho wins the Rumble

No Way Out '02
Rock (c) v. HHH Wrestlemania XVIII
Rock (c) v. Chris Jericho

2. No one could possible be as excited as I was when I heard Shawn Michaels was returning to the ring. Michaels will light a fire under the ass of the WWF roster like no man ever has. I would sacrifice my first born to see either Michaels-HHH or Michaels-Benoit. Imagine the buys those matches would do! Especially among internet wrestling fans!!!

1. It's time to call off this Hunter Hearst Hogan stuff. When Austin was the number one man is this business, no one called him Hogan. Yet Austin NEVER lost a match, and NEVER lost his title clean. But since HHH is a heel, and subconsciously all smarts are marks, we think HHH is worse. Well excuse me if I don't buy that bullshit. If I just carried everyone within striking distance to **** matches over the course of a year, I wouldn't flinch in putting myself in a Wrestlemania main event. And if HHH doesn't appear in the main at WM X-SEVEN, I'd like every HHH basher to get down on their knees and apologize. Whew, got that out of my system.

If you've read a lot of puroresu recaps and have not understood them, or if you have watched a lot of puroresu and wonder how an average fan perceives the legends, I advise you to read closely.

Mitsuharu Misawa v. Toshiaki Kawada (7.30.95 AJ) This is a Triple Crown match from AJ television. I have never seen this one, and since I'm not a huge All Japan fan, I'm inclined against it from the beginning. Here we go. Misawa is in white and green, as usual, and Kawada is in black and yellow.

Big-ass staredown to start, and a lock-up. The crowd applauds after the lockup. C'mon motherfuckers, it was just a lock-up! Crazy Japanese fans; only English they can speak is "INDEED." Misawa is built pretty tough, but Kadawa doesn't have a great physique. They fool around with some kicks for awhile. Misawa misses an enziguiri. Kadawa hits two stiff kicks, and Misawa rolls outside. You know, whereas Ohtani has the intensity to make it in the US, these guys would never get over here. Well, maybe Misawa, but no one else. Slugfest back in the ring, and Kadawa stomps a mudhole. I'm trying to use as many American oriented expressions as possible in describing the moveset. Kadawa with some more kicks to Misawa's face and he rolls out again. Looks like they clipped it. Kadawa goes to the outside, and Jacknife Powerbombs him. Nice spot. He then comes off the apron onto Misawa. What a beating. Misawa fights back, but Kadawa just dropkicks him and and applies what can only be termed a resthold. In Japan, it's called psychology. Kadawa tries a powerbomb, but can't lift Misawa. I love that spot. It means the crowd will pop later when he completes the move. He just kicks him in the corner, but Misawa no sells it. He tries a rolling elbow, gets blocked, but then hits it. Kadawa stalls on the outside. Back in, Misawa destroys him with forearms. In another cool spot, Misawa whips him to the ropes, and Kadawa just falls down. Another elbow takedown. Misawa hits the RELEASE GERMAN SUPLEX, which gets two. Aiee. I got a shiver up the spine. He hits another one, and Kadawa rolls out again. Those were rough.

On Nitro, when Awesome gave Konnan a German, he dropped him on his lower back. I would have dropped him on his head; if you get Konnan pissed off it almost guarantees you a World Title.

Misawa grabs an ugly looking resthold back in the ring. Kadawa gets his foot on the ropes, Billy Gunn style. Misawa tries another German, but gets punched in the back of the head. Lariat from Kadawa gets two, and the crowd counts along. Kadawa slaps on a sleeper with leg scissors. What is this, a Tazz match? Misawa eventually rolls over and gets the rope. They trade ugly blows, with Misawa just punching Kadawa in the face. Drop toehold and more kicks give Kadawa the advantage, and he hits a backdrop suplex. Misawa hits his head, I almost throw up. Kadawa is the strong man's Billy Gunn, I'll give him that. Another revolting suplex gets two. Misawa pops up, turns the camera and moves his lips as the voice-over says, "INDEED." I apologize profusely. Kadawa tries the powerbomb again, but can't get it. Misawa backdrops him out. Kadawa then locks on an octopus-like submission hold. I don't know why Hugh Morrus, for example, doesn't phase that into his offense as a possible finisher. The submission hold gets two, and the crowd is AMAZED when Misawa kicks out. Kadawa goes into full motherfucker mode again, with a high angle release German suplex. He picks him up and tries the powerbomb again, finally getting it. Foldover, loooong two count. Crowd is batshit at this turn of events. See? They did what I said. Oh, fuck off. ANOTHER foldover powerbomb finally gets two. Kadawa can't even pick the dead guy up after that. Kadawa goes for a backdrop suplex, but Misawa stop it. He tries again, and Misawa flips over into a crossbody. Kadawa hits Chuck Palumbo's "Jungle Kick" and then pounds on him further. Misawa just pops back up and slugs it out. They trade blows, and Kadawa goes down, finally. That gets two. Kadawa hits a SICK backdrop suplex out of nowhere. You shouldn't do that to someone even if they let you. Jesus. Taz-Sabu-like in its viciousness. Crowd is crazy - but it's Japan, so whatever. Do they do ten counts to get the crowd going in Japan? I have no idea. Misawa ducks a dropkick, and takes the advantage. German suplex, released, copyright Misawa, gets two. Kadawa gets up and slowly decks Misawa. Misawa responds in kind. A ballshot would add a lot to this match. A ballshot and a run-in. Instead Misawa hits a release tiger suplex. Kadawa takes it well, all things considered. That gets two. Unfortunately, that was the first of two mind-fucking suplexes. Misawa gets ANOTHER one, and this one is far sicker. There's something about the way he cinches his up for it. He holds Kadawa's arms so low. Kadawa flies halfway across the ring, and his feet rest on the ropes. Misawa hits the elbow for the three. Brutal match, in 20:15 of what aired. ***1/2 today, way more at the time. This was pretty good, although the moveset for both guys consisted of punches, kicks, and sick suplexes. Still, you can't go wrong with singles matches from these two. This feud was super. I've never thought all this stuff was *****, but this was watchable and harmless. Two guys dropping each other on their heads does not a match make. Still, the forearms and kicks were stiff as usual, and the moves were clean, for the most part. The ending blew, but that's just according to North American standards.

John Ashcroft, talking about his wife at a confirmation hearing: I thought she was the best thing in the world. the only thing that would be better would be two of them. She had a twin sister.

Ted Kennedy: Mr. Ashcroft, are you saying that you are sexually deviant?

Ashcroft: What are you suggesting?

Kennedy: Let's talk afterwards, you and I.