Hello, and welcome to another edition of The Ripoff Report. Today, we have news on a hodgepodge of WWF superstars, so let's get to it!

Keep an eye on Kurt Angle. This kid has the potential to be great. He's got a great look, great ring ability, and most importantly a great attitude. Just one of the young studs in the WWF.

The BBQ sauce is coming along, and should be on shelves sometime in the next 50 years, for all two of the people who were wondering.

DAMN DAMN DAMN! DAMN THAT CHYNA! WHAT A SHE-DEVIL DAMN DAMN DAMN!!!!

Sorry, it's a twitch.

Keep an eye on Benoit. This kid has the potential to be great. He's got a great look, great ring ability, and most importantly a great attitude. Just one of the young studs in the WWF.

What a suicidal death-defying manuever by Matt Hardy at WrestleMania. Or maybe it was Jeff. I can't really tell them apart despite the difference in hair color. Either way, these guys are gonna be major players.

I had a great time at the AXXESS fan convention in Anaheim. I had a great time talking with fans, and had a nice conversation with some woman who asked me for directions.

Those damn Dudleys are really a great team. Damn that Bubba Dudley. Damn him to hell.

Keep an eye on Tazz. This kid has the potential to be great. He's got a great look, great ring ability, and most importantly a great attitude. Just one of the young studs in the WWF.

Mark Henry could be a major player if he could lose some weight. Can you imagine a 350 pound Mark Henry? I just had five simultaneous orgasms thinking about it.

Same goes for Funaki. Can you imagine a 350 pound Funaki? A couple hundred more pounds, and this kid is championship material.

I just had a conversation with Mick Foley. He's really enjoying his retirement, but wants to return to the ring. Looking forward to his match with Triple H at Backlash, where he will job into retirement again. Foley keeps his promises, and doesn't hog the spotlight like others. Truly a class act.

DAMN THAT GERALD BRISCO! AND THAT LITTLE BITCH STEPHANIE! I'M ASHAMED IN YOU YOUNG LADY! DAMN YOU TO HELL!

The BBQ sauce is coming along.

Keep an eye on Viscera. This kid has the potential to be great. He's got a great look, great ring ability, and most importantly a great attitude. Just one of the young studs in the WWF.

Is it just me, or is Headbanger Thrasher constantly proving himself as a major player?

Mark Henry, lose some weight, fat ass.

Had a great time doing an autograph session with the Hardys. Okay, so I just sorta watched as all the girls came out and bent over to the autograph table... Damn those Hardys.

Keep an eye on Prince Albert. This kid has the potential to be great. He's got a great look, great ring ability, and most importantly a great attitude. Just one of the young studs in the WWF.

So remember, until you've walked a mile in my hat, DAMN DAMN DAMN! AS GOD AS MY WITNESS, HE IS BROKEN IN HALF! HE KILLED HIM! you only know half the story.

Okay, it was my first attempt at a humor column, and yes, it's been done to death (the whole JR thing). Deal with it. One more thing: I like feedback. Send some to barksimpsons25@erols.com

BTW- New tape review will be out soon.