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| Guest Columns | (Bitchfactor) |
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WIMMEN'S ISSUES Glory-osky. I wrote a piece, what, two months ago, then shelved it because it seemed neither relevant nor topical any longer. I had no idea it would come in so damn handy all of a sudden. I'll excerpt it for your convenience. Oh, and this was about the much-maligned Randy Savage-Gorgeous George- Torrie Wilson angle which closed the July 5 episode of WCW Nitro, by the way: As I made the rounds of the usual suspects during the week (and even to this day), one thing, time and time again, just kept on pissing me off, and that was how folks on the 'Net were falling all over themselves to rage about how low WCW had stooped on this one. Time and time again I read about what a disgusting display it was, to televise Randy Savage "beating" two women. And boy oh boy, did everyone abhor it the most. See, I could go the easy route and take the overwhelmingly male 'Net contingent to task for playing all "sensitive" and shit over the issue, like it's going to get them 'tang or something. I could also go the even easier route and complain that the reason why said male contingent cared so much was because Gorgeous George and Torrie are just plain hotter looking, in the empirical sense, than Madusa or Miss Madness (who've also actually kicked ass in the ring as opposed to twisting Charles Robinson's arm around a few times). Nah. The truly bothersome thing is how everyone's getting all agitated over a poorly executed mock-beating at the end of a wrestling show. Meanwhile, this kind of shit goes on every minute of every day all over the world for, like, real and stuff. People endure this in their everyday lives. I'm only speaking for myself here (obviously), but I just couldn't help shaking my head in disgust at everyone who wrote out of their way about the issues, as if that would make a difference in the real world. Pious assholes. (Yeah, I should talk, but anyway...) What happened on July 5 didn't really happen, in case you didn't know. There are a lot of people out there who aren't so lucky. Since you care so much, why not try doing something about it? If that's asking too much, then shut the fuck up already. Of course, this topic has once again resurfaced with regard to the current Jeff Jarrett angle. Excuse me? Do people think that this is setting a poor example for the Youth of America? I'm sorry. I doubt we'll be seeing a rash of men smacking women over the heads with breakaway gee-tars anytime soon. I don't think we're going to be reading AP stories about roving gangs of frat boys putting figure 4's on old ladies. (No, not Cindy Margolis! Ohhh, please, nooo!) This bit of programming is not presenting a negative influence to the Youth of America. The example set here is that Jeff Jarrett is a chump, and a dead dull one at that. This is what we call "overstating the obvious." And that really doesn't need to be spelled out for any of us, thanks. Men who beat women are sociopaths, and media influence has nothing to do with it. Let's move on. (Though I must admit, when Jacqueline got whacked with the breakaway gee-tar, I laughed my ass off for a good thirty seconds.) Oh, Gorgeous George, the memories. Don't you miss Gorgeous George? Boy, do I ever miss that little slut. Mais oui, she was so very slutty, and in the cutest way ever, just like Christina Aguilera. They could be, like, sisters and stuff. So fake and so plastic, yet properly assembled in the most appealing and attractive way. Unlike, say, Madusa, whose work appears to be "settling" with disturbing imprecision. Bonus: George's fashion sense was priceless. Unlike, say, Madusa's. I don't miss Madusa. I do, however, miss the old (read: young) Madusa. So who's left from the Pussy Posse? Miss Mona Madness? Where's she been? Eew, she's got a face like a man, and a damned bad nose job. Bonus: She not only wrestled women, but wrestled them barefoot. Please come back, Mona, so your one- two fetish punch will keep my ex's hands so occupied that he'll stop writing me freakish stalker letters. As for Torrie Wilson, that face says nothing but 404. On to the WWF, where there's more to choose from and less to talk about. Chyna: Not much to contribute on the Chyna tip, really. Cuter than ever, and working those slut outfits well. Stephanie: It's about time people started questioning Test's motives, dammit. Is my memory failing me, or was he the Mštley CrŸe roadie? CrŸe roadies always go for them mousy, bookish New England coed types, regardless of their financial status, you know. Of COURSE. Bonus: Not at all annoying. Though this fucking angle is. Tori: Her ass sure looked great in that catfight with Ivory, didn't it? Bonus: Her ass was, like, all we saw. Yeah! Keep up the good work, WWF! Ivory: "She's got a great personality." Debra: Eew, Jokermouth. Terri Runnels: We're in Sylvia Miles territory here. See also: Madusa. Miss Kitty: Yawn. Wardrobe straight out of "J. Chuckles." Not an effective example of nepotism. Luna: Vachon. Nothing else to say. Marianna: Who? Irrelevant Question I: Hey, anyone else think Steve Blackman's theme sounds just like the Monks' "Monk Chant?" Irrelevant Question II: Doesn't CRZ look a hell of a lot like Luke Wilson? He does, trust me. I can't segue for shit tonight. Kim (Bitchfactor) [slash] wrestling Mail the Author |
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