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| Guest Columns | Paul Daniel Bond |
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Wrestling Dementia THIS WEEK: Hulk-a-mania returns! Can Hacksaw Jim Duggan's Main-Event Push be far behind?! And will Daniel Check for typos?! Typos? Wat are typose? Welcome to your little semi-regular dose of self-inflicted torture known only as Wrestling Dementia with Daniel "Why won't CRZ like me" Bond, you masochist you. The latest edition of the overblown monday night wars came and went, and proved, as usual, to be rather one-sided to be termed a war. Recently the WWF has been more like the high school bully that beats the shit out of the kid taking violin lessons, but that's neither here nor there. In head to head ratings, Raw doubled Nitro and then some, leading many to wonder why the fuck Bischoff hasn't gotten the message yet. But was this ass-whupping truly deserved? Did the WWF deliver what it promised and did that product outshine the normally lackluster offerings of our friends from the South? To put it bluntly, you're god damned right the WWF delivered. This weeks' Raw is the best wrestling program I have seen in almost a year. As is required of all internet "smart" fans, I maintain a normally jaded persona when watching wrestling with countless jabs and mockeries thrown in to prove that I am "down" with the wrestling world. The last time I marked out was the KOTR match featuring Mic Foley's teeth coming out of his nose. Its pretty damned hard to get me to mark out, but this edition of the show they call Raw managed to revert me to a a gangly pimply teenager. Jericho's introduction will no doubt go down as one of the greatest debuts in the history of wrestling. Jericho has everything he needs to become the kind of player we all know he ought to be. From the minute his music played (and damn that's a nice entrance song) and the words "Jericho" graced the Titan-tron I knew we were in for something special. The Rock proved himself to be the perfect foil for Jericho. I have never laughed so hard in my entire life as when these two masters of the mic duked it out. This clash of the egos may be the crushing blow to the WCW. McMahon and company were able to do with Jericho in 5 minutes what Bischoff and his bitches couldn't do in years. Jericho has already entered as a high level main event heel with heat to spare. Hopefully some of WCW's more promising young talent will take this to heart. Jericho's angle, involving him coming in to "save" the WWF from the very ills that plague their southern rival (or as I like to call it, the "EAT MY SHIT ERIC! YOU NEVER PUSHED ME AND I'M GOING TO MAKE YOU RUE THE DAY YOU BRANDED ME A MID-CARDER!" angle) is the perfect chance for him to display the compelling, witty, and damn near brilliant abilities on the stick and in the ring that will ensure that his title of "Millennium Man" is more than just WWF hype. August 9th will go down as the day that the next great talent in wrestling made his debut. In addition, Ventura's presence, and the out-of-nowhere ending finally add some interest and heat to the main event match at Summerslam. Vince is pulling out all the stops on this one, and giving HHH every chance to become a main-eventer. If the spoiler reports for next week's Raw are any indication of things to come, I think the boys in booking are doing everything they can to ensure HHH a title reign without Austin having to do the job. This monday's show gave a good look at the reason's HHH has the potential to be something more than a mid-carder. His work on the mic opposite Ventura was really solid, and garnered him some much needed heat. That heat will have to carry over to Summerslam. If HHH continues to rag on Ventura before the match, the Body's hometown crowd will add even more heat to the match, which could make HHH the solid heel that the WWF so wants him to be. Throw into this the question of how loyal Chyna will be to HHH after he called her "just a girl," and you've got some facinating chemistry to make the main event something special. (SPOILER WARNING) The addition of Mic Foley to the mix only improves things a notch. If HHH goes over all 3 of the WWF's top faces in the span of a few months (Austin, the Rock, Mankind) really establishes Hunter as a presence. Plus, Mic Foley can get good matches out of almost anyone, which all but guarentees that this will be a bout to remember. Over in WCW-land, viewers were pelted with shit for three hours. Sure, there were some high spots here and there, but Benoit winning the US belt doesn't make up for the return of Hulk Fucking Hogan. Maybe its a good ploy to get some quick cheap face heat for Hogan, who must know by now that each pop may be his last, but its not good for the storylines. This just means that we'll be subjected to the same old shit from Turner and Co. for the next 6 months, with a title bearing Hogan unwilling to job to anyone. Which means that the WWF can count on more ass whippings like this week's. Its the same problem as always, and I'm frankly getting tired of talking about it. Instead of nurturing new talent and giving them air time we see the same damn aging has-beens week in and week out. Did Benoit's title win have half the story-telling time associated with it on Nitro as the return of "Hulk-a-mania?" Note to Eric B.: one of those two men doesn't make me want to puke, and its not the one you're pushing. Instead of giving the Vampire/ICP vs. Rey/Eddy feud airplay (since its getting the best crowd response by FAR of any major angle) we get the same damn main event we've seen before. While the WWF may be guilty of this as well (repeat main-events) its usually with new twists. WCW sticks with one shitty story line, rides it for too long, forgets about it without any resolution, and then moves on. But they can't all be winners, non? Thanks to all the people who sent me responses proving to me that you did indeed know who all the bands were. To recieve your five dollars, send me a SASE and five dollars shipping and handling fee to me at: Wrestling Dementia P.O. Box 5555 Anytown, USA Thanks for proving to me that not all rasslin' fans are Lynard Skynard fans. It does my heart good. Next time: A column with a topic of your choice. Send me requests now and I'll do my best to make this shit worth your while. CRZ still doesn't want me to be one of his posse. We can't hang in his crib. He don't give me props. But Wrestling Dementia is in the house yo. This has been your mandatory WCW misplaced gangsta speak for the week. Bon Appetit. Paul Daniel Bond is a professional slacker posing as a musician and college student. Big Brother is watching him. 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