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Raw Drinking Game
Nothing can stop the dead, even a wall of Spam.
Hi there, Chuck again. If it seems like I do a lot of columns recently, I
do. I have some time on my hands right now. You know, summertime - and the
living is easy. Well, at least while I'm not at work. So I'm getting ready
for SummerSlam, which will be the one year anniverary of the first time I
ever forced my friends to sit and watch a wrestling PPV with me. Does
anybody else realize that last YEAR'S SummerSlam featured Austin/Taker and a
HHH/Rock ladder match, and last month's PPV featured Austin/Taker, and a
HHH/Rock STRAP match. And also that one year ago, Edge was feuding with
Gangrel and we didn't know where Christian's loyalties lied, with Edge or
Gangrel. And that WCW was not good.
It seems that Vince is actually staying away. Wow. We just saw the
business' no.1 heel step down while he was still popular. It's probably
just because WWF is going public, and I hear that's how they do things when
that happens. But that's for another column. Tonight it's:
The new Raw Is War Drinking Game!
I've noticed that there are a few good WWF themed drinking games available,
but they're all pretty outdated, ("Whenever Tatanka actually gets heat..."),
so to celebrate my upcoming 21st birthday, I've made a new, more current
one. Have fun. And for the love of God, use really REALLY watered down
beer. I don't want to get any emails complaining about alcohol poisoning.
If you just finished watching all of Walker Texas Ranger - get out of my
column, I don't want your "creepy" jerms
If the only words you know to the opening theme of Raw are "LAYIN' FACE
DOWN" - drink
If there is no "Last Week" collage to open the show - drink
If there are two cans of Hansen's Energy Drink are at ringside - drink
If anyone actually drinks from one of the cans - chug
If you've ever had Hansen's Energy Drink - drink (beer, not Energy Drink)
If someone is (I love this) ...WALKING! - drink
If they're in civilian clothes because they can show up to work late, and
you and I can't - chug
If The Rock punks out an unfortunate fan - drink
If Michael Cole is waiting to interview someone - drink
For every catchphrase that The Rock uses that you have heard before - SIP!
This goes along with that alcohol poisoning thing I said earlier.
If beret wearing security guard Jim Dotson just happens to be in the right
place at the right time in the crowd - drink
If Mideon spells his name differently than he did last night on Heat - drink
If JR calls poor Terry Taylor "Rooster" - drink
If there is an ad for Happy Hour - drink (because you just know the guests
on that show are all drunk when they do it. Except for "Wierd Al", because
he doesn't drink)
If HHH does his impersonation of David Caruso's career and says "It's my
turn" or "It's my time" - drink
If there are two or more former college or pro-footbal players in the ring
at the same time - drink
If Mankind refers to Al Snow in a derogatory way ("He can't work for
Laz-y-Boy because everybody knows he doesn't sell chairs") - drink
If you laugh out loud at a Mankind interview - drink
If you laugh out loud at an Undertaker interview, and it wasn't supposed to
be funny - chug
If one of the Hardys does something really REALLY insane - drink
If Bob Holly gets chokeslammed by Kane - cheer and then drink
If Gangrel gets one of them surgically-fused-to-his-teeth fangs knocked out
of his head - drink
If it goes through his nose - chug
If the crowd chants "Asshole" - drink
If the crowd chants "Asshole" to someone other than a McMahon - chug
If the crowd reactions seem suspiciously canned - drink
If The Big Show actually uses his catchphrase "And that's the last word" -
chug
If your local station runs a promo for an upcoming WCW PPV - drink
If you know the name of the ref in the ring - drink
If out of habit you automatically call him "Blind _____ ______" - chug
If Kane is wrestling better then Taker - drink
If you realize that Road Dogg's signature moves are pretty weak, and don't
ever finish anyone off - drink
If Chyna has chaps on, but no pants - drink
If HHH "shoots" about MSG - drink
If anyone still believes that he really got punished for it now that it's an
angle - stop drinking and take a nap
If Jarrett tells us we won't get puppies tonight - drink
If we do anyway - cheer and drink
If Austin goes to all four turbuckles during his entrance - drink
If USA bleeps Austin (That's all I have to say about that you sorry son of a
-----) - drink
If USA misses the word (You walking dead piece of -------- ass ) - drink
If USA bleeps a word that didn't have to be bleeped (And that's the bottom
********* said so)- drink
If USA doesn't even bother trying to bleep the show - drink
If USA doesn't bother to bleep the show, and it's taped - chug
If the overrun lasts until at least 11:10 - drink
If JR calls HHH a "master technical wrestler" - snicker and drink
If Steve Blackman has cool weapons, but doesn't use them - drink
If you mention Blackman in your column only because this is CRZ's site -
chug
If Sgt. Slaughter "acts" - drink
If you had the Sgt. Slaughter G.I.Joe action figure and Triple T Tank -
chug, and wish you still had it so you could sell it on eBay. Hey, wait a
minute. There was a Refrigerator Perry G.I.Joe figure, AND he was in WM2
for that battle royal. Looks like WWF employed the only two real life
characters made into 4" G.I Joe characters. Neat.
If you actually listen to King Ass's intro song lyrics - laugh and drink
If you really miss "WEEEEEEELLLLL, Well it's the Big Show..." - drink
If you prefer Mankind's original music to his new stuff - drink and join the
club: Membership - 1
If you notice that the only two guys to not change their music in the past
two years are Kane and Austin - drink
If The Undertaker has ANOTHER DIFFERENT INTRO SONG THIS WEEK - tap a fucking
keg
If the band that plays "No Chance in Hell" sounds an awful lot like the band
that plays "Thorn in your Eye" sounds an awful lot like the DX band sounds
an awful lot like Rage Against The Machine - chug
If you're now too drunk to change the channel and you're stuck watching
Happy Hour - eat the worm (tequilla worm, not Dennis Rodman)
Later,
Chuck Carlin
Just found out what "Papi Chulo" means from his spanish speaking coworker
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