Welcome to the inaugural edition of The Column. Yeah, I didn't lose sleep thinking of the name. If you've got a better name for it, send it in.

Seeing as how it's my first time doing this, we'll start out with something easy. My thoughts on the WWF's current title situation. All of 'em.

Top Contenders:
Kane
The Rock
The Undertaker

Well, since all of the (active) top contenders will be getting their shots at/before/around King of the Ring, it appears to be one mighty clusterfuck getting started. While it's good to have more than one top contender for a title (How many ways can you POSSIBLY repackage Rock/Foley, HHH/Foley, etc. etc.?), having all of them going at it the same night kind of defeats the ideals of one-on-one competition. Granted, the WWF has been prone to gimmick matches every PPV, but I still think some of the coolest matches I've seen had only two wrestlers in the ring. Even gimmick matches.

Assuming Linda McMahon comes out and decides to make it a Fatal 4 Way/4 Way Elimination/whatever match, we're going to have Triple H (heel), and The Rock, The Undertaker, and Kane ALL on the babyface side. When you've got the deck stacked against the heels for an entire match, who does everyone cheer for? If HHH eats a People's Elbow, only for Undertaker to break it up so he can get the pin, do the fans boo the 'taker just because he stepped on their precious champion?

I say repackage the whole deal. At Wrestlemania X, when there were two #1 Contenders for the title (Lex Luger, Bret Hart, Yokozuna was champion), they had it like so:
Opening Match: Bret Hart vs. Somebody (Which was Owen Hart, BTW)
Midcard: Lex Luger vs. Yokozuna
Main Event: Bret Hart vs. Winner

Recycle it. Have UT and Kane square off, do the Rock/HHH spotfest, then have the winners duke it out for the main event. Or whatever. Hell, the announcers can even play in that whole bit about all the stamina it takes to wrestle two matches in one night or whatever.

Actually, that could very well suck, considering that the King of the Ring will have wrestled 3 matches in one night (with at least one screwjob, just to remind us what decade this is).

Regardless, I want Kane to come out champion. He deserves it, every time he comes back, he's over as anything (Remember the pop he got when he tombstoned Tori for the first time?), them somehow ends up in the upper midcard, and then off of TV. Give him the belt and see what he does with it. This frees up HHH to get a better gimmick than "I'm the champion, and the boss's son-in-law, and Mick Foley jobbed cleanly to me..." It also might give HHH and Rocky a chance to get their old fueds going again, which conveniently gives us a top card that doesn't focus entirely on the WWF Title. Oh yeah, and it frees up some space for The Big Show and Austin, because Austin's too damn over (even now) to be anywhere but the world title scene, and for whatever reason, I can only visualize TBS in two places on the WWF roster: main eventing or off camera.

Top Contenders:
Chris Jericho
Hardcore Holly (Maybe)
Val Venis (Big Maybe)

This is actually really good. Remember back when the whole purpose of the IC belt was to decide who was the #1 contender for the WWF title? Well, now it decides who has the abilities to be on top. But Benoit is universally praised (and rightfully so) by all who have internet access. Jericho's got some great moves, is pure gold on the mic, and has the ability to do stiff-looking/stiff-sounding moves. That Triple Threat match he got in with Val and Hardcore Bob was wonderful, with Jericho's psuedo-tarantula, Venis' Blue Thunder bomb, and Holly's super duper Dropkick showing that yes, they actually can do moves. Personally, I say that Holly and Val need to be included in this race, preferably so one of them can win it from Benoit by KotR, and get into their own little mini-fued for the title. This conveniently frees up Jericho and Benoit to hit the main event. Whee!

Top Contenders:
Uh, I dunno... British Bulldog and D-Lo Brown, I guess...

This is, I guess, the WWF's TV Title. Every show, it's defended against a different person, but the Bulldog harassed Eddie about the belt before their match, and the announcers shilled D-Lo as wanting to regain the belt for the 234098th time. I can see a nice little triple threat rising over this sometime, and Bulldog regaining the belt. Why? So our favorite frog-splashers can head for the IC division.

Top Contenders:
The Whole Friggin' Universe

Bah. The Hardcore title was a really good draw for about a month, until the entire division got injured. Whoops. Now it's a joke belt. Forget that. I say have they do what WCW should--bury the damn thing. Have Mick Foley attend a show as a special guest commentator/announcer/ref/whatever. Have Brisco come out for whatever reason-maybe accompanying DX to one of their tag matches. During one of those convenient parts of the match where everything's happening at once and the ref is sitting there looking like a deer in headlights, Mick and Brisco get into a slight scuffle (Perhaps Foley made some not-so-flattering comments about how Brisco wasn't fit to wear his belt), Mick pulls out a Mandible Claw (or better yet, Double Arm DDT!) on Gerry, calls the ref over, gets the belt. Takes it far, far away from WWF TV, and keeps it as a memento in his house, to make up for that King of the Death Match trophy he never got to bring home.

Top Contenders:
Edge and Christian
Hardy Boyz--Matt and Jeff Hardy
DX--X-Pac and Road Dogg (Maybe)

First, let me get this off my chest. I don't like Too Cool. They're decent wrestlers, but I like Kaientai's skills/workrate better, and I DESPISE Too Cool's gimmick. I've never been one for blatant comic relief--except for the Acolytes/Crash Holly bit. Maybe I just enjoy blatant comic relief when it's served with pain and suffering. I liked the Shockmaster incident, just because I laughed and mumbled something like "someone's getting fired for this" when it happened. So Too Cool must never keep the belts. Not with that gimmick, anyway.

So I'd like to see the WWF kill two birds with one stone. Say that in one of their title matches (please, not against DX, PLEASE...) all their dancing and giggling finally cost them a match. Or many matches. So they decide to get a new gimmick. Thank god.

Oh yes, and the belts must somehow make their way to the Dudleys. The Dudleys are the greatest WWF Tag Champs in history, simply because of D-Von, who sells his moves with the old-school twitching foot, and because his Testify dance just rocks. And he's got the brains to do it AFTER hitting a signature (and, let's face it, a big black dude diving right into my crotch would be pretty devastating, physically and emotionally) move.

(Hey dude, didn't you forget some belts? - CRZ)