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RAW THOUGHTS
(The author watched wrestling in the mid to late eighties and early
nineties, stopped for a long time, and came back to the industry just after
Wrestlemania this year.)
Maybe it was just because of the two week absence (11pm is outside my awake
range, and I can't be bothered to tape stuff) but RAW seemed very odd this
week. The thing that struck me most was that whoever's writing the
storylines has a really big problem with women. WWF is usually pretty
misogynistic, but this week it was really bad. For two hours we saw weak
women get threatened or beat up or used as bait. I can take a little T&A,
but this is getting to be very wrong.
More comments, in random order:
I missed seeing an old Brood/new Brood match tonight. They should have
one every night. Twice, even.
The Dudleys/Acolytes feud could get good - two powerful, hard-hitting tag
teams, and at least one of them is willing to sell moves. It's too bad that
they can't get title shots until the WWF figures out how to get the straps
off of the uppercard. But please stop trying to tell us that the Dudleys
are brothers. I don't know if this worked in the ECW, but it doesn't work
here. I can buy Kane and the Undertaker, I can buy Edge and Christian, and
I guess I can even buy Lenny and Lodi, but let's stop soon.
Why am I uneasy about watching two black men whipping each other?
Strong Linda is good. One good example to balance out Terri being sent
back to the truck and Stephanie being badmouthed.
I like Test/Abs matches, and this one was pretty good. Shane's spears at
the end looked VERY good, I guess thanks to the selling power of da Posse.
But I'm still wondering where they're going with this. I expected to see
Shane and the boyz throwing Test off a bridge at the very end of the
program.
Jarrett/Luna. Aw, crap. At least Jackie had SOME offense. More
brutality towards women. Man, I REALLY wish the WWF hadn't let Bass go, we
could use her here. I mean, she and Jarrett even have HISTORY as part of
the Bass/Venis angle! How much would YOU mark out to have Jarrett challenge
any woman and have Bass come down and KILL HIM? I guess this is what they
call good heel heat. If Chyna isn't over with the fans for beating the crap
out of Jarrett after this, she never will be.
If I were to admit that watching Garcia writhing and screaming in pain was
a big turn-on, the admission could probably be used against me if I'm ever
on trial for anything. So I won't say anything more about that. Except
that, intellectually at least, I'm offended.
Godfather/Chaz. Pretty good match from the pimpster until Marianna comes
out with a black eye. Yes folks, that's more abuse towards women. At least
the pimp treats his women RIGHT... yes? Those were some nice leather pants.
Well, the SCSA/police angle was pretty much a waste of time, but it had
one good consequence - it kept him from wrestling and off of my television
for a little bit longer.
Isn't it illegal to impersonate a police officer? I guess actors have an
exception.
When the five-man brawl started, I began to wonder: how will they make
this watchable? Watching people stagger around the ring begins to chip away
at their credibility.
Was it me, or was Undertaker clutching his groin before the Rock Bottom?
Someone make him take a vacation, for his own sake.
Well, they almost ended it well. The "none shall officiate!" and the
"uppercard versus the world" spots were pretty cool, and I always mark out
to see the entire roster come running out. It's like those old Secret Wars
or Crisis on Infinite Earths comic books. But then we cut to commercial,
and once again we never find out who the #1 contender is, let alone how they
separated all those blood enemies with the entire staff, crew, and props
people lying dead outside the ring. At least Earl is bright enough to stay
out of harm's way.
This whole #1 contender shtick is getting tired. What happened to Chyna?
How DID Billy Gunn get a title shot? How many matches to determine the #1
tag team contenders did we have? Didn't Edge and Christian finally win? So
tell me, why are UT and Paul Wight wearing the straps? Does anyone really
think we'll see a UT-BS/Edge-Xian match at Unforgiven? At least JR
mentioned that they're the champs during the brawl.
I have yet to understand why anyone was excited about Chris Jericho. This
feud is somehow even more boring than Shamrock/Blackman. And I LIKE
Shamrock.
I would have been very very entertained if Gracie had come out and
dislocated all of Jericho's limbs, except that it would've taken much too
long. Rent the early UFC tapes, you'll see what I mean.
The Big Bossman is feuding with Leif Cassidy and the British Bulldog. I
think we now have solid proof that the Smackdown Time Tunnel is working too
well. The odd thing is that this mic duel was surprisingly entertaining,
and I'm looking forward to the Unforgiven match in spite of the fact that I
KNOW that BBM can't wrestle.
That was a really cool GvsE ad. "My workout is high in fat and low in
sweat. I sold my soul to Satan!"
Blackman can't understand why Mark Henry would choose to hang out with hot
chicks than with him. Why is this? Because Steve Blackman is a ROBOT,
incapable of emotion or independent thought. Somewhere, his inventor is
holding a remote control and shaking his head sadly.
HHH is the game, you know. Too bad I can see it ending in a zero-point
tie.
If those Coast Guard gunners are sharpshooters, shouldn't they be sniping
instead of firing bursts across the bow?
We take the only good female role in the entire show, and we have her get
rescued by her husband. Sigh. I'm sure I'm not the only one who saw the
Vince face return coming. Who else was gonna come out? Shane?
It's not that hard to understand how SCSA came back - Vince looked into
the future and posted bail for him. Or maybe Vince has a policy of bailing
out talent if they only attack other wrestlers and not him. That week.
The same guy who raised the briefcase lowered the cage.
Two good things about this "match" - HHH can sell pretty well (he sold the
hell out of being stunner'd about eight times at the end of the Worcester
RAW I saw live) and SCSA did a suplex. Now please, go back into
rehabilitation. Please, for the love of god.
The end of the show did have its intended effect, tho'. I wasn't anywhere
near switching to the Miami at Denver blowout, or the WCW tag team match.
They pulled some entertaining stuff out of a setup that looked like crap,
but I don't like anticipating crap. I'm not sure whether or not to look
forward to Smackdown... what angles got advanced, anyhow? How many of you are
looking forward to a Sexual Chocolate/Steve Blackman match? Actually...
hmmm.... Ah, crap, I guess I'll be watching it.
See you next time!
Alex "Pariah" Beckers
freelance
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