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Chuck Carlin

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BLAH

TENNIS SUCKS MY BUTT

First things first, I want to clear something up right now. The Mandible Claw is NOT just ramming two fingers "deep into someone's gullet". The Mandible Claw is a move in which the person giving the claw (Mankind) presses his two middle fingers down underneath the tongue of the person receiving said claw. He (Mankind) also pinches up with his thumb. The pinching down on the vein underneath the tongue eventually knocks out the opponent. It's actually a complex move with good scientific reasoning behind it. So stop making fun of it, it's not such a bad move. From an interview I read by Mick Foley, he says he got the move from the original bad guy from the original series The Fugitive.

I'm sorry but I have to say that I think the Dudleys will do just about as well in the WWF as the Public Enema did. Too many fans are going to get hung up on the "How can they be brothers if one of them is black" thing and just drop it at that. Which is a shame, but predictable none the less. Unfortunately, The Dudleys make their WWF wrestling debut this Sunday on Heat, which means we have to sit through the crap to see it. Whatever. Don't forget Heat will be on at 6:30 on the east coast, 8:00 on the west, because of tennis.

Where'd the Blonde Bytch Project go? Lucas said that it would take an extra week to re-edit, but it's been a lot longer than that. I'm interested, I hope the don't pull a Hummer on me. In a manner of speaking. Maybe the Blonde Bytch was the man in the white suit that was helping out Droz and Prince Albert. And maybe he lifted the briefcase.

So let me get this straight. When Jim Ross tells us that Pepper is in his little doggie carrier even when we can clearly see that he is NOT, nobody believes him, right? But when Bossman tells us that Pepper is in a rice dish even when we can clearly see that he is not, everyone believes him? And even if he was in that dish, Bossman should have known that you NEVER serve dog on rice, you serve dog grilled with teriyaki sauce and some ranch dressing on the side for dipping. DUH.

By the way, wwf.com says that Pepper "asked for some time off" and is being written out of story lines. Interesting way to do it.

I've decided that I'm going to join in the recent trend and sue X-Pac for half a million dollars for... uh... making me drink Hansen's Energy Drink. It tastes like pee. Not good, distilled pee either.

Also, Titan has made a new commercial along the same lines as the old Highway To Hell promos from last year, only with more people. It looks neat, go see it, it's available online at wwf.com. The commercial is for the UK PPV Rebellion, and is only notably missing Mankind.

Hogan did an interview recently on WrestleLine, mostly in character, bashing Nash and Hall, bashing Springer and Stern for making him lose sight and go to the dark side (nWo). Hogan said that the picture of him and the Hummer that Lex brought out on Nitro was of a different Hummer, and that the Hummer that hit Nash was different and had a "rag top". His has a hard top. Whatever.

I don't guess it matters any more, but in that Tag Team Turmoil match, when Bradshaw hit Jeff Hardy with his clothesline and pinned him, Jeff's foot was on the bottom rope. You see, the force from Bradshaw's Clothesline From Hell (Ooooooh) knocked him into the ropes, which was just ignored by everybody. Oops.

Also I noticed during Smackdown that UPN was running commercials that essentially bashed USA for doing tennis next week instead of Raw. Their reasoning seemed to be that you can't get Raw in its regular time, but you can get Smackdown. I wonder why. It's not like Raw is competing with Smackdown. Also I guess they didn't run these ads on the west coast, so you all just miss out.

There weren't very many entries for last week's contest, so I'm gonna keep running it until my next column. The contest is to send me the funniest and most original booking for a Raw or Nitro. Best one gets printed.

Chuck Carlin
[slash] wrestling

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Guest column text copyright (C) 1999 by the individual author and used with permission