I know I rarely write columns, and it's probably a little late now to pass this off as a one-year anniversary celebration thing, so I guess you're just gonna have to forgive me. It's just that the WWF is so consistently above average these days they're not worth writing about, and WCW could inspire volumes (and has) but they're still not worth watching regularly. Nevertheless, last night Tony Schiavone, as he is wont to do, said something. It is his job, I guess. But this was unusual in that, instead of making me gag, roll my eyes, laugh at him, or swear, it made me think. I don't remember who was wrestling at the time, but he said, of the guys in the ring, "This is the future of our sport," or something to that effect. So I started wondering what the future really will hold for WCW, because in the short term, I think Schiavone is very likely correct: Booker T, Jeff Jarrett, Mike Awesome, Buff Bagwell, Kanyon, Kidman, Goldberg, Scott Steiner, and others really are the future of the company. But what does the long-term future hold for WCW? I bet I can guess.

August 2000: Goldberg is slightly burned by his own pyro during his entrance before a match on Nitro. Schiavone calls the incident "The worst tragedy in the history of our sport" on the air.

October 2000: Nary a peep has been heard from the gay rights watchdog group that got Lenny and Lodi off tv, despite the continued use of Kiwi. Lodi remains at odds with the company, and Lenny, after a few weeks of brief sign-toting cameos, disappears from tv.

December 2000: Goldberg returns with Bam Bam Bigelow on the Nitro before Starrcade. They are dubbed "The Burn Brothers." After they receive a lukewarm response during their squash of Rey and Juvi, and the Internet smarks lay into the creative team for its insensitivity, Bigelow turns on Goldberg on the following Thunder. Then at Starrcade, Bigelow jobs to eventual WCW World Heavyweight Champion Ted Danson in a cage match, while Goldberg is added to the world title match between Booker T and Scott Steiner. Goldberg wins the title.

January 2001: Ted Danson wins the world title from Goldberg, and loses it back to him one week later.

February 2001: The push for the young guys stagnates when Goldberg and Steiner, feuding over the belt, reduce their repertoires to six moves apiece and refuse to job cleanly to each other. They headline every WCW pay-per-view event until July. Meanwhile, at the February ppv, Vampiro, Norman Smiley and Ralphus team up to job to Ted Danson, David Arquette, and Courteney Cox-Arquette. Danson and Arquette simultaneously pin Vampiro and Smiley, while Ralphus asks Cox-Arquette for mouth-to-mouth, only to get slapped. Oh, the hilarity!

December 2001: Ric Flair and Sting, both set to retire in style and with remaining dignity intact, wrestle a "loser retires" match at Starrcade. It's the first match on the card. Flair locks in the figure four, but Sting turns it over into the Scorpion Death Lock as the 30-minute time limit is about to expire. The time expires just as Flair is tapping out. Afterwards, Flair and Sting both announce their retirement, salute the fans and share a hug in the ring, to a HUGE pop. The Internet fans give the match anywhere from three to four and three-quarters stars, but all agree it is one of the greatest moments ever for wrestling fans. After the one-week Mike Awesome-Kanyon feud fails to increase ratings, the main event of the show is back to Goldberg-Steiner. A heel Scott Steiner wins the title from Goldberg with help from brother Rick, only to have a change of heart, and offer the belt back to Goldberg, who turns on Steiner. Goldberg leaves with the belt, and the Steiners brawl for a few minutes until Kevin Nash appears and powerbombs both of them to end the show.

2002-2003: With the company continuing to lose money and ratings, WCW surprises everybody by signing Mark "Undertaker" Callaway. "Mean Mark" debuts at Bash at the Beach 2002 with Terra Rizin and Rocky Johnson the Third to form the Nasty Wrestlers' Organization. Truckloads of unsold t-shirts are brought back out, and Steve Austin is brought in to wear face paint and a trench coat, and bungee jump from the rafters. He never wrestles or speaks.

January 2004: A very unhappy Kidman is given the world title at the ppv, but he leaves the following day for the WWF, where he gets pushed once he realizes having a finisher that is just a counter out of an opponent's move is INCREDIBLY STUPID.

2006: Kidman headlines Wrestlemania, while Starrcade's main event title match is won by Hulk Hogan.

Prove me wrong, WCW. And also, I think I speak for a lot of [slash] readers when I ask, is Jason's dog ok or what?