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/wrestling /guests /Carlin |
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/wrestling /guests /Carlin |
| Guest Columns | Chuck Carlin |
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SURVIVOR SERIES 1998 The '98 Survivor Series was a 16 man elimination tournament for the vacant WWF Heavyweight championship. To do this PPV any justice, we must approach it not as a regular wrestling event, but as a three-hour movie. So to get everyone quickly up to speed with the comings and goings of the WWF in late '98, here is a list of the prominent Survivor Series '98 players. Damn, that right there was a column all by itself. But now on to the actual event. Live from St. Louis, it's the '98 Survivor Series: Deadly Games, brought to you (us) by Nestle Crunch. Your hosts are Jerry "The King" Lawler and Jim Ross. Undertaker and Kane have been given a bye to the second round. Lets look at those brackets: Undertaker \_____________ Kane / Rock \____________ HHH / Goldust \________ Shamrock Mankind \_________ ? / Jeff Jarrett \____ Al Snow / X-Pac \______ Steve Regal/ Austin \______ Big Bossman/There. Boy, that's really really hard to do. And now for the first match. Mankind v ? Mr. McMahon comes down with The Stooges and introduces Mankind, then he gives a long, stirring tribute to Mankind's mystery opponent while the crowd chants "H-B-K". Well, not tonight, because Mankind's opponent is lifetime jobber Duane Gill. So here comes Duane, and he's amazed by his entrance video and frightened by the pyro. Mankind v Duane Gill Gill gets whipped in to the ring, double-arm DDT by Mankind, a roll-up and this one's over in 20 seconds. Had Gill been Gillberg at that time, it might have been longer. But probably not. Mr. McMahon set this up to make it easy for Mankind, and that point is drilled into our heads by the announcers. Mankind wins by pin. Jeff Jarrett (with Debra McMichael) v Al Snow (with severed female head and Mr. Socko), winner faces Mankind This is a nice mat-wrestling match, but the end game comes when Debra hops up onto the apron with the severed head and distracts the ref. Snow hits Jeff with the head and gets the pin. This loss upsets Debra so much that she drops her last name. Al Snow wins by pin. Big Bossman v Steve Austin Not a bad match, about what you would expect from these two. They know how to brawl. About five minutes in, Bossman starts beating on Austin with his nightstick to get himself disqualified, but the damage has been done, as we can see from the shot of a smiling Mr. McMahon. Austin wins by DQ. Euro Champ X-Pac v A Real Man's Man Steven Regal (with great music and hard hat), winner faces Austin Here is a great match from these two, and I'm glad it snuck itself into this PPV, seeing as Regal left soon after. It ends with a double count out, but Mr. McMahon says bully to that and sends Commish Slaughter out to make a five-minute sudden death overtime. He does, but X-Pac is too hurt to continue, so the original ruling stands. Double countout. Austin gets a bye, much to the chagrin of Mr. McMahon. IC Champ Ken Shamrock v Goldust Now Ken was a perfect example of how you use the IC championship. Put it on someone for three months to let him gain some credibility, while at the same time making the belt mean something. It works every time. Remember who finally took it from the Honky Tonk Man after like two years? Oh ya, the match. Goldust continues to be phased out as Shamrock hits his belly-to-belly suplex into the ankle lock. Shamrock wins by submission. The Rock v HHH , winner faces Shamrock Well, HHH has been off TV for a few weeks following some knee surgery, so it's gonna be hard for him to come and rekindle his feud with the Rock. Turns out he's not here after all, so The Stooges come out to tell us and The Rock that Mr. McMahon has got The Rock another opponent at the last second, and its the Big Bossman. The Rock v Big Bossman , winner faces Shamrock Bossman runs to the ring, gets caught in an inside cradle by Rock and pinned in 4 seconds. It's a record, says J.R. Let's see that replay. And again. Don't laugh, soon all WCW matches will be like this. Just you watch. I sure as hell won't. Rock wins by pin. Now for those Second Round brackets: Undertaker \_________ Kane / Shamrock \_________ Rock / Mankind \_________ Al Snow / Austin \_Austin__ Bye /Now my initial guess here was that Shamrock and Snow would lose, 'Taker and Kane get a double countout or DQ or something, giving Rock a bye, and Austin would beat Mankind after a botched McMahon interference, leading up to a Rock / Austin main event. We'll see what happens. Undertaker (with Paul Bearer) v Kane Keep in mind this is back when Undertaker was really fucking cool. None of that Ministry bullshit, no dumbass goatee thingie, no made up Latin, nothin. Just a badass with a great entrance. This is a pretty good brawl, although these guys seem to have a bet going for who can sell the least moves. The end comes when Kane hits a chokeslam, but Paul jumps (tee-hee) up and distracts the ref and Kane. Taker sits up and grabs Kane for the Tombstone. Paul holds Kane's foot and Taker wins it. King: "There's my new pick." Kane beats up Earl Hebner. Undertaker wins by pin. Here's an ad for the Rock's t-shirt. Quick kiddies, go order one RIGHT NOW! Don't wait until after the show! Mankind v Al Snow (with severed head and Socko), winner faces Steve Austin Nice match with great psychology. We're told now about Vince planting Socko on Head, "Just wait 'til Mick sees it, he'll go ballistic." This match has probably the best ending ever as far as getting me to mark out. Snow grabs Head and swings for Mankind, but he misses and Mankind suplexes him. In an absolutely perfect sequence, Head rolls out of Snow's hand and right under Mankind's face where he comes eye to eye with it. Mankind just kind of looks at it for a second, then rips off Mr. Socko and beats up Head. Double-arm DDT and Mandible claw to finish, and we are left with Mankind in the middle of the ring talking to his long lost best friend. It's really touching and cute. Seriously. Well, I think so. Mankind wins by submission. IC Champ Ken Shamrock v The Rock J.R.: "These are two of the young studs that the foundation of the WWF is being built upon." Well, one of them is at least. Shamrock caries Rock through this match as Rock begins his process of phoning in every match for the next year that doesn't involve Mankind and a chair. Bossman comes down to the ring to ensure Rock doesn't win of course. Here's the people's elbow, but Shamrock kicks out. Belly-to-belly suplex by Shamrock as he counters the Rock Bottom. Both men are out, and when they get up, Bossman chucks the nightstick to Shamrock, but NO, The Rock intercepts it and clocks Shamrock in the head, and gets the three. Bossman pouts and walks off. King: "Take a look at Bossman's rear end, because he wont have one after Mr. McMahon's done chewing it." Rock wins by pin. Brackets: Undertaker \_______ Rock / Mankind \__________ Austin /But before we go on with the tournament, let's have us some crap! Jaqueline (with Mark Mero) v Sable for the Women's Championship. Sable wins with a Sablebomb. Ok, got that out of the way. The announcing team speculates that Austin may be too hurt to continue, but we'll just see about that won't we. Mankind (with Mr. Socko) v Steve Austin Now this is a great match, these guys really do know how to brawl. And since it's Austin, off into the crowd they go, and there's Jim Dotson without his beret. Oops, here comes Mr. McMahon and associates. Austin strips Mankind of his tux jacket, shoes, and eventually pants. Don't worry, he has his brown sweats on underneath. *phew* Mankind wrestles the whole match in his socks because he's HARDCORE. Mankind with a double-arm DDT on a chair, but Austin kicks out (eh?) Austin reverses a piledriver attempt onto the chair and hits the Stunner. 1...2... uh oh, McMahon jumps out of his wheelchair and tackles referee Mike Chioda, pulling him out of the ring so he and Slaughter can beat him up. McMahon's been playing possum all this time! Back in the ring, Mankind hits the Mandible Claw, but here's another stunner and there's no ref! But here comes Shane charging down to the ring. He slides in and counts 1...2....... Austin looks up and Shane flips him off as the camera closes in on Austin making a "huh?" face! Shane runs away, and with Mankind out cold, the Stooges hit Austin with the chair and pull Mankind on top so Shane can count the pin! Shane is really evil like his Dad! What a swerve! Woooo! Team McMahon runs away and hops into a limo with Austin in pursuit. He steals ("commandeers") a Land Rover and chases them out of the arena. Mankind wins by pin. Undertaker v The Rock , winner faces Mankind Ok, so Undertaker's gonna win so we can have a rematch with him and Mankind, right? Right? Well, here comes the Bossman to really make sure Rock doesn't advance. Brawl ensues, and after a few minutes, Rock hits a DDT, leaving both men down. I laugh my damn ass off as Rock does the zombie sit-up while making a funny face. Rock goes for the elbow, but Bossman trips him up. Undertaker grabs the distracted Rock for the chokeslam, but no, here's Kane. Taker sees him and throws Rock into Kane who chokeslams him. Oops, bell rings and Taker is DQ'd. So he beats up poor Earl Hebner. Then the brothers brawl out through the crowd. Bossman makes lots of "drat" pantomimes. Rock wins by DQ. But before the main event, we need some more crap! So here's the obligatory... New Age Outlaws v The Headbangers v D'Lo Brown and Mark Henry Let's see, we have the NAO who are huge over right up until their entrance stops, the Bangers who are former champs trying to recapture their previous fame, and D' Lo carrying a VERY fat Mark Henry. Boy, how times change, eh? Eh? DAMN Mark Henry was FAT back then. Five minute pier-six brawl ends in Bad Ass hitting Mosh with a piledriver out of nowhere for the pin. What? Huh? NAO win by pin. Mankind v The Rock for the WWF Heavyweight Championship. Here it is folks, the payoff. And to usher it in, here's Vince and Shane, who we thought had left. They send Bossman home and tell him to look out for Austin on the roads. Mankind has his regular boots on, so now he's back to his regular uniform, save the bow tie. Hebner is ref, by the way. This match is a nice little sample of things to come as The Rock just wails away on Mankind with a chair. Eventually Rock staggers over to the Spanish announcer's table, so we know what's coming. Mankind jumps from the second turnbuckle and Rock moves out of the way, leaving poor Mankind to dive right into it. Owie. So maybe this is why we haven't seen any Spanish announcer's table on TV in a while. Anyway, Rock hits the people's elbow (where does he get all those elbow pads?) and Mankind kicks out. Here's the mandible Socko, and Rock's arm is checked, 1...2...nope. Rock gets the Rock Bottom, and both men are out. Rock is up first, and he looks at the McMahons at ringside, raises an eyebrow and spreads Mankind's feet to deliver a low blow. But no, it's a sharpshooter, and it takes me a few seconds to catch on to what's going on. Mr. McMahon runs over and commands the bell to be rung as Hebner pouts. The Rock is announced as winner, and the crowd cheers. But now it's the McMahons in the ring, and they hug Rock. Now the fans are pissed. Rock wins by pin. McMahon explains to the crowd that "Each of you are as pathetic and as gullible as Mankind." Mr. McMahon congratulates Shane on a great performance, and the Rock has a few words about how much he actually hates the crowd. Mankind has a few words: "I'm not sure I understand, The Rock is a great wrestler, but Dad, to lose this match, I either had to be pinned or submit, and The Rock did neither. I'm not sure I really understand what's going on around here." Mr. McMahon: "Mick, you don't get it, right? Well, get this-" BAM Rock clubs poor Mick with the belt. The McMahons and Rock celebrate some more, but uh oh, here's Austin. McMahons run away, and Steve gives a stunner to Rock. He walks over to poor Mick, helps him up, and gives him a stunner, because Austin is a fucking asshole. Austin leaves, and Mankind cries with his head in his hands as we go out. And that finishes up our little trip down memory street. Poor Mankind. This PPV of course was a precursor to the many Mankind / Rock main events to take place in the next 6 months. The '98 Survivor Series was probably the best PPV ever in terms of psychology. The matches all ranged from good to great, except for ones involving stupid bitches. I would recommend that everyone goes out and rents this right now, but you can't, since the only way this has been released is in the '98 Classic 5 Pack. And on a totally unrelated note, I must say that I am incredibly pissed about the new STP and Foo Fighters albums. The STP CD is pure shit aside from the first and last tracks. Songs 2 through 10 just remind me of the Monty Python "Contractual Obligation" record. The Foo Fighters CD on the other hand is not bad per se, but when compared to Dave's other two albums, this one comes across as a weak-ass poppy little whine-fest. When I first heard about all the Fall releases this year, it sparked up a little hope that maybe, just maybe, good rock music, and maybe even grunge might come back. Hell, Pearl Jam might even take a hint and get their shit back together. But no. They had to piss me off. They all suck. My last hope is in the Smashing Pumpkins, since they got Jimmy Chamberlain back. Ok, thanks for reading. Send me some email, and I might do more of these. And by the way, just because nobody asked, I see the next Survivor Series ending with Vince not doing a damn thing, and Austin turning heel, joining with HHH, but not DX. But I'm always wrong about these things. Chuck Carlin Master of the floatover DDT for [slash] wrestling Mail the Author Visit my happy little funland |
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